I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Saturday, January 24, 2009

More talk and Fantasy Friday

NOTE : I have decided to keep Cassie's Space private but I am willing to invite anyone that is interested. If you would like to read the site just send me an email to elisspeaks@yahoo.com If you enjoyed the stories or are just curious you will be welcomed. I removed everyone that was invited before you knew the truth. If you want back in please just let me know.

Fantasy Friday follows but I guess I need to say something. I’m not sure what. I am so sorry for everything that has happened, for everything I have done. If I wasn’t clear enough in my other two posts, let me be clear now. What I did was dead wrong. Lying is always wrong. I knew lying was wrong before I did it but I did it anyway. I am sorry I did it, not just sorry it all had to come out, but sorry I did it. I am sorry that I hurt people. I don’t know what else I can do or say.

I have wanted to answer some comments out here but things have gotten so ugly that anyone that dares speak in my defense in any way runs the risk of being impaled with a barrage of hurtful words. I truly appreciate each of you that have left a kind commented, called or emailed. But I have no desire for my friends to put themselves in the line of fire out here. After all they didn’t do anything wrong. I hate to see them spoken to unkindly just for showing their support.

While what I did was wrong I won’t take credit for every problem in blogland. When I first found Bonnie and the spanko world initially I was hooked quickly and completely. Addiction was not too strong a word. I spent hours and hours devouring everything Bonnie wrote. I took time away from my family and other things I needed to be doing. But I’m an adult and that was my choice, I can’t blame Bonnie. I am taking time now when I could or should be doing other things. Many here are choosing at this time to spend a large amount of time commenting instead of spending time with family. Each person makes their own choices of how their time is best spent.

I want to correct one misconception that was out here somewhere today. Tiggr did set up Cassie’s original white blog and was kind enough to find the beautiful original avatar. As the person she helped at that time, I thank her. But the beautiful, one of a kind, incredibly unique template that has been the face of Cassie’s Space for the last year was done by none other that the fantastic CeeCi. I still think it is the most beautiful one she has ever done. And I thank her.

I do not know what to do about Cassie’s Space. Many have said they would be offended by its return, while others have asked for its return as an acknowledged fiction blog. I don’t know what is right but I will decide soon.

If I take blogs off my blogroll it is not out of anger or because I think they are not good sites but out of respect for their wish not to be associated with my site. And that is understandable.

Forgiveness? That has been mentioned. I have said I was wrong and that I am sorry. I have to decide if I am going to forgive myself. I do know that forgiveness does more for the one doing the forgiving than for the one forgiven. I hope everyone out here does what they need to do to feel better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



And one last apology. To the wonderful author of this great Fantasy Friday story. So very sorry for you to get caught in poor timing of when you story went up. You have done an excellent job! And the story is great. So everyone here is the test of this weeks Fantasy Friday. Take a deep breathe! And for just a few minutes lets all enjoy this spanking story together. And for those who may comment on what I said don’t forget to give your thanks to our new author.


ON JULIE’S BEACH WITH A PADDLE - part two


John proceeded to painstakingly hop around to the driver’s side. I threw myself over the top of the gear box knowing I couldn’t even stand outside the car because, for the first time in my life I was afraid of John and he was totally justified. I had almost hurt us by not paying attention to polite local driving customs. I was speeding through the intersection full of myself while I berated an injured John in the process. The last thing that came out of my mouth was ‘so fuckin’ get over it’. I wanted to die. Driving his own car while his left knee was visibly swelling; he grimaced in unrelenting pain. I wanted to cry but didn’t dare.

John’s cell rang. It was Sharon and I could hear the kids in the car. They sounded so happy. That was light years from where John and I sat in our funeral procession drive home. That is what it felt like and coincidentally Sharon shouted through the phone as if our car were as noisy on the inside as hers,

“Where’s the funeral, we just passed you two headed north on the strip and you didn’t see us waving like mad out our windows. Davey proposed that you had kidnapped his mom for cash but that Dave refused pay the ransom, so you were both stuck! Just kidding Julie! If you can hear me, sorry honey! Davey is definitely crackin’ us up today!” She laughed so lightheartedly.


