I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, January 19, 2009

You need to know this...



What a mess we have had in blogland these last few day. I have never wanted hard feelings out here and I hope everyone is calming down. But there is one more secret that needs to come out and it’s my secret so it is my place to tell it. Several people found out back in November and with great integrity they chose to discuss it with me privately and let me handle things the way I felt best. To these people I give my thanks. I chose at this time to explain what I did and why. Here is my story…


I have blogged about something I did as a child. Around the age of 9 or 10 I began creating another family in my mind. I can’t begin to describe how detailed this family was. They lived in my mind as true and real as anyone I know. These people have been with me a long time. And I spent countless hours creating them and their world. I knew their story since birth. I knew their likes and dislikes, how they looked, dressed, thought. Just as an author would create characters a book, they each sprang from my head. But also as authors have explained the characters soon began to take over and create their own stories. And you must remember they have had over 40 uninterrupted years in which to do this. One character was my particular favorite. She lived and breathed in my mind – she was everything, everything I wanted to be. I spent my life with these people.


When I found blogs in real life I knew zero about them. I found Bonnie and through her others. I read and read I couldn’t believe what I had found women like myself who understood my desire. I really didn’t know if it was all true or just stuff made up. I knew people used fake names and changed details about themselves and that that was the norm but mostly I was just dying to be a part of it. I was hungry to talk to people whether they were real or not. I knew everything was anonymous.


I wanted to be a part but I had nothing. I couldn’t join in the conversation. I had no stories, I had never been spanked, and I was never planning to tell my husband about my desire. So I was out in the cold looking in. But then it came to me, I didn’t have any stories but she did. She had a life time of stories. It was all anonymous, what could possible be the harm? Wasn’t most of this all make believe anyway? Or so I thought. I gave her permission and my life long friend – Cassie – lived and breathed.


I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea, no hint of an idea of what I was starting. I had no idea friendships, real friendships could come from just writing stories on the internet. I knew I was deceiving people but I never believed that I was, or could, ever hurt anyone with what I was doing. I was writing about a fun loving, interesting women on the internet – how could that hurt anyone.


Soon I learned more about the internet – I learned there were real people out here. And through them I got the courage to come out to my husband and then I was stuck. I wanted to talk and be the real me. So I created New Beginning and Elis/PK and that has been about who I really am.


But I loved Cassie. I may have created her but I love her. I enjoyed being her so much – I had wanted to be her all my life. ALL my life. And I couldn’t stop. I was as addicted to being Cassie as a cocaine addict is to their drug. Every time I tried to stop I was drawn back, I couldn’t quit. I rationalized it. I knew I was deceiving friends – lying to them. But I made it alright in my mind by being sure Cassie was kind and supportive to everyone. I thought – wrongly – that if she was a true supportive friend to all who commented or wrote then it would be okay. It wasn’t okay. It was dead wrong and I can promise you that I feel like the piece of shit I truly am. But one thing I will tell you everything I ever had Cassie say about or to any of her friends was true. If Cassie ever told you she was praying for you – you were prayed for.


Once I decided to let her live I went all the way. In my mind she was totally separate from me. I found out how true that was when Tiggr stopped blogging and disappeared. When I first read that she was leaving blogging my first reaction was ‘Okay, whatever.’ But as Cassie came into my mind I started crying. As Cassie I was devastated at her loss. I think that was the first time I scared myself – was I one person or two? The emotions of my two selves were so different I was frightened.


So I kept up the deception. I talk to my friends as PK and as Cassie. Yes I even talked to my friends about Cassie. I told no one. No one. Not ever the people I loved the most – CeeCi, Grace, Mthc and David and even Eva, the best friend I have ever had in my life. Nick did not know either – my husband who I have finally gotten so close to. But a secret is only a secret if you tell no one. I told no one, and I just let Cassie be as real out here as she was in my head. She had friends who never spoke to PK and she answered all her emails. In each one I tried, through her, to make everyone that ever wrote her feel better. I could say things as Cassie that PK couldn’t say. I am sorry I am rambling I just want you to understand what can’t be understood.


