I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

This and that

Anyone else got a teenage daughter out there? At what age do they decide that they can take on the job of dressing their mother? I guess I started it. Often I will call her as I’m dressing to say “Does this look alright together?” Once in a while Nick and I will accidentally put on something that almost matches. In horror she demands one of us change. We have threatened to get matching outfits and come together to pick her up at school one day. But I guess we will hold off on that until she does something really awful.

Mollie and I went shopping the other day and suddenly she seems much more interested in picking out my clothes. She talked me into several things that I wouldn’t normally have gotten. They were fine but not the color I would have gotten (she says I have too much blue). And she insisted on a jacket that did look nice but was not completely comfortable. When I told her that she got an exasperated look on her face and stated firmly “Mom, it’s not about comfort it’s about how it looks!” Geeze, it seems like I just out grew that notion myself and now my personal shopper comes along! Anyway I wore my new outfit today and more people complemented me on it than anything else I’ve worn this year. Maybe she knows what she's talking about.

My wonderful son, you know the one getting his BS degree, has not been too communicative lately. I did hear from him on inauguration day. He called that afternoon so exited! I answered his special ring to hear him say “Happy America, Mom!” But since then I hadn’t heard from him. I called a couple of time but he hadn’t gotten back to me. Now if I am paying for the college, and the computer and the cell phone I don’t think a short “Hi Mom, I’m alive,” is too much to ask. So after leaving several messages with no response I called Collin. I knew he had talked to him. I was assured that LJ was fine and extra busy and that he would call soon.

He ended up calling while I was at the gym and left the following message. “Hi Mom, haven’t heard from you in a while. You really ought to check in a little more often. Would it be too much trouble to text or email me letting me know you are alright? I called Collin to see if he had heard from you and he tells me you are fine. How about giving me a call when you get this.” Yep, well on his way to that BS degree!

And on another note. I had an anonymous comment the other day that has me thinking. This was it –

As for Cassie's Space, it is your property and therefore your decision, but if it you feel it is okay to reopen it, I hope you will reconsider your decision to take it private. I'm sure that you can understand that that move excludes anyone who feels nervous about sending their email address to anyone over the internet. The events that have unfolded recently including this one would have left many feeling that way. If they are willing to give Cassie's Space another try out of understanding for you, are you unwilling to understand their feelings right now as well?

This was one of the things that bothered me a lot. I never wanted anyone excluded. I mean, I am honored that people still want to read what I write. And if they are willing to read I want them to be able to. I also remember being worried in the beginning that things might not being as anonymous as we would sometimes like. Nick was also in favor of opening the blog up to anyone that might want to stumble by, as long as the fact that it is fiction is clearly stated. So… I am reconsidering. I will probably open it back up fairly soon. Give me a little time. You will have to check back – there won’t be any fanfare about it. Thank you to everyone who has asked to come read and I thank this anonymous commenter encouraged me to open Cassie back up.


  1. PK - I read that comment too. And it had me thinking... Maybe I am being too skeptical, but personally the vibe I am getting from that comment is someone that criticized you for Cassie's Blog during all of this, wants to read it. But they don't want to share their email address with you because they were so critical in other posts.

    Again that is just my opinion, and it is your choice to keep it private or public or maintain it at all. Actually I guess it is up to you and Nick, if posting to two blogs interferes with the gym or laundry. ;-)

  2. Wow, good to know that the money you are spending for college is paying off. That boy will be probably be the valedictorian!

    My daughter dresses me. For some reason these girls think they know everything about fashion. ~sigh~

    Yep, the last outfit I bought with her approval gets me the most compliments! Teens!

    I'll email you my thoughts on the cassie thing...


  3. grinnnnnnnnn... kids... always makes me smile reading stories like these... my Love has 2 sons... but they are around 30.. so very grwon up and all... he was a real young dad... I never had kids... but I have a 2 years young nieve that I adore... kid has 3 moms, my sis in law, my mom and me I am afraid... poor girl...

    so nobody telling me which clothes to wear... well, nope someone is.. Guitarman sure does tell me what he likes and does not like...

