Do you want to be Spanked?

Amy thought it would be fun to repost our most viewed post. I got to flip back through eleven years I was anxious to see what had been viewed the most and I was very pleased.  This is one of my favorites and I think it says exactly what I wanted to say. I hope you'll enjoy. Thanks for the idea Amy!

I am fortunate to have many friends that email me. Many of these friends don’t have blogs and are in various stages of introducing spanking into their relationship, some successfully and others not so much. I know from experience that often vanillas just don’t understand and boy do I know that it is hard to explain it to someone you love. It took me over twenty-three years to even get up the nerve to try. It’s been almost two wonderful years now but I still struggle to get him to understand at time.

So I am writing a letter to your men if they haven’t gotten it yet. Now I know we don’t live in a one size fits all world but from all I’ve felt and all I’ve read this will ring true for many of us.

Dear guys,

After years of knowing that she has this need, your wife/girlfriend/lover finally told you she wants to be spanked. I am guessing that at best you were surprised especially if you have been together twenty years or more. You may think it’s a passing whim. You may think it is just a random fantasy that has run through her mind; something best left as a fantasy not something she would like in real life. Plus you love this woman and you have no desire to hurt her. 

Then listen to me (because your wife/girlfriend may be too shy or embarrassed to say it again). This is NOT something that just came up She has probably had this need since childhood. Please trust your lover, if she says she wants to be spanked – SHE DOES! 

Yes, she understands that this sounds strange to you. No, she does not understand why she is this way. Please stop trying to figure out why and just DO IT! If you do I can almost promise you that your sex life will reach heights that you never imagined. Ours did. I went from being fairly cold toward sex to someone will to try anything my husband or I can dream up. 

It’s okay to start slow. I know you aren't sure what she wants. You may even be embarrassed (but not as embarrassed as she was to ask). Start with your hand, a small paddle ball paddle or maybe a paint stirrer. From my experience and those of many of my friends, she will much more likely be wanting ‘longer’ and ‘harder’ spanking rather than asking you to be more gentle. Remember anyone from vanilla to hard core can always enjoy a romantic, erotic spanking. This may be all she wants. 

~o~

But if your wife/lover tells you she wants discipline that’s different. Discipline – that is a trickier subject. You will need to do more talking if this is something she wants. If the need for discipline in her life is ‘her thing’ it’s always going to be there whether you indulge it or not. If you are willing to try this, again – go slow. Pick a few things to work on together. I got my husband hooked by asking him to help me make the changes and choices to become healthier and lose weight.

It was rocky at first. I would mess up and he didn’t want to spank. He wanted to let it go or make excuses for me. I hated that and it hurt my feelings. I didn’t feel cared for or protected and I guess that is what we are looking for. 

Although I know he did not mean to send this message this is the one I heard – 

“Sure I care but not that much. You are a big girl. If you know you need to do something and you chose not to that is your business. But you are on your own because I find all this confusing and you're just not worth the effort.” 

Fellows, I like I said, I know this is not the message you are trying to send to the woman you love. But to the spanko mind this is what comes through. When my husband did start getting it and a couple of times spanked me hard with the hairbrush for over indulging and slacking off on my exercise, I got a whole other message. 

“You are my wife. I love you, I love you way too much to allow you to disregard our agreement on the best way for you to improve your health and put yourself in jeopardy. I care enough about you to put some boundaries and guidelines around you to keep you safe. And yes I will wear you out if necessary to show you just how serious I am about my love for you.” 

Nothing in my life has made me feel more loved, cherished, cared for or happy than for him to show his love for me in this way. 

Alright fellows – I’m talking to you! If your wife or girlfriend handed you this or directed you here she agrees with me. Listen please. She is serious. This is a very important part of her life. She loves you so much or she would never have shared her secret with you. If you love her enough to give it a try she will test you some to see if you will be consistent and take this seriously. It’s all part of the learning together. But it is worth it, I promise you – it’s worth it.

Email if you have questions, I may not have any answers for you but I would still like to hear what you're wondering about. elisspeaks@yahoo.com

I need

Two of my blogs are messed up. Here on New Beginnings my masthead is still there but as you can see here on the right and around the posts is gone – it saying third party hosting, unlock your access to photobucket, blah, blah blah…

On my super lovely Cassie’s Space blog, I lost the amazing masthead that the lovely Ceeci created for me. Fearing this might happen Ceeci sent me a copy of the masthead which I saved on the blog as a draft. Looking back at it now it’s just a tiny little vertical strip. I don’t know why.