The truth – I have lied to many people, I did not intend to hurt anyone but I have hurt many. I know I will lose friends. What will happen now – I don’t know. I took Cassie private and only allowed a very few in that asked to read the archives.


So often I was just going to get rid of Cassie. Some how, some way but I kept convincing myself that that would hurt people too. This was never meant as deceit, it never started that way and as either person I only tried to be a friend. Maybe no one cares that much about a little spanking blog but some might. I'm just so very sorry.


So now you all know just why I have been so sympathetic to Paul. When I say I understand what he did and why he did it and what he is going through now – I mean it. What will happen to this blog? I don’t really know. I care about everyone who has ever read my words whether as PK or Cassie. I am sorry for the deception.

I knew that putting up the last post and coming to Paul's defense would probably bring all this out. But Paul was worth it. He was worth every bit of it.

For those who have been so supportive since you found out months ago - Grace and Bossman, CeeCi and Mr. Smith, Mthc and David, Paul, Eva and Adam, and of course Nick - your love, loyalty and support mean more to me that I can ever, ever tell you. I love you all.

PK

52 comments:

  1. Well, I am still confused but sort of figuring out some stuff. You know what? Who gives a rat's ass? (pardon my profanity) PK, I don't understand why you would leave or am I confused about this, too?

    This is fantasy land. Sometimes its fun and sometimes its a bummer.

    I'm just rambling. I'm not going to throw any stones.

    PK, you're a treasure here. I've been reading this blog since you began and Eva's as well. I've read Grace for her 5 years, also.

    Anyway - I'm with you, my friend, in spirit.

    Hugs,

    Debbie

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  2. Debbie,
    I was afraid and holding my breath until my first comment. God bless you!! This means so much to me.

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  3. So I've read around here and kind of got a little bit of what this is all about, sort of.....

    Seems like everyone needs to take a little step back and breathe. I'm worried Eva will have a stroke if she's not careful!

    Anyway.....love ya,

    Debbie :) (I forgot the smile on the last comment)

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  4. PK, I'm not mad at you. But I would like to have you email me if you don't mind. I don't seem to have your email in my contact history, it's not on your profile, and there doesn't seem to be a seach feature on your blog anymore. Please email me at nicksbrat454@gmail.com.

    Thanks!

    Tracy

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  5. hey there triplet..i'm here..it's all good..and that friggin'little bouncy blogger that keeps taking jabs..will her time has come,you see..i know some things too..

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  6. PK,

    I found out this morning that you were Cassie and it felt like a kick in the gut. It surely started my day off on the wrong foot and played a huge role in my anger at everything said here.

    That said, I loved "Cassie." I always told Tiggs that she was quite a character. Little did I know how right I was, lol.

    I spent a lot of tie worrying about her and trying to think of ways to help her, but nowhere near as much as many others.

    She was a great old "broad." (Not the best eulogy, I realize, lol.)

    Like I said about Paul, this was something that started out innocently and ballooned. I'd throw out the old Sir Walter Scott line about "Oh what a tangled web we weave" except I used to scream when my mother threw it at me, and we all know the gist ...

    Unfortunately, Cassie's "demise" did hurt, but I for one loved her dearly, and still do. Anyone who can be that wonderful,even while playing a role, has to have a tremendous heart to begin with. Just like I believe about Paul.

    And, despite my anger over the defense of Paul turning into more pain for a 'real" woman I love, I have first-hand knowledge of how wonderful the woman behind the "Cassie" character is.

    It took real courage for you to come forward and I am glad you did, but if you give up this blog because of this then you will REALLY tick me off. ;)

    I do have one request though ...

    Could you start Cassie's blog back up? Just use the description to say she is a "fictional" character. Who doesn't love a great novel? The fact that we all know it isn't real doesn't stop us from suspending believe and getting sucked up in it all.

