I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, December 10, 2018

So what is a spanking and when is it necessary (part 4)

*Snow update

We live in the south, for goodness sake! Each year we get our two or three snows of three to five inches and we’re happy with it. Often the next day will be in the 50’s so in the past I’d enjoy a snow day from school and then it was gone. Not this weekend. We got over a foot of snow! We haven’t had that much since Mollie was five months old – that’s twenty-six  years ago!

Nick, of course, felt he had to shovel the drive way right away. I heard all the stories of men dropping dead from heart attack so I kept a close eye on him. I needn’t have worried. He finished the drive and still had plenty of energy left over for a fun afternoon. I think the man is younger than he claims!  

I just wanted everyone to know we’re still having fun as I keep posting about my deep TTWD thoughts. Here’s the next post.

I’m on a roll now. Here’s parts one, two and three. It’s helping me and I figure if you’re bored you might not have come back today so I’m trudging on.

I know a problem for Nick and I’m sure many other men is knowing when to spank. Although we try to tell them what we expect and what we would like over all, I know many are still hesitant at times. Nick says he needs cues and I don’t like to give them.

I’ve been having a halfhearted contest with my sister on weight loss. I say halfhearted because when I’m winning I’m very enthusiastic and when the scales are more in her favor I tend to lose interest. I had shared the contest part with Nick.

This is what he wrote to me:

The last time we had much conversation we agreed to focus on health and weigh loss. I didn’t think either wanted me to be looking for picky things to nag about just for an excuse.  I asked for your help.  I told you that cues to know when you thought some spanking action was called for would be helpful.  You, as I understood it, would be in communication with your sister and compare your results and keep me posted.  I felt like a short update such as “She lost one pound this week and I gained .2 pounds,” would give me the cue that I needed.  You seemed ready with the meager spank count (and I am assuming you didn’t count card games or Utah, Arizona, etc) but can you recall how many times you gave me this info in which you were due consequences?

Sadly I couldn’t argue with much that he said – not that I didn’t want to. I could have said, "Well, why didn't you spank me for not giving you the information?" I guess while trying to ignore the truth in his email I tried to answer a minor point – that is, ‘what is a spanking?’

This is my attempt to tell him what think: 

Card games are fun and there is spanking involved, but no – that’s not ‘a spanking.’ It’s a fun game. What occurred on our vacation, in my mind, was a loving, enjoyed, and appreciated gesture of affection. A little ‘drive-by’ spanking that  comes as a fun surprise and I hope they’ll continue – but it’s not ‘a spanking.’

‘A Spanking’ needs some thought behind it to be effective. On your part and on mine. When it happens fast and unexpectedly it can be fun but not really effective. I haven’t even had time to think – then it’s over.

But back to his email points I told him:

You’re right about me not stepping up to do my part – I really haven’t. I’ve been hesitant about all this since before I tried to pull out back in March. I’m having huge fights between my head and my heart. 

My heart will always want the lifestyle. But my head tells my heart – get the hell over it! For the first six to eight years we tried this I went all with my heart. But for the last four years or so the head took over and that’s all I’ve heard. 

The part of me who wanted to try submission is nearly warn away. I probably wouldn’t have been that good at it anyway. But it did work at times – something else I bet you never believed. When you would say, “You can’t snack at school.” Or “No snacks after 9:00 PM” – I didn’t. It was that simple, it wasn’t a negotiation, it was a command. And no, it didn’t last without reinforcement but for me it felt easy, there was no debating in my head – you’d said no. Case closed. Would that work now? Probably not. That left with the wide-eyed optimism.

I know I could/should have given you cues. I know that I can ask for a spanking anytime – both for cause, I could tell on myself, or for stress relief or whatever. But for me asking for a spanking will always be the same as kissing a brother. What’s the point?

It’s like telling your husband over and over that you feel so special, so loved when he sends you flowers. That you get all mushy inside at this particular token of affection and that you eagerly look forward to the next delivery. But if he rarely sends flowers unless you text and say, ‘order flowers for me.’  Well, you can see it lose some of it charm. 

