Gradituesday Y and several other things!

First things first...

VAL!!!

To a wonderful friend and a very special Triplet!!!

I hope you have a wonderful day
and know I love you and I'm thinking of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Y-axis – I mentioned the X-axis last week, I thought that this was only fair.

Yesterday – I like the way I am now better than the way I used to be. But I know that all my yesterdays got me to where I am today and I am grateful for them.

Y-chromosome – I’m glad for Nick’s!

Yelp – I am grateful for things that make me yelp!

Yahoo – One of my windows to the world. The way I communicate with many of my friends.

You – I am grateful for every one of you. But I sure wish more of you would talk to me.

Yankee – While my grandmother, who was born in 1880, spins in here grave, I will admit that I am most grateful for the friendship of one particular Yankee.






What about the diet for this week? Can we all say ptttttttttttth! I stuck to my rules, didn’t eat too much, went to the gym 4 days this week and gained a pound. On well, I’m still enjoying my week.



And speaking of enjoying myself Nick and I had some unexpected alone time Sunday evening. Mollie was off to baby sit and since Nick was napping on our bed I extended an invitation to play, which was accepted.

Nick sometimes like to play a strip card game to get things started. I suggested that if I won I got to show him exactly what wanted when I talked about those 30-60 second impromptu motivational spanking. This card game gives me the chance to give him a few good swats if I win the round so he agreed – but only if I won.

Well I did win! And I did show him exactly what I wanted; well I might have gone a little easier on his skinny butt. He doesn’t have the padding I do but I think I gave him the idea. Then it was my turn and as I was getting a wonderful spanking I know I should have let well enough alone. I mean really it might not have been the best time to admit I cheated on the card game. I found that if I leaned back on the pillow I could see his cards.

That little piece of news got him to change from a wonderful gift I got this summer (I will blog about this gift and one other – including pictures, soon) which was feeling wonderful to the tawse!! I hate the tawse!! The darn thing stings like hell but it’s too light to have any lingering feelings to show for it. But he was in a forgiving mood and switched to his belt, one of my favorites.

The afternoon progressed and we took turns driving each other wild! Lotions, plugs, vibrators, hands, tongues, talking, experimenting, laughing and loving. We ended with Nick asking me to get on my knees in front of him and he gallantly put a pillow down for me to kneel on. He says he like the look of that submissive position. And I was happy to make him happy.

When we were through we lay on the bed talking. Nick mused that even though others might make love more often than we do he couldn’t imagine that there are too many other our age (or younger for that matter) who take the time we do to just play and enjoy ourselves and make sure our partner is enjoying it as much as we are. That was really a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon.


I hope everyone will come back tomorrow – it’s a special day.

Sorry folks, I'm still thinking

I’m still playing in my head digging idly around to see what comes to the surface. My recent posts have gotten Nick and I talking face to face more about TTWD (still a very difficult thing for me after all this time – give me my keyboard anytime!). So if you are tired of my random thoughts you might want to skip me today.

We were talking a little Sunday morning and he was talking about yesterday’s post. My most heartfelt point in that post was that I need him to be at his strongest, most forceful, most dominate and most willing to give a serious spanking at the time when I am the most angry, most sad, or the most withdrawn. That has to be a daunting prospect for a vanilla husband.

He pointed out that when I am most like that – in general withdrawn for whatever reason, I grab my computer and begin typing for dear life. Sometimes I use it almost like a physical wall and my dear husband – who knows my addition to the computer and talking to all my friends here by blog or email – is too much of a gentleman to order me to put it down. And this is whether he wants to play or whether we need to have a discussion about my attitude and what’s wrong.

I realize I do often give off that vibe – don’t bother me, I’m writing. I may have a blog I what to get ready to post, maybe there is an email I need to return, maybe I am hurrying to get pictures ready for Fantasy Friday (If I had more stories BTW I could get ahead and not feel rushed on Thursday’s night. I’m just saying…). So I am going to try to stop doing that.

I love blogging; it is a joy for me. The true joy come from having you comment back or email about what I’m saying. I just love visiting. And I’m not stopping. But if I am in the middle of trying to get something ready and Nick asks/tells me to put down the computer – guess what?? That post or email can wait a day or so! I’m not telling this to you – I am telling this to me!! So if I don’t post for a few days, or I am late returning an email it might just be because I’m doing something that I’ll be blogging about later! LOL!!

So Nick honey, I am saying this to you –

Yes I love my computer, I love emailing my friends and I love reading the blogs of other and writing my own. But I love you more. If Mollie is out and you want to play tell me to put the computer down and meet in the bedroom within 5 minutes. If I'm really tired or not in the mood we can cuddle for a while.

And much harder for you, I’m sure, would be if I am withdrawn and in a ‘mood’ but if you are willing to help me find my way back, you need to tell me “Put down the computer and go to the bedroom to wait on me”. Being told, not asked, in this situations will go a long way into helping me get my mind in the right place. You know it’s rare that I get in bad moods. It’s not something I think you will have to deal with often but if it happens you will really have to get your dom on. If you tell me to wait for you in the bedroom and when you come in and I’m still angry or already in tears I know your natural instinct will be to calm and comfort. But you are married to a spanko – and just like sometimes a person needs a painful injection or nasty tasting medicine to recover, I need a large dose of spanking to begin to feel better. Just information for you to tuck away.

It's a little strange, when I sat down and started to write I was planning to write about something else. I guess this one felt like writing itself.

