Discussing spanking with a vanilla

I got the most interesting email the other day. It was from Eddie, my first principal. This was the man who gave me my first job as a teacher, so he’s always held a soft place in my heart. Before he hired me he was the teacher of our adult Sunday school class so over the years I feel we got to know each other well. 

Since I advertise my books on my real Facebook, I’ve pretty much outed myself to everyone I know. I’m old enough to write about whatever I want to and I no longer find any reason to be embarrasses. 

 

This was the email I got from my old principal and former Sunday school teacher.

 

 

PK, I read your book Suspicions on the River and I enjoyed the story plot, however as before, the spanking used by men to control their wives is something I have a hard time with. I grew up with four sisters and a wonderful mother and I just can’t accept a man controlling a woman’s life in the manner that your books do. I think you are a wonderful writer, but I do not get pleasure from reading this type of control by a man. I’m sure many of your readers do so I hope you are very successful in your present and future writings. Just wanted to give you an honest opinion.

 

Hey Eddie, I truly do appreciate it. I understand exactly what you’re saying and for the vast majority of women you are correct. But after blogging for sixteen years, I know there is a strong group of women who find this type of consensual relationship loving, protective and satisfying. On the blogs we are definitely not recruiting, merely giving an understanding and accepting place for those that have always felt strange for having this desire. I’ve always wanted to go on Oprah or somewhere and explain it to others. Thank you so much for reading some of these books AND for giving me your honest thoughts. People that don’t like the spanking parts usually won’t tell me and those who are intrigued by it really won’t tell me! May I send you a rant I put on my blog years ago? Let me know. I loved hearing from you.

 

I did send him the rant that I reposted here a few weeks back. We had another exchange the next day. I’ll put that up tomorrow.

How we partied

We had a great trip and I’m so happy to be home! The birthday/ retirement party was planned by my cousin’s daughter and she did such a good job. We – the seven of us that came from many states away – were all in the kitchen. When we walked out one at the time, my cousin-in-law burst into tears. She just seemed totally overwhelmed that we had all come so far for her. That made us all feel good.

 

The next day their daughter had something ‘special’ planned for us. What do you think…

 

It’s not something I’d have thought of, but we had such fun. And we found out we are all fantastic painters!

 

We had lunch together and then dinner was catered, BBQ and towers of desserts and we all filled out cards to tell them both the best parts of retirement – boy, I could have written another book to tell them all the good parts! 

 

I can’t say our partying was wild but we all really did have a good time.

I'm outta here...

For a few days. After staying where I belong for the past two years we are heading off to par-tay in the big wild city of Cincinnati, Ohio. It’s not my dream vacation destination but there are people there I want to see. My cousin and his wife are having some big life events and their daughter planned a large family surprise party for them. Now the mom found out about the festivities fairly quickly, but she doesn’t know that several family members are coming from NC.

As much as I like to be around family normally I’d say that was too far to drive for a party. But I quickly realized that this family has driven here for the family reunion at our home every year for the past thirty-four years. Even with high gas prices I don’t think this trip would even come close to evening things up.

Their kid has worked hard on this. She’s hosting a dinner at her home Friday night, a painting brunch for Saturday morning (I have no idea what this entails) and then dinner at a nice restaurant Saturday evening. My sister is riding up with us while other cousins are flying in. Are we a wild bunch or what?

While I’m off attending who-knows-what kind of parties with my cousins in their sixties and seventies, you all hold down blogland. And I’ll be back soon to tell you of my wild adventures!

*Pictures may not accurately portray the parties we'll be attending. But one can hope.

I didn't want to be mom then

I love being a mom, but there are times I don’t want to be Mom. And that happened yesterday. It was better when if one of the kids was hurt, a snuggle and a kiss on whatever boo boo they had would solve all problems. I got a call from LJ yesterday morning. I knew something was up. He calls every week, but always on Sunday afternoons. He was calling with a pet question. Yes, I was a veterinary technician in the past, but they don’t seem to realize that that was nearly forty years ago.

