I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Talking with my sister, finishing up

I guess this was a three part conversation you can read part one and part two if you like.

As my sister and I talk on she finally asked “So this whole spanking thing is just a sex game?” With the few real life friends that know about TTWD I’ve let them believe this. I let my sister believe this up until this conversation. It’s a good place to leave it with your vanilla friends. They can understand a little slap and tickle foreplay. They’ll probably giggle and tell you you’re crazy, but most adults will understand that when it comes to foreplay, to each their own.

But to really answer my sister's sincere inquire the answer was, “Well, no, not quite.” I think Nick would be happier if it was. I explained to her that for me spanking fell into two or three categories. The power exchange in the bedroom is fun. The physical act of spanking is a very erotic experience for me. This part of TTWD Nick has mastered and I love it! The other two are a bit more complicated.

The next one can still be considered a game for us. One Nick won’t play nearly as often as I’d like. It’s a kind of mock discipline. It fulfills my old fantasies and desires, almost more like roll playing. I would love to be spanked more often. Let’s take our laundry dilemmas for example; this is the way the game would go . . .

Nick come home to clean, day old laundry still not put away and a pile of my discarded clothes at the foot of the bed. He’s not really mad, but he wished I’d just take care of it. Normally he would ignore it or maybe point it out (which I find a little irritating, I know it’s there. I have eyes. But it’s not really bothering anyone so let it lay there.) What I’d like is Nick ordering me to the bedroom; hand on the bed to wait for him. He comes in and I get a good spanking – not 4 or 5 swats, but a real spanking. As he finishes he tells me, “I’ll be back for the second part of this spanking in 10 minutes. Depending on how much of this is put away and how good the room looks will help me decide if you can keep your pants on or if the next one will be on the bare.”

This is not discipline! This is turning a dreary, mundane chore into and exciting, fun interlude for me. Something along these lines could work for so many little things like emptying the dish washer or even exercise. Imagine him saying, “Didn’t exercise at all yesterday, then today you can wii for a half hour wearing a plug, think that will help you remember?” LOL! This is the dominance I want. Between the two of us. we know it’s a game for the fun of it. And this would be FUN! Things like this can spice up a marriage of nearly 30 years. It hardly takes any effort on his part, but he seems to do it once or twice when I mention it, then he forgets.

And the third type of TTWD, the hardest to explain. There are times I need a spanking to bring me back. This happens less often than it used to, but sometimes I feel really disconnected from Nick and I began to feel depressed. I’m angry with no specific reason. I begin answering Nick’s questions with one or two words. I’m drawing away and going deep into myself. I’m tearing and sad. Sometimes it’s over stress at work, more often its non-specific. It’s at times like this that I need Nick to spank me for reconnection.

Now honestly picture this poor, sweet, vanilla husband - raised in a normal vanilla world to be a gentleman. He was taught along the way that when his wife was unhappy he needed to be sweet and loving and understanding, and of course he was taught NEVER to hit a girl. So he comes home to a distant, angry, depressed, teary-eyed wife. Is his first reaction is going to be “Hmmm… I think I spank her ass until she cries and can’t sit down.” How crazy does that sound?? But for me it’s what would most likely work!

A spanking at that time would say to me, “Your focus is in the wrong place. You’re supposed to be focused on us and our relationship. I’ll get your attention back to where it should be and let you know I’m thinking of you.” This isn’t the erotic, sexy spanking. It’s a stress relief, refocus, reconnection spanking. Sex right then would not be what I needed. I would need to be spanked and then hugged.

I know this would take some guts on Nick’s part. But when I first came out I gave him permission to spank me anytime, anywhere if he thought it might help. I wouldn’t suggest every woman give her husband this complete free hand, but it was safe for me to give it to Nick. So even if I wasn’t ‘in the mood’ or didn’t really want to be spanked right then, he still has my permission. I really think whether or not I thought I wanted to be spanked at that moment, it would help. I know the fact that he tried would help.

I didn’t give my sister all the details I’ve shared here. I gave her the basic, but I wanted to get it all out here for myself and I hope Nick will read this too. I’ve told him this before but it’s important enough to say again.

My sister had one last question; she asked “Can I read your blog?” I had to give that one some thought, like maybe a half second. The answer is “NO!” Even though I know I have lots of readers here, this place is still like a journal and I’m not ready to share that with her. I appreciate all of you who have come by and read this conversation with my sister. She and I will continue to talk I’m sure. If anything interesting I’ll let you know.


