I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

More talking with Sis

A happy Valentine's Day to all

Continuing the talk with my sister,

She didn’t think much of the idea of dominance and she liked the idea of submission even less, which I fully expected. But I shared more with her. I wanted her to realize just how much the idea of dominance had changed my life. I'm not submissive, not really, but there are times I like to play the part and it's made my life much better. Those of you who had no sexual hangups might not understand, but I was trying to help my sister understand why I needed this.

When I go back and think of my childhood, I have only the most loving memories of my parents. They were good people and they loved us kids dearly. Buy they were older than the parents of most of my friends, my mom was born in 1919! So her view of ‘proper’ were clear. Parents didn’t talk to their children about ‘s-e-x’ that much. I knew the basics. I was told what to expect during puberty, and I was told that good girls did not have sex until after they were married. What I wasn’t actually told, although somehow this seeped into my way to thinking, were my mother’s real beliefs about sex. This was, that sex was something a woman had to endure in order to bear children.

So there I was with this thought buried somewhere deep in my mind, and coming to age in the 70’s – the birth of the sexual revolution. During those years some significant events occurred. Penicillin was in wide use and could cure you of the STD’s of the time, the pill was developed and if you were still careless, abortion was legalized. Add to all that that ‘everyone’ was doing it and there were few stigmas or reasons for embarrassment, I sometimes felt like the last virgin on earth.

I didn’t hold with my parent’s beliefs that you had to be a virgin when you were married but I didn’t believe in casual sex either. I waited until I fell in love. I was 24 years old but I waited for Nick and I’ve never regretted it. I do, however, wonder if Nick wished I’d had a little more experience. I know I wasn’t a very good sexual partner. I’m sure it had something to do with some of my mother’s feelings that were lingering deep down. Without consciously thinking about it, I guess I believed sex should be in a dark room, you should only take off the clothes that you had to, missionary position, and don’t touch anywhere you don’t have to – just call me the party girl!!

My big secret was that I knew the only thing that turned me on was spanking and I had no intentions of sharing that weird little piece of information with anyone!

But I finally did, took me too damn long, but I did. When I opened up to Nick, our world really changed. It was a mental thing but for me it was like flipping a switch. The more dominate Nick was in the bedroom the more opened I was to trying anything and everything. The part in me that was saying “nice girls don’t do…” was easily shut up by the thoughts “He’s spanking me. He’s the one in charge. I have no choice. I have to do what he says.” Yes, I know it was a mind game but it was one that worked!

I’m happier, Nick’s happier. His dominance in the bedroom simply shut off any and all of my hang-ups. We have enjoyed every aspect of sex play that either of us has ever wanted to try. The change from our early marriage is so complete no one would ever believe it. We enjoy toy shopping together, not only spanking implements – although we have many of those, but we’ve acquired many other toys along the way – vibrators, plugs, lotions, cuffs anything that catches our eye.

I did share much of this with my sister. She was surprised. Unfortunately, in her marriage things have gone the other way. They started off hot and heavy, but over the years their sex life has died away nearly completely. They have never tried any toys, not even a vibrator. I just shared my story, I’m not suggesting she follow suit but . . .

I’ve got one more post about our conversation.


  1. PK, on the whole this made good reading.
    My mother was born in 1913, no sex education whatsoever, I had to pick it up as I went, still somehow I managed.
    Love and warm hugs,

  2. Interesting what we as parents pass on without even realizing we have done or are doing. When I went away to college (1962) it was if the world just opened up. I embraced it and hopefully passed it on.

    Toys have definitely spiced things up - maybe you should buy your sister a gift. Do it as a joke if you feel uncomfortable otherwise. It might just change her life. You never know.

  3. I have had more hangs up about my body than anything else and introducing D/s has really changed that for me. While I still have a long way to go I already feel many positive changes in myself. I am sure your sister gave a lot more consideration to your discussion then she is letting on to. She is lucky to have you.

  4. Sounds like you have a good relationship with your sister PK. Maybe you talking with her could get her thinking and maybe spice up their marriage a little.


  5. I think it's great you're opening your sister's eyes up to sexual exploration with toys and whathaveyou. I used to be very vanilla until Cael showed me another way and things are much more exciting now. I definitely needed someone to give me that push!

    Hopefully the fact that your sister sees it works so well for you will get her to give it a try :)

  6. I was raised by a 1950's southern mom, it was all about being a lady.

    That perspective was a bit at odds with what was actually going on with me. So to say I was confused about sex would be an understatement. LOL.

    I have often wondered what perspective I have passed on to my kids, maybe someday I'll ask them.

  7. Anonymous4:03 PM


    My mother had me when she was older so your mother and mine are not too far apart in age.

    As far as the attitude I've imparted to my children. They all talk about things sexual quite easily and my oldest, a girl, confided in me several years ago, that she'd heard me "enjoying" myself many times (ever since she told me that I've tried to be much quieter, but it's so hard for me).

    I love my children, but I do wish we had a soundproof bedroom, lol!


  8. I was born in '69 to a mom who was born in '42. Was raised in a Christian home where the word sex was very much off limits. We learned about our upcoming puberty changes at school. We were taught that sex is a sin... they forgot to pound into our heads that it was ok after marriage. Hence I have always had a hang up about sex. I never really thought about the fact that I didn't really enjoy sex until we started ttwd!!! Since then our sex life has been wonderful because he is the "boss" and I am guided by my S.

    Wow... Thank you for this post.. sometimes it helps to see stuff in black and white... it's also nice to see someone in the same place.

    I still swear that my mom wouldn't be as hard to deal with dad would sometimes just put her over his knee!! And I'm also thinking that a toy or two would do them both wonders!! *giggling*

    Happy Valentines Day! ((hugs))

  9. PK, you are doing a very loving thing. Sharing one of the most intimate details of your lives - how you relate with your husband - from the physical to the mental place that the physical play and punishments take. I hope she appreciates your kind and loving heart.
    All my best,

  10. Paul,
    I guess we all make it through somehow, but parents can go a long way in getting us started off in the right direction.

    I did give her a vibrator but I don’t know if she has ever brought it out with her husband.

    Thanks, sisters can be really special. I can’t say I love everything about my body now but TTWD has really helped. It makes me believe that Nick does like my body.

    It would be great if she was opened to the idea. If she really realized what it could do for them…

    I wonder. I’m the younger sister and she’s not really used to listening to me. LOL! A push can be a great thing. And out here we really know certain things can be a real turn on!

    The fact that you are such a loving wife is amazing thinking of all you went through. My daughter in a prude – not a bad thing in a daughter at all, but sometimes I want to tell her to lighten up a little. I do what her to have a happy marriage and a satisfying sex life… some day!

    I understand but maybe it’s good that they do here and know. Mollie would like to believe Nick hand I have only had sex twice. She used to tell us, when we would kiss in the living room, ‘Get a room.’ We would tell her, “We have a room, you’re in it, get out.”

    I just hope I didn’t screw up our kids too much. I love blogging. Digging into my own thoughts and writing them down and reading what others here have to say really helps me understand myself better.

    I appreciate what you said. I really don’t know that she thought about it all. Of course it all began because I wanted/needed her to edit my stories. I was just pleased she was so open minded to something that was so foreign to her.