His cat, Easter, is very old, very thin, eats very little and recently he said she has stopped eating at all and begun throwing up. He said that she seemed disoriented and wasn’t able to walk well. He said that her last trip to the vet was so traumatic for her that he had promised himself he would never put her through it again. But he wanted my advice – what should he do?

Ugg – I didn’t want to be mom right then. I did know from my vet days that it was probably liver failure and that at the age of fifteen or so, nothing the vet could do would really make her feel good again. And as much as he loved this cat he had gotten when he was in college and had lived with in NY for all his time there, the time had probably come.

He knew that and he was resigned to it. I think he just wanted his mom to tell him it was the right decision. In the city, you call someone to your home to do this for you. Less fear and drama for the pet – just as hard on the owner. But he had it done last night and then texted me to let me know she was gone and that he and Collin were alright and he said he loved me. It’s really hard to live a long way from your kids when you know they need that hug as much as you want to give it.

In case you need more...

While I'm talking about books and reading and all, I wanted to give another plug to a fellow writer and good friend of mine, Donna Steele. I've been reading Donna forever and she is a fantastic writer! If only I could get her to add a little spanking into her books they would be perfect. I've posted about some of her work before.

She writes in several genres. She really like science fiction - which is not my cup of tea. But she does make it work. Nothing's too far out there. She makes it all believable. I've read all three of these books and they're great. If you enjoy a good story, try these! I'll let Donna introduce her work.

Depending on where you live, pick the picture that feels right!

or

I’m very excited about my new series – Unknown Tasks. Brandy knows things and can do things that are hard to understand, but that’s her task. Now Jason has become her task, the most complicated she’s been assigned so far. The other difference, Jason himself. Brandy has never been drawn to someone she worked to protect before. Did her taskmasters plan that or even see it coming?

Jason has been on the run for nearly six months and he’s at the end of his rope, and money. Ducking into Brandy’s café certainly wasn’t planned. So why does it seem she’s waiting for him?

Follow Brandy and Jason in this new series. Book One – Baked Goods and Book Two – Decoding Corruption are available now through Amazon and KU. Book Three – Accounting for Evil will be out in July.

Excerpt -

This was shaping up to be her most complicated and multi-tiered assignment yet. Letting her employers down was not an option, and so many people would be affected by what could be accomplished, even her new friends, Paige and Lindsay. It would have been nice to be able to talk to someone about this job–her life-long friends Kip or Nat, even O. That wasn’t a possibility. They had their own assignments.

Brandy had friends here, yet she was still all alone. Now was not a good time to become overwhelmed.

She could feel him now. He was close. He had taken some time to arrive here, but Brandy became more aware as he approached her location. His pace had given her time to prepare for him, construct the infrastructure she now had. She wasn’t able to see his face yet, but his body was that of a man in his prime, despite whatever he was going through. He was definitely hungry, that was easy enough to pick up on, but he couldn’t allow that to slow him down. Little slowed this man down, but she could tell he was burdened, nearing the end of his rope.

Why did she still not know what constituted that rope?

He was the main reason she was here and had created a more permanent living arrangement—much more than any previous task she’d been assigned. It had been a busy time since rescuing Jen from Keith back in Tennessee. Instead of a single motel room, Brandy now had what, to her, was an elaborate setup.

Others would benefit as well. This task was multi-faceted and seemed to be of highest importance to her employers. She would do what she could to help all of them. They had put a lot into this, more than she was accustomed to.

****

Jason observed the bus driver closely as he left the driver’s seat and stepped out onto the sidewalk. The driver stretched quickly, then, shivering from the cold, hurried inside the small storefront which also served as the depot for this town. If anyone was waiting for the bus, they were doing it inside where there was some heat.

This wasn't the end of the ticket Jason had purchased, though he'd never intended to go the whole way. If the people looking for him knew he was traveling by bus, they no doubt had someone waiting at that destination. At least they hadn’t been pulled over yet, so maybe he was ahead of them. He just knew he wasn’t safe yet, if ever. No tingling on the back of his neck currently alerted him of danger, though he expected it any second. There was never a time to let down his guard.