After post talk

Nick and I did talk about my ‘thinking posts’ that you can read here and here. The best thing about them was that I wrote them when I was in a good mood, and not in one of my sad times. They both really explored how I feel at times but not all the time. I really am an optimist. I do know Nick loves me, cares for me, wants to protect me, finds me desirable…the works. I even know this when little gremlins sneak in and try to make me doubt I still know it’s true. But I still needed to get those thoughts off my chest.

I had him read both post before I put them up. We sat with our feet dangling in the pool and talked about them a little. He was in a teasing mood. Our conversation went something like this.

Nick: So sometimes you really want me to tell you what to do? And spank you if don’t do it.

Me: Yes!!

Nick: But you said your cousin’s husband was mean for not letting her go on the cruise she wanted to go on with her sister.

Me: Well he was just being too controlling and hateful.

Nick: But in your head you admit Tom wouldn’t have let Cassie go?

Me: Well no, probably not. But Cousin’s husband is just being a jerk.

Nick: So there are some things you want me to boss you about and some things I should just let you do what you want?

Me: Of course.

Nick: And I’m supposed to figure out when you want me to tell you what to do and when I am supposed to let you do anything you want?

Me: Now you’re getting it!

Nick: So in each situation I am supposed to read your mind and know whether I am to tell you to do or not do something and know when to spank or not spank all by reading your mind? Right?

Me: Exactly!! I knew you’d get it!!

Nick: You’re right, you do need a spanking!

LOL! And bless his heart. He tries to understand me really he does. And to his credit I did get three spankings within the next 18 hours!

I had sent him another email after he got to read my posts. I got to thinking about some things. I am frequently telling Nick want I need and want. What I need to feel happy and what helps me to feel sexual satisfied. But I don’t spend much time asking him what he needs to be happy. Was there something more I could do for him in bed? So I asked. Along with several suggestions of things I thought he might like.

I think he really appreciated me asking – he said that just getting the email itself was pretty hot. And we will have more exploring to do along those lines!! But there were a couple of things he said in his reply that got me thinking. He explained his concerns with discipline like this:

One of the difficulties in making any effort to be a disciplinarian is it seems to require a presumption of superiority (smarter, wiser, etc) or higher status (parent, teacher, judge, husband?)

Now whether you or I agree with this or not I do understand his hesitation. In the email he went on to say:

To attempt to achieve any level of what you want (or think you want) will take more concentration on my part…continue to bear with me.

For now:

Go to the gym 4 days per week (before noon unless agreed on otherwise)

Only 1 snack pack per day (no snacks in recliner except occasional small portion of after dinner dessert)

No snacks/desserts after 9:00 .

These are certainly rules I can easily live with. And I appreciate the thought. Since he is starting a new job tomorrow, I know he will have a ton of things on his mind and I will do my best not to bug him. But once he gets settles in I hope he will re-read those emails and take the time for those motivational spankings when ever we can squeeze them in. And Nick honey if you do, no 10 little light love taps either (that’s like kissing your sister) to truly be motivational I have to be able to feel them for a little while at least! Remember any job worth doing is worth doing well!

There was one more thing Nick mentioned that I thought was worth noting. As I’ve said I have repeatedly ask Nick to spank more and it often seems he just ignores the request. He pointed out something to me that he has asked for on several occasions that I don’t do. And in a way they are very connected.

Nick would like me to initiate sex more often, or at least some touchy/feely play. Prior to spanking I never initiated sex and often was not very receptive to his overtures. Now this has change. I’m mostly receptive now to any advance he makes but I still don’t initiate like he would like me to. Part of that is because sexually I am mostly submissive but there is also a catch here.

When Nick is not spanking me regularly (at least a few times a week) I don’t feel sexy, I can even get standoffish. I don’t feel desirable and so I don’t feel like initiating sex. When I never initiate sex and get standoffish Nick usually feel I am not in the mood for a spanking and he backs off. See our dilemma? It’s not that we are holding out on each other it’s just that – each of us – forget to do our part sometimes.

So now we both have something to work on. I’m going to jump his bones more often and hopefully that will remind him to warm my rear more often.

And one last thing and I think this is very important. I did learn something from your comments on those two posts. You all helped me realize that the most serious thing I do, the thing I do that can damage our relationship, is to shut Nick out when I am upset. Not letting him know when my feelings have been hurt, when I’m feeling ignored or uncared for or just that I’m feeling sad and I don’t know why. Maybe that is the time I need him and to give me a good firm spanking – went I get quiet and withdrawn and will barely talk to him. I know this will be hard for him. Its one thing to come after your wife with a backscratcher and mostly with a laugh say ‘You didn’t get your laundry put away’.

It’s quite another thing to take the woman you love when you know she is mad or sad or pissed or what ever and tell her to go to the bedroom and wait on you. Or take her arm and lead her, put her over your knee and give her a real, no nonsense, serious spanking. Not for a minute or two but enough time to let her break down some of those barriers. And at that time I wouldn't want sex afterwards, but instead I would just like to be held and feel valued. I guess this is really what I have wanted to know all along, is he willing to be firm enough to bring me back to myself when I get in those moods.

Will I be in the 'mood' to submit at that time, when I am angry or sad? Probably not - but I am writing this and I know if he thinks that situation were to warrant it I would not fight him. I think blogging is a good thing. I think writing this just showed me something very important that I hadn't realized until now.

