I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, March 06, 2011

Where did this come from?

I think Mick over at Husbandly Touch got a lot of people thinking with his latest post. I have always wondered about where all my spanko desires came from. I’ve gone back as far as I can to see if there was anything in my life that ‘triggered’ these desires.

My parents were kind, gentle people. They were typical parents of the time. I was spanked occasionally but rarely. I HATED it. I always hated when my parents were upset with me. But by the age of four I remember my favorite nursery rhyme was The Old Lady in the Shoe because “she spanked them all soundly and put them to bed”. I remember getting all tingly when that was read to me. I loved the ‘I Love Lucy’ where Lucy got spanked. Anything like that would captured my mind.

In third grade I was in love with a little boy that was as rough as they come. The teacher, a good friend of my parents, told them she could not understand the attraction. Although I was always attracted to the ‘bad boy’, every boy I actually dated as I got older was gentle and sweet. I guess God watches over fools because it could have gone the other way. I believe that many women that had my same thoughts and desires did find men who mistreated or bullied them because they really don’t know exactly what they were looking for.

For me it turned inward – to a rich and full fantasy life. All my fantasies, from pre-teen on, were about spanking, control and domination. I knew the truth about myself and I accepted it. I dealt with it by enjoying my fantasies and keeping it a total and complete secret. I knew I was the only person who felt this way. I kept my secret from EVERYONE for 49 years. The stories in my head continued and I enjoyed them until eventually I did what many of us did, I typed spanking into my computer and suddenly I wasn’t alone. It was from this blogging community that I got the courage to finally come out to Nick. It’s been quite an adventure.

Where did it all come from? I truly don’t know I have to believe I was born this way. My childhood was happy and sheltered. I was never abused in any way at home or by a boyfriend and the interest / fascination with spanking has been with me since before pre-school. It’s in my DNA. I would love to see a study done on spankos. I think we’re one of the last taboos. No one wants to acknowledge us or to believe that we’re not ‘sick’. No one, besides us, wants to admit how much spanking can benefit a relationship. Now I’m not suggesting it for everyone. But for those of us who love it – there’s nothing better.


  1. Hi PK,

    I believe that we're born with a preference for spanking, and somewhere along the way it comes out, regardless of what our childhoods were like. It's similar to being hetero- or homosexual, I think. It's just a part of who you are. You're made that way, and you can acknowledge it and act on it or not, as you choose.


  2. PK, I tend to agree with Hermione, I think it is in the genes.
    I shouldn't be into it at all, I was abused badly as a child, not by my parents.
    Love and warm hugs,

  3. No abuse here either.I also agree with Hermione, it's in our "wiring". When we get brave enough to admit it, and can indulge it, it is like being made whole. abby

  4. PK: What an excellent post. I am sure we are all born with these desires. I envy the younger people who have the Internet to find out when they were young that they are not alone and there is a community of like minded folks.

    When i was growing up, I felt I was so alone in wanting to be a dom.

    I agree totally this is the last taboo in our society. You don't see it touched on 60 Minutes or 20-20 but it is nice that we have our little community to share our stories.

    And I hope it helps some who may be supressking e sFD

  5. Oops I accidentally sent the last post before finishing.

    I hope these blogs help those who may be may keeping their feelings bottled up to accept them.


  6. I have to agree with Hermione and Paul, it's in our genes doesn't matter if you were spanked as a child or not.

    Good post PK.


  7. Hermione,
    I agree it's much like being gay. You are or you aren't. You can act on it or not but most people - gay or spanko - are happier if they are true to themselves.

    Right Paul,
    Genes, DNA either way it's been with us since birth.

    I'm glad more and more of us are comfortable enough to admit it.

    The internet has really been amazing in helping us find each other and learning to accept ourselves.

    It's surprises me sometimes that our history from our childhood doesn't play into it more but it doesn't seem to.

  8. This is an interesting point. I have often wondered about that. It just seemed to be there. I did see a boy with his trousers down being spanked by a nurse when I was about four in a convent. I remember being afraid in case she looked at me and I got it too. Apart from that there was not really anything to speak of. I just became more and more aware of it. It felt like a horrible seedy thing, as the whole thing was somehow only catered for in immoral circles.

    Now I am married it doesn't feel like a bad thing. My wife is comfortable with it. I never get into discipline though as I am a man and I think that it is very unbecoming for a man personally. To be disciplined by one's wife that is. For us it is just erotic. Nothing more. My wife is what they call vanilla but she has no problem with it and enjoys that it switches me on.

  9. Blondie,
    I think most of us remember a spanking we saw as children. Mostly those would have caused embarrassment. Maybe it does trigger something in those of us who are predisposed.

    I'm happy that you and your wife have found a way to indulge this desire so that you both feel comfortable. Discipline, erotic, pure fun whatever floats your boat!

  10. Most of you saw a spanking as children PK? I don't know anyone who has. It certainly didn't stir a desire at that age but it was there later on. I often wondered whether it was that experience that did it or whether I was already predisposed as you say.

    I'd like to believe what Hermoine says in that we were born with it.

    I don't actually believe anyone is born gay but I can believe the spanking thing.

    If we were born with it where is all the evidence of past generations or is it people didn't write about such things then?

  11. Blondie,
    I have seem some very intriguing spanking pictures from over a hundred years ago. And Fanny Hill has sexy spanking in it and it was written in 1748.

    I'll also have to disagree with you on people being born gay. My son's gay. He told me he knew he was 'different' by the age of three or four. By nine he knew what it was called and he spent the years from nine to fourteen praying it wasn't so. At fourteen he was in church praying that once again when he told me he felt God tell him that He had created him and He loved him just the way he was. He's been comfortable with himself ever since.

    This is one of the things that makes me feel you can be born a spanko.

  12. I am not an expert on it but experienced counselors in my church say that one of the ways it happens is when there is a strong mother and weak father. I work with a gay man and he agrees that that is the case in his family. I got a much longer explanation but that is outside the remit of this site.

    Thanks for the Fanny Hill line. I will look that up out of interest.

  13. Blondie,
    LOL! If you met my husband and me you'd know that wasn't true in our family. LJ was born gay, I have no doubt and Nick and I wouldn't change him for all the tea in China. He is a healthy, happy, productive and well loved young man.

    6:44 AM

  14. I can't argue with your personal experience PK although I find it conflicts with my faith, but there you go.