I'm happy to have these questions to answer. If someone asks something I don't want to answer, I won't. But if I choose to answer I'm going to be honest and here goes. Roz's last question was:
Is Nick helping you with your health goals?
Hmmm… no. Well sorta, maybe. He means to I think, and there have been a few spankings. But, being honest, I have to say, no. I missed my first goal. Close, but didn’t get there. We had an afternoon date for some fun time already planned and when he mentioned a spanking for not making my goal I told him, I understood, but that I hoped it wouldn’t have to get mingled with our fun time already scheduled.
I was expecting that spanking to come later in the day, after our ‘date’ or perhaps he next day. But nothing, I guess he decided to let it go – which is about the worst thing that can happen in TTWD. We talk about communication here on the blogs and over the past ten years one thing I think I’ve communicated thoroughly by email, in multiple posts and by looking him right in the eye and saying it – I do not like to mix fun, sexy spankings and discipline spankings. I know this will never be real for Nick, I get that. To him TTWD is, and will always be, a game leading to sex. For me that’s a lovely twenty-five percent of it.
However, for me to feel completely safe, secure, protected, understood – I need that other seventy-five percent. He has spanked me to help me ‘remember’ and I appreciate it. But I’m afraid it was the equivalent of a ‘bam, slam, thank-you ma’am’ spanking. It was out of the blue, I was in the middle of writing – my head quite far away. I was surprised but willing. It’s just that I had no time to get my mind involved and for me, a spanking where my mind is not involved is much like sex with no touching. Spanking over, he was gone with the briefest of hugs and little to no conversation.
I don’t mind the impromptu spankings – seriously, the man needs to walk around with a paddle in his pocket for the millions of little things I seem to do, or not do, daily. The quick impromptu spankings can be so useful for the little things. Unfortunately, Nick doesn't embrace the lifestyle. He doesn’t think like a spanker. He doesn’t look for or see obvious reasons to spank. Last year, we agreed I should have a minimum of 3000 steps by four o’clock daily – good general rule. Has he check or asked me about it in the last six month? No. The other night I left my keys in the door, I used to do this a lot, but rarely anymore. Did he spank? Hell, no. Just said “Be careful, you left your keys in the door again.” What kind of spanker doesn’t find that as an excuse for a quick spanking? (No I wasn’t testing him, I think I came in with my hands full and really forgot.) That’s when you use the ‘blam, slam, thank-you ma’am’ spanking – for things I just choose not to do or carelessly forget.
But for the things he thinks are really important, things like missing my goal, those spankings need to be different. How much more effective it would have been if he’d taken a moment earlier in the day to email or text something like, “You’re not doing what we talked about. Be in the bedroom waiting for me at four o'clock and we’ll discuss it further.” I would have had time to think, to look inward and see what had kept me from getting there, time to contemplate what was coming, time for TTWD to be real for me for just a little while.