Fantasy Friday - Contrite Women

Happy Friday everyone! Before we get to our story today I need to let you know that Florida Dom has written a 7th part of his story 'Training Lisa'. Now that he has started his own blog you can read each of the previous parts of the story and now he has posted a brand new one! Check it out - as soon as you have finished reading Fantasy Friday that is!


I am very happy about the story we have for this week. I think it's a wonderful story and it by a brand new author - one of our fellow bloggers. This story is a fantasy - but our author is meeting a fellow spanko and her husband this month. I'm just saying ...


Please enjoy...

Contrite Women

Sharon was excited as she packed; she was going to meet Monique and Steve for the very first time. Monique and Sharon had been corresponding with each other for the last six months, and although Sharon had never met Monique, she felt like they had a friendship that had spanned decades. Sharon zipped up the suitcase and re-checked her purse for the boarding pass. Sharon headed to the elevator still a little disappointed that Gary was unable to get off work, but she understood. As Sharon waited for the taxi her phone rang.

“Hello.”

“Hey babe, I just wanted to tell you to have a good flight and I will call you tonight.”

“Thanks. How’s your day going?” Sharon said as she saw the taxi pulling in.

“Good… but busy.”

“Hey, the taxi is here. I love you and I will talk with you tonight.” Sharon said walking towards the taxi.

“Okay, love you…Bye.”

The taxi driver lifted her suitcase in the trunk and Sharon climbed in the backseat thrilled to be on her way. If there weren’t any flight delays, she would be touching down in Chicago by ten o’clock. Sharon passed the two hour flight by reading on her Kindle and before she knew it the plane touched down.

Steve had insisted that they pick her up at the airport, she had tried to argue but it was in vain, because he wouldn’t budge. Because Gary was unable to come, Steve felt responsible for Sharon’s safety.

As Sharon rounded the corner she spotted Monique and Steve. She recognized them from their pictures on Face book. She started to get butterflies as she approached them but it soon disappeared as they hugged. On the ride to the hotel they made idle chit chat about the flight and started to make plans on what they wanted to do. It didn’t take long before Monique and Sharon were joking. Occasionally, Steve would shoot them a look of caution. Sharon was well aware of the look. Gary used it often and if Sharon chose to ignore it, then she paid the consequence.

They would stop for the moment but it wouldn’t take them long until they were acting sassy again. For the most part, Steve let it go knowing they were having a good time. As they went to dinner that evening, Monique and Sharon had plotted a practical joke to play on Steve. Steve had a great sense of humor and Monique played practical jokes all the time.

They all agreed on Mexican Food. When dinner came they looked at each other and set the plan in motion. Monique dropped her fork, kicking it to Steve’s side. As Steve went to reach for it under the table, Sharon removed the bottle of hot sauce from her purse and sprinkled it over Steve’s meal quickly. Sharon took a sip of her water and tried to not make eye contact with Monique knowing they would not be able to contain the laughter. Steve took a bite of his food and made this sound if trying to clear his throat. Obviously, he had gotten a good taste of hot sauce. Steve reached for the water but you could see by the look on his face that it only increased the heat.

“Something wrong?” Sharon asked.

“This food is really spicy.” Steve said as the sweat was appearing above his brow. Steve took another drink of water. Monique couldn’t contain and burst in to laughter.

“What!” Steve said looking at Monique.

“Did you do something to my food?” Steve looked eyeing them back and forth. Sharon shook her head no but Monique couldn’t lie.

“Yes, we sprinkled some hot sauce over it.” Monique said still trying to contain her laughter. At this point, you could tell Steve was not amused.

“Show him Sharon,” Misty said suddenly becoming more serious.

Sharon lifted the bottle from her purse that read, “Really Fucking Hot Sauce” with a description wrapping the bottle explaining the meaning behind the name. At first, Steve felt like putting some on their food and making them eat every bite but he had something else in mind. They to would feel a burn but not in their throats. Monique and Sharon realized they both had gone too far and were quiet on the way back to the hotel. Steve said he needed to make a phone call and left the two of sitting in the room.

“Crap!” Monique said looking at Sharon.

“Are we in trouble?”

“I think so.” Monique started to pace.

“What do you think he’ll do?” Sharon said with a look of concern.

“I think I have an idea and we aren’t going to like it.”

“You don’t think….” Sharon stopped talking as Steve entered the room.

“Sharon go over to your room and bring back your computer and your red brush.”

“Why, do you want my brush?” Just then it hit her, Steve was going to spank them. Monique and Sharon had met through a Domestic Discipline site. Surely, he wouldn’t spank her…Gary would never agree. Sharon’s thoughts were broken as Steve spoke.

“Now!” Steve said very sternly.

Sharon hurried quickly to the door separating both rooms and grabbed her laptop. She wanted to say she wasn’t sure where the brush was, but knew it wouldn’t fly because he had joked about it before dinner seeing it lay on the bureau. Sharon’s brush was wood with a large red rectangular head. Gary had used this on Sharon before and it was her most feared implement. When she re-entered the room, Monique was on the bed with tears seeping from the corner of her eyes.

“Sorry, Sharon.” Monique said.

“Don’t be sorry Monique, we are in this together.”

Steve set up the laptop and turned on the webcam. “Can you see okay?” Steve was talking towards the computer. As he turned it around, Gary was on the other side. Sharon’s heart sank, she had promised Gary before she left that she would behave.

Gary had always told his wife that no other man would spank her, but after listening about her sassy behavior and the joke she played on Steve, he agreed. Gary thought by letting Steve spank Sharon that it would be the most effective, humbling experience she would go through.

