Letting go of fear

We all have fears. Fear keeps us from running into a burning building, it keeps us from leaping off high cliffs and it can keep us from walking down a dark dangerous street late at night. There is nothing wrong with good honest fear.

But as I think to the time I began blogging, my fears surrounding the idea were substantial. I feared ‘strangers’ on the internet.

Haven’t we all been warned since the internet began? I feared sharing my strange desire for spanking with Nick. I certainly feared someone else would find out – my boss, my friends, my church, my in-laws, and of course my children. I was so careful I created a different identity, new email, new passwords for my computer. I even feared these things. Would I be in trouble (with whom I didn’t know) for creating this false identity. Probably some of the fear caused excitement and that wasn’t a totally bad thing.

Over the years I’ve watched these fears fade away almost to the point that I can’t remember what I feared in the first place. Would I have lost my teaching position if those at the education center had found out I wrote a spanko blog and eventually that I wrote books containing spanking and sex? I don’t know. Here in a southern small town, I guess I could have. Fighting it would have been embarrassing at the time. That fear could have been legitimate.

As the years went by I began telling my real life friends, they were great. Most were amused, and all seemed to have a live and let live attitude. As for the church, I remember asking here on the blog about what to tell the new minister the first time I met her. I asked, “Should I lead with the fact that I write sexy books, or that my son’s gay?” Turns out we discussed both the first day we met and she was totally fine with both things.

As for Nick’s family, no reason to fear there. I could be on the New York Times best seller list and make more money than EL James and they would never acknowledge it. These people, who are fine people even if they do piss me off, could ignore an elephant as big as a house in the room. Just as they ignore LJ and his marriage. To them gay marriage, as well as my books, don’t exist.

I did fear my children discovering ‘our secret’ before they were old enough to understand just how consensual it was. I couldn’t let them help me with my technology questions because I didn’t want them to see the spanking pictures I posted. But as they grew up, that last fear faded with their maturity. Both know what I write and both seem glad that it makes me happy. Mollie has never read one of my books, she says she doesn’t want to. But she has bought everyone when it came out to support me. I think that’s very sweet.

This weekend Mollie was home. She was cooking for a tailgate party she was going to and I, being the good mother, was in the kitchen pestering her and generally getting in her way. Exasperated she came out with an empty threat she heard often as a child, ‘If you don’t get out of here I’m going to get the paint stick.’ Then she added, ‘Never mind, you weirdo, you’d probably like it.’  I burst out laughing and she joined me. We’ve come a long way.

It’s been a long journey, letting go of these fears. It’s been a good journey. I’ve gained confidence in myself and lost the worry of what other’s think of me. I’m comfortable with who I am and what I do. That’s a wonderful feeling.

I have a question - do you want to talk?

In the spirit of March I have a question for my readers. Does it matter to you if a blogger answers their comments? I have always really tried to do this whenever possible.  I know I miss some occasionally, but it’s very important to me. I know most of the bloggers I read do answer comments, so I can tell it's important to them too. But as a reader, does it matter to you. Do you come back and read after someone answer comments? I guess I'm asking my lurkers to jump in here and help answer this question.

Bonnie had this as one of her ‘rules/suggestion’ for blogging when I first began and I really took it to heart. I remember when I first found bogs and I was blown away by what I was reading. It was weeks before I had enough nerve to leave a comment. But when I went back to look the next day and my comment had been answered, the blogger had taken the time to talk to me, I was not only dumfounded I was hooked! And I’ve been here ever since.

Since that time I’ve always felt that if someone takes the time to read what I’ve written, and then to go the extra mile and comment on it, I want to talk to them. Commenting and answering one another’s comments was the way I’ve met my best friends out here. I can’t imagine what I would have missed if I hadn’t answered their comments and begun real friendships.

Going back and answering comments takes time – trust me I know. But if I visit a blog and comment a few times and they never answer or say anything about my comment, I get the feeling they don’t want to talk. And that’s okay, but I usually stop commenting too. I guess because time is always limited I’m going to talk to the bloggers who want to talk with me.

I think I described it once as walking by your neighbor’s yard and waving and saying something like, “Nice day we’re having” or “Your yard is beautiful” and they never look up or say a word… then I still go by but sometime I don't say anything.

So that’s my question for all of you. Do you expect an answer to comments you leave, or do you just leave it and move on? Let me know.

500,000 swats

Maybe that should have been ‘hits’, whatever!

I did it! It took me five years, six months and one day to reach a half million hits! I am honored and delighted to think that so many people have come over the years to listen to what I’ve had to say and often left a comment. To everyone who has ever been by I give you a big, sincere



It’s had me thinking about how people out here decide where to spend their time reading and where they decide to comment. I think I have way more time to play around on the computer than many out here, but with all the wonderful spanking blogs we have now, no one could keep up and read them all, not if they went at it 24 hours a day.

That means we have to pick and choose. I like reading everything – from serious BDSM to those who only enjoy playing. I enjoy blogs where the man is the unquestioned HOH to blogs where husbands get spanked for their misdeeds. But I know I gravitate to blogs where I feel the relationship is fairly close to what Nick and I share, that would be where the woman enjoys a good spanking and has usually brought the subject up to her husband. You all know I enjoy a little discipline (or should I say habit breaking incentives), but I don’t want to be bossed around or micromanaged.

I also enjoy reading blogs with more firm or heavier discipline. I have to say it just gives me a thrill to read about loving, caring, dominant, take charge men. I don’t want to live with one, but I like to read about them. I’m not always as likely to comment, because I often don’t know what to say, but I do read.

I guess comments are the true guide to where I read. I blog for the friendships with like minded people. If I didn’t want comments I would just talk to myself and not spend my time typing.


I try to answer all my comments – doesn’t always happen, but I try. When I get a comment I nearly always follow it back it it’s another blogger and see what their site is like. Often I’ll leave them a comment too. This is when I usually decide if I’ll make that site a regular stop on my daily read. If my comments are never answered I usually stop commenting, although I’ll often keep reading. I feel like if I speak to someone a few times and they don’t answer the comment, I just assume that they don’t want to talk. And that’s okay too.

Please let me say right here I know many of you just don’t have the time to answer every comment. I mean I sometime don’t get mine answered and I don’t get as many as some of you and I have no little ones to care for, as you do, while you’re trying to clean the house and get supper on the table. So I understand that it’s just not practical for many of you to answer comments. But anyway, that’s how I decide where to read and comment. When I comes to linking with others, I’m usually slow about it. I want my blog list to reflect what I actually read. When I find a new blog it’s usually when someone recommends it to me or I follow a link back from a comment. And I like to read a while before I link – and then sometimes if simply forget. I’ll be a regular at blog for a while and then realize I haven’t linked it yet. I’m working on it.

So how about you? Why do you read the blogs you read? When do you decide to comment? If you have a blog how do you decide which blogs to link or not to link? I’m really curious about your answers. I hope you’ll leave me a comment and tell me or post about it yourself.

And once again – thanks for the half million!