  1. Very interesting PK...the three different kinds of needs and how it plays out. Pondering...

  2. emPK: Your explanation of how you need a spanking at times to bring you back was such good insight into TTWD for you. I can understand that you need regular spankings. And you need him being dominant. Let's hope he does both more often. Good luck. And thanks for sharing. And it took courage for you to share the basics with your sister as you explained to her that TTWD is much more than a sex game.


  3. PK, any discussion about TTWD is interesting.
    I tried talking to an artist niece of mine, I thought artists were opened minded, this one freaked out.
    Oh well, that's life.
    Love and warm hugs,

  4. I think you were so right not to let her read your blog... I love the readers that read my blog also, but I'm able to free about my feelings due to the wonderful anonymity that is offered here!

    Good job with your sister! We should all have such positive experiences sharing ttwd with our vanilla friends and family!! ((hugs))

  5. Loved this post and the other conversations with your sister. I know I could never have that discussion with my sister. Now there is someone who needs an OTK session.
    I'm going to give this to hubby to read. He should be able to relate very well to Nick's viewpoints and hearing my side from someone other than me might be beneficial too.

  6. Anonymous9:26 AM

    Enjoyed this whole series! Thanks for sharing!


  7. I understand not wanting your sister to read your blog. My mouth actually dropped open when I read that she asked you.

    I can totally relate to all 3 different kind of needs. I think the 3rd need you described is going to be my biggest need and the one hardest to come by.

  8. I'm right there with you on that third kind of spanking, even told Musicman almost the exact same thing. I think if truth be told he struggles with the same things Nic does. I guess most decent guys would. They want their ladies happy, but what we say will make us happy is the direct opposite of what they were taught.

  9. Anonymous12:54 PM

    You explained TTWD perfectly.
    You captured the emotional, mental
    and physical aspects. I sat reading
    going YES< YES< I know where to reference back to should I ever find someone again. Thanks PK


  10. I enjoyed reading about the process you went through with your sister to explain DD. I like how you split ttwd into three parts; there are definitely many sides to this. And I can relate, Cael doesn't like spanking me when I'm in a bad mood either. He's worried it'll worsen the mood...my issue is that it sometimes does! But with enough of a release it feels so cleansing.

    I think it's neat she was interested enough to want to read your blog; think she'll give it a shot?

  11. What a wonderful post and an even better conversation! I'm glad you can talk to her about TTWD!

  12. Susie,
    As you might be able to tell, I do a lot of pondering. LOL!

    Thanks, I enjoyed the talk. For my sister and I (who used to fight all the time, even as adults) I felt that there was no risk. Whether she understood or not I knew she would never betray anything I ever told her.

    Sorry you had that experience. I’ve found the artistry type to be pretty opened about most things. Why does spanking freak people out so.

    I used to give more details about our sex life until I met some people out here and it was a little harder to give details. There is no way I’d let her read here. But I do love that we can talk.

    LOL oh boy! My sister could use a good ‘ass whooping’ too! Don’t think she’ll ever get one. On one hand is seems so simple for the guys – spank your wife for pity sake! But on the other hand it does go against their nature.

    It really helps me to sort things out in my mind.

    She has a vanilla blog and invited me there, but this is different. The third is the hardest for most of us I think.

    You said it exactly! I guess if they didn’t struggle with it some they wouldn’t be the men we love.

    Thank you! It helps me to know others understand what I’m saying. There are so many of us that think this way.

    Nick hasn’t ever really spanked when I’ve been in a bad mood and I’m can’t swear I wouldn’t get angry, but Nick also know that it wouldn’t really matter if I did. I can’t hold onto a mad with both hands. LOL!

    It was fun to talk to her about this with her. I hope we’ll talk about it again.

  13. I love your explanation of ttwd and i think your three levels would probaby fit a lot of other dd couples too..i know certainly for me. I think you may have given your sister some ideas to spice up her marriage with this conversation.
    I hope Nick reads this post....i think its the most clear and concise request for what you need you have made.

  14. Thanks for sharing this with us PK. Very interesting and you explained it perfectly. Great that you were able to talk about this TTWD and she listened.


  15. I loved this! I printed it out and I think my HOH is reading it right now. It was perfect! So clear and understandable, without all the hemming and hawing I would probably do. Thank you. BTW I just get 6-7 whacks with the bath brush for a smart comment I made. He just grabbed me after I walked away. I was in mid-laugh when suddenly my pants were grabbed and yanked down. I yelled, "That can't be your hand!" I couldn't believe he had gotten to the bathroom and reached me before I got through the living room!
    Rosie Dee