    Besides, now that I know Tom isn't real, maybe I can have him bumped off so maybe Cassie will someday agree to run away with me. :)

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  7. Twin~ As you know I'm here with you all the way. Always have been, always will be and for the first time today Dante said something I agree whole heartedly with... Bring her back!! We love her.. fictional or not.

    Big big big hugs....

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  8. I agree with Eva - I was very sad when Cassie's Space went private, but I didn't have an email address to request an invitation.

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  9. Belle5:38 PM

    PK, I'm a longtime lurker but a very rare commenter. I read Cassie's Space occasionally, but frankly, it didn't resonate with me as much as this blog did. I just want to say that everyone can relate to the idea of wanting to be someone we're not. I don't think there's any shame in that. I agree with Debbie that the internet is fantasy land. I've enjoyed this blog for years and will continue to do so for as long as you want to write.

    Regarding Paul, I'll repeat what I just wrote to your twin. Even though I almost never comment on blogs, I read a fairly large number of spanking-related blogs, and I have always enjoyed Paul's comments and felt his compassion through those. That feeling isn't at all diminished now. His comments, like your blog and others, have meant a lot to this lurker.

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  10. Hi Pk:
    I was only "Blogging" for a short while before Cassie's Place went private, and I was very sad to see Cassie go. Actually at the time I did not even have my blog, I was just commenting on blogs. When Cassie's Blog went private, I was so bereft, that I decided to start my own blog. So in a way you did me a favor, because here I am now a SPANKO!!!!! I did not have an interactive relationship with Cassie, but I enjoyed reading all of the escapades. And if truth be told and I hope I don't hurt your feelings, but there was something "unreal" about the blog for me. I don't say that as a negative thing at all. It just sort of felt like a fantasy blog, but I didn't care, I really enjoyed you. You are an incredibly creative woman PK and I certainly admire your creativity and the strength it takes to come out and speak your truth and be vulnerable.
    You have been incredilby kind here to many many people including myself, and I appreciate your kindness.
    Your Good Friend
    Andrades Girl
    btw...not my real name LOL
    and that was a beautiful comment by Dante.

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  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  12. Just me again...I would love to see Cassie's Place again, no pressure to do so just my opinion, and I bet I am not the only one besides Dante.
    HUGS
    AG

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  13. LOL.

    Are you "insinuating" that we haven't seen eye to eye today, Eva?

    I think we should both just say we were role playing so neither of us looks too bad. :)

    As quickly as I get over things, I sometimes feel as if I really was role playing in those rare and extremely brief periods where I get angry (which usually only happens any more when I am trying to defend someone I care about - and that would have been the case as well had I felt you or PK or those wonderful Dutch ladies I so love had been unfairly ganged up on).

    This is one of those times. I shot off my mouth and the anger vanished and all is well. Obviously, others might not feel the same, and if anyone seeks my head, I will deal with that as it happens.

    I am totally out of the loop and have no earthly idea what has come between some of you and Tiggs. That is not an understatement in any way. I don't read the blogs (except for Kali's) and never ask questions. This is one of the rare occasions where my wife told me something was up and I finally got curious enough to read a few things.

    I knew my wife was hurting and all I cared about was trying to help end it. Did I do it in the manor I should have?

    You can stop laughing now ... it was rhetorical ...

    I could have handled it much better, and without leaving a trail of blood, but after two straight weeks without a decent night's sleep, a long drawn out process was as appealing to me as an acid enema. It would have taken days just to get up to speed.

    Instead I decided to redirect any animosity off the woman i wanted to protect and get it directed towards me.

    You'll have to admit it worked like a charm, lol.

    Maybe now you can all hate me so everyone else can be friends again. (You all were so great together at one time.)

    If Cassie was here, she would send me an email telling me that I acted exactly as Tom would have had he believed she was being ganged up upon. And that would have made everything all right.

    I sure hope she does come back. I miss her.

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  14. PK, Hugs!!!! Please don't quit blogging. You are loved by so many.

