I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, April 23, 2015

Now what do I do?


Wednesday was an interesting day. When Nick and I both got home from work yesterday we got to talking about Mollie. I was say that I didn’t know whether to keep harassing her to get on with sending out her resumes, to try to talk to schools, to make the appointment she needs with her doctor – or do I just back off, knowing she’s a smart kid and assume she’ll do all she needs to do. I was telling him that as a mom, I just didn’t know whether to push or back off.

Nick gave me an absolutely annoying grin as he ask, “You mean you can’t read her mind?” Being a brat I answered, “Maybe if I’d been married to her for thirty years I could – or if she would just write a blog telling me everything she was thinking!” It was a laughing /teasing moment, but we both knew we were actually talking.

When I got around to checking my email a few minutes later, Nick had sent me one. It was a good email. I have no idea why he continues to put up with me, but he does. And he asked me to talk to him. I want to, but lately I’m probably more confused than he is. I ask him to give me a little time to get my thoughts sorted and then I promised I’d be back with him soon.

Now what do I do? Do I know what I want? Can I explain it so he’ll understand? Hell, can I explain it so that I’ll understand? I’m going to try. Hold a good thought for me – us.

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20 comments:

  1. Cat12:42 AM

    Sending lots of positive energy and good thoughts your way PK...I am sure you will be able to explain.

    Hugs and blessings...
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PK8:37 PM

      Thanks Cat - seems like I'm always bouncing back and forth.

      Delete
  2. Roz4:31 AM

    Talk to him PK. I'm sure you do know deep down what you want and that you will find the words. Sending positive thoughts your way.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. PK8:43 PM

      Thanks for the positive thoughts.

      Delete
  3. an English Rose6:44 AM

    PK, stop shilly shallying around. This is your chance to tell the truth, for goodness sake just spit out how you really feel, you do know what you want. You just don't want to say it in case he doesn't respond how you would like. PK. seize the day, you are not happy with how things are so it can't be worse, please please just try. I have my fingers crossed for you
    much love Jan,xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PK8:45 PM

      LOL, that would be easier if I knew how I really feel. I won't pass up this chance, I promise.

      Delete
  4. sub hub in phx8:53 AM

    Talking to my (then) vanilla wife about what I thought I wanted was the easy part. The hard part was really knowing what I wanted, especially since what I want was for her to decide what I wanted.

    Once Mistress K. made me realize that all I was doing was topping from the bottom, everything became clear. I trusted her to lead, and she did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PK8:55 PM

      I'm so happy it worked out that way for you. I don't know if Nick really wants to lead, but at least he's willing to listen.

      Delete
  5. Unknown9:05 AM

    Hi PK<3 Sending positive energy your way! it's like deja vu with the "I can't read your mind" but you could read my blog kind of thing. I would love to have that sort of insight into Jordan's mind! The fact that he wants you to talk about it is awesome in itself. When you tell him, be honest! If your not and your not happy with the results then it's your own fault, right? {hugs} Good luck. <3, Lilly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PK8:59 PM

      Lilly, I thank you. I've always said Nick main shortcoming was his inability to read my mind!

      Delete
  6. Terpsichore9:34 AM

    thinking of you and hoping you find the words... Hugs

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    Replies
    1. PK8:59 PM

      Thanks Terps, I'm working on it.

      Delete
  7. stay at home mom11:31 AM

    Hi PK, I am so sorry that you go through this at the moment. I have only now read your Monday post where you say that you want back what you had, but don’t know how to tell Nick. I am with the others here, t e l l him. Being roommates sounds nice, but what about the deep connection you miss so much? If I got you right you want this, so give him a chance to understand (especially if he does not read your blog anymore). Maybe all it takes is a simple ‘I want it all back’, but probably there is so much more because you seem confused about the situation, how to solve this and about Nick’s reactions too. You really have my sympathy, because this is so important for you and getting the message across of how to get ttwd back is maybe not easy with the silly elephant between you and him. I hope so much that the two of you can sort this out, talk, cry, hug and much more! Sending positive energy your way.

    hugs

    Nina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PK9:18 PM

      Being roommates might be okay if we were in our 80's or 90's but I do want more now. It is simple, but it also not. I'm trying to help us both understand.

      Delete
  8. Ami Starsong11:48 AM

    It's difficult when you are not really sure what you want yourself. I think it was Sunny who once said that "the thought of it is better than the actuality of it." I know it's that way with me.

    You absolutely HAVE to talk to Nick though. That way, the air can be cleared, and you can come to some sort of decision as to which was forward you want to go.

    If you were coming to me for advice, I would probably say to have a trial period that either of you can back down from, without recrimination, if you find things aren't working as you would wish them to. But I don't give advice - things have a habit of going tits up if I do.

    It's very difficult when you are a spanko to explain how you feel. I know for a fact that Dan still doesn't really get it. It'll probably take us years yet, and you will be fine and dandy by then.

    Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

    Hugs
    Ami

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    Replies
    1. PK9:27 PM

      You're right about the thought sometimes being the best! Nick and I will talk tomorrow. I appreciate your advice anyway and I love the phrase 'going tits up' hadn't heard that before and I got a kick out of it! Nick often tries to understand but I'm sure he mostly wants to throw his hands up.

      Delete
  9. Downunder Don4:48 PM

    Lots of hugs and positive thoughts. You will know the right words when the time is right

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PK9:27 PM

      I sure hope you're right, thanks.

      Delete
  10. Anonymous9:35 AM

    I'm late as usual around here, PK! Sorry about that. Did you talk to Nick yet? I am rooting for you. You can do it! Unless you already have. Then good for you! :)

    It is an interesting and hard thing because I find that even into it a bit, it can still be very awkward to discuss. the thing is that you have been with Nick a long time, and it sounds like he loves you very much. He may not understand it straight up, but he seems to have tried in the past some. So do your best to try to tell him what you need. See where it all goes.

    You know, I often find myself feeling the need for some spanky stuff- and more lately because of all the stuff going on... In my mind that is some pretty intense ones (that is on a "Katie scale of intense- to some it is probably pretty lame really) . I go back and forth in my head about asking because... well... of what it is really. Even though Rob has picked up on it all, the truth of the matter is- he is not a mind reader. So I have to tell him on these kinds of occasions. And it is HARD! But- he can either say yes or no. If I don't tell him what I need/ask, or even what I think I need then there will be no chance of it all probably. You know? So go for it. The words will come to you and Nick will listen because he loves you. that is what i am thinking anyway! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

    ReplyDelete
  11. Rosie8:59 PM

    You say you don't know what you want but I think you do. You're afraid you'll cry if you talk. That's okay. And it's actually a good thing. There is a pattern here, you know. It's 2015 here. Maybe by 2018 you will be on another upswing!
    Rosie Dee

    ReplyDelete

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