I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The healthiest thing I do

When CeeCi suggested the other day that I take a break from the gym the diet worries she also suggested I take a 2 week break from blogging. I didn’t want to do that but you may not know why. To be truthful blogging is one of the healthiest things that I do for myself.

I started actively ‘mind blogging’ when I was eleven and we (my parents, sister and I) drove to CA and back. I spent twenty-eight days in a car with the same 3 people two of whom had mastered the art of keeping a constant running argument. My mom and sister just seemed to yammer at one another endlessly with my dad chiming in once and a while to try to get them to stop. Now my sister and I argued too but when I wasn’t actively engaged in it myself I HATED listening to them fuss. So I just checked out. I would open my window a bit, throw a beach towel over my head and suddenly I was in my own world. After 4 weeks of this I was hooked for life.

The other world I created became someplace I enjoy spending my spare time. I had no illusions that it was real but it was like a great movie or a good book and it became more and more elaborate and I spent more and more time there. Sometime the amount I spent over there worried me. And it became a true addiction to me. I know it cut me off from getting as close to other people as I could have been. One of my good friends knew about it - she called it ‘mind f*cking’ and worried when I would go over.

I worried some too and I really did try to stop doing it. But it was just too easy – I didn’t have to buy alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs. It was right there, just a thought away. How do you break yourself of something you love so much that is free and available 24/7? It was the most isolating thing you can imagine and I did it for almost 40 years straight.

Then suddenly I found blogs. Real live people who not only understood my kink but embraced and encouraged it. I was talking to real people!! I could create stories – not just in my head but I could actually write them and other would read them. Nick saw the change in me at once and has lovingly encouraged this outlet for me ever since. The comments are a true gift to me – the chance to talk back and forth with people helps me so much. The emails with friends, all the contacts that blogging brings is what is keeping me grounded in this world and not fantasying in that other world. I worry sometimes that if I stopped blogging completely that I would fall back into that pattern. I am very proud to say that I have not gone over into ‘that other world’ in over 4 years now – and this was something I did nearly daily before. So thanks to all of you out here for keeping me grounded in the real world. I know some folks don’t think of internet friends as the real world – but we all know the truth, and those others are dead wrong.


  1. Amen!

    I guess the good thing here is that you have it figured out. What more could one ask for?

    Enjoy the day.

  2. PK, I did a very similar thing with books and reading.
    I'm selfishly glad that you discovered blogging, otherwise we would never have met.
    Now that would have been a real shame.
    Love and warm hugs,

  3. PK - that other world you visited sounds like a very real and safe place. But I'm glad you found the world of blogging. It's so much more fun out here.


  4. Debbie,
    I may have it figured out - I do know it was not the best thing for me and that talking to you guys is much better.

    I've done it with books before too. I'm mighty happy I found blogs and all of you all too.

    It was safe for me - I don't think anyone else would have liked it. It was unusual but the blogs are so much better.

  5. It was books for me, I would sit reading for hours, just me and my books.

    I'm glad your here blogging PK.


  6. I am glad I took the time to visit and read this...I still sometimes lose myself in my head in my fantasy world or in the characters of books...and I usually find myself doing this when I need to be connecting most...so here I am reconnecting to reality and friends...hello :-)

  7. PK I think Nick hit the nail on the head...outlet! You concentrated a lot of energy on the inside. Blogging let you put it out there!

    If the outcome has been positive, it's all good!

    Love and huggs!

  8. As we used to say in the wonderful business of F&B, "Heard." (That means I hear you... or read you... and understand.) I, too, feel like blogging is a good, healthy outlet. I like the gym, too, but it's not nearly as honest unless you stand naked on a scale... in front of the mirror... in front of 10 other women.

  9. Thanks Ronnie,
    I'm glad you're here too.

    I'm so glad you stopped by. In the past we have all be really good support for one another. We need to keep that up.

    I guess it works for me - I certainly miss your stories but I love the way your real life story is going.

    Marine's wife,
    I'm glad you understand. That gym image isn't pleasant - LOL but the older I get the less I care about undressing in front of other. There is something about child birth that put an end to embarrassment.

    PS. You need to make up a good name for yourself. Make it easier to talk to you!

  10. PK: I'm a bit late to this since I was out of town, but I didn't realize you had isolated yourself in the past and I'm so glad you discovered the joys of blogging. As I am.

    If I hadn't stumbled into this, I wouldn't have you and so many other new friends. And, yes, Internet friends are so real. The ironic thing is that we often share things about our lives online that we don't with people we meet face to face. It just seems more comfortable. We can take our masks off and be ourselves.


  11. FD,
    I'm glad I found blogs and I'm glad you did too. You might be interested in post I wrote a while back. Check this out and see what you think. LOL!


  12. PK: Your backwards friends post back in 2007 was so right on that I hope anybody who checks your comments goes back to look at it. Or maybe you should repost it. How true that we are often closer to friends online than with people we talk to face to face. The post really captured the value of blogging and how we can be ourselves and let our masks down.