 

      

 

Bio -

 

Women Strong Enough For Love 

Donna writes science fiction, paranormal and small town romances about women coming into their strength and having the courage to find and accept love.

Now that she has retired from going into an office every day, she created an office at home and writes full time. Talk about living the dream!

She was the girl at the party who was yearning for the quiet corner and a book to read (go Rory Gilmore!) and has been writing in her head since she learned to read. Getting those stories down on paper (or in her laptop) has been more fun than she ever imagined it could be.

The possibilities of science fiction have always drawn her, and she’s read them all, there just needed to be a little more romance in them. She finally got up the courage to write them herself and is delighted to be able to share these stories with you.

She is a member of Romance Writers of America and the Heart of Carolina Romance Writers.

Please sign up for her newsletter at – https://www.steelestories.com/newsletter/

All of her books are available at Amazon - 

And follow her at – https://twitter.com/steele_donna
https://www.bookbub.com/profile/donna-steele
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5779056.Donna_Steele
www.facebook.com/donnasteeleauthor

My best advice

 Guess how I spent my weekend? 

I think you should all join me this week!

 

The new book and Ronnie's question

Suspicions on the River is out! You can find a copy here! Come by PK Corey's Reading Room for another snippet Saturday.

Buy links:

Amazon 

Kobo  

 

Nook 

 

Blushing Books  

Ronnie asked:

 

Question - If you could go back in time to say when you were in your early 20's - what advice would you give yourself?

I’d say, don’t worry so much. You will find love and marry. You’ll eventually have kids. Your parents will live to a ripe old age. I worried a lot as I became an adult. 

I’ve wondered if I should have told Nick about my spanko desires early in our marriage. We sure could have had a lot of fun back then when we were young. Spanking desires were flowing freely in my head, but I didn’t share them. Should I have? I don’t know – it made for a great spark for our middle-married years. 

 

But I know for sure one thing I wish I’d told myself – PAY ATTENTATION in English grammar classes! I had no idea how much I would need to know all that crap! I’m sure my beloved editor, Rosie Dee, wishes I had I had. It would have made her life easier.

Count down for Suspicions on the River!

I don’t know about you, but I feel I’ve been waiting a long time for another Cassie book to be out in the world. And now it’s nearly time. It’s supposed to be live Thursday, but I never know if that means midnight or late in the day. So be watching, I’ll post the link as soon as I have it.

 

Here is just a little taste…

 

      Jenny threw her bike to the ground as she reached Cassie’s deck. She started for the stairs when she heard Cassie calling to her from the lawn.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Cassie cried.

She ran to where Cassie sat on the swing overlooking the river. Then Jenny let go and cried as Cassie hugged her close. 

“What is it, Jenny? Oh, honey, tell Cassie what’s happened. It’s going to be all right,” Cassie murmured as she hugged the girl and gently rubbed her back. She let her cry a few more minutes before taking her shoulders and saying, “That’s enough. Tell me what’s happened.”

“It’s Cal!” Jenny wailed. 

Well, that’s no surprise, Cassie thought. “What’s he done now?”

“He’s seeing someone else!” Jenny blurted out with fresh tears. 

Cassie gaped at the girl in surprise. “No, he’s not,” Cassie said firmly. Although there was often friction between Cal and his surrogate mother-in-law, his complete love and loyalty to Jenny was something Cassie did not question.

“Now stop crying and tell me why on earth you would think that.”

“Cal dated this woman, Pat, before he met me. They dated for three years and lived together. After they broke up she got married and moved away, but now she’s divorced and she’s back here.”

“For goodness sakes! That doesn’t mean anything,” Cassie told her.

     “Cassie! He took her out to lunch and he never said a word to me about it. And I met her today at Elly’s – she’s gorgeous! She’s perfect. Tall, blonde and sophisticated. I felt like a stupid little kid around her. And Elly seemed to love her and Lane does too. I’m going to lose them all!” Fresh sobs burst from Jenny.