For the past few post I’ve gone over some of our problems in communication – from not communicating at all to not fulling understanding what the other  person is saying regarding their needs or wants. I’ve been able to see from many of your comments that Nick and I are not alone. But as I said when I began, things are better. The final post in this saga, Wednesday, I'll give you a current update.

Friday, December 07, 2018

We're seeing TTWD differently (part 3)

Here at my first two post in this series. Post 1, post 2.

The second thing Nick said to me during our attempt to talk was, “It seems that what you want keeps changing.” 

That was a real shocker to me too. After giving that a lot of thought
I began to understand how he could have perceived it that way – but it’s not true. All I’ve ever wanted, since puberty, was a man who would make a few rules. Not many, not about every little detail, but about a few things he cared enough about to hold me accountable and spank me when I didn’t follow through with what he said. That’s it. That’s never changed. That would have been enough to satisfy my desire to be submissive. I’ve said before Nick and I don’t fight, we really don’t. We agree on most things and neither of us has to have their way or even the last word. I don’t get ill tempered and snippy and said hateful rude things to him. So none of those issues were ever part of our DD.

I think I know where Nick might be coming from – in thinking that my desires have changed over the years, is that I’ve tried to explain in in a million different ways. I might have given different suggestions or scenarios of how this might have worked in our lives. I’ve suggested him making a few firm rules, I’ve suggested maintenance, keeping a ‘list’ of my transgressions, and many, many more ideas. But as I see it, as I truly believe, what I wanted and what I asked for has never changed. If anyone were to read back on the blog over these twelve years I think they’d see that. 

In the answering email I told Nick:  

I know we saw DD from two completely different points of view. One rule we decided on – no clean laundry left out more than twenty-four hours – seemed reasonable. I did better about getting it put away. But I’d slip up and you’d spank me for it and I’d work hard to do better. Sadly bad habits are harder to break than good habits are to form so in few weeks I’d slip up again and leave the clothes sitting there.  

Your head logically said, “I told her to get these put away. I spanked her when she didn’t and here she’s done it again. Obviously, spanking doesn’t work.” 

My head, just as logically said, “I forgot again, but he didn’t spank me this time. Obviously he never really cared about me following the rule to begin with.”

Sounds like the beginning of a bad sitcom. 

Many of my friends here have this firmly established in their marriage. But if you’re feeling like it’s not, maybe ask your guy two questions. 

First ask him to tell you how he understand it all – if you’ve been telling him what you want, ask him to say it back to you so you’ll understand what he’s hearing. It may not be what you think you’re saying.

And the second thing – and I’m afraid I’m guilty of not asking this one – ask him what he’s getting from TTWD and what he really wants. 

I’m still musing, so please come back.

Wednesday, December 05, 2018

The spanking lifestyle examined (Part 2)

I began this attempt to examine the spanking lifestyle back Here if you'd like to begin at the beginning.

What could it have been that Nick mentioned in our talk that left me so surprised.  It sounds simple enough when I type it, but it was like it went in my ear and kept burring itself deeper and deeper. 

What he said was: I never really believed that you actually wanted the lifestyle – maybe in fantasy, but not the real thing. Thinking back on it and knowing just how much I’d wanted it, I was stunned. 

This was what I said in the email I sent him:

I made up my first spanking story at the age of four.  By thirteen they were sexual fantasies and for decades the intense longing was there. It was ‘taboo’ and I knew that. I never planned on sharing this weirdness, this need to be submissive (or at least try) with you. But through strange twists and turns I found the blogs and got the courage to come out to you. I figured forty-five years was long enough to hold onto my secret.

I was scared to death to tell you but to my utter amazement you were willing to give it a try. I was in seventh heaven! I might have been close to fifty, but I felt like I was a young woman again at the beginning of a new life. Almost immediately our sex life when from fine to amazing! We were open with one another for the first time. We talked all the time, often in whispers because of the kids, but we talked. You read the blogs of my friends. Reading that, yes, there were others with these desires who lived the lifestyle and loved it.

 You were spanking hard and often and I reveled in it. It was then that I began sleeping in the nude and let go of the curly perm – because I wanted you to see the change, I wanted there to be an outward tangible sign of this new lifestyle and I wanted you to know how much I loved and embraced it. I walked around school with a stupid grin on my face causing some to wonder if I was having an affair! Knowing that you weren’t a disciplinarian at heart, I tried to hook you by asking you to help with weight loss, because I knew you cared about that. And with your help in those first two years, I lost forty pounds.