“Sharon, can you see me?”

“Yes,” Sharon said almost in a whisper.

“I have agreed to let Steve teach you a lesson. I believe this will make an impact on you that you will never forget.” Sharon just stared at the screen blankly.

“Monique and Sharon come sit together.” Steve’s voice was very stern.

Monique started to speak but Steve looked at her and she remained quiet. Steve went to the suitcase and removed a strap and laid it next to the brush.

“This can go easy or hard. You will both make your own fate depending on your actions. This is going to be a night you will not forget. You both need to remove your pants, you may keep on your panties.”

They looked at each other and Monique removed her pants quickly setting them on the bed, but Sharon stood frozen. Gary remained quiet watching his wife; he wanted to see how Steve would handle her defiance.

“ Sharon, I asked you to remove your pants. If you do not do as I ask right this moment, you will have more added to your count down.” Sharon looked at Gary on the screen, he walked away saying nothing.

“I can’t!” Sharon said.

“Ten,” is all Steve said. Sharon knew what he meant from previous conversations with Monique. She slowly unbuttoned her pants lowering them slowly. Her face was blushing from embarrassment and tears were slowly rolling down her cheek. Sharon went and joined Monique on the bed, reaching out touching her hand as to reassure her it was okay.

“Monique, come here. You will be first as you should have known better.”

Steve had Monique turn around and lay face down on the bed. She turned her face away from Sharon who was still sitting just a few feet from her. Steve made her face Monique. Steve’s first whack sent Monique lurching forward grabbing the top of the comforter. He continued to swat her backside alternating between both cheeks. Monique moaned with each swat, kicking her legs. Steve would tell her to stop kicking and smacked her thighs. When Steve felt the heat coming from Monique’s panties, he stopped and lowered them. Monique knew better than to resist but Sharon became mortified at the thought of Steve removing hers. Steve continued to swat Monique until her backside was glowing red. Monique was crying and he told them to switch. Sharon hesitated but Steve bent her over.

“Gary….please.” but Gary remained silent watching. Sharon had never been spanked by anyone other than her husband. She felt like she was going to throw-up.

The first swat took her breath away and she began trying to escape to the other side. Steve was strong and had her back in place in no time.

“You can fight but it will only make it more painful for you.” He continued to swat Sharon’s backside. When she started to kick, he also swatted her thighs each time. As he started to lower her panties she pleaded with Steve. For Steve, exposing Sharon’s backside meant nothing sexually to him. Steve was there for one reason only, and that was to teach them a lesson. Steve’s philosophy was that any woman that misbehaved should be spanked. Steve only stopped swatting Sharon when her backside matched Monique’s. Gary saw his wife sitting on the bed; he wanted to intervene but remained quiet. Gary felt somewhat aroused, he didn’t expect that feeling.

“Both of you stand against the wall, do not rub your backside and no talking.” Both Monique and Sharon moved quickly without any arguments. Steve walked to the computer and turned it around and then left the room. They looked at each other as tears streamed down their faces. Sharon mouthed that she was sorry and Monique mouthed she was sorry too.

They stood there waiting and waiting. Sharon needed to go to the bathroom. She looked around but Steve had still not returned. She said out loud that she needed to use the bathroom, hoping he would hear, but nothing. Sharon decided she had to go and started to leave. Monique grabbed her arm but she tugged away. Sharon waddled to the bathroom as her panties were still just above her knees. She shut the door and sat down on the toilet gently. She felt so much better after she was done. She pulled back up her pantries and washed her hands. She wanted to look in the mirror but could feel the heat and had an idea what it would look like. As she opened the door, Steve was peering back at her. Sharon stepped back startled.


“Did I say you could leave and go to the bathroom?”

“No, but you weren’t here and I couldn’t hold it.” Steve whirled her around yanking down her panties, rapidly swatting her backside. Sharon was twisting and Steve just tightened his grip. When he finished he guided her back to the wall. After a few minutes later, Steve told the girls to return to the bed. They sat down looking at him wondering what was next.

“Monique go get the strap and Sharon you will bend over first.”

Sharon noticed the computer was turned back facing them.

“Gary, I have learned my lesson…please.”

“Sharon, Gary will not help you, only you can help yourself. Bend over.” Sharon started to hesitate.

“Bend over, now Sharon.” Steve said a little more sternly. Sharon started to speak when Steve did.

“Twenty.”

“Steve that is not fair! This has to be hard for her.” Monique piped in.

“Ten.” Steve said looking back at Monique.

Sharon was bent back over the bed when Steve lowered her panties again. Her backside was still warm and red from the warm-up. Steve brought the strap down on Sharon’s backside, lecturing her about her sassy behavior. The strap stung and it didn’t take long before Sharon was crying loudly, pleading with Steve to stop. Steve brought down the strap down a few more times and then told Monique to trade places.

Monique hated the strap and dreading the spanking. She laid across the bed and Steve brought the strap down. You heard the smack of the leather as it impacted Monique’s already red bottom. Monique started to fight Steve and he smacked her thighs soundly, telling her to stay still and telling her she just added ten more to her countdown. When he finished, he had them go back to the wall and he left again. They just looked at each other crying but not uttering a word. The only noise coming from the room was the sound of them crying. Sharon was thinking how could Gary allow this, but she knew deep inside why and he was right she would never forget this. She would never disrespect someone else’s spouse. As Steve re-entered the room Sharon knew what was coming and dreaded the brush. How could she take anymore? Her backside hurt so bad and she could feel the welts from the strap. Steve called Monique over and had Sharon stay against the wall.