    Jean

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  15. Anonymous7:19 PM

    PK,
    I have read your blog for quite awhile and never really commented. But, I enjoy it tremendously. I also read "Cassie's" blog for a LONG time. I loved it! I am totally shocked, but I have no hard feelings. I was actually so sad when it went private. I didn't know how to e-mail to join the group. I was just at a lost. Thanks for the explanation and again, I really have enjoyed both blogs.. I wish you the very best and hope you will stay put.
    :) Kyleigh

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  16. PK,
    I think you are brilliant! I was disappointed to be shut out of Cassie's Space and wished I had taken the time to read the archives when I had the chance. Really, I think your two different blogs are terrific!
    Maryann

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  17. I'm sorry ok. I never should have said any thing, i was hurt and i talked. You can all keep your secrets. PK I heard about you and cassie.
    I never wanted to cause anyone this kind of hurt.
    Idid'nt mean too, i'm sorry.
    please no more, my real name is or I should have told you this. please.

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  18. Pk,

    I have not been around for as long as some of your friends but I think you showed great strength and bravery to share what you did. All though it was no ones business really. You could have just let Cassie stay private and most people would not have been the wiser.

    I must say though I loved Cassies Blog and hope one day it returns. I would love to see what happens with Cassie and Tom and who can forget Willow even if it is just fictional.

    Don't give up blogging. You have a wonderful talent for writing and hope you don't stop. There are many people who care for you. I am not sure exactly all of what is going on but either way I am sending you huge HUGS.
    YaYa

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  19. Anonymous9:44 PM

    OMG! You have no idea how much I have missed 'Cassie, please, please bring her back. I don't care that she was fictional....she was absolutely fabulous, and caring, and funny, and I could go on & on. I think you are quite amazing for admitting your 'lie', it takes great character to tell the truth and accept the consequences and you have...brava.

    It's just too bad other bloggers could not have acted in a more adult manner & kept things 'private' as they claim they really intended to do in the first place...I have much more respect for you & no respect for the others...every dog has their day & they will get their turn too.

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  20. I sent you an email...but just wanted to send you hugs! :-)

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  21. What a surprise---you are even more talented than I already thought you were. I never would have guessed that you were/are Cassie. I totally see how she really is a part of you.

    Don't stop blogging, and do please think about bringing Cassie back---I always enjoyed that blog too!

    Hugs,
    Kallisto

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  22. As I drove home tonight, I was thinking about all the stuff that has been happening in our itty-bitty, incredibly tiny, speck of an online community for the past 48 hours... and it's this::

    I think our community has been more real with itself than it has been in a very, very long time. Yeah, feelings have been hurt. Some really rude stuff has been said, but you know what... it's all valid, it's all good, it's people who care deeply about each other saying what is in their hearts, and on their minds. They're not saying what they think has to be said just to fit in.

    I kept thinking about strength and the knowledge that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. It is my deepest hope that everything that has happened will only serve to make us stronger. We deserve nothing less.

    So, Paul. and PK/Cassie I want both to know how much you mean to me. You have both been here when I've needed you. You've been rocks to cling to when the sea has tried to sweep me away. Your constant love, your faith, and your presence has buoyed me when I thought there were no solutions. You are both incredible people, and I'm honored to know you, to call you my friend, and to be called friend by you. I love you both!

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  23. ohhhhhhhhhh PK... like all the others I really did miss Cassie... a whole damn lot... I did not understand were she went and why she went.. and I must say.. I've even asked Mthc and David and to their credit they did not say a thing...

    you've created someone I really do like... and I am afraid now you are not gonna get rid of me anymore...

    just let her show her loving face every now and again...

    I've been afraid that Tom was upset with the comments and that I had said something that would offend him... I know I can be a bit of a rebel... grinnnnnnn..

    but anyway... a big hug and I am so happy to know that nothing is really wrong...

    a big hug to you and an enormous cuddle to Cassie..

    lessa

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  24. PK,
    Most importantly, don't stop blogging and don't be ashamed. You needed Cassie to work through your feelings about TTWD. Not only did Cassie help you, but she helped a lot of people feel "normal." After all, if an old lady does it, why can't we?