Tell me honey, what more could I have done to make you believe me?

Learning that he’s never really believed I wanted all this was crushing in a way. It felt like a loss opportunity that could never be retrieved. But as it gradually worked its way through my mind I think I understood.

Nick lived a vanilla life for fifty years. He was taught – and firmly believed – that men and women were  equal and that he had no right whatsoever to boss me around or tell me what to do, much less punish me if I didn’t do as he said. He had a wife of nearly twenty-five years who had never for one minute given him reason to think she felt any differently. Then out of the blue comes this request for a DD lifestyle.

Think of how it must have sounded to him. “Honey I want you to set rules for me – most anything you like. I want you to be the boss and if I don’t do as you say I want you to spank me, I mean really spank me.” 

And I wondered why he didn’t believe me.

I let him know it was a sexual fantasy and he probably didn’t hear much past that. He treated it as a wonderful sexy fun and never realize how much more it was to me. I thought I was making myself understood, but clearly I wasn’t.

This isn’t a one-sided post,  as in Shame on Nick for not believing me. I did the same thing. He’s told me at various times over the past twelve years that he would like to know what I’m thinking and feeling. I’ve never believed him, and rarely shared either with him.

I think if you hooked each of us to a lie detector you see our basic beliefs haven’t changed. I still don’t think Nick believes I wanted the lifestyle. (And at this point in our lives, I probably don't.) And I still don’t think he wants to have to slog through emails of my feelings and emotions. (He says he does, but in his head I feel him thinking, Damn – can’t we just do some of this for the sexy fun of it and leave all this confusing feelings and emotions out of it?) Maybe we both need our butts kicked for not believing one another.

Is there a moral to this post? Maybe.

If for some reason you feel in any way that your significant other doesn’t believe this is what you want, and you know it is. You need to take his face in your hand and tell him again, even if it’s worked well for years. For those of you newer participants you may need to acknowledge that it might be hard for him to understand. But make sure he knows you at least want to give it a try. Tell him you’ll let him know if it’s too much and if changes are needed. But please, please tell him he needs to believe what you’re telling him. Don’t wait over a decade to realize he didn’t believe the DD lifestyle was what you wanted.

More to come…

Monday, December 03, 2018

The spanking lifestyle examined (part 1)

*I’m going to have several post about continuing work toward the best marriage we can have. As I slog through it all, just know we are still in love and we are happy with one another. We’re content and we're continue to figure things out together.

Twice in the past year I’ve tried to close the door firmly on DD/TTWD in our marriage. Not slamming the door in anger, just
shutting it. Both times once I’ve make that decision, Nick put his foot in the door. We’ve talked a little (not so great) and we’ve emailed more – much more productive. I want to share a lot of our thoughts, but I’d like to do it in small chunks, so I hope you’ll come back for a few more post. I’m mostly writing this for myself – writing is how I think. I’m writing it a little for Nick. I’m writing it for my fellow bloggers because knowing you ‘know’ what I’m talking about helps me feel understood and supported and lastly I’m writing to those just stumbling into the lifestyle for the first time and those who are going through a rough patch. They need to know it can be messy, hurtful, confusing… and it can also be glorious, wonderful and life fulfilling.

I shared in this post that Nick and I had talked last weekend, but that it wasn't a particularly pleasant or uplifting conversation. Things have improved and our subsequence email conversations have been much better.

What led to the talk? I’ll tell you. Last March or April I told Nick I felt like our TTWD experiment was pretty much done. I knew I spent too much time thinking about it and nothing much ever happened so I was ready to call it quits. He was against that and firmly told me he wanted it to continue. Of course, deep down, that’s what I’d wanted too so I agreed.

There were a few spankings the rest of that month and then pretty much nothing. (Remember this is me writing, Nick’s take on this is different. But I can only tell you my perspective.) I was experiencing the familiar cycle of disappoint, a little  depressions and eventually even mild anger. So I attempted to close the door again and wrote him the following email:

I feel like our foray into the world of DD/TTWD has brought us closer over the years and I’ll always be grateful for that. I hope we’ll continue growing closer for years to come. But I’d want to make one small change.

