I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too. We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko. I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us. You must be 18 to view this site.
I’m here. It’s been a busy week getting Mollie moved and
somewhat settled. Nick has done the most, putting up shelves, putting in a
waterline to the frig, adding a little foam insulation here and there. I spent
yesterday folding and hanging up clothes – heck, I rarely do that at my house.
But you know we’ll do things for our kids we won’t do for ourselves.
I am doing one thing for myself, thought I can’t say I’m loving
it yet. Last week the weather was so perfect, mid-70’s with extremely low
humidity, that even I craved being
outside. I’m usually more of a stay inside and look through the window kinda
girl. I decided to do some walking. We have some great places to walk in our
town and I do a lot of writing when I walk so I really enjoyed those beautiful
I live in the south so low humidity is nearly as rare as
snow and it didn’t last. It’s hot and becoming more humid now and would you
believe I’ve been getting up and walking in the early morning? Me! I don’t know
if you’re stunned, but I am. I walked 3.03 miles yesterday morning – my usual
idea of a walk is from my car to the door. I don’t know if I’ll keep it up. I’m
not good at that kind of commitment, but I’m enjoying it for the moment. Here are a few pictures I’ve taken on my strolls - as you look at these imagine the sweet scent of honeysuckle all around you. I think it's this lovely scent that is what is really drawing me to get out and walk.
And then I come home to the flowers the boys sent me for Mother's Day!
A one word meme - do you know what that does to a former teacher and current writer? I like to talk, write, explain, expand. I guess this was a good exercise for me. Shame on Terps for making me exercise. But here goes.
is your phone? Here
2. Your hair? Gray 3. Your Dad? Gone 4. Your other
half? Quiet 5. Your favorite
food? Chicken 6. Your dream
last night? None 7. Your favorite
drink? Sundrop 8. Fear? Several 9. Favorite
shoes? Comfortable 10. Favorite way to
relax? Reading 11. Your mood? Fine 12. I love? Family 13. Where were you
last night? Home 14. Something that you
aren't? Thin 15. Muffins? Sure 16. Wish list item? Health 17. Where you grew up? Here 18. Last thing you
did? Wrote 19. What are you
wearing right now? Shorts 20. Something you
hate? Promoting 21. Your pets? Cats 22. Friends? Best 23. Life? Great 24. Regrets? Few 25. Missing someone? Yes Finally - I can use more words! I guess we're spending this weekend moving Mollie to the new house. I can't do much of the heavy moving so I guess I get to clean the apartment - what fun. But if it help her get her deposit back I guess I can do it. At least I can use all the words I want.
My husband loves me. He loves me. We love each other. We don’t
do everything together – we don’t have too many interest in common. We like
time to ourselves. We don’t argue, we’re both laid back. If a question come up
or there is a decision to be made, we discuss it and if either of us has a
strong opinion about it they will have the deciding vote. We’re comfortable
with one another. We can talk or be silent with one another. We have everything
we need and most of what we want.
Nick was even willing to try
what must have seemed like a strange request I made about eleven years ago.
Spanking was never on his radar. First off you don’t hit women. Second, this
was modern times. Men weren’t necessarily the ‘boss’ of the home. Marriage was
a 50/50 proposal. After all we’d lived this way for twenty-three years before I
suddenly sprang TTWD on him.
He tried, he’s always been
willing and that counts for so much, but he is not a spanko and as hard as he’s
tried he’ll never be one. After all this is my fantasy, not his. At some point
I realized I’d have to give up the fantasy to embrace the reality of the
wonderful man I have.
Just as I found out I wasn’t
the only spanko in this world when I found the blogs, I know I can’t be the
only one out here whose husband is happy with the 50/50 and has no desire to take
on the leadership role many of us fantasied about growing up.
Rules and consistency aren’t
important to Nick. I don’t expect spanking to stop in our marriage, but it will
always be a game. I have no doubt he’s serious about me getting a handle on my
health issues but we’re not going to achieve that through DD.
This might be why I don’t
read out here as much as I did at one time. When I began blogging I looked
everywhere for new blogs on my ‘topic’ and through that searching I found good
blogs to read and in many case I found friends, good friends, real friends, I
believe friends I’ll have for the rest of my life.
I enjoyed reading about
their spankings, the reasons – be they fun or serious always intrigued me. I
enjoyed being able to discuss the ideas that go with spanking, domestic
discipline, TTWD – whatever you want to call it, in depth with other women who
craved this as much as I did.
But recently I read two posts that made me think, Baker’sPost first, and then Meredith’s post. I didn’t comment on either. The way I felt
reminded me of how I felt when I was trying to get pregnant, with no success,
and I’d hear that another friend was pregnant – I was truly and sincerely happy
for them, but I just couldn’t comment. The joy I felt for them was too sharp a
contrast for the loss I felt for myself. They had something I wanted and I couldn't have it. And I just couldn't come up with anything to say.
After I read Baker and
Meredith I started answering some of the questions myself, but I stopped after three.
did my husband become a spanko?
He never did and I know it won’t happen. It’s the same as if he desperately
wanted me to change my eye color. As much as I love him, and as much as I’d
want to do it for him – I can’t.
did this go from something I wanted to something we both crave?
It never did. He enjoys the game and the closeness it’s brought us, as
do I. But he’ll never crave the lifestyle as I do.
did we slip into our roles of a traditional husband and wife?
Again, we never did. We’re equal and we’re happy with one another. But
I do my thing and he does his. You can’t give submission to someone who doesn’t
I realize parts of this post sound like a real downer – but I’m not
down. I have a wonderful marriage with the best man I know. He is the best
thing that ever happened to me and I love him. I’m sure we’ll still play and I
know I’ll enjoy it and I’ll still blog about it. But for my sanity and happiness I have to realize that it’s
play and not reality and not let myself get upset when the game falls by the wayside.
have not been wasting my retirement doing things like cleaning and going to the
gym – I’ve been writing! Becoming Family
is the second in the Cal’s Law series, but like all my books it can be read as
a stand-alone. I really enjoyed writing this book, and I felt I got to know
both characters so much better.
overwhelming odds, Jenny and Cal are together and happy. Their love is strong,
but before they can become family Jenny needs to learn what that word means. Jenny has no background in the real meaning of "family" but
when Cal wants her to meet his and get to know hers, she knows the time has
come. The difference in the two families is wide and jarring. Jenny has a lot
to learn, but then so does Cal. When he meets her family, he discovers that the
word family doesn't always mean the same thing to all people.
Jenny’s mother has planned a future for her
daughter that does not include someone as ordinary as Cal Bennet. What could this small-town hick with no
money and no connections do for her? How far will her mother go to see that
Jenny accepts a life of high society and prestige? Will these two lovers come
to an understanding of what their family will look like? Blushing Books Amazon I hope you’ll read Becoming Family and I hope
you like it. Now for those of you wondering about Cassie, fear not! She is
still around and still talking to me and I’m nearly finished with the first
draft of the next book. I told you I wouldn’t waste retirement!