    Your imagination is amazing! I think it's time to direct some of that creative energy into commercial writing. Instead of Dear Abby, it's Dear Cassie... Maybe Memoirs of an Old Fashioned Marriage? :-)

    It's all good and f*** 'em if they can't take a joke!
    -Jess

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  25. Like so many others, I too was surprised when Cassie seemed to just suddenly disappear, and yes, missed her. I didn't comment on her/your blog often, but I did often visit and read.

    It was always fun, always gentle, and always welcoming.

    I'm not sure why, but knowing you and Cassie are the same person makes me feel easier about commenting here too....like you are someone that, in part at least, I already know.

    I know how hard this must have been but, like I said to lessa yesterday, what's today's headlines usually becomes tomorrows wrappings. Well done you!!

    love and hugs xxx

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  26. I don't know the background on everything being talked about but please, please, please don't leave! I think what's in our imagination can be just as real as something we can physically touch. I'm a big reader and one thing that I get out of reading is learning how to deal with life. I certainly don't think all the stories I've read are "true" but that doesn't lessen their influence or usefulness. Anyway, I think you're terrific! Take care.

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  27. Cassie's stories were ok. I liked them.
    It's not OK however when contacts become more on a personel level like with Sara's friend to continue without telling who you really are, obvious without going into details. When someone askes your advice about DD you can't give him the impression that you are in your sixties and experienced in DD when matter of fact you're no more than a novice.
    Concerning Paul, maybe he can tell us why he made up the fantasy of his beloved Mell. To know is to understand, isn't it ?

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  28. Dear PK, I have just read this. I am glad you decided to tell us all It must have been extremely hard, took a lot of courage. Thank you.

    Before I started my blog I loved reading Cassie's space and her life with Tom even though I always thought she was how can I say - to good to be true something not quite real about her but so what, I enjoyed reading. I missed her when she left, after Bonnie she was the next blog I found, yes I was a lurker never commented.
    You created a loving, lovely women and in a way glad if was you writing. I agree with the others why not bring her back.

    No need to go anywhere PK just keep writing. You have been very kind to me and others and were with you.

    Love & hugs PK.
    Ronnie
    xx

    PS - I never thought you and Eva were twins.

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  29. Please do not stop blogging

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  30. PK,

    I agree with Ronnie. It took a whole lot of courage to come out and say what you just did. Maybe you didn't have to, and we all would have wondered about Cassie for a while (just like we did when Ceeci went private) then would have moved along.

    But you chose to out yourself, and that was very brave. Whether you bring Cassie back or not is up to you. But please stay here as PK.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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  31. PK, you've always been a treasure here, and this confession in public was not at all what I would have expected, to your credit. I know how hard this was, and is, for you, really I do.

    Indeed I am indebted to you in so many ways, for so many things. But most important of all, for bringing Cassie, my cyber-mom, into my life for a time.

    As to everything that's gone on these past few days, I am truly, deeply sorrier than anyone here will ever know.

    Lots of people have been hurt and this hasn't been about anyone being made to look bad, or about me trying to somehow look good.

    I have plenty of faults and have probably aired nearly all of them loudly on my own blog at different times. And I meant it when I said that I was ready to move past all of this, and by "move past," I don't mean that I will let it all sit in my head and fester.

    This is NOT how I would have seen things working out, all the way around, not at all... and I truly have mixed feelings about it.

    But, I do believe the housecleaning has been done all around and, if we all allow it and just let it flow out of our hands into the wind, we can all move past this with a fresher, more honest, more complete perspective.

    In case no one knows, I HATE confrontation more than anything else and I am just relieved that this is all over with. Time to move on, for Paul, for Jay, for you, for Cassie, for all of us!!!!

    And maybe, if we are very, very lucky, this non-confrontational confrontation will have been a plus and not a minus in all our lives, at least in some respect.