We haven’t done any DD in a while and I’d like to keep it that way. I can hear you right now thinking, “Damn, some kind of test again to see if I’ll do something.” That’s NOT it. I simply want to keep on as we have for the past seven months or so. I’m going to keep going to the gym and working with WW (with some snags.) You get to go back to being that husband who encourages but would never ask about weight or mention what she is eating, lest his wife attack him with a butcher knife. I’ll probably record most weeks and you’re welcomed to check it if you like. But that’s all.

You’re  also welcomed to pop my butt any time. If you feel like spanking for fun or fun and games, feel free. But up and down weight, laundry, letting gas get low in the car, or the other things we pretended to use in the past, I just want to stop. 

I'm mad, I'm not depressed, I'm not upset about anything. It fact I’m feeling pretty light hearted at the moment. Nothing has changed but I just wanted to acknowledge this slight difference should it come up again.  

So after sending this email, I was surprised when Nick indicated he was thinking of spanking me for not recording my weigh the following week.

I was a little pissed. In my head I was saying, “Oh, hell no! You don’t get to ignore the lifestyle for nearly a year and then pop up with a vague reason to spank when actually you’re just feeling frisky.”

When we came together that afternoon he was in a happy relaxed frame of mind and I was feeling extremely defensive. We talked, if you can call our stumbling conversation that. Two things he said just left me reeling. At the time I wanted to shout, “Are you serious?” I’ve since thought about them calmly and I think I understand where he was coming from.

I hope you'll come back to help me sift through all this. When I get through it all it’s not going to say, “And they lived happily ever after.” It’s not going to say, “The End.” It’s going to say, “Stay tuned for the next episode.”

Friday, November 30, 2018

Fantasy Friday - Sunlight Sunday - What happened next

I don't get too many Fantasy Friday stories these days. Certainly not ones written with the amazing writing skills of the one I got the other day. Rosie's husband, Harry, has done it again. He wrote a sequel to his first story that you can read here. I serious when I say Harry is a fantastic writer and I have no idea why writing hasn't always been his career. I have no doubt you'll agree with me.

Please enjoy...

Sunlight Sunday - What happened next?

It was a beautiful late summer afternoon and the sun warmed his back through his shirt, making him feel mellow and quietly happy. Rosie’s mother had visited for lunch that day and he had just returned from taking her home. The red brick house positively glowed this afternoon and, with the curtains half drawn against the earlier strong sunlight, it seemed as though it was happily drowsing with heavy eyelids. Harry couldn’t think of the word that best described the feeling he was experiencing, it was on the tip of his tongue but kept eluding him like an answer in a crossword puzzle. He was watching a robin that flew nearby and settled on the ground. It tilted its head and studied them; not as a source of danger but as if it was also enjoying a shared moment of contentment. Ah! That was the word that had been escaping him, contentment. 

He reviewed his situation. Here he was, in his late 60s now, sitting on the firm comfortable cushions of a bamboo sofa, enjoying the late summer warmth and admiring the superb view in his garden. The garden was a tranquil place bordered with tall trees to the sides and a high wooden fence at the far end. This meant that he and Rosie were seldom disturbed. Their neighbours on both sides were private people like them and although there was an unlocked gate between each house no one just walked in on each other. As it happened this weekend both neighbours were away visiting family and so he alone had the privilege of the stunning view.

He had studied those hills and the valley long before he and Rosie had found the house and bought it. The garden, with the prospect of studying the view in private, was one of his enticements to buy. He cast his eyes over it for a thousandth time and felt the happiness course through him again. The valley before him was neither too wide nor too deep and was formed by nature many years ago, like him! It was still smooth sided with an attractive flat area just before the hills began rising to the south. Harry was always attracted to this feature and insisted on describing his joy of it to Rosie, whose position on the sofa meant that she couldn’t actually see it. The hills reminded him of the North Wessex Downs around Lambourn, an area in southern England where the hills were soft and without blemish, they rolled from one into another with grace and ease.

