I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Road trip and some advice

I plan on being on the road to see Eva by the time most of you are reading this. This will be a very special trip. It’s always special to see Eva and Adam. Eva’s cooking… well a cooking contest between Eva and my MIL would be something to witness and I want to be one of the judges!!

But this trip is even more special! We get to meet the grandbaby!! We get to see her and hold her and play with her. I hope her mom isn’t planning to get any time with her this week – this baby is all booked up between Eva, Mollie and me.

And as icing on the cake is the lunch we have planned where we are getting to meet KayLynn. I only know her through her fantastic Fantasy Friday stories and our emails so I am really excited about a face to face meeting. I'll be posting about it next week!

But I also had something I wanted to post today. A have recently reconnected with a friend who writes the blog Cultivated Discipline. At this point in her life she is anxious to explore her spanko side but hasn’t found the man she is looking for. We have talk some and she has shared with me, as she has on her site, that some guys she has talked with on spanko and D/s web sites are not, in real life, the way they portray themselves to her in conversations.

As we talked about it in an email this was what I told her about looking for someone to care about and bring into your life. She said I could share the email here. I think it’s really pretty good advice for anyone out there looking for a relationship.

I think you need to quit looking specifically for a spanko and instead look for a man who is kind, stable, and makes you laugh and feel safe. Spankos are wonderful! But don’t limit yourself to dom/sub sites or chat rooms. Although there are many wonderful men on these sites (several of my friends have met in this way and are happily married to each other now) but you really do run a greater risk of finding nuts who only want to dominate. These men don’t really want to be an HOH – a guide – a protector, they are essentially bullies.

So just look for a nice guy. When you begin to grow close tell him you have a secret that is important to you but that you don’t share this with just anyone. Then tell him what you need, want, desire. If he is a true vanilla begin by telling him it is a real turn on. If you feel he is receptive to this idea you can explain more (maybe a little at a time). Explain that you want someone who will step up and be the leader in a family and that the idea of discipline makes you feel safe and loved.

This is really what many of us have had to do. In my situation Nick hasn’t come around to the dd concept – there isn’t much discipline but it’s a fantastic partnership. If Nick said tomorrow that he was through – no more spanking I would be hurt and sorely disappointed, but the marriage would continue. It boils down to this – I would rather be with the right man and not have this need met that to be with the wrong man who spanks. And this comes from a lifelong, hard wired spanko.


  1. PK, she seems to be a wise woman, the advice is good.
    Enjoy the visit and please tell us all about it.
    Love and warm hugs,

  2. Good advice, PK. Have a great visit! Meow

  3. Thanks Paul and Meow. We made it to Eva's safe and sound and we're having a great visit. That baby is something else!

  4. Wonderful advice!! I have to say it works too.

    When I let myself explore this side, I was looking for a spanko man, and was disappointed time after time.

    Then I let myself start dating regular guys in my area. I found my Mr Right, and 2 years later we are still dating. Planning to move in together soon. I have told him some bits and pieces about spanking wishes, and so far so good.

  5. Good advice PK.

    Happy to hear you arrived safe and sound.


  6. Good advice, PK, and Cultivated appears to have found a Mr. Vanilla who wants to be the Decider so they may be right for each other.

  7. Anonymous1:03 PM


    Thank you so much for the kind words and the good advice.

    I believe that we never know when or where we will run into Mr Right. I encourage people when they ask me to try as many sites as possible. You have to be open and willing to do new things.

    But we also need to understand, when you go to a spanko site, you get spanko men. And as wonderful as that is there are many additional qualities necessary for relationship success.

    Ah jeez, I just wish us all the best of luck :)

    :) CD

  8. ohhhhhhhhhhh, great advice indeed... it's what I did in the end...

    yeps, I had a Master... and he sure did meet those submissive needs... but the whole me was still looking for the man that had it all...

    and he's found me, had absolutely no idea about spanking, but he likes it enough to keep me very quiet... he will never be the leading man in a movie about sadism and masochism, but he is the leading Man in my life...

    love, Lessa

  9. definitely important to find a kind man, one who you love and respect and loves and respect's you in return...and if you can get your needs met all the better...but I agree, I don't always get my needs met, rarely I do, however, I am with the right person and we love each other and have a good relationship and if I did not have that then having all my needs and wildest desires wouldn't matter...