I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, October 27, 2009


My dad used to say if you can’t say something nice doesn’t say anything at all. Maybe this is why I haven’t been doing my diet update for a few weeks. I have nothing good to say. I am starting to look more like the picture here. I don’t know if you guys have been paying attention but evidently I haven’t. Last April I was at my lowest weight. Since then I have gained 17 pounds. It makes me sick to realize that. Mostly because I just don’t seem to be able to stop it. I’m angry for letting it go so far. I don’t like what’s happening. And I am disgusted at the thought of having to fight it all off again.

I’ve let soft drinks slip back into my diet. I’ve let in candy, cookies, and chips. I’ve snacked in my chair some and you know what – I don’t want to stop. I love all those things. My blood pressure today was 140/100. I know some of that comes from work aggravation but the extra weight isn’t helping any either. My knees are giving me more trouble. And of course between work worries and being depressed over this gain… well things could be better.

Do I need Nick’s help? You know I do, but not for a sexy afternoon romp in the hay. Yes, I want that too – if I ever feel sexy again. But that isn’t going to get me back on the diet track. I could write him an assignment like I used to but I haven’t done that lately and he hasn’t said much. I’m not even sure he reads the blog anymore. I’ll ask him sometimes if he’s read that day and sometimes he has and sometimes he hasn’t. So I don’t know what he knows and what he doesn’t from out here. But I’m not upset with Nick. I haven’t exactly been sending out a ‘spank me’ vibe and since he is a vanilla at heart I know he hasn’t really want to bother me. You just can’t completely understand unless you are a born spanko and sometimes I don’t even understand.

I’m trying to help myself. I have joined a 3 month weight challenge at the gym. You have to do 37 hours between now and December 18. The time won’t be too hard probably. You have to go to at least 8 classes – which count toward your time. I don’t even know what the prize is I just know I had to do something. I’ll try to do an update each Tuesday. Maybe it will keep me honest and you guys can kick my butt when needed.

Of course Nick did surprise me the other night. He hadn’t said anything lately about me getting in bed by midnight but that usually when I head there. The other night I happened to crawl in at 11:59. He looked over at the clock and said “You’re cutting it mighty close.” It did make me feel better that he even noticed. I’m just hoping something changes soon!


  1. Ah...PK. We all have so many good intentions and we stumble. It seems like everything gets in our way. I hear you and I know you've heard me.

    Well, we are here for you. I know Nick is there for you as well. The gym challenge is good. It should help. I know we are going into that crazy food season known as 'The Holidays" and it is probably best to gear up the defenses now! :)

    Anyway, I don't know where the hell I'm going here other than to say I hear you and I'm in your corner!

    Have a lovely day.

    Warm hugs,

    Debbie :)

  2. Thanks for sharing so honestly! It's a constant struggle for me, too. Stress will be my downfall every time! I hope the gym challenge works and it may help with the stress, too. Meow

  3. i get it triplet..stress is a mighty hard thing to conquer..

  4. Anonymous11:20 AM

    Hi PK!! I'm so happy to read your post today! It's an obvious corner you're turning here I can feel it. The line So I'm helping myself is Greg's dream sentence. If I rub the laptop screen will I catch some of that attitude?! Let Nick know how much you loved his comment at 11:59. I find those small (oddly) sexy moments to be cummulative. And with our vanilla twist husbands, we soak it it. Good for you for following his rules.

    In the meanwhile start putting your comfort snacks in the trunk of Nick's car & tell him to hang the keys off his belt! Gotcha thinkin' didn't I?!!! ;)

  5. PK, I like the gym idea might help.
    But two ton Tessa or sylph like pussy cat, I'm in you corner as I know your Nick is.
    Let us know when your libido returns.
    Love and warm hugs,

  6. PK I was wondering if some of my stratagies might help you. I'm certain you get triggers that cause you to want to snack.

    For me I have to avoid bars, and parties were alcohol would be served. You might consider.....Uh Oh....you might have to get rid of that chair!!!

    I hope the gym challenge helps. As a matter of fact, I'm sure it will!


  7. PK: You've already gotten a lot of good advice so the only thing I can add is to stick to modest, long term goals. Like a couple of pounds a month. Good luck.


  8. Debbie,
    I can't think of anything better you could be saying than that you are in my corner. I think we all need the encouragement and understand we get here. Thanks!!

    Work has only been so stressful for the past two years. The change has been really awful. I'm blaming the BP problem on work.

    I know you are speaking as an expert!! I pray your stress lessens sometime soon!

    Hanging the keys to the snacks off Nick's belt - LOL! Yes you certainly got me thinking alright. Maybe it good he doesn't read here all the time after all.

    Thanks Paul,
    That means a to me. I do know you are in my corner and I really do know Nick is there too. He is much better to me than I deserve.

    I know there are triggers and I have read your plans. I know some would work for me but I haven't reached the point where I am going to make myself pay attention yet. I made it to the gym for a class today. I'm sore so I guess that's good.

    You're right. I hope I can just get some off this week. I know some success will make working toward my goal easier.