Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Reassessing

I have really been enjoying some of the new blogs out here – some totally new, some just new to me. I love to see how many different way spanking relationships begin and develop. It’s interesting to see what we want or what we think we want.

I know what I thought I wanted at first is not exactly what I want now. I wanted Nick to take charge, I wanted him tell me what to do, be firm and discipline me if he needed to. But that wasn’t really what happened and at first I was sometimes hurt and disappointed that he made no rules or demands of me.

Over these two and a half years I have realized some things. Most of the things that many women say they are punished for just don’t happen at our house. I have teased that I am perfect and that is why I am seldom punished and while that is not exactly true we really do not have any serious issues. We agree on how to spend our money; we agree on child rearing. We were both raised by gentle loving parents who treated each other and their children with respect so we have always treated each other that way, no screaming, yelling or snotty comments. So although I am a lousy house keeper and have dozens of traits or bad habits Nick could complain about that’s not his way.

So I have looked deeper. What did I really want? What was I craving? When I said I wanted him to punish or discipline me what was I looking for? In my mind the fantasy of an angry husband grabbing and spanking me was really tapped a deeper want/need. I wanted to feel he cared. I wanted to feel I was worth the effort. I wanted to know that if I was doing something stupid or harmful to me or our relationship the he wouldn’t just shrug and say ‘whatever’. I wanted him to confront me and demand a change in actions or attitude that would correct the situation.

So what has happened over these two and a half years? He has really stepped up to help me with the weight. He knew that this was – or soon would be – effecting my health. There were a few hard spankings over that time. But he also did it his way. When he knew I had worked hard and had done as I should have he sometimes didn’t spank. While I sometimes found this frustrating he was really making sense. He is still right their watching my weight and I have no doubt that if I start skipping the gym and snacking to excess I will find the business end of a hairbrush on my end very quickly!

But it has been in other ways that he has truly let me know he cares. Insisting I write him each week has meant more to me that anything I could imagine. For those of you that don’t know about this I have a weekly assignment. He wants to know what I am thinking and feeling. Sometimes it funny and sexy, sometimes I lament that I life is too rushed for good sex and fun spankings; and a few times I have been overwhelmed by sadness so that I could hardly function. But he wants to know – do you know how much that means to me, that no matter what I am feeling he really wants to know? And yes I have been spanked a time or two for skipping a week!

By accepting my kink – really as soon as I told him – our sex life really took on a new life. He is so good to me both with spanking and other types of foreplay to make sure I get everything I women could want from a love making session. He know that ‘discipline’ is still something I desire so he throws in a few laundry rules and some mock discipline because he know that’s what I want.

But sometimes it is the smallest things he does that it have really started noticing lately. We each take a cup of water to bed. For 23 years he went and got his when he went to bed and I went and got mine when I went to bed. Now he picks them both up – a little thing but he does it for me. There is a particular type of bread I love that we can’t get in town. When he goes to the next town over he stops to look for it. He hugs me as I go out the door for the gym and tell me he is proud of me for going. He drapes himself around me each night when I climb in bed to warm me up. And the vitamins – he wants me to take my vitamins and supplements every morning. I haven’t been very good at remembering. Now granted he could spank me every time I forget – it really might help me remember. But that’s not what he does. Instead he takes each one out of the bottle and lays them out for me. He is not looking for reasons to spank me; he is looking for ways to care for me. It’s taken me a while to realize this.

Relationship change all the time. Ours includes spanking now and I expect it always will - there will be spanking for fun and play, erotic spankings, maybe a little stress relief and there may even be discipline. But the best part is that our relationship and our love will always be strong.

Before Nick’s halo gets to heavy for him to carry around I’ll tell you he is not perfect. He can aggravate me to no end at times. But I cannot imagine a better husband. I really hit the jackpot folks and the best part is, I know it!

Written by PK at 9:01 PM

16 comments

16 Comments:

At 11:13 PM, Blogger Andrades Girl said...

Hi PK:
A beautiful post, so very gently written and filled with so much love and understanding of the process of relationships.You surely understand the nuances that a relationship goes thru, and are very respectful of that process of in your relationship and those in this community. Yes your husbands halo must be huge, because as I have said many times before, your husband is a gem. I did not know that you write to him that is such a lovely way to share with him what is in your heart and mind.
I really do admire your relationship PK thank you so much for sharing.
Take care,
AG

 
At 11:56 PM, Blogger Jessica said...

