What's a mother to do?

I guess it’s not a secret out here that I’m a proud mama. I love my children so much. But I truly dread the next few months with Mollie. She called tonight and I’m all in knots. It’s nothing bad – all completely normal, but it’s coming onto a monumental worrying time for her and she drains off her stress and worry by giving it to me.

My baby girl is graduating Mother’s day. I find that amazing and wonderful. But the worries of real life are hitting her. Teaching is funny when you are starting out. She doesn’t know where she wants to teach. She doesn’t really want to live alone in a strange town and although she likes this area and our extended family is important to her, she doesn’t want to live in our town. And while it would be nice to have her close by, I feel she needs to spread her wings.

So how does she start? Often teachers don’t get hired until the week before school begins. That doesn’t leave much time to get an apartment and can she afford to live alone and she won’t know anyone there and will she be able to get a job at all and while we’re worrying, she still isn’t dating any one and will she ever marry and have kids and…

And these are HER questions – not mine! But she dumps them on me – as she should, I’m her mom and a good sounding board. I’ve learned to listen and keep my mouth shut for the most part. It’s pretty easy not giving advice since I have no answers to these questions and wouldn’t know which direction to push her if I wanted to.

But how do I keep the worry and stress off my mind – I’ve been down and tense since she called. I don’t want to feel like this until next August! Anyone have a job, an apartment and a man for my daughter? It sure would help.

You needn’t suggest our usual form of stress relief. I don’t think it’s on the table right now. And after graduation, when Mollie is around for the summer it’s going to be ever less likely. I think I’ll just sit here and pull my hair out.

Company Coming

Guess who’s coming by to see me today? If you’ve been around a while you might remember Eva and Adam. Eva was my first friend out here and we soon became friend in real life.  We’ve gotten together several time – at our home and in some nice vacation spots.

It’s been a couple of years since we’ve been together in person, but she and Adam are coming by as they head off on vacation.  I’m looking forward to catching up. I don't think I can talk her into blogging again - but maybe I can talk her into a Fantasy Friday story!

Next week for sure.

I haven't forgotten nor given up on Fantasy Friday - but I've been gone several night this week, including last night and I didn't have time to dig one out. I'll have one next week, I promise. Hopefully one of you wonderful people will send me something you're writing, but if not I'll find one in the archives. Send stories to elisspeaks@yahoo.com 

Answers and one last question for you all.

There is still a name that blog and name that blogger contest going on. Go back here for all the details - you may want to read all the comments to get a better feel for this blogger.

Jay from, Relativity – Everything in life is relative, had some interesting questions on her blog and I thought I'd answer them here today.

1.What made you happy when you were younger?

I liked playing and being outside when I was little. We always ‘played pretend’, cowboys and Indians, cops and robbers, army, covered wagons, anything that came into our heads. And when I wasn’t with my friends I love to daydream and make up stories.

2.What makes you happy now?

I guess it seems silly, but the same things make me happy spending time with my friends either in real life or on line and when I can I like to daydream and make up stories – I’m very blessed that now I can actually publish my stories as books.

3.What do you think will make you happy in the future?

Watching my children handle adulthood. Seeing them succeed and hopefully give me grandchildren some day.  Being with Nick makes me happy too. And I have to stay with my other two answers too – retiring and writing full time will make me very happy. I guess I never got over the love of daydreaming.

4.Do any of these answers change if you get married? If you have children?

Of course I am married so it’s hard to imagine life any other way. I always knew I wanted to be married and have kids. So I guess I fulfilled my fantasies of youth and they did live up to my expectations.

I don't feel like I've participate in the March questions as much as I would have liked to. School seem to be all consuming suddenly - but I do have a questions for anyone willing to answer it - here or on your site. 

What makes you cry?

It can involve TTWD or just in your real life. But I'd like to know and I'll tell you what makes me cry soon.

What I really want

Go back here to join in a name that new blog and blogger contest.