    I had the same feeling about that anonymous commenter as Kari... but yes, it is up to you...

  4. Anonymous2:29 AM

    No comments from the past, Please,Please...

  5. I always think we see the world afresh through the eyes of children....no reason why that shouldn't extend to our wardrobes too!!

    My stepdaughter used to often bring things home for me that she's seen when she'd been shopping which she thought might suit me....and yes, I did then have to pay for it...lol!

    As to Cassie's space, you know I emailed you to say 'yes please'. My blog is open, but set up in such a way that anyone leaving a first comment has to include an email address. We had 'cyberstalker' issues in the past, and so its just part of staying safe....though it obviously doesn't work completely. I see you having someone email addy through their request for access to your blog as no different.

    As I've said before lovely one....do what feels right to you in your heart.

    love and hugs xxx

  6. Anonymous4:53 AM

    So I had these great cute I was certain, overalls with holiday appliques. My kids were all angry and the youngest threatened with total sincerity to submit me to 'what not to wear'! A donation (from husband) was raised and sighs were heard throughout the land. My college hounds have also turned on their feeders. I agree whole heartedly but if our ultimate goal is their total independence.... then you've scored -(damn kids!)

  7. I laughed when I read about your son PK, ours is doing a degree and I had more or less the same message from him just the other day.
    Thats kids.

  8. Anonymous6:03 AM

    That LJ.... he's my kind of boy!!! And he knows you well!!! LOL And Mollie? I ALWAYS seek out my kids advice... the other day I wanted to buy offspring number two some PJ's so she'd have something new and comfy that fit.. I decided not to though cuz my kids generally don't like what I pick out. A few days later I had offspring number one in the store with me. I had HER pick them. #2 loved them... what kills me though is they are the ones I would have picked. But if I had no one would have liked them.


  9. My sister and my niece attempt to dress me. Its never successful. I'll actually purchase the recommendations but never wear them. Kind of a sad commentary on me but I like jeans and sweatshirts. Of course, when I have to dress up it can be a problem. I have to do that in the next 2 days. Gonna be a problem. However, I will just say it is what it is.

    PK - :P that is your raspberry. Its snowing. Yes, I'm whining.

    PK, I'm with Kari. The anonymous is bothersome. CeeCi always gives good advice on being very careful.
    You know this so I will not harp. (cuz I'm not a harpy!!)

    Have a fab day.


    Debbie :)

  10. Hi! That LJ too funny and Molly...no teens in my house yet but eventually the little ones will be teens...for now though I may wait on taking clothing advice...the other day my daughter wore a pink swirly printed dress with bright bold colored heart printed black pants - looked really cute on her but am thinking it would not be my style...and my son has tried to dress me since he was two - he likes us to match.:-)

  11. Anonymous8:43 AM

    Hi PK:
    Your Kids are adorable. I only had stepsons around so thank God they didn't help me dress! Maybe my GD will tho. And it certainly is amazing what kids learn at college isn't it? He certainly is very very creative.
    As for Cassies's Place which you well know I adore, I kinda agree with Kari & lessa on this "I had the same feeling about that anonymous commenter as Kari... but yes, it is up to you..."
    I think you should do what brings the least amount of stress and brings the most peace, cause you deserve that most of all.
    btw...Its SNOWING here YUCK!!! :(

  12. Anonymous11:17 AM

    I am that commenter. I am not particularly computer savy - I assumed that showed, and I play on a computer shared by others with far more computer smarts than myself. I'm glad you were able to understand what it's like to feel the way you did in the beginning. Thanks.

  13. Anonymous11:39 AM

    I'm sorry, I guess I should have read the comments before I replied. When I chose my words the other day, I was trying to choose them carefully to say what I felt because I knew you were feeling bad about all that had occurred. I have not posted or commented about this or Paul because I was not involved and so it is not my place. I am very surprised to find myself accused of being someone else with ulterior motives today. I was not hurt by this, and don't belong in the middle of it. I just liked Cassie's Space, and wanted to speak for others like me who are a little out of their element here. I think, perhaps, I've only succeeded in proving how out of my element I really am. Maybe bloggers aren't the only ones who need to take breaks. I do, however, mean what I said: it is your blog - make your own decisions, and then find peace in that.