    Tiggs

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  32. I have so much I want to say to each and every person who commented. And everyone who read here. I will answer my commnents but it may take a few days. Please check back.

    Once again I am blown away with the people I know here.

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  33. Hi PK:
    It's just me again. Just wanted to tell you again how much I admire you. And to remind those of you who thought she was giving professional advice or any advice at all, that Cassie did not hang out a Shingle! If someone actually needs serious advice than they need to see a professional. Cassie and PK never portrayed themselves as professional therapists. And asking for advice for a dd relationship is not any more or less important than advice for any human relationship, ALL of our relationships are important. I have read many blogs here in my short time here in blogging land many of the things I have read in all of your lovely posts has been very helpful for me regardless of what your name is, how old you are, what your sexual orientation is, married, widowed or whatever. (for instance if I found out that Bonnie was a 75 year old man, it wouldn't matter to me, her articles and tutorials on her blog were very interesting and educational)If I need professional or serious advice than I seek it in other places. In a perfect world we could all be 100 percent honest. I certainly strive for that in my life, and I am sure I have fallen far short from it many times. Perhaps in PKs coming forward she is helping other people to let go of what is "untrue" or "unreal" in their lives. Maybe we are all reassessing a bit of what is important about us and in our relationships and our lives. I think that is a wonderful and healing thing to do. I realize that those of you that believed in "Cassie" may be hurt, but let's please find a place for forgiveness and peace also. Because with forgivness we bring the peace and healing into our OWN lives that we all need so desparately.
    Hugs to PK and to you all
    Andrades

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  34. PK, this was a very brave thing to do, and a gesture that I truly appreciate.
    I was one of those who discovered who Cassie was, and believe me I miss my baby sister.
    But A) I love PK she is a good friend and B) she had neither defrauded anyone or indeed hurt them, yes feelings were hurt, most of us love that couple.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

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  35. Tracy,
    Thank you I appreciate the emails we exchange and I really do look forward to getting to know you better.

    Mthc,
    All I can say is that you are my friend, I love you and would trust you with my life.

    Dante,
    Thank you for your thoughts.

    Eva,
    I know you are with me. It is what has gotten me through all this. I want to open Cassie’s site again and I probably will – with the appropriate disclaimers.

    Belle,
    Thank you for taking the time to comment. I hope you are right that many understand the need to explore hidden parts of yourself and what you want to be. Please don’t be a stranger.

    AG,
    I am just happy you read Cassie and I am very happy it led you to create your own blog. It is a great blog and I am glad you are exploring your writing talents. Let’s both keep trying.

    Tig,
    Thank you.

    Jean,
    You’re great. Thanks for saying that. I am going to stay if I can.

    Kyleigh,
    I am so happy to have your comment. Honestly the thing that hurt most during the last two months was knowing I had hurt people by shutting them out. I know how much I would have been hurt in my first few weeks and months here if Bonnie or some of the others had gone private and shut the door in my face. Doing that to other nearly killed me.

    Maryann,
    I thank you. I liked my writing there but I sure wish I had gone about it in a different way.

    Jay,
    I hope you are doing well. We all have to do what we think is best at the time we are doing them. I made a big mistake by lying. You were not wrong confiding in someone you see as a friend.

    Yaya,
    I can’t say bravery too many people already knew and I felt I should be the one to tell it. Some times you are only brave when you have no choice. But I am glad we have become closer from all of this.

    Anon,
    Check what I just said to YaYa about bravery but thank you so very much. There are a few folks that I know are very disappointed I was not run out of blogland on a rail or perhaps tarred and feathered. But very few and no one that has commented here. Your support means a lot to me.

    Terps,
    You are a joy!

    Kallisto,
    Thank you for saying all that. I really didn’t know how everyone was going to feel and the acceptance has been overwhelming.

    CeeCi,
    Knowing I had kept your friendship and being able to email you during the day yesterday was wonderful. I hope people don’t see all this support and think for a minute that I have forgotten what I did or forgotten that I hurt people. I am just so grateful for the Grace Eva talked about and that I am receiving.