I love your relationship! It's so fun to hear about. I hink my husband is a lot like Nick. Sadly for him, I'm way more mean then you... I'm always working on it though!
-Jess

 
At 12:06 AM, Blogger LizzyBee said...

Beautiful post! Thank you so much for sharing it!

A lot of what you wrote really hit home with me. Sometimes I get so stuck in the mindset that it is all about the spanking that I tend to forget the deeper reason I desire a D/d lifestyle. And you're right, it's about the love. The need I have isn't just about the act itself, it's the connection. It's knowing that someone cares about you so much, looks out for you, and loves you so completely. And in the end, that is what I am truly searching for! Thank you for reminding me of that. I hope I can find a Nick of my own one day :)

Lizzybee

 
At 2:42 AM, Blogger FunKayLynn said...

I love your insight. I am very happy for you that you share such closeness and for so many years. It is amazing that he (our husbands) are so willing to please us in our desires - counterintuitive to actual pleasure as they see it. I have had about a year and a half and am also trying to let go of my expectations and accept and be pleased with what is. I have come to understand that I connect up that alpha male (with the control aspects) in order to create a simplistic form of love - an extension (if you'll indulge me) of the relationship I had with my dad. I cherished that time of being cherished and the simplicity and yet excitment of breaking the rules. I unabashedly recreate a time in my life that was truly safe and simple and I was learning how to relate to the future man in my life. (And yet despite these words, I will be thrilled if someday .....)

 
At 4:11 AM, Blogger mthc said...

awesome post...you have a good man there.You guys are perfect for each other..i might add that i do the same thing for David every night in laying out the pills. He's always surprising me with breakfast and fixes my coffee every morning.

 
At 4:31 AM, Blogger david said...

Sis you and Nick have a true love for each other. All of us could learn something from it. My Mthc is my life and it is a good one.

Big hugs,
Bro

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger Indy said...

What a lovely post, PK!

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger K said...

PK, that is so special. It's too easy to focus on what's missing. It's truly wonderful to count the blessings we have and find ourselves so loved. You and Nick are an inspiration. :)

 
At 11:29 AM, Blogger Paul said...

PK, a lovely post.
You and Nick are so fortunate, believe me I know that it takes work, but it's so worth it.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.

 
At 12:07 PM, Blogger ronnie said...

What a wonderful post PK, lets us know a little bit more about you, and I thank you for sharing this with us.
You have wonderful relationship. Understanding, caring, loving,sharing, respect, shines through.
Nick is a lucky man and sounds lovely,(I always thought this was the case in the way you write when ever you mention him in your posts).
We are so lucky to be loved and cared for.

Love to you and Nick.
Ronnie
xx

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger Maryann Sloan said...

Very good.
Maryann

 
At 4:11 PM, Blogger Xan Spanking New said...

Great post! What you describe is what I hope my relationship will be like with my husband one day.

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger PK said...

AG,
I have seen so many changes in our journey I figure most everyone goes through the same things.

Jess,
We have talked enough that I know you are not mean. But you are probably more interesting than me!

LizzyBee,
I think as we are growing up fantasying we concentrate more on the act of spanking rather than what is behind it. It takes a while for it all to come together.

KayLynn,
I think feeling safe is what we are all after. And I meant every word of my post but your last sentence

(And yet despite these words, I will be thrilled if someday .....)

LOL I still feel that way too!

Mthc and David,
I have talked to you two long enough to know how much you care about each other. You are also perfect for each other.

Thanks Indy!

K,
I am learning more and more to see all the good things in our lives.

Paul,
Sometimes I feel as lucky as Mel must have.

Ronnie,
I feel lucky. And from what I have read you are pretty lucky yourself.

Thanks Maryann

Xan,
I hope you will find someone that makes you as happy as Nick and I are.

 
At 5:57 AM, Anonymous Mina said...

This is a really lovely post PK, I think both you and Nick are very lucky. I am sure your love will only grow stronger each day.

Hugs
Mina

 
At 8:32 AM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

such a beautiful caring relationship you both have for one another and it is so lovely to hear about your continuous journey of growing together. so special your relationship is, so honest, and caring. I feel fortunate too in my relationship with my husbands - of course neither of us is perfect...far from...but so much to be grateful for and our love is genuine. :-) Thanks for sharing!

 
At 8:33 AM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

oops...typo...that would be "husband" not "husbands" I have my one and only :-)

 

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