Last week wasn’t my best. I wasn’t happy about work and I wasn’t happy with myself. I realized Friday was coming and I didn’t feel like a spanking. I didn’t say I didn’t need one but I didn’t want one. I sent Nick the following email.

I've been watching my weight this week - watching it climb and climb. I don't even pretend to know what's happening. You can't fix this. I don't know if I'm going to fix it. But I know I'm the only one who can. I'm not mad or sad or annoyed at anything, certainly not you, but right now I don't really care about our Friday agreement.  I just feel kinda blank about it. We can take a break. Will spring and warmer weather help? Probably not, nothing seems to help. I'm not exactly giving up I'm just discouraged. Maybe a couple of weeks of not thinking about it will help, I just don't know.

I wrote that Thursday night and quickly hit send. I didn’t what to think or talk about it. It was after school on Friday that Nick looked at the book where I record my weigh each week. He started to say something and I said, “Have you checked your email?” and that was all I had to say. He checked his email and said no more, we had a pleasant evening, we were both in a good mood and TTWD was not mentioned.  But by the time I went to bed I was feeling a little … off. I was trying to dig into my mind – what did I really want? And then I knew.

What I really wanted was…

for Nick to have done exactly what he did. Accept my feeling and not push the issue. I wanted him to not be mad about what I’d said, about the way my feelings and emotions and needs seem to jump around. I didn’t want him to say anymore about the weight gain. Although in truth he has never fussed about that only that I have to do something about my health before something serious happens.  So I got what I wanted, but…

What I really wanted was…

for Nick to say, “Nope, sorry, it doesn’t work that way. You started this but I’m invested now and unless you completely withdraw consent I’m the one who decided when you get spanked. I don’t give a crap if you gained or not, but you have to do something to assure you’re going to stay healthy.  And I don’t like you pulling away and trying to avoid a spanking. So you are getting a spanking and you may not like it.” But he didn’t say that and I then I realized that …

What I really wanted was…

for Nick to say something, not just to accept my email but to make me deal with it. Email would be fine. I guess I just don’t want him to accept it and say, ‘okay, fine’. I need to be pushed some. Maybe he could make a couple of ‘rules’ to help me. When he’s done this before it’s made things easier for me. Suggestions and ‘you ought to’s’ don’t help. But a couple of rules, about snacking, exercise or bedtime make it easier to stick to. The unused submissive side of me can really use this. But he has to pick rule that he cares enough about to follow through on.  I’ll usually follow them for a while then I get tired of them and slack off. I need him to ‘convince’ me to stick with them.

It’s hard for a girl to get everything she wants when she wants different things. I did get the following email from Nick Saturday morning.

Seems like a peculiar time to not feel like a session is needed.  Remember all the times you said not to let you off the hook?  I'm still considering.  Maybe a general stress/motivation evening.

I haven’t heard any more – but ultimately it might not come down to what I want. 

Your help is needed - and it should be fun!

I have a friend who is thinking of starting a blog. Now that’s not too unusual, lots of my friends write blogs – I even browbeat a few into it, but I’m really looking forward to this one. This lovely lady is in between relationships at the moment, but she is no stranger to spanking. She’s had a paddle across her bottom more than once and she has also been know to lay a stripe or two across a male’s behind when it was warranted.

Her interests mirror many of ours, but she has a bit more courage than I do – she should, she’s much younger. Her exploration have taken her to some ‘dungeon’ club’s where she as been a very interested bystander. But I have the feeling she won’t be a bystander forever. Whether she bends over or grabs the paddle remains to be seen. She may well do a little of both.

Now the purpose of my post – she wants our help as she begins blogging. She needs a name, and the blog need’s a name and she’s willing to have a contest if we’ll help her come up with these. Willing to give it a shot?

In comment, or an email to me, leave a suggestion for a name for her and one for her blog. She’ll be doing the picking and for fun I’ll offer a free Cassie book of your choice – including the one I just sent to the publisher, as a prize if your suggestion is chosen. Two books actually, one for her name and one for the blog. Come on and join the fun – this is for bloggers, readers and lurkers alike.