    Lessa,
    Cassie really enjoyed your comments. If I open her back up I don’t know that anyone will comment but time will tell. Thank you for accepting me whoever I am.

    Jess,
    You are so cool! She was a part of me. It has taken me a while to realize that but she is. So I guess maybe that means I can write her.

    M:e,
    I am glad you read both places and I am glad you feel more comfortable here now. Please come back often.

    Thank you Pmduo,
    I don’t want to go and the support you and everyone is giving me – well I really can’t tell you all what that means.

    John,
    You are absolute right. Becoming email friends with real folks was my biggest mistake. Although they were befriended by a real person it was not the person they thought they were talking to. That is my biggest regret and I have apologized to most of these people personally – some by phone. I don’t know that I can do more.

    Ronnie,
    Cassie was such fun I think even everyone that thought she was real probably thought not everything she said happened exactly as she was reporting it. Thank you for your friendship. I plan to stay around.

    Thanks catme,
    I hope to stay.

    Hermione,
    I will have to tell you I am amazed at how supportive the comments have been. Thanks for taking the time to say this.

    Tiggr,
    I hope you are right and that it is all over.

    AG,
    I truly thank you for this!! Cassie was never set up as a good roll model for a DD wife. Quite the contrary she often said she was a bad wife and was glad Tom put up with her. I tried to show flaw and I think I did!
    Certainly as PK I have told everyone from the beginning I had no idea what I was doing other than learning along with everyone else. Thank you for everything you have said.

    Paul,
    I will never forget your kindness to me when I was in exactly the same place you have found yourself in the past few days. The love and forgiveness you showed was unbelievable. I don’t even understand the reasons behind all I did but I think you and I do understand each other flaws and all. I do not plan to lose contact with you!

    If I left anyone out I didn't mean to. I think I got everyone. For all of these comments and for the wonderful emails I have received I thank everyone.

    PK

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  36. I cannot believe this! I am furious. Cassie went private and I was not invited? So who's idea was that, your's PK? Or Cassie's? Oh yeah you're the same. Ok so invite me and I'll forgive you.

    But there is one more thing. You deserve 50 lashes with a wet noodle. Oh yeah I forgot you want real spankings. OK then 50 lashes with a raw noodle! No worries PK. You'll always be my friend!

    Huggs!
    Theresa

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  37. I've linked to "Cassie's blog" a couple of times. Read a few times, and honestly wondered if this woman's life was real. I honestly I didn't care still don't. I write for a living, technical writer, I am not creative, not a story teller. If someone has the energy and creativeness to create a blog then more power to them. Even more amazing for 2 blogs.

    I stopped reading's Cassie's blog quite awhile ago, I only read about 2 or 3 blogs other than New Beginnings on a regular basis.

    Please continue your blog.

    As for Paul, I only knew him through a couple of posts. Making up a dead wife could be a coping skill for someone lonely, but leaving themselves open to a new relationship. If that is what a person needs to do to get by then that is what they do. I don't understand people being hurt, though, did they know 'Paul's wife'?, no, do they miss talking to 'her', no couldn't be that either. Send him gifts in her memory, I don't know. Don't understand how or why someone could be mad about it.

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  38. Theresa,
    You snooze you lose out here. That site will be opening soon. You can get on then. Thanks for coming by.

    Kari,
    Thank you for coming by. I never knew I could write until I started putting down the 'day dreams' that had played through my mind for so many years. I am not proud of the way I did it but I am proud of the writing at both sites.

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  39. Hey, PK, please don't stop blogging. Even though I can rarely come on here anymore, I still want to hear about you and your real life. I always thought Cassie was too perfect to be true. I thought she made up most of her stories, but she was such a warm friendly old lady that I'm sure she helped many people find some comfort in relating to her. So now we know she's a younger woman with an overactive imagination - no big deal in my book. Please tell Paul that I wish he'd had a Mel and I don't think any less of him for playing out that fantasy. I don't know about anything else going on here except what I've just read here - I'm working 4 jobs as D got laid off in December and I have no time to read elsewhere or even post on my blog. Thanks for emailing to let me know as I do want to keep in touch!