Oh God, if she had only known that John would find little financial value in me at this point in time. My heart felt like it was racing and had just stopped all at once, as I realized I had to face Dave and then Sharon. But most painful would be facing Dave. I felt like a prisoner, John the Jail guard, judge and jury. I was fucked. The sad thing was all I wanted to do was be alone somewhere to kick my own ass. I kept saying to myself ‘what was I thinking?’ but then my monster ego came loping into yelling “you weren’t stupid bitch”. And then as I looked at John holding the cell phone (I managed to get my downcast eyes up that high) I knew I’d pay big time. This was the day that John would be guiding my marriage into the future.

“Hey Shar? I want you to take the kids out for lunch and a movie, if you don’t mind. I have some serious shit to discuss with Dave about Julie. Nothing I haven’t said before, but this time she’s her own prosecutor. Its part of the reason we looked like death warmed over when you passed us.” A long fifteen seconds passed.

“No, I won’t go into it now. Just keep the kids occupied for the better part of the day. I think we will need to have John’s kids over for a campfire tonight. Hopefully at the end of the evening Julie will be settled into their new direction.” A long pause occurred.


“All right, I gotta go, love you babe. Ya, I’ll tell her, only it will be later, much later.” He hung up and his caste iron eyes felt too heavy, like my heart couldn’t support the weight of their glare. John pulled the car down the street the ocean glare was magnificent. There were surfers and bikinis and pick ups everywhere. Everybody was drinking something cold and happy to be on the beach and ith each other.

“Julie!” I jumped at my name when we pulled into the driveway of our beach house. Dave looked toward us with a big smile and motioned toward the cooler.

“Stay in the car!” John hissed out through his lips.

I had never seen him like this. He spoke through gritted teeth. How dramatic was that? I asked myself rhetorically, trying to find fault with his behavior. I stayed in the car staring at the pack of cigarettes I had just bought. I was already in so much trouble; I didn’t think it possible to make things worse by smoking in the Vantage. Besides if I smoked a cigarette maybe I could fight off that sickening feeling that I was five years old. I grabbed the pack and carefully unwrapped the cellophane.


John backed up a few steps stared me down and said “If you even think of lighting up in my car, I’ll beat your ass first. Understood?”


He waited until I shook my head in total fear and agreement. The day seemed to be moving through fucking molasses. A few minutes had passed. I looked down at the beach now where I could see Dave’s incredibly angry body language. John had one hand in his pocket as if two hands would over dramatize the situation. He used the other one in choppy angry slashes through the air. Dave just kept shakin’ his head. Every once in a while he’d look up at me in the car with a wild look I couldn’t make out from the distance I sat. But I knew I’d never seen that look from him before. I knew in my frightened heart that that wasn’t the only thing to be delivered to me that day.

I couldn’t even bare to think about what they were saying. I had suspected what John and Shar’s married life entailed regarding how they resolved issues. I felt like they were living in the 17th century and with my personality, I wanted no part of any of it. My prayers were that Dave would elevate himself above John’s sense of fuckin’ cowboy justice. I was pissed and scared. And I realized after nervously downing my energy drink that I really had to pee. I also knew I had to pee whenever I got very nervous. How was I supposed to sit in the car all morning? But I didn’t dare get out.

I put the cigarette in my mouth and moved the car into gangster lean position. I had to calm myself down. Fuck it I’d just take a nap, they’d been on the beach for five minutes. I figured the longer Dave took to shove aside John’s ideas, the better. I was lucky so far that Dave hadn’t ripped me out of the car and tried to spank me right there in the driveway in front of John and the surfers. I needed to shake off that possibility so I closed my eyes tight and focused on breathing.


Dave stood up after sitting on the cooler. He and John shook hands. Then John slapped him on the back. What could that possibly mean? I watched Dave walk forcefully and purposely toward the car. With each step Dave seemed to loom larger and I felt myself becoming tinier. I had never seen his expression before and panic set in. Would he break our engagement? Had I fucked things up irretrievably? I wasn’t prepared to pay that kind of price for my actions. I was hoping that he would see how remorseful I was. And maybe, just a little his face would soften as he approached me. My legs began to shake as he touched the door handle. I assumed his voice would sound angry, but it was gentle as he opened the passenger door for me.


“Don’t speak,” he said too calmly.


Now I started to shake all over. He didn’t need to say one word. He was one of those rare guys whose actions were other men’s words. And now it became too obvious to me what was coming next as John pulled up in the Advantage intercepting us before we got inside. John handed Dave a fucking paddle! I felt nauseous and wanted to bolt. I just kept looking down as Dave bid me to enter the beach house by opening the screen door. It was much cooler with the air conditioning and now I couldn’t hide my shaking. I could feel Dave boring holes in the back of my head but assumed he was also focusing on where he’d use John’s paddle. He took my left wrist and guided me upstairs. His grip made me feel guilty as hell. As he came up behind me on the stairs, he gently took my right wrist and then positioned both my wrists at the small of my back. I felt like I needed an orange jump suit based on my perceived control over my life the next few hours.