 

Did it help? YES!

I've had a few more questions come in and like Morningstar I'm doing them one post at the time.

Roz asked: 

 

I am curious as to what benefits ttwd brought to your relationship and whether these have remained since you stopped practicing ttwd.

 

Roz, this question opened a whole can of worms in my head. I think I could write a book in response, but I’ll hold back. When we first began TTWD everything seemed to change. 

Our sex life increased by a hundred percent. We became so much closer – incredibly so. I had never been happier in my entire life and at that time we’d been married for twenty-three years. We talked more, teased more, laughed more… we became a real couple. Everything in my life improved.

 

But we don’t practice TTWD anymore. Many of the improvements have remained but not all. On a scale of 1-10, if our marriage was a pleasant five before TTWD and a solid ten or eleven for a while there. I’d say we were now at a good seven or eight. Way better than before we tried TTWD, but not as great as it was when we were in the midst of it. 

 

I guess this might lead to the question – Then why not try to go back to it? There, I’ve already asked it and you won’t have to. I guess the only answer I’ll give here is – there are good reasons.

Just another meme

Just a little something to keep you mildly entertained for a minute or so. 

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Coffee

2.Why did you pick your avatar? It looked like Cassie’s ivory brush to me. 

3.Can you play Guitar Hero? I can barely play a radio.

4.Name someone who made you laugh today? Nick

5.How late did you stay up last night and why? About mid-night because that’s my norm.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Nope.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Not that I remember.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on facebook? Nick. If that doesn’t count then maybe a mile or two.

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? Sure, I’m friends with a couple of my ex’s. Old boyfriends, not husbands.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? I like it

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? It’s been a long time.

12. What do you like to daydream about? The current book I’m writing.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? A selfie of me and LJ.

14. Was yesterday better than today? About the same.

15. Can you live a day without TV? Sure, but I do like to have it on in the evening. 

16. Are you upset about anything? Well, Mollie’s traveling, Collin will be soon, LJ is heading across the country. Mollie has no working furnace and it’s supposed to be 19 degrees this weekend. Nick’s just had surgery on his eyes. Blogger hates me and doesn’t want me commenting… so no, I’m okay. Things are pretty normal.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Mine have been.

18. Are you a bad influence? With a little effort, I can be.

19. Night out or night in? Usually, a night in is way better.

20. What items could you not go without during the day? I really like my phone close by.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? Since we haven’t been allowed in since early 2020 I really don’t remember.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? Landed

23. How do you feel about your life right now? I like it, not perfect but pretty darn good.

24. Do you hate anyone? Not for more than a second or two. We’re not counting world leaders, are we?

25. If we were to look at the pictures in your phone, what am I likely to see? Mostly family and pets.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? If they are not checking for Ibuprofen, I'm good.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Yes they have, a old aunt. Who knew the elderly could be so astute? 

28. What song is stuck in your head? None, thankfully!

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 AM, who do you want it to be? There is no one I know of that I want knocking on my window at 2:00 AM.

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? I'm outta luck if I did.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow. Have to? Not a damn thing and I love it.

32. Do you think too much or too little? Usually.

If you feel someone is going to out you

There aren’t as many questions as in the old days of blogging and that’s fine. As I said when you’ve been around a long time you’ve answered most of them. But still if you have any ask away. 

Roz said: I would be interested in your suggestions for dealing with being outed. 

Thanks, Roz.  I’m answering the first part of your comment today, I’m still thinking about the second.  I’ve given a lot of thought to the risk of ‘being outed’ over the years. When I first began the thought was terrifying. I mean this was my lifelong deep dark secret. The idea of people – my family, my school, my church, my friends knowing was unimaginable. Several things worked together to reduce and then wipe away these fears.

 

First was repeating to myself one of my father’s favorite saying. You wouldn’t worry so much about what people think of you if you realized how seldom they do.  Basically saying no one is spending time worrying about my particular kink, they’re too busy thinking about their own. I came to realize the truth in this statement.