“Monique bring me the brush.” Monique retrieved the brush and bent over without being told. She buried her face in the pillows because she was sure she would scream the moment the wood touched her already sore bottom.

“Begin Counting.” Steve said.

“One,” Monique muffled through the pillow. “Tweww, Three…please, Four, Five!” Monique yelled.

Steve continued, increasing the hardness with each swat until he reached twenty. When he was finished he took Monique in his arms and let her cry. Steve rocked his wife and caressed her hair. Monique buried her head in his large chest and melted in his arms. When he calmed Monique down he called over Sharon. Sharon waddled slowly to Steve.

“Steve, I am so sorry.” Steve nodded and she bent over and Steve picked up the brush.

“Sharon you will count to twenty.” Steve swatted Sharon’s backside also increasing the hardness of the swats. Sharon slide down the bed at twelve as her knees buckled and Steve gently lifted her and bent her back over. He backed off on the hardness of the swats on the last few and had her pull up her panties. Just then, the door opened and Gary walked in. Sharon saw him and ran to him almost knocking him over. Gary held his wife in his arms and let her cry. Sharon was saying sorry over and over, Gary comforted her and told her it’s alright. Sharon turned to Steve.

“I am so sorry for my behavior. I deserved everything I got.” Steve walked over and hugged Sharon quickly and shook Gary’s hand smiling.

“Are you both going to behave or do we have to let Gary take a turn with you both?”

