I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Asking for what I need

My family reunion went very well. Once we get ready the weekend itself is really pretty relaxing. Our family is close. The grandparents had 8 kids and I have 24 first cousins on that side. I was lucky because we lived near my grandparents; everyone came to visit them so I know most of my cousins really well. Next weekend one cousin has invited my family and my sister's family to visit her at her brand new lake house. That’s the last weekend before I start back to school so I’m looking forward to that, the draw back – not much time or privacy for spanking and such. And speaking of that…

As I said getting ready for the reunion at our house is stressful. It means I have to not only clean but I have to think about cooking some too. By last Friday everything had gotten to me and was feeling the stress. When I get in an ill tempered mood many, many negative thoughts come in and I’ll start getting that ‘feeling’. I’m not sure what it is – anger, frustration, sadness, annoyance. It’s just a general feeling without a specific target. But for whatever the reason it starts, it usually focuses it on the fact that Nick rarely spanks. Hey I’m a spanko, what am I supposed to focus on?

I was feeling ill tempered most of the day Friday. I didn’t say anything – I never do. Eva says I need to stop holding those feelings back and vent when I’m pissed but being a good southern I can’t seem to do that. And besides there was nothing specific to be mad about, I just was. I do get very frustrated at the spanking – or lack of it in my life. I tend to get like this every few months. I stuff it down for long period because in addition to being frustrated about the spanking situation I have to be realistic with myself. Nick is darn near perfect. I’m not trying to massage his ego and I’m not exaggerating, it’s just the truth. He treats me like as well as a husband can treat a wife. He does the lion’s share of the cooking and cleaning around here, all the yard and pool maintenance. He is always solid, dependable and shows me in big ways and small ways that he truly loves me.

I really do fight these moods when they come at me. I get mad at Nick for seeming to ignore a big part of what I’ve said about spanking for 4 years, I’m even more mad at myself for letting this one little thing tick me off when 90% of my life is idyllic! I usually end up letting it get too far, trying to ignore it, telling myself ‘it just doesn’t really matter about the spanking’ until I end up seriously depressed. And by then it takes a while to climb back out.

In an effort to ease some of the anger I sat down Friday morning and wrote Nick an email, really venting and telling him why I was feeling angry and trying to let him know what he could do to help me stop me from getting like this. It was a fairly harsh email and I did feel better for getting it out. I didn’t send it to Nick of course, I never do, but I did write it (Is that progress or not?). I did feel some better and we went on with the day getting ready for our guests.

Mollie was babysitting Friday night and we were home alone. It was then that I realized Nick had picked up on my tension and stress of the day and he was planning to take care of it. We were sitting and relaxing that evening after Mollie left. Not talking much, just being quiet together when Nick pulled a golf tee out of his pocket and held it out to me. What did I want with a golf tee? I just looked at him questioning and he said “I was just wondering if you wanted to play a round?” LOL! You gotta love golf humor.

To be honest I wasn’t really in the mood but I wasn’t totally against it either so we headed to the bedroom. First I got my due for the last two rounds of golf he had played that weekend he was away. He’s a good golfer and usually shoots in the 70 so that a good number to begin with. After that he said “It seems to me you’ve been a little tense and stressed today. I think you need some relief.”

YES!! And thank you for noticing! When I’m upset I just tend to get quiet and withdraw into myself and if someone isn’t paying really close attention it’s not easy to spot. He told me to pick any three implements and he would use them in order until I said “Thank you, may we try another” and then he would stop – if he agreed that it was enough.

I picked out rubber sword, the dogging bat and his old leather belt. He began with the sword and I have to tell you that is one fine implement! The noise is wonderful. It makes a good, solid, satisfying whacking sound. It’s a nice sting but you can take a lot with it. To be honest I think he could have gone on all night with it and I would have been happy. He would do about 10 licks or so and then stop to rub. Now while the rubbing felt good I needed more that 10 with that to really get my head into it. Maybe 50 or so with that before he began rubbing (10 might be good for the harsher stuff). I finally asked very politely for a change to the dogging bat. That kicks up the intensity some and I was beginning to glow. My head was beginning to get in the right place for stress relief. I finally asked him to switch to the belt. That leather is such a good feel. I was peaceful and mellow and felt much of my stress draining away.

Nick brought out the HMW and that was fun and lead to some great sex and Nick ended up with no stress either. Now here’s where it gets tricky. I went for a long time in our marriage not wanting sex. Didn’t want to feel that way but I did. Everything has changed now and I never want Nick to think I have gone back to that way to that way of thinking but I do need two different things in my life. Two separate things.

For me our afternoons of playing and love making are fun, exciting, and passionate. We experiment and play with vibrators, new toys, new positions, new implements, we sometimes play a strip card game to see who gets swatted and how many. We even buy the occasional DVD and watch that. Usually we end up laughing over them and sometime he’ll spank in real time with the movie. I love these afternoons. It’s something we have only really done since I came out and I would never want to lose these fun, playful times.