Once in the bedroom, He laid me over the bed. My shorts exposed way too much in this position. My fiancĂ© appeared very natural while I was lost in my predicament. I didn’t know what to do with myself. In my stubborn mind I wasn’t resigned to submission. I had spent my whole life resisting the concept. Even though Dave was quietly in control of our relationship on a deep level, it usually didn’t come to the surface very often.


For some weird reason, I flashed forward to our upcoming wedding. I certainly had bridezilla potential and could see us tux, veil and paddle holding up the ceremony while Dave delivered a groom’s justice. Years after that I could picture Dave putting in a movie for our kids while he took their mommy upstairs so that she would be reminded that recording atm withdrawals in not optional when saving money is of the essence. As if Dave was inside my head sharing my visuals I heard him say,


“Julie I’ve known you your whole life and you make total sense of what I’m about to do.” I began to breathe fast, no make that pant and he hadn’t even touched me yet. I needed him to talk me through this, to help me understand how a grown woman could be face down on her vacation, a month before her wedding, awaiting what had to be a painful spanking. But I was realistic and knew I just wanted to delay what I was about to feel, as I watched him raise the paddle well above his head. He felt like a wall crashing on top of me.

Nothing could have prepared me for the incredible sting that resonated on my ass. I tried to escape from the bed based on shear instinct but Dave’s arm destroyed all hopes of my escape. Minimally I wanted my hands to protect me against the incoming blows. But I couldn’t move myself, not at all. Way to quickly the next ones came. The paddle was so fucking long both cheeks felt seared to my shorts. Fucking John, fucking Dave. I was furious now and began to try to move. I was going no where. I had no option. I had so somehow endure the incredible pain. I tried to talk my way out before the fifth strike came.


“Dave, please, I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again,” I ran it all together so fast and then wished I had more to say, thinking foolishly what I had to say would change his mind. I was so pissed and scared. Responding to my disobedience he landed a blow that made the others seem amateurish (and they weren’t)! I shrieked so forcefully the sound upset me. I was so physically jolted by that swat I vowed not to say another word. The cumulative effect was becoming very clear to me now.


“I told you Julie, NOT to speak!” He was too calm except for the word ‘not’. This was a first for me. I was always so competitive with Dave and others. I believed I would always come out on top. Humility was sorely lacking in my life. It was kind of like a light switch went on, or maybe it turned off; I’m not sure. I became less angry and more resigned to what I knew I had had coming to me for a very, very long time. As I began to cry I felt such a rush of relief. Everything was so slowed down and simple, despite the fact that my ass was a fireball. I had always been so manipulative with my behavior. And while I knew I’d think twice about it the next time after this lesson; more importantly I knew Dave would help me to be accountable to myself. The sense of knowing I’d no longer be allowed to grow in a wrong direction also made me cry. Then I began to sob and almost choke. After about twenty hard smacks with the paddle, Dave stopped, glanced peacefully at the paddle then said.


“This will be our first wedding present to each other.” We could feel the change in me. For the first time in my life I was finally submissive and stopped fighting against the paddle, against Dave, against my better judgment. I felt relieved and yet sad for all the years of acting so immaturely.

He let go of my wrists and set the paddle down on the bed at the same time. He turned me around and sat me down on his lap. You would’ve thought with the flow of his movements, we had done this a thousand times before. While I was amazed at this unrehearsed yet synchronized ballet, I was more amazed at how much it hurt to sit. I could feel his thighs; they were too hard beneath me. I felt like a fireplace radiating heat. My hair remained in front of my face. I wanted no eye contact. I felt so embarrassed that I had caused him to be this way with me. He pushed my hair away from cheeks and wiped the tears with his thumbs. He waited until my eyes met his. He waited a few seconds – it killed me. He leaned in to kiss me as if I’d never been kissed before. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. He seemed a bit tired based on the depth of his sigh. But as always it was challenging to know what he was thinking. But I knew he loved me enough to do what was right for me. As he began to kiss me more firmly I was surprised to find how much I wanted him.