At this time of day the hills were particularly attractive, what with the fading sunlight that seemed to gently caress the eastern slopes. The shadows were starting to form in the lee of the hills and he knew that soon, as the temperature dropped, the area below the valley would become damp and moist.

Unexpectedly the hills began rising and moving, shifting position as Rosie squirmed face down across his lap, upsetting her naked landscape and destroying his little fantasy. “I’m getting stiff and I’ll soon have goose bumps all over my bottom if you don’t stop admiring the view,” she said. Well, Harry thought, I can’t have my lady complaining about the service can I?  His right hand fell across the furthest hill (her right hand cheek) and her derrière trembled back and forth with the shock. Not so Rosie, who had been expecting this arrival with some anticipation and indeed trepidation, for she had not been a “good girl” today.

With nobody home next door the caresses and the volume increased in intensity and Rosie began to squirm again, not with anticipation now. Although the day’s temperature was falling, the heat was rising nicely and the lower part of the valley did indeed become damp and moist. Rosie’s hills had taken on a very pleasing pinkish tint which, Harry thought, went well with the fading sunshine. Unfortunately the robin had departed with the sound of the first warm up caress – he seemed, well, shocked that this warm sunlit garden could be the scene of such goings on. The house of course knew better. In Harry’s mind the robin’s departure was something of a shame as he thought that he could probably colour match the robin’s proud breast with Rosie’s proud bottom – his work rate intensified along with his thoughts. Rosie hid her smile.

They had evolved an ad-hoc routine when Rosie’s mother came to Sunday lunch. Ordinarily they would lazily waste the morning in bed with breakfast followed by a glass or two of Champagne and then one thing might lead to another. This morning, however, Rosie had, without provocation (the house would confirm this he was sure) sent his almost hot coffee over his hand resulting in “grievous pain and suffering” – his words. Rosie dismissed his complaint with a “Pffft!”

This was his revenge (and his pleasure), and from under the cushion he took hold of a mighty weapon he had found in a small shop in France – a long handled heavy wooden jam spoon. Rosie was in fear of this implement and he took delight in secretly producing it for maximum effect. The trick was to change hands from right to left during spanking without Rosie realising, and then apply justice with the spoon in his right. The effect was immediate, a yell escaped from Rosie’s mouth, full blooded and panic-stricken as she attempted to escape her position. He was having none of it. Harry was ready and waiting and quickly placed his left hand firmly in the small of her back with a “I don’t think so my darling.” The spoon left pretty blobs of pink flowers where it had rested on Rosie’s cheeks – no sign of goose bumps now, he could feel the heat beginning to rise as the smile left her lips.

Harry never used the spoon more than 5 or 6 times on these occasions, after which he caressed and gently smoothed away the sting, allowing her breathing to slow again. He rubbed one pink globe up and down and then the other, gyrating them against each other – they were magnificent. His hand began exploring the darker areas of the valley while Rosie recovered and found that the dampness had turned into an enticing trickle. His fingers spread her lips and began searching for the source of this wonder. Rosie’s breathing had reversed and began increasing again with small snuffles escaping from her mouth. She was almost delirious as the messages from her body flooded her brain. He loved this power over her and it often gave rise to erotic thoughts, what if Rosie were bound and helpless?

He used his left hand to softly pry her arms from her sides, moving them, bent at the elbow, into the small of her back so that they overlapped side by side. His right hand was still busy exploring Rosie’s soaking wet softness, keeping her brain intoxicated. The smoothness and delicate internal places of a well lubricated woman was still a great wonder to him. Harry now put into action a plan, no, a fantasy, he had been constructing for some time. He took some strips of bondage tape from behind the cushion and, without hesitating, wrapped them around Rosie’s forearms where they overlapped, binding them and pinning them in place. Rosie woke up to her predicament but was now helpless in desire and in fact. Harry and the one eyed monster, along with his two cohorts, were on a mission and the planning was working out very well indeed. More strips of tape followed rapidly and voilà! With the intimate exploration proceeding below, indeed Rosie seemed to have changed up a gear; she was now truly at the mercy of his desires. 

