I'm fine, it's just...

I didn’t mean to worry anyone – I’m fine. I just have the tendency when I get down everything seems to pile on me. Or I let the worry of many things get to me. Nick and I are sorta in roommate mode. Not completely, but there has been no spanking and that’s been fine with me. I haven’t missed it. I’ve missed the closeness, I want what I know TTWD can bring but it’s not here right now. I've blogged more than nine years now. I've said everything I know to say to Nick about TTWD. I'm now at a loss.

I haven’t really been feeling great. Some stomach pains, I’ve felt extremely stiff lately. My neck, my knees and I woke Sunday morning with such a backache it almost made my chest hurt. It was like I’d slept for hours on a crummy hotel bed, but it was the bed I’ve slept in for the last ten years. It was fine by mid-morning. I don’t know what’s going on.

Mostly I’m upset over Mollie. The 6^th grade drama with roommate hasn’t let up much. It got so bad that she did something she admitted to me was wrong, but she was desperate to find out what was going on. She looked on roommates phone and read the text messages between her and the old roommate. In the text they were saying Mollie was a bitch and they didn’t want to hang around with her. I really want to get my hands of these two. It’s not always horrible; they were all together this weekend as well as other friends and Mollie said she had a good time.  But its like my mother told me when I married Nick, she said to never tell her when we fought because while I’d get over it in a day she would remember it for the rest of her life. I know I’ll always have negative feelings for these girls. But I have to be low key when talking to Mollie. I’ve just said that they are a bit immature and they’ll grow out of that. Biting my tongue is getting painful. I sent her an email giving her all the good suggestions you mentioned about meeting people her age, I added a few of my own. I’ve suggested he not always be too available to do stuff with roommate when she needed someone so she wouldn’t be alone.

So things in my life are annoying – not bad. I’m hurting a bit physically and emotionally, I’ve shared all the Mollie drama with Nick and he is equally as outraged but really there is nothing we can do about it. We haven’t discussed TTWD and I don’t have the energy to get into it with him especially since I really don’t know what I want to say.

I think – I really think if I could have some time to write I’d feel tons better. But I don’t think I’ve had that in months and months now. It nearly impossible after school, I’m tired and there just isn’t time. Then there seems to always be something to do on the weekend. It’s hard to get into the writing when anyone is here. Maybe it’s alone time I need.

I agree with several who have pointed out lately it’s those of us out here that understand each other that provide the most comfort. Truly I know I’m going to be okay. I’ve blogged long enough to know how my feelings go up and down, but this time of figuratively putting my feet up with all you ladies, sipping wine and whining when I need to is more therapeutic than anything I can think of.