Answering a commenter's question

I got the following comment/question on my post, About that talk with Nick...

Dear PK, please allow me to be a little provocative. I am curious. What if you actually attain your goal. There will be no spanking. And what if, theoretically, you remove all your flaws for which you are spanked... All spankings will be over. You like the spanking and you need it. It's rather a prize for you rather than a punishment. I am with you on it because I like giving it very much as well and I am most excited when my girl wants it, needs it. But for me it is a very poor motivator - or punishment - because there is pleasure coming with it, so it's no deterrent all, is it? That is why I have no believe in punishment spanking for anyone who likes spanking because, it's no punishment whatsoever. To put it most illustratively, I would be most opposed to giving a spanking to a woman for a speeding ticket because I think I might seriously put in danger her health or life.

Mobby

 I think Mobby raised some excellent questions, some I’m sure most vanilla guys have if they were brought into this relationship by their ladies. Nick asked me something very similar to this when we first began. It does make you stop and think, his question is very logical. If we crave and enjoy spanking how can it be a deterrent to bad (dangerous, destructive, thoughtless, disrespectful) behaviors?

I'm giving the answer that true for me, it might not be the answer someone else would give, but here goes. I think much of it depends on your definition of spanking vs TTWD (this thing we do). Spanking is an integral part of TTWD, but it’s only one part. To me ‘a spanking’ means so much more that a hand or an implement sharply striking my butt. Heck I can do that myself. Because I know how I mean it, I often used 'spanking' and 'TTWD' interchangeably. To be clear when I tell Nick I need spanking in my life I really mean that I need TTWD in my life.

For me TTWD involves a man who cares enough about me enough to ‘make’ me do what I need to do to be healthy physically, mentally and emotionally. Both for me personally and for us, for our relationship. In my case, it’s taking a formerly vanilla man who took on the challenge of a wife who came out to him as a spanko twenty-three years into a marriage. He took to the idea of spanking when it went against everything he’d been taught in childhood or believed as an adult. He trusted me enough to believe me when I told him what I needed.

The spanking is an outward sigh of this commitment. I enjoy being spanked, that true. But it can still be a deterrent. When Nick spanks he makes me want to do better for him.  It’s proof for me that he is serious. He has to physically stop what he is doing, put down the book, put down the cross-word puzzle, turn away from the ball game, whatever, to spank me. To me it’s tangible proof he cares.

Nick’s one bad habit is to make a suggestion (a rule) and I love that he does it so much, I jump right on it and try my best. But then I slip and let the rule/suggestion slide – and Nick never seems to notice. He does nothing and it hurts my feelings. It hurts even worse when he remembers several months later and says, ‘Well I told you to do it, but you didn’t.’ Yes, that all sounds very adult (and vanilla) but my heart silently screams, “Why didn’t you care enough to make me? Why didn’t you spank my ass until I knew you were serious?”

TTWD makes me know I'm cherished, cared for, protected and loved by someone strong enough to make me do what’s best for me. And for me, spanking is one of the best ways to demonstrate this.

I think of a quote from Cassie Duff, “Tom can come up with a million reasons to spank.” I do enjoy a good girl spanking, but ‘real one’ are closer to my heart. Stress relief spankings, those that say, ‘You’re doing fine, but don’t you dare let up’, reconnection spanking when it seems we are just drifting away from one another, motivationally spanking work for some and many do a weekly maintenance spanking.

Mobby, about that spanking for something like a speeding ticket.  It depends, if I were the dominate partner and it was her first ticket we’d probably just talk. But if it happened again then, yes I’d definitely spank, but she’s know it was for disappointing me and for not working harder to keep herself safe. It would be a hard-serious spanking that would not be fun for either of us and their might be consequences other than spanking. But in addition to that there might be a hard spanking anytime she’s going to be driving for the next several days and definitely before any long driving trips – a reminder of how important she is to me, that she is to pay attention to the law, her safety and what I’ve told her.

I love being spanked, but I get my pleasure not from the act of his hand hitting my bottom. My pleasure is from knowing he cares enough about me to do it. It makes me care for him more, and it makes me want to work harder at doing the things he’s asked of me. I receive love and affirmation from his taking the time to do it. I fine pleasure in the aftermath, the joy of being sore when I sit or finding the occasional bruise, with these things I have tangible proof that he cares enough to do this.

Yes, there are a million reasons to spank and if you’re in a relationship with someone who needs spanking in their lives you need to come up with a steady stream. Fun spankings are always welcomed. But for many of us we need a little realism too. I don’t want every spanking to be just a game. My desire to feel ‘cherished, cared for, protected and loved’ is fulfilled by spankings that has a reason behind it and not just part of a game. It’s not something I need all the time, but it is something I need.

I hope all this has helped explain it a little bit. Maybe some of my readers can leave their answers in comment.