The house viewed this unexpected development with the alarm of a maiden aunt. It had witnessed some times with these two but, really! In the garden! In daylight! A light breeze swung the curtains closed as if hiding its embarrassment.
Harry allowed the awareness of Rosie’s position to fully sink in, whilst not relaxing his attention on her intimate areas. He now had the logistical problem of rearranging Rosie into a more receptive position from across his lap. If she resisted, his plan was in ashes; he would not, could not, force his wife against her will. However, that iron will seemed pretty pliable right now. By gently pushing his left hand beneath Rosie’s upper body he was hoping to lift her and use his right hand to move her hips, swinging them across her body so that she would be sitting on his lap and, err, other things, with her back to his chest. However, as his hand pushed under her body he found her breasts taut and her nipples hard. The contact brought a soft moan from Rosie’s lips and as he lifted her she swung herself the opposite way to that which he had planned. Suddenly Rosie was facing him with her knees bent either side of his legs, her body with those beautiful, needy breasts pushing against him! 

Harry suddenly had the surprised look on his face, whereas Rosie had a really clever, clever, little girl look on hers. When Rosie smiled like that, he thought, her face could write a song on his heart. 
Rosie laid her head on his shoulder and whispered in his ear, “Move forward on the sofa darling, otherwise we can’t reach each other!” Soon, she was moving, arms bound, with a beautiful rhythm.

Harry forgot what happened after that, but suffice to say the house didn’t make any night-time noises for a month, the equivalent of it not speaking to us, he thought. 

Serves it right – it must have been peeking!


Told you, didn't I? Harry, thank you so much for participating in Fantasy Friday and sharing your talents with us. And please don't stop. This is a talent you should explore more and more. And if anyone else would like to try their hand a little writing, I'll be happy to host you. Send any stories to elisspeaks@yahoo.com

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

The TTWD highway

If you’ve read here long you know that our journey down the TTWD highway has not been a straight shot, to put it mildly. I think most of us who have ever tried it have experienced the unexpected curves, the bumpy stretches and sometimes being forced to a dead stop, waiting for some obstacle to be cleared. Nick and I have had our shares of each of these.

I hardly ever post on topic anymore. Mostly that’s because there hasn’t been a lot going on along those lines. And neither of us is to blame – or both we both are, take your pick. We talked about it this past weekend. It wasn’t a very good talk. I think it left us both feeling a little down. Me especially because Nick began in a fairly happy, up-beat mood, but I just couldn’t get there and that brought him down too. So I not only felt bad, but a little guilty too for not just going along.

I’m truly poor at these verbal conversations – so I finally sat down and emailed him, but I never got around to hitting send. Yesterday morning I woke up to an email from him. He acknowledged some of his problem with TTWD and pointed out some of mine. He was pretty accurate. Unless he asks me not to I plan to share parts of these emails here because I really believe many people can relate.

But since I’d already written mine and I had his in front of me I’ll tell you what I was most happy about. We’d both ended our emails in nearly the same way.  We were both a little unsure on exactly the best way to move forward, but we did want to move forward and do any and everything we could to make our marriage even better. Now, if both of us want that it doesn’t really matter how many curves, bumps or roadblocks we come up against, the journey continues.

Two things to note:

First, we have an excellent, brand new Fantasy Friday this week. Don’t forget to come by. 

The second thing is that Cassie posted yesterday and she has another post for Thursday so please come by if you have time. If you’ve dropped Cassie’s Space from your blog roll or if you never added her I hope you will. Thanks guys.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

A meme for all

Sunny you know I can't resist one of these. I think it originally came from Lindy so thanks to you too!

1.  Name something people hate to find on their windshield?  

Little kitty paw prints. 

2. Name something a man might buy before going on a date? 


3. Name something you cook in the microwave? 

I cook nearly everything in the microwave.

4. Name an item found in an old man's wallet? 

Old pictures of his kids.

5. Something always stocked in the fridge? 

In our, Sundrop - and I can't even drink it anymore. 

6. Name an item found in a Grandma's purse? 


7. Sport where you might lose a tooth?  


8. Name a fruit that isn't round?


9. Name something you put on a Christmas tree?

Homemade Christmas ornaments from the past.

10. Name five people that you think will do this?  

They’ve all been mentioned now and I’m enjoying reading them.