  14. Mollie, a girl after my own heart! She's right, who needs comfort when you look like a zillion bucks? So give me the shoes that pinch my toes and make my back ache. Bring on the jackets with sleeves tight enough to cut off circulation. If the color is right, then I'll wear it. Lately, I've thought I could use the assistance of someone a few years younger who can help me out of the current fashion rut I'm in.

    Does Mollie do consultations?

    Watch your mailbox.


  15. Everyone I have to tell you that my comments today made me very happy. I feel like people are watching my back and I am very, very grateful. But I read the anon comment totally differently. I really, really do remember having great fear of the unknown out here and the only ones I could go to for advice on computer questions or problems were my kids!! Well that wasn't going to work!

    Let's look at both sides. I can understand someone not wanting to share their email with me at this moment in time. I have not proven myself the most honorable person out here lately. But as a friend pointed out in an email today ‘Writers want to be read’, what is the point of writing on a blog if you don’t want people to read it? I guess I would be back in my journal if I didn’t want to share with others. So if this person is hesitant I understand and if they truly liked Cassie and want to read her that’s fine by me.

    And if someone is asking to come in that doesn’t like me – well I still don’t see the harm. If they leave unkind remarks I will remove them or moderate comments. But I imagine most folks that don’t like me will just not come to read. I mean I have one public blog already I don’t see the difference in having two.

    Thanks Kari,
    If I don't get to the laundry soon I may not have any sites!!

    No one has ever liked college more than LJ. And he had a head start on BS before he got there!

    Mollie is having a ball with my clothing. She takes this job seriously!

    It's really nice when our men tell us what they like to see us in.

    Don't worry. Everything is good.

    I think it's nice that they think or us. Although I won't wear everything she picks out.

    My kids have refused to leave the house once or twice with me for my outfits. I'm trying to improve.

    Sometime I want to kick his butt but he is usually so funny I end up laughing at him.

    Yep LJ knows me completely!! We can never let our girls know what we really like, it would turn them against it.

    It was in the high 30's and rainy and windy today and I still can't get any sympathy. Geeze!

    I love my jeans and sweats too. Far better that anything else!

    LJ always wanted me to wear dresses and heels. That boy had to learn to get over that fast!!

    I have no doubt your GD will have an opinion on how you dress. She'll be glad to give you a hand.

    Please don't worry a bit. I completely understand as I said above. All is well. Be sure to clear your history when you have been to blogs. I think that is the easiest way to let our secrets out.

    If you want to get a 'looking at blogs' email address you might feel more comfortable. Most of us have done that. And if you feel you can trust me with your email I can promise on one else will ever see it. But I understand your concern.

    Consultations? I don't know, probably! She has an opinion on everything and doesn't mind sharing it!!!

  16. Anonymous5:12 PM

    Hi PK:
    An excellent answer. You have given me another way to think about all of this.
    Even tho I am relatively new to blogging, I work on a computer all day, and my husband and I each have our own computers, so I don't ever have to think about keeping my computer travels from "little curious eyes". My sincere apologies to Anonymous, I just love PK and was really only thinking about her.
    Take care

  17. Anonymous5:35 PM

    Thanks so much for your reply. I have appreciated the blogs that let me and others like me read or participate. Some have comment moderation that lets them control things, but still doesn't lock out anons like me. I'm glad you can remember what it was like because it really is the difference in being able to participate and not. I have always been respectful, tried to comment to give something back, and been supportive of many bloggers in trouble. Anon bloggers are not really all that different than those of you with more freedom, just newer and more nervous, I suspect. And it's not that I don't want to share my email with you: I don't feel safe sharing it on the internet blogs anywhere so, yes, sadly I don't get to comment or read on many of the blogs. I'm grateful for those blogs I can read or comment on. Again, thank you for understanding - it means more than you know.