Monique and Sharon both promised to behave and not cause anymore problems. Monique and Sharon redressed. The guys had already grabbed a few beers and were watching a baseball game on the television. Sharon and Monique joined the guys; it had been quite a memorable first evening.

~~~oo0oo~~~

The author of this wonderful FF is from one of our new bloggers, Katia from 'Not My Original Vows'. Katia joined a spanking website last year and found wonderful supportive friends there. She is married and has 5 children and 2 grandsons. She has lives on both side of the US but now lives in the south east (smart woman!). Like many of us Katia was looking on the computer to help her understand her feelings and ways of improving her marriage. This is was she shared with me.

I knew I wanted a change for our marriage because I always wore the pants and it wasn't working any longer. Like my husband says, "You can't fit two heads through the same hole." I stumbled on a DD website this last May, and the moderator took a lot of time to correspond with me. I adore her very much. Because of her, our marriage has become strong and we grow stronger during adversity.

Katia hasn't done much fiction before and I don't think she realized how good she is. Please leave a comment and let her know if you enjoy her story. And don't forget to go by her site and do a little more reading. I have had the chance to read more of her fiction and hopefully you will get to read it too either at her place or here. Thanks, Katia!!

I hope that there are more of you out there writing and willing to share your talents with us. Please send stories to elisspeaks@yahoo.com

More thought on spanking and weigh loss

I really want to thank everyone who commented yesterday. Your comments helped me realize a few things. Nick and I have done some talking to and I am feeling great about things. I'll let you know more about our talk in my Sunday post. Tomorrow we have a brand new Fantasy Friday from a new writer, so don't forget to come by!

But here is the rest of my mind wanderings ...

I have been struggling on and off with depression for several months now. I hesitate to even say that because it is not severe. I know many peoples who truly suffer with serious depression and by comparison I feel like I am whining over my little problems. But anyway I feel like sadness, the blues or what ever its called is hovering near me just waiting for the opportunity to sneak in some small crack in my normal happy life and throw it’s blanket over me.

When I first came out to Nick I think the only word that could have been used to describe me was ‘joyful’. I couldn’t remember a time in my life (other than giving birth) that had made me any happier. I was one big grin and people noticed! Co-workers, friends and even my family wanted to know what my secret was – I didn’t tell! I was meeting wonderful like-minded people on the internet. Nick and I couldn’t keep our hands off one another and we were connected emotionally in a way I had never dreamed we would be.

Now I’m a grown up and a realist. I know about honeymoon periods and I knew the giddiness wouldn’t last (although it did for a long time) but giddiness or not I never want to lose the real and tangible improvements we made in our relationship.

So lately I have given great thought to these waves of sadness and tried to see what triggered them and what seemed to help push them away. It comes back to – spanking (sorry to sound like a broken record Nick).

When it comes to erotic spanking we do fantastic! We have had some afternoons to remember. I see these as lavish banquets where we indulge in anything and everything we can even imagine. I truly could not ask for, or even imagine, anything to top these afternoons.

But no matter how wonderful these are I can’t live on the occasional banquet. I need daily nourishment. I need Nick to spank often. I now know that these feeling of sadness come over me when we go for weeks with out any spanking or even discussing spanking. The feelings creep up on me (even though my brain tells me they’re wrong) the feeling that he doesn’t care anymore, the feeling that this is just a game to him, the feeling he’s bored with me, the feeling he’s bored with the idea of spanking and worse, the feeling that everything will go back to the way things used to be.

So many our here say if you want him to spank you - TELL HIM!! I do, I have, I feel like the blog itself has been a three year long request for him to spank more. But sometime you just can’t bring yourself to keep asking. It’s like asking for a kiss. Nothing wrong with that – but if it starts feeling like the only time you are kissed is if you ask for one, well that’s just not what you want. You want him to want to kiss you, to think of kissing you without you asking, maybe send you an email saying he can’t wait to get the chance to kiss you and you don’t want the only time he kisses you to be during lovemaking. Yeah, I often feel both greedy and needy.

My diet – the hook I used to interest Nick in spanking for real – is all tied up in this. For two years I was focused and interested in the diet, wondering whether or not Nick was really into it, if he would hold me accountable, if he would put a few rules and guidelines into play and back them up. His interest kept me interested.

Everyone says “If you are going to diet or get on some plan to change to a healthier life style you have to do it for yourself. You can’t do it for someone else.” Basically I think that’s true. But that has not really worked for me. I knew for 20 years I needed to lose weight and change my habits for myself – but I never did it. It wasn’t until Nick got involved that I suddenly had a reason to do it.

Now I feel like I’m drifting. I’m bored with the healthy lifestyle goal. Sometimes I gain sometimes I lose, Nick may spank or he may not. I sometimes blow off the gym and he might say something or he might not. I have let soft drinks slip back into my diet he may ask about them but he doesn’t tell me to stop.

I need his help, his interest, his consistency! I know the weight is my problem and not his but he is my husband and I need his help. I need him to help keep my interest. That might be the occasional new rule, a specific goal, and motivation!!! Since he is uncomfortable with discipline let’s change the word – let’s do motivation spanking! I think that would surely help get my focus back. I feel dull now. I stand in front of a candy or soda machine and think, “Why the hell not. Who gives a shit if I gain? I don’t care anymore”. But when we are spanking regularly I have a much more up-beat attitude. I can pass these things up for him. I can do it because he has told me – not ask – but told me NO! I don’t know why my mind works like this but I know it does.

Nick has no idea the power I am willing to give him. When he told me “No snacking in your chair” I stopped. But now that he never says anything, I do snack there some. If he said ‘No regular soft drinks.’ for a certain amount of time, I’d stop. If he said “you probably should cut back of soft drinks” in my mind I’d just say to myself, “Yeah there are a lot of things I should do” and ignore the suggestion. On diet topics I want him to be forceful. And if I don’t live up to what he expects me to do, perhaps he could ‘motivate’ me in our own special OTK way.

For this I would really like him to think outside the box. Keep me on my toes. Interest me!!!! He’ll be starting work soon and I don’t want this to be a burden on him. But any morning I could use a few dozen ‘reminders’ not to go overboard on snacking that day, or to be sure to go to the gym, or to pass up desert if I am eating out with a friend. Mollie’s asleep at that time and it wouldn’t take long.

Or when he gets home from work and we find ourselves in the kitchen he might ask if I have followed all my rules today or gone to the gym or what ever. There are plenty of wonderful unused kitchen utensils handy. Whether I’ve been good or bad I’m sure I could use motivation for the next day. I would love to be spanked before we go out to eat with friends or things like that. It would make me feel thought about, and cared about. It can all be done in fun – he doesn’t have to be a drill sergeant but I really think this kind of thing would help me – and yes, I know we still need to work around Mollie but she does nap a lot, and baby-sits a lot. We could work it out I’m sure!

Does this put the burden of me losing weight and getting healthier on Nick? Is he responsible for keeping me from getting depressed? Of course not completely, but yeah some. I know the connection I get from the attention of regular spankings keeps me emotionally connected to Nick. This keeps me pretty happy. And as for the weight, well if I can go to the gym, cut back on the amount I eat and give up some of my favorite junk food for the most part – then I don’t think asking him to give a 30 second spanking several times a week is asking too much. He and I both know the benefits of this life style and I think we both know it’s worth it.

Wandering through spanking thoughts

I need to talk a little about spanking and what I need. Yes I am talking to Nick but here is where I can clear my thought and see if I am making sense to other spankos. Poor Nick, I think I rarely make sense to him, he is just good enough to go alone with my strangeness most of the time.

My fantasies always involved both erotic spankings and discipline. The erotic for obvious reasons and discipline in order to feel safe and loved. But Nick has never wanted to do discipline because he views it differently. We have had a partnership marriage that ran very smoothly for a long time. I think a lot of his questions are similar to those asked on Living Domestic Discipline, N and K’s blog. You can read their post here but I’m paraphrasing here from their post and from discussions between Nick and me.

Nick: You say you want discipline and I know often you do, but what happens when you don’t? What about when you are in a really pissy mood and I have no idea why. You don’t seem to want to talk and it seems you’re mad at me but I have no idea why. Now really – do I give you space, try to talk to you or grab you turn you over my knee and spank the truth/problem out of you?

I have to say these are good questions and if I am really, really honest my answer has to be ‘I don’t know’. It would be so easy to say “I want you to spank me so I know you are the one in charge and you are the one who will make me do right and I will feel safe and cared for.” This would be easy to say as I write this because that is what I always want in my fantasy. But in reality, if I have a horrible day, I’m stressed, overloaded with work and really angry about things in general, do I want Nick saying – “You are going to the gym tonight no matter what.”? Do I want him telling me what to eat and not eat or to tell me to put my laundry away NOW?

And again I come to the same answer – I don’t know. Part of me does want that. That part deep inside that wants to be submissive to a strong man, that part that nearly all the women of my generation have fought to suppress their entire lives. Just as I think men have fought their natural dominate feeling so as not to be thought of as a chauvinist or a bully. It all still confuses me and I know the answer won’t fall in my lap today.

Nick is not comfortable with the thought that he has the right to ‘discipline’ me. I think for him it puts him into somewhat of a parenting frame of mind that, of course, neither of us want. But we have discussed that even if he did use discipline there wouldn’t be much reason to. We rarely disagree – not on money, the kids, household responsibilities, and I have never yelled or cussed him in anger in our lives. If we did discipline it would have to almost be made up reasons. And that wouldn’t feel real to me. Pretend discipline doesn’t get it. I don’t mean to say I don’t do tons of things that annoy him, it’s just that we are both so laid back that we don’t sweat the small stuff and Nick sees my shortcomings as ‘small stuff’, bless his heart.

He has only really used discipline twice – at least where I felt it was real. Once I lied to him about going to the gym – I had confessed because I felt guilty. And the other time was when I called myself a ‘piece of shit’. He really didn’t like that and I really didn’t like what followed! But I did feel loved that he picked that as one of the few things he wouldn’t tolerate.

So what we do leaves me much happier than I ever was before I came out to him but still needing … more.

I am looking for that middle ground where I am getting the feelings that I think being dominated would bring me – safety, security, protection, and love, while Nick would not feel uncomfortable being my ‘boss’ and feeling like he is expected to monitor my every move and feel like a bully telling me what to do.

So where does that leave us? More thoughts tomorrow.

Graditueday - X

First things first :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
NICK!!

We can talk more about your birthday later today!!

Now on to the X's. At first all I could come up with was xylophone but to be perfectly honest, while I am sure that the xylophone is a fine instrument, I am really not grateful for it. So here is my shot at it! But after putting a little work in it and doing some looking back I came up with these.

Xander- This is my son’s cat. And yes that is how you spell it. LJ was a big Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan and I believe he got the name came from that show.

X-rays – Very helpful invention. While it can’t exactly look into you soul it can give you a clear picture of injured bones and other potential problems throughout our bodies.

Xerses defeat – The Greeks beat this guy there by saving western culture. That’s kinda nice.

X-axis – As a math teacher, knowing about this does come in handy.

X-files – Now while I am a big TV fan I never watched the X-files but my sister is the biggest fan of the show ever. I have to be grateful for anything that gives her that much pleasure, even if I think she is a nut about it.

X-chromosome – I am very grateful that I have two. I couldn’t deal with a Y myself. I am also grateful for the half of the population that can personally deal with a Y-chromosome. I guess it takes all kinds.

Xanthippe – This was the nagging wife of Socrates. In other words she was a brat! One of our own!

Xerox – Now this one really makes my job easier! Although many times I have felt that the copier’s sole purpose was to teach me how to cuss!

Xmas – This one used to make me so mad until my dad explained that X was the Greek symbol for Christ. I still prefer to see Christmas written out because I don’t think everyone’s father explained this to them and I don’t want people appearing to X Christ out of Christmas. But as long as everyone understands…




The diet update. Well I suppose it good news - I was down a pound. But after eating out Saturday night and eating at Nick's mom's Sunday I believe I blew that piece of good news. I am really going to have to do something different to be able to show a loss this week. And according to Nick I will be needing to post a loss this week.

I have been doing a lot of thinking both about spanking and about my whole weight loss plan. Not only thinking, I've been writing too. I'll be posting my thoughts tomorrow and the next day but I ask Nick to read what I had written. We are still talking about it but I have to say that when I do open up and tell Nick what it is that I need he has always tried to understand and help me. Yesterday was no different and I think I'm feeling better already.

The saga ends, I hope

I finally have some good news on the computer story, which you can read here if you like. But really not that exciting I have to tell you. The day after the marathon call to the repair center Nick took the computer and cords back once more to Best Buy. As soon as he got in the door he asked to speak a manager.

Nick gave him the whole story and told him he really didn’t want to leave the store with out a cord that would allow us to use the computer. The guy called the repair center but didn’t get much farther than we did. Finally he suggested Nick buy a special HP universal adapter for $79.00 and he could return it within 30 days once the repair center sent us a new one (like your idea, Kate). Nick wanted to know what would happen if they never sent the right cord.

After looking at him for a minute the guy asked Nick if he had a penny. A penny?? Nick said “I’ve got a dime.” Thinking the guy wanted to use it as a crude screw driver or something. But the manager was saying, “Never mind, I’ve got one.” Then he rang up the new cord for a penny, slipped it in a bag and handed it to Nick.

My thanks to Nick and the manager – now I have MY computer back!!