I’ve been blogging for more than eleven years now and I’ve learned a thing or two. I tried the first thing I learned – ignore the problem, sometimes it fixes itself. It didn’t work. So, I tried the second thing I learned and I turned the computer off and on again. That didn’t work either and with that I had exhausted my expertise.

Ceeci doesn’t blog anymore and is a very busy business woman, I don’t want to bug her – or continually showing her my ignorance either. Cat, Katie T – any suggestions. If anyone has ideas for me to try, remember whom you are talking with. Type slowly and clearly. I’m not ready to quit and I want them to be pretty again. HELP, PLEASE!

* I have had the pleasure of consulting with two of the brightest women I know. Hopefully all will be well soon. Thanks everyone for the good wishes even if you were as baffled I me.

Ella's Meme

Last week was great. We had our reunion and then on to the lake with family. I'm back and tired. But I didn't want to miss this meme. Thanks, Ella!

1.Name a tender song that can almost make you cry. 

Almost any song if I’m in the mood to cry.

2.  What is your favorite shade of lipstick?  What about nail polish?  If you do not wear lipstick or polish, what do you like or dislike about the shades you see others wear?

I’m pretty much a ‘live and let live’ on this. Most people look fine wearing both. As long as they don’t insist I wear either, we’re good.

Definitely not me!

3.  Name a children's nursery rhyme or song that you loved and to which you remember all the words.

Of course everyone knows ‘You are my Sunshine’ but I still love it and remember Mama and I singing it to one another. I see it’s currently being used in a horror movie and I resent that.

4.  What outfit would you put on in the morning if you wanted to feel happy and well dressed?  Something in which you think you look pretty damn good!

I don’t really have a go to outfit. In the summer, it’s shorts and tee shirt. I’m comfortable and happy. If we’re going out I usually put on something a little nicer.

5.  If you had enough money to buy just one, would it be a cottage by the ocean or a cabin in the mountains?

Definitely the mountains. We’re close to the mountains and we’d use it often. The beach is quite a drive and Nick not wild about the beach for long stretches.

6.  If you are old enough, which one of the Beatles did you have a "thing" for?  If you are not that old, tell us a musician that really did it for you.

No question about this one. George! He is very memorial to me because I had my first sex dream ever about him. I would have thought Paul or John, but it was George who showed up in the dream and I still remember.

7.  Name a smell that you love - could be kitchen, outdoors, person, your choice.

I love smelling the honeysuckle and hyacinth – both smell like spring time.

8.  How often do you defuzz your legs.  Wax, razor, or electric?

I use a razor, but I don’t need to often.

9.  How/why did you choose your blog name? 

That was pretty easy. Nick and I had been more like roommates for a couple of decades, we loved and respected one another, but there was little passion. When I came out to him, twenty-three years into our marriage, everything changed. It was definitely a New Beginning for us. 

10.  What do you like to eat for breakfast?  To drink?  Coffee or tea?

I usually have a sausage biscuit, sometime I throw an egg in. I’ve never liked tea, but I fix a cup of coffee when I head out to start writing for the day.

11.  How many siblings do you have?  Or are you an only child?  Are you the oldest, a middle, or the youngest child?

I have one older sister.

12.  What is your favorite salad dressing?

I like Ranch for dipping – wings, pizza, whatever. But if I’m eating salad, and that’s rarely, I like Thousand Island.

13.  If you could sit next to anyone (alive) on a long plane trip, who would you pick?

I like the simple things in life. I’d probably pick LJ. I get to see Mollie all the time and I only get to see LJ once or twice a year. I do love talking to LJ. I think stars, celebrities in general would intimidate me so I’ll stick with my son.

14.  Have you ever gone shopping just to cheer yourself up?

Not really, shopping’s fine and I often enjoy it. But it’s not my go to for cheering up.

NO 

15.  If there is one thing that can make you lose your temper, what would it be?

I rarely lose my temper. My flashes of temper come when Nick snaps at me for no reason – maybe I’ve misheard him or something and he bites my head off. It’s rare but it flies all over me! And even then, no one knows how angry I am but me.

16.  Tell us about the best photograph you have ever had taken.

It’s one of my mom and Dad kissing about two weeks before she passed away.

17.  Have you ever gone skinny-dipping and where?

 Skinny dipping or chunky dunking, what ever, but yes I have and I LOVE it. Mostly in our pool, but once in a lake. It is a wonderful feeling.

You know last year I went to the beach 

with Sunny, Katie, Terps, Ella and Meredith

this may have been some of us. Then 

again, maybe not.

18.  What do you like on your pizza?  What don't you like on your pizza?

Hamburger and bacon are my favorite and I like most meats. I don’t like Canadian bacon, peppers, or pineapple.