  18. With the college classes I've been taking a lot computer security information. There are lots of ways to protect yourself, and clean your computer after visiting sites. I do not allow anything I don't want anyone else to see to enter my main email address. I use a different name or nickname with a lot of my email addresses.

    I use Firefox for a web-browser, and have it set to clear history, cache, etc, every time I close it. Since I have windows xp on my computers, each person has their own log in account. I used McAfee for virus protection and clean my computer files weekly if I do a lot of browsing.

    There is so much social engineering out there now where people try to get close to access account information, or send viruses, etc. I am skeptical of anyone asking people to change how they do things.
    I only have boys, so no luck with dressing me. I do ok for the most part, and my boyfriend really care what I wear. I wished he cared a little more. After we move in together the t-shirts with holes, and worn out dress shirts will disappear and be replaced with the same item.

  19. Kari,
    Your good information here also works to show the problem Anon has. I have been one the computer non-stop for nearly 3 years now and I barely understood what you were saying and I feel like I would still need help doing any of it. But I guess it is something I could learn more about. It's good info thought and thanks for pointing it out.

    Would you be willing to just make up a name - anything you like and sign with it. You can still post under Anonymous but if you pick a name I will at least know that it is you I am talking with. And I won't forget your request - just give me a bit more time.

  20. Anonymous1:07 PM

    PK -
    I did the same thing to my Mother when I was a teenager too... but she was asking me for opinions too until it just felt natural to take over.
    As for your son, his comment back is kind of funny because it sounds exactly like something that would be said from your end rather than his. Has he been much of a phone talker even before he moved? I know that I am horrible at keeping in touch even with my best intentions and my parents. It is something I am working on though.

    Now for something not exactly related to this post ~ I don't know if this is my place to say so or not, but I do have a question ~ What happened to your twin's blog?? Is she okay??

  21. There is no such thing as "anonymous" on the internet. 'Cassie' certainly didn't want her identity learned... and yet, look what happened. But even if someone never-ever Emails or comments... it's still not hard to pin them down to an exact server. The stat counter you use is the same one we use... and it will get very specific about where hits come from. And that's just a free service.

    Plus, beyond that... anyone snooping around the home computer is almost instantly going to figure out what sites/blogs have been visited.

    Anyone too paranoid to send in an anonymous free Email address should realize that they still risk discovery even without doing so. The only way to avoid your kink being discovered is to just say no.

    Doesn't really have anything to do with your decision... and it sounds like you will indeed go public anyway, and good luck with that... but just something for the anonymous commenter to consider (especially since they have since admitted they "share" a computer).

    ~Todd & Suzy

  22. Anon,
    I did the same for my mom too. As for my son he has never been a big phone talker but he could text or email. That he is very good at!

    My twin is great! She felt that this was a good time to take her blog private. She had only invited a handful of people and seems quite content in her little corner of blogland. Should she ever want to post anything publicly she can do it here or LA Kink.

    Todd and Suzy,
    I think you have brought up some interesting point but I really don't consider them paranoid. She is just cautious. I was too until I got comfortable. Everyone goes at their own comfort speed.

  23. My son also called on inauguration day and said, "I've never been more proud to be an American.

    I honestly don't think you are keeping anyone out. I mean some of us want our privacy. Anonymous apparently does also. Which means they are keeping themselves out.

    But I think anything you want to do with the blog is totally up to you. One of the privileges of having a blog!


  24. PK, your kids sound great and I think need Mollie's help as well. I have far too much black in my wardrobe!


  25. Anonymous10:51 AM

    Paranoid is an unkind word for someone who is nervous and doesn't have a good understanding of computers and the internet. There seems to be an inherent distrust of those who go by anon. I can understand it, I'm sure that's how people who want to leave nasty comments do it, but still it's sad. There are a lot of good people being painted with that brush.

    To all those who wrote more encouraging comments to us anons: thank you because we do need to learn more. The name plus anon thing is a good idea!