~~~~~~~

I wrote all that the other day. Yesterday my arthritis attacked again, with vengeance. Around 3:00 Friday afternoon I felt a small twinge in my finger. By 11:00 that night the if I moved it or brushed against something the pain was nearly as bad as kidney stones. It’s better today but still very tender and I am typing mostly with one hand. I have an appointment with the arthritis doctor this week. Wish me luck!

Fantasy Friday - Knock on Wood

Fantasy Friday is below but I wanted to wish Eva a

Happy

Birthday!!


Hope you're having a great day sister!

This is more like it! It's Friday and we have wonderful new story to read. I heard from several people so we have stories for a few weeks. Life is good - it's summer, it's Friday, we have a new story, and thanks to my wonderful husband I have a computer cord that works!!!! More on that later.

The story today is by a long time blogger and as it will soon be obviously an wonderful wonderful writer. I am so happy she decided to share with us. More about her later.

For now, enjoy...

Knock on Wood

Eliza was a bit nervous, John had been hinting for days now that coming weekend she would finally have to pay the bill. The last few weeks he had been gone a lot and normally if she had done something wrong she had been spanked right after he came home the evenings. And to be honest she enjoyed those spankings, she did not see them as punishment. When John found out he had been laughing and told her that from now on the evening spankings were just for fun and he would think of something else for punishment. They were together for 5 years now and just after their marriage John started slowly with blindfolding her before they had sex, with silk scarves tying her to their bed and during the years it had become more intense.