    Huggs,
    Reesa

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  40. PK,

    I've never read Cassie, so I can't comment about your alter ego. But I'm glad you found the confidence to write as yourself, and I admire your courage in writing this post.

    All the best,
    Indy

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  41. PK... I will be coming back here now to.. but if Cassie opens up again... I am gonna pop a bottle of champagne... I will be very very happy if she's back...

    hugs, lessa

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  42. My dear PK,
    Stop feeling like "shit". There is no need to. I love your blog and you have been a very good friend when we have exchanged emails. Cassie did not hurt anyone, your alter ego was simply a way of expressing what you couldn't express as yourself. For many years after being abused I disassociated under difficult conditions. I used to think of it as a protective mind vacation and I still do although it is no longer anything I need.
    So you needed a way into this world. I did too, only it took me forever to find it. I admire you for owning up but I don't think you did anything vile. Let go of the guilt, you are a terrific lady.
    Hugs,
    Purple Angel

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  43. PK,

    I just posted my thoughts. My take is a little different than most here, but I hope you will find it fair and sensitive.

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

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  44. PS - I'm not a 75 year old man.

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  45. Reesa,
    Thanks for your thoughts. Maybe I do have more imagination than anyone needs. I miss you out here, but if you are working 4 jobs I can see that you wouldn’t have time. I do consider you a friend though to I will keep checking in.

    Thanks Indy,
    It has been an interesting 3 days. But it feels good that I no longer feel I am hiding something from good friends.

    Lessa!
    I love you! Ice that champagne, she is coming back.

    Purple,
    I ran into a little trouble with Nick for referring to myself as a ‘piece of s**t. Won’t make that mistake again!! All these wonderful comments I am letting go of the guilt. Thank you.

    Bonnie,
    You always manage to say the right thing. I am happy you are not a 75year old man. And I imagine Randy it thrilled!!

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  46. Dear PK, this was a revelation for sure but it doesn't truly bother me in the least. I knew Cassie only a little but I will say that she was instrumental in helping me to 'come out' to my husband when I did. No wonder you suggested the letters, just as Cassie did...smiles. No, it didn't work out for me as it did for Cassie and that is, I suppose, the difference between fantasy and reality.

    Anyway, keep blogging as you see fit. I will still come by to read.

    I will say this. Cassie has a simply beautiful looking blog. It resonates such peace.

    Hugs
    Mina

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  47. Thank you Mina,
    I think it was the most beautiful site I have ever seen too. CeeCi really out did herself on that one. Thanks for coming by.

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  48. I think what you did was wrong, but everyone makes mistakes, and no one is perfect, and it takes a lot of courage to tell the truth,like you did. I don't know you, but I really don't think you meant to hurt anyone anyway take care.

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  49. Lil Miss Naughty,
    I appreciate you coming by.

    PK

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  50. Anonymous7:27 PM

    Ok so I'm slow....just now finding this out. Cassie's Space was my favorite sight to go to. So I'm a bit surprised, but not hurt. You know what's funny.....I would go to her sight first, and then directly to yours.

    Ok though seriously, the stories "she" wrote......The casino, Sue and Steve, the time Tom put Ben Gay on her freshly spanked bottom before she put the girdle on for the wedding! We need to see more stories like that in Fantasy Friday!!!!! You are a terrific storyteller! We don't have to miss that!

    Take care,

    KJ

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  51. KJ,
    That's for leaving this comment. Whenever I see another comment has been posted her I always get a feeling in the pit of my stomach fearing I am going to get blasted. It is a relief when someone nice comments.

    I am so happy that you liked Cassie's stories. They are the writing I am the most proud of. I did reopen the site and I hope to post more there. Maybe in the summer I will have more time. Please comment anytime you like!

    Hugs,
    PK

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