I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, April 25, 2019

TBT - Fellows, I'm talking to you

I know I haven't been posting much -  so I looked around for a TBT. I feel I've posted this more than once, but for new people who do pop in once and a while, I'm sure, I still think it could be helpful. I first posted this back in 2008.

I am fortunate to have many friends that email me. Many of these friends don’t have blogs and are in various stages of introducing spanking into their relationship, some successfully and others not so much. I know from experience that often vanillas just don’t understand and boy do I know that it is hard to explain it to someone you love. It took me over 23 years to even get up the nerve to try. It’s been almost 2 wonderful years now but I still struggle to get him to understand at time.

So I am writing a letter to your men if they haven’t gotten it yet. Now I know we don’t live in a one size fits all world but from all I’ve felt and all I’ve read this will ring true for many of us.

Dear guys,
After years of knowing that she has this need, your wife/girlfriend/lover finally told you she wants to be spanked. I am guessing that at best you were surprised especially if you have been together 20 years or more. You may think it’s a passing whim. You may think it is just a random fantasy that has run through her mind; something best left as a fantasy not something she would like in real life. Plus you love this woman and you have no desire to hurt her. 

Then listen to me (because your girl may be too shy or embarrassed to say it again)! This is NOT something that just came up! She has had probably had this need since childhood. Please trust your lover, if she says she wants to be spanked – SHE DOES!

Yes, she understands that this sounds strange to you. No, she does not understand why she is this way.  Please stop trying to figure out why and just DO IT. If you do I can almost promise you that your sex life will reach heights that you never imagined. Ours did. I went from being fairly cold toward sex to someone will to try anything my husband or I can dream up!

It’s okay to start slow. I know you are not sure what she wants. You may even be embarrassed (but not as embarrassed as she was to ask). Start with your hand, a small paddle ball paddle or maybe a paint stirrer. From my experience and those of many of my friends, she will much more likely be wanting ‘longer’ and ‘harder’ spanking rather than asking you to be more gentle. Remember anyone from vanilla to hard core can always enjoy a romantic, erotic spanking. This may be all she wants.


If your wife/lover tells you she wants discipline that’s different. Discipline – that is a trickier subject. You will need to do more talking if this is something she wants. If the need for discipline in her life is ‘her thing’ it’s always going to be there whether you indulge it or not. If you are willing to try this, again – go slow. Pick a few things to work on together. I got my husband hooked by asking him to help me make the changes and choices to become healthier and lose weight.

It was rocky at first. I would mess up and he didn’t want to spank. He wanted to let it go or make excuses for me. I hated that and it hurt my feelings. I didn’t feel cared for or protected and I guess that is what we are looking for.

Although I know he did not mean to send this message this is the one I heard – 

“Sure I care but not that much. You are a big girl. If you know you need to do something and you chose not to that is your business. You are on your own because I find all this confusing and you are just not worth the effort.”

Fellows, I like I said, I know this is not the message you are trying to send to the woman you love. But to the spanko mind this is what comes through.
  When my husband did start getting it and a couple of times spanked me hard with the hairbrush for over indulging and slacking off on my exercise, I got a whole other message. 

“You are my wife. I love you, I love you way too much to allow you to run wild and put your health in jeopardy. I care enough about you to put some boundaries and guidelines around you to keep you safe. And yes I will wear you out if necessary to show you just how serious I am about my love for you.”

Nothing in my life has made me feel more loved, cherished, cared for or happy than for him to show his love for me in this way.

Alright fellows – I’m talking to you. If your wife or girlfriend handed you this or directed you here she agrees with me. Listen please! She is serious. This is a very important part of her life. She loves you so much or she would never have shared her secret with you. If you love her enough to give it a try she will test you some to see if you will be consistent and take this seriously. It’s all part of the learning together. But it is worth it, I promise you – it’s worth it.


  1. Hi PK,this is a wonderful post and such great advice! I am sure this will be helpful to many.


    1. Some just need a little encouragement.

  2. PK, I think I read this to Sam the last time you put it up. The thing is, I plan to read it to him again. Sort of a way to talk about where we are at right now. We should never stop thanking our guys for stepping up. The discipline part should never be taken for granted. He needs to know that it is the greatest gift he has ever given me. Even if I was the one who had to ask.

    Thanks for posting this again,
    Hugs From Ella

    1. It's true. The encouragement is necessary and to thank them for caring.

  3. A great choice for TBT...hugs abby

  4. Anonymous9:19 AM

    I dated an older woman, in her 50's, I in my 20's and some of her behavior prompted me to say, your not to old for a spanking. She smiled, I left it at that. Well she did not stop and while we were spending a week on the coast I gave her a spanking. I waited until the morning, she stepped out of the shower and I took her over my lap, and spanked her wet bottom first with my hand, then her hairbrush. Afterwards she said she needed a spanking, I was shocked. We went out to breakfast, she squirmed in her seat. Did some store browsing and found this bath brush, I purchased it. She said for her, I said for my naughty girl. Some spankings are foreplay, some for punishment. A few of her friends know and just smile when they see me. She has told me one wishes she was spanked, maybe I said that can come true.

    1. Sounds like she is one of 'us' - I hope you'll talk with her to see what she would really like and need. It sounds like you're willing to step up.

    2. Anonymous12:44 PM

      She would like to be spanked in front of another person, this friend who would like to be spanked. I feel if I did that, I would find a reason to spank the friend, just have to think about this.

  5. PK,

    What great timing.

    The Sheriff and I are in a row right now. Yesterday, he ordered me downstairs (I was sulking upstairs). Eventually I listened because the blogger I talk to said it can be confusing for the HOH when you only sometimes follow directions. Fast forward to this morning, the fight continued. It resulted in me using very bad words. The shocker? He actually popped my butt, sent me to bed, and grounded me for the day. I am not sure if I should laugh or cry, or be mad or happy, because OMG after so long of trying, I got myself an HOH.

    Therefore, I should probably show him this. It might make him feel better. That is, if I am talking to him.

    Thanks for always being there PK. It is nice to know, I am not alone.


    1. I definitely think you should have him read this. And he needs to know you were pleased with how he handled things - maybe not in that exact moment, but once things are calm again. Thank him for what he did and said.

    2. Thanks PK. I did both of those things last night. I cannot thank you and the other bloggers out there for holding the hands of us newbies!

  6. PK, I am sure this was and will be helpful to many. I will show this to P, didn't last time you posted it. Thank you.


    1. That's great - though I didn't think P needed any reminding!

  7. PK,
    I loved reading this again. It's so good. It was helpful in understanding myself back when I read it at first.

    And, Boo, up there, if he's stepping up like that, you'd better show this to your Sheriff and tell him how much you appreciate him!

    Rosie Dee

    1. Thanks Rosie, I do like things that make us think.

  8. Happy to see another TBT come up, PK ... good choice, this post ... I'm sure you've given someone a way forward to having their desires met ... nj ... xx

    1. That would be nice. I know there are people just stumbling on our writing all the time. I'd like to think we can help them along.

  9. I do remember this post fondly :-)