In their earlier years those spankings had been punishment, but now she had butterflies if she thought of his hand or paddle on her soft white cheeks that then became a beautiful red.

Now something else would be introduced and she had no idea what John meant. When he came home that evening she was waiting in the flimsy black mini dress she knew he loved, had made a nice dinner and his beer was just the right temperature. John smiled when he saw his nervous wife, he hugged and kissed her. It smells lovely here sweetheart, now lets first have dinner and then enjoy the weekend. During dinner he started teasing her, had she been knocking on wood enough recently, for she sure would need it. Eliza thought of their paddle and smiled. If that was to be the punishment she sure would enjoy it. Dinner was finished soon, and after doing the dishes together John hugged his wife and told her to undress herself, put her blindfold on and wait in their bedroom.

She went to their bedroom and slowly undressed herself, now she could see nothing different, all their toys were in the closet and she did not see anything new when she took her blindfold out. She knelt at the floor, legs slightly apart, his favorite position. She could hear John, it semed he was moving furniture, at one time she thought she heard voices, the butterflies inside her seemed to grow. She lost track of time waiting, when she heard his favorite music. Then she heard his footsteps coming closer, but was it him. A hand took hers and she heard a voice she did not know, ‘come with me Eliza, it is time for your punishment and John is waiting for you’. Eliza knew that John would not leave her alone in their house so she did follow, but insecure and pretty scared by now. The hand holding hers was wearing something, it felt like a latex glove and Eliza had no idea what was the meaning of this. When she entered the livingroom she heard John’s voice, ‘my darling, I hope you will take this punishment without protest, you can stop it at any time, but I think you are brave enough for this’.

Eliza smiled and said, as long as you are here everything is OK Master. John smiled, she was brave his little wife and slave. The gloved hand took hers and said ‘follow me’. Eliza then had to sit down, it was a strange chair. She had to sit with wide spread legs, which were quickly fastened to the chair with leather bonds. A fast chain went around her middle and she could not move anymore, and then her arms were also locked. Her collar was on, and the ring on the end was fastened so she could not even move her head. The same hand that had lead her there was now touching her everywere and blushing Eliza realized that it could be seen and felt how excited and wet she was. If this was punishment, Mmmm, she seems to enjoy, she heard that same voice, now who was this, she had no idea. Then she felt the sharp pain on her nipples, these were nipple clamps she immediately realized, and ohhhhhhhh, this did hurt. She heard John saying; now it will not hurt as much if you stay still, and we did help you with that my darling. Softly she murmured, thank you Master.

Weight was added to the clamps and Eliza shrank as this really did hurt, but at the same time she felt something cold enter her wet lips. It was cold and heavy, but felt a bit familiar, what was this. Slowly it started to move, in and out, in and out and Eliza moved a bit to meet this torture. Both sensations had her going crazy. Then she heard a sound she did not know, a hand touched her but it was filled with electricity, and she yelled. That had was everywhere, but especially when it touched her tortured nipples she almost fainted. The dildo inside her moved faster now, but when Eliza started to forget the pain that was added, more weight on the nipples, and the electrifying fingers even more painful. Then she felt a flogger, it felt like being pricked with needles everywhere, and again the dildo went faster. Eliza was fighting now, she needed that orgasm but the pain kept her on edge. She started sweating, and suddenly she heard John say, now you see how horny she is, and she heard different voices, ‘she is beautiful fighting this’, ‘oh look her nipples are getting so long’, ‘see her dripping so horny’.

Eliza had no idea, were there more then 2 men here, she heard a woman laughing. A blush covered her whole face, were did those people come from, did she know any of them. Tears wetted her blindfold and she felt John touching her. This is your punishment sweetheart, if you enjoy being punished you should not be the only one. And the dildo entered her again, faster and faster. All the emotions in her, all the sensations she felt, Eliza started to slowly flow away, then when she thought the dildo could not go faster and she was begging for permission the clamps were suddenly taken of, she felt the sharp pain and then John’s voice, come for us Eliza, come for us. And she had an orgasm as she never had before, she moved into thick clouds and floated away on the sensations she felt. How long she was gone, she had no idea. When she slowly came back she heard John’s voice.

Welcome back my darling. How do you feel? Eliza started to cry, oh John, all those people, who are they, how can I ever go outside if someone I don’t know recognizes me. John smiled, and took her blindfold of. She saw their living room and no one in it. Then she saw the little tape recorder in his hand, she pushed a button and heard that strange voice telling her to follow him again. Then she saw the dildo, it was on a fucking machine, and carved after a real life model she was pretty familiar to.

He smiled, no one was here my darling. But then again if you push me this far again next time it might be real instead of a tape. Eliza smiled softly, I love you soooooooo much she whispered....

~~oo0oo~~

Super story!! Our story today comes from all the way across the pond. Our author is the wonderful Lessa from Lessa's Place. If you aren't a regular at Lessa's Place you are missing out. Lessa's writings are beautiful and thoughtful. She is a gentle and caring soul. Her ability to find the best pictures in the world is amazing. Please leave her a comment here or drop by her place and thank her there. I want to say thank you again from me!!

As I've said I have heard from a few of you with more FF stories and I am very grateful. I will uses some reruns in the future if I need to but there are several new one coming up over the next few weeks. If you are willing to share a story with us please send it to elisspeaks@yahoo.com