 

Another help was the reaction of the first few people I told. They had the same reaction – surprise, amusement, total acceptance and underlying it all a complete lack of understanding of what spanking really means in my life. They just knew I enjoy being spanked and that the ability to open up to Nick and have him accepting my kink has made us a much happier couple.

 

And then of course, for me, being able to retire. It was small, but there was a slight chance of me losing my job for writing a spanko/sex blog. I didn’t spend a lot of time worrying about this, but it was a relief to not worry about it at all.

 

Right now, ask yourself these questions. Do you enjoy being spanked? Has bringing spanking into your relationship helped it? Do you feel closer to the one doing the spanking? Are you doing anything wrong? Are you hurting anyone? Is it anyone else’s business? If you can honestly give three yeses and three nos, then hold your head up high!

 

If someone is outing you stand tall and proud – even if you’re quaking and embarrassed on the inside, don’t show it. You have chosen something good for your relationship, so again, be proud! Treat that person as if they said that they didn’t like your choice of hair color. If you choose to engage with them at all tell them…

 

1.    You love it!

2.    It has brought beauty and happiness into your life.

3.    It’s none of their business

 

I think I would also avoid trying to explain in any way other than to possibly tell them it has spiced up your sex life. Leave it as a slightly kinky sex game in their mind. Some can barely grasp that, there is no need to go into ideas on dominance and submission. They won’t understand.

In looking back over some of my past post I came across one and thought it might be a good way to end this one.

What would I say if my ‘secret’ was to be discovered and I was confronted with it? Well, I remember an old episode from Star Trek, the Next Generation. In this show a woman from another 

planet was getting ready to marry a man from Earth, a rather conservative man. Her grow daughter had her doubts because of their differences. The final straw came when the mother showed her daughter the wedding dress. In total shock the daughter looked at her mother in and asked in an incredulous voice, “Mother! You can’t mean you are not going to be naked at your own wedding!” The actress was so good at delivering that line I found myself shocked that the bride would be wearing clothes.

So if anyone should ever say to me, ‘You don’t mean your husband spanks you!” I’ll look at them with shock and concern and say, “Of course he does! Doesn’t yours?”

I actually do know some things.

Baker reminded me that March is question month. After fifteen years of blogging, I guess I’ve answered every question you might have, whether you wanted to know the answer or not. But hopefully there are new readers all the time and I’m still happy to answer any questions you might have. I don’t pretend to be a know-it-all, but here are some things I do know a bit about in the vanilla world.

 

·      Raising a gay child. 

·      Child rearing in general (I like the way my kids turned out.)

·      Math up through the 6^th grade.

·      Relaxing and not letting things stress you out. (I can’t do this all the time, but I can most of the time.)

 

In the spanko world:

·      I understand the desire to be spanked – whether for play or punishment, I understand.

·      I understand the fear of coming out to the one you love – I have suggestions.

·      I understand the fear of being outed to your family and friends. And I have some suggestions as to what to say to them if that happens.

·      I know about many different implements and how sever they may be. I know great ones for beginners and for play and it know a few that should be avoid at all costs!

·      I know alternate forms of discipline (punishment) that are silent.

·      I know how to cope when TTWD goes out of your life.

 

One of my greatest loves now is writing, both blogging and my books.

 

·      I know how to write stories.

·      I know how to develop characters.

·      I can explain what little I know about actually publishing a book.

·      I can give suggestions for creating and maintaining a blog.

·      I can give suggestions for handling online trolls and hateful commenters.

 

*I do NOT know how you get to be a rich and famous author – we’ll need to ask Stephen King or E.L. James those question. But I can tell you how to have fun writing.

·       I also know the characters in my books. Should you have any questions about Cassie and Tom, Sue and Steve, Annie and Andy or maybe the younger couples Allie and Ryan or Jenny and Cal I’ll be happy to answer them. There is one question I’ve been waiting and waiting for someone to ask – but no one ever has. I guess I’ll keep waiting. 

Here are my areas of expertise – and I do use the term very loosely. I won’t tell you my full name, my address or my weight. But for anything else, ask away!