Every now and then it’s interesting to look back and see what brought each of us here. I’ve posted about it before, but for my new friends, here goes.
When my children were ‘middle aged kids’, nine to fourteen, my parents health began to decline and I took over much of their care. I was teaching full time, caring for them, doing the lion’s share of the kid care which - was mostly chauffeuring at the time and I even did the cooking back then. Nick definitely helped out whenever he could, but I felt the responsibility.
When Mom passed away I didn’t have much time to grieve as my dad Parkinson worsened. When he passed away fifteen months later, both their deaths seemed to hit me at once and it was a very sad time. But I had two kids to look after and life went on. Nick and I were not close at the time. It was definitely a roommate situation. We got along, we never fought, we just led our separate lives as well matched roommates.
Then, fairly suddenly, something was wrong with me. I’d be fine when I woke up and I could teach during the day. But shortly after I got home, I was in pain. First it was my hands and fingers. I’m talking really bad pain. It would be gone the next morning, but by mid-afternoon it was back and it was spreading. It soon became excruciating. I couldn’t get up from a chair by myself. I couldn’t turn my head. I couldn’t even read a book because putting my two fingers together to turn the page hurt so much I’d cry.
I began going to bed right after dinner so I could go to sleep to get rid of the pain. Mollie brought her little mirror from her room and put it on my nightstand so I could see the TV before I went to sleep. I couldn’t turn over once I got in bed. Yet the next morning the pain would be 90% gone, until that afternoon.
I went to several doctors. I had x-rays, injections, scans, no one seemed to know what it was and they gave me pain pills – which didn’t touch the pain. I dealt with this horrible pain for about four months. It doesn’t seem like a long time when I think about it now, but nearly one hundred twenty days in that kind of pain made it seem like a long time, at the time.
Then I went to a rheumatologist.
This man looked at my hands and oh so gently felt of my fingers and listened to my description on my days. Then he said, “I think it’s Palindromic Rheumatism.” And went on to tell me a little of what that was. But basically, like the doctors before him he said, “Take one of these pills each morning for a month, then one every other day for a month.” I took one the next morning before school.
By three that afternoon I was somewhat surprised that the pain hadn’t shown up. By seven or eight that night I was amazed that the pain hadn’t returned. This enormous pain had been so much a part of my life for the time I had it. I remember actually looking over my shoulder wondering where the monster was. It never came back. With that one little pill, it was over. Of course I took them exactly as the doctor had prescribed and now, nearly thirteen years later I always have some on hand. When there is a ‘flair up,’ I usually feel it beginning in a finger. If the pain is still there the next day I take one of these magic pills and it’s gone. I rarely have to take more than five pills a year. This miracle for me was the very medication Windy spoke of in her post recently – methylprednisolone.
After all that, after feeling that my life was essentially over, I suddenly felt wonderful! And I wasn’t planning on wasting the feeling. What do you do when you get your life handed back to you? I didn’t do to Disney World – I typed, s-p-a-k-n-k-i-n-g into my Google search!
I found a few stories, a few pictures and then I found Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts and I bloomed. I read every blog I could find, I began blogging myself, first as Cassie and then as me. I met others like me that I could talk to and I could ask questions without strange or disapproving looks. These were just normal, everyday people with whom I shared a slightly strange desire.
And lastly and most importantly – blogging gave me the courage to open up to Nick. To tell him of my desire. Nick was stunned, incredulous, shocked… pick your word, but mostly pleased and willing to try whatever it was I wanted to try. At fifty and fifty-five we went from friendly roommates to a hot, sexy couple who couldn’t keep our hands off one another. Mollie would often wander into the kitchen or living room to find us hugging or maybe sharing a quick kiss. Usually she would snap, “Get a room!” to which we would reply, “We have one. You’re in it. Get out.”
We didn’t stay at that sexy peak. If we had, we’d probably be dead now. But it’s still so much better. We are so much closer than we were the first twenty some years of our marriage. I’m most grateful for the pain I went through, which lead me eventually to a wonderful doctor, a magic pill, and a desire to seize life. That led me to reading blogs, friends, blogging myself and eventually writing.
You never know what you may need to go through to get to where you want to be.