But totally separate from that I need maintenance or stress relief spankings. I need to be spanked when there is no sex involved at all. It’s a different need and it’s nearly as strong as the need and desire to have sex. I don’t know if other spanko ever feel this way. I know spanking and sex go together like peas and carrots but I know what I need. I don’t understand this anymore than I do my interest in spanking in the first place. To be honest I quit trying to understand it a while back. It’s just there and I accept it.

But to state it plainly – I need Nick to spank me at time other than when we have sex!! And I don’t mean just a swat or two (although that is always nice!) but I’m talking about taking the time for a real spanking, 15 to 20 minutes or so, a little rubbing to easy the sting maybe but nothing sexual! An in general ‘I’m spanking you just because you need it to keep you from falling into one of those moods’ is plenty of reason. And it does keep those moods away! I feel so greedy – one more thing I need Nick to do ‘just for me’. I don’t know if he’ll get anything out of it. I know spanking me is arousing to Nick but if I don’t want to have sex then am I taking away his enjoyment?

It will give him a happier, well balanced wife. It will give him a wife more interested in sex – when I’m happy I’m much more interested in sex whether it’s an afternoon of fun or a quickie when time is limited. It keep me thinking about my husband, it make me want him more. I really need him to do this for me. It can be like maintenance (which he never really warmed up to) or if he sees me starting to withdraw and become distant he can say “I see you’re going to need a spanking!” now a statement like that would really send my spanko heart fluttering.

Out here we seem to be constantly telling one another – COMMUNICATE!! So let me communicate with the the person I care the most about.

1. Nick, I love our afternoons of love making, they get better all the time and I am more that satisfied with that part of our life. I am willing to experiment in anything you are interested in trying and if I come up with any ideas I’ll share them with you.

2. Nick, I need you to spank me, just spanking with no sex involved at all. I need it to keep my head where it needs to be. I need it to feel like the me we both want me to be. I need it for long enough at a time to sweep away the stress and anger I sometime feel for whatever reason. And I need you to do this on some kind of regular basis.

I’m being as plain as I know how to be. No mind reading necessary. This is what I need.


  1. PK, Nick is very good for you.
    It does my heart good to read a post like this.
    I'm a little envious of your large family, coming as I do, from a very small one.
    Love and warm hugs,

  2. I hope Nick reads your blog! That was a pretty great friday!

  3. PK,
    You, me and Kelly need to write a book....Letters to an HOH. Explaining exactly what a woman needs.

    Sometimes I just don't get men.

    Ahh, to be one of those lucky wives who's husbands introduced TTWD. But, at least for me I probably still find something to gripe about.

    Great Post,

  4. I could write q whole post on this..and i might. I truly get what you are saying..and i think you have expressed it very well..maybe you and Nick could come up with some kind of signal, or short email to use to signal that you need spanked! Good luck! abby

  5. Anonymous12:38 PM

    I'm with Abby!! You two need a signal... how about this...

    You could just say "hey, Nick, I need a stress buster"

    You never know. It might work.

    Love ya twin...

  6. Anonymous2:03 PM

    I should have read your blog before posting today. I posted on the same issue, just from the other side. Interesting to see your side here. I think he'll be happy for you to ask.

  7. Nick sounds like a great guy who takes very good care of you. I hope he hears this plea and you get some of what you need.

  8. Paul,
    I am very luck for the family I have and I do consider you a part of it in a special way.

    I know he'll read it and he's such a good guy. I'm sure we'll get something worked out.

    I've always though it would be harder for a man to introduce spanking to a vanilla wife that the other way around. But interesting!

    I could really add to that book - trying to explain what it is we need from our men. Let me know if you decide to publish one! LOL!

    It's all very complicated and the only reason we continue to try so hard is because its so important to us. And because we love our men so much. A signal - I don't know, maybe.

    I know what you think and I guess you're not wrong, but you're not completely right either.

    Dark knight,
    I enjoyed reading your post I hope my comment there helped you understand a little.

    Nick is the best guy in the world. He's listened for 4 years and I know he really does care about me. He may get exasperated with me at times but we do pull together. He always tries to understand.

  9. If you don't ask you don't get. I do understand the spanking with no sex. I love it when P just takes me OTK and spanks and thats it, simply lovely. I so like sex without a spanking :)

    What a lovely family reunion you had PK and the lake visit sounds wonderful.


  10. PK: So how did Nick react to your post? I hope he finally gets the message. You haae a perfect relationship. Now only if he could make it even better with regular maintenance spankings.


  11. ditto...on all of this...it so validates many of my feelings...can I just change your name to mine in the last paragraph and send it to my husband? :-) Hope you get everything you need
    You are both such a lovely couple...

  12. apparently I am half asleep - what I meant to say is change Nick's name to my husbands and send it to him...

  13. Thanks Terps!! I appreciate it and feel free to copy, change the name and send it to your man!

  14. A really great post. I see there is another coming up with Nick's response. I look forward to that. I hope it helped.
    Rosie Dee