We made love. Each time I moved a bit, I could feel the reminders of his welcomed power over me. And although it was different for us, John told me exactly what to do as we made love. (Usually I would be hopping all over the bed.) Then we napped. Later that night Dave insisted I “face the crowd” and of course I needed to apologize to John and Sharon. John put on Queen’s “Another one bites the dust.” I was demurely sitting next to Dave. Being quiet had never felt so good or safe. Taunting, John whispered in my ear,


“I played this for you!” Waiting maybe thirty seconds I leaned back into Dave’s shoulder listening to the waves roll back out to sea and watching the logs burn down. I said to Dave very quietly, “I want you to know I resisted calling John an asshole. Aren’t you proud of me?” He just chuckled and shook his head. While firmly patting my very sore behind, he said rhetorically, “Julie… how are we going to get you through this wedding?”


~~~oo0oo~~~


Our author this week was KayLynn. She is in her late 40’s and lives in PA. KayLynn has been married for 30 years but they have only been spanking for around 18 months. She is the proud mother of 4, some of whom may be figuring out mom and dad’s secret! LOL! KayLynn’s words sums it up best “I'm the spanko but he's the classic stoic alpha male and hasn't had trouble adapting. We've never been happier and we've always been very happy.”


Thank you so much for contributing. I am looking forward to your next story. If anyone is writing and would like to join in on Fantasy Friday please send your story to elisspeaks@yahoo.com

27 comments:

  1. Graciously done sweety. I've been very sad to see how ugly things have got on many sites and yet I guess that too shows us sides of people that have, until now, not been evident. I leave you with the same words I've shared with others over this:

    'this too will pass'

    As for Cassie's space. Do what you feel in your heart is the right thing for YOU.....not for others. There are plenty who'd love to see her return, who know now she's a fictional character, as do those who would rather she didn't. If you feel its right to be back then, as you say, its each persons own responsibility whether they let 'Cassie' back into their lives or not. Those who don't want to don't have to visit.

    The story shared here is great.....well done KayLynn!!

    love and hugs xxx

    PS....I wonder if you'd mind sending hugs to CeeCi for me. I so miss being able to read her blog. I used to look forward to my visits there.

    x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous7:32 AM

    You have a lot of guts. Not too many people are brave enough to say something they did wrong even once never mind as much as you have done it. The people saying your a mental case are jerks. It takes guts to say that you lied to

    get one blogger to waste her time designing a blog for you but then saying you did it for two of your friends wow!. Heaven must have a place for you!

    I never heard of your blog before a few days ago because I don't want to spank people but everyone is talking about it and that paul guy too. I haven't seen if he said anything like you did or not but if he did then it means he isn't a jerk

    either. Me and my wife have been reading all the stuff people write about it and though you must be a real ahole at first but your not. Your really cool. I see why people stick with you. I have been telling everyone we know to check all

    this out. My wife loves soap opras and watches them all day long and she thinks this is much better. You will have a lot more readers soon because of this. I'm sure you'll have more friends than you do now too. This might even

    make you popular some day.

    I am not good at writing my wife is better but she is too nervous to tell you we think your cool because we know lots of people who lie about everything and use people for their own kicjks and some are my friends in spite of that but

    they always lie about doing so. They will tell you to your face that they weren't lying even after you catch them. But not you. When they catch you you tell them you did it. That is cool. You are the first honest liar I have ever known. I hope

    you bring that casie blog back. I would like to read it.

    You really should be proud that you admitted you are a liar. And prouder that you admitted you used lots of your friends too and you didn't just admit it because they caught you like some people said. This proves that because I didn't

    see anyone saying you used that ceci person. You are the one who told everyone first. You did it to show people how good you are. I don't know if those are the write words but I hope you see what I am trying to say. I'm really

    nervous because I never wrote to a celebrity or anything like that before where lots of people read what I say. I think you are pretty cool no matter what ecveryone else thinks! We are from West Virginia and people in these parts are

    tight and we stick with are friends no matter how bad they get. We would be proud to have a frienjd like you! I'd even maybe let you baby sit because your just a liar and not into kids or anything as long as you didn't spank them. I've

    got some good for nothin lying friends I want to come here to read your blog so they can see how they should admit stuff so God can forgive them. Keep it up.

    Tony

    Oh ya I forgot. The story was really good too. It woulda been great without the spanking stuff. But I guess that's what you like so y'all probably liked it better than me. My wife wants me to say she liked all of it a real lot but I know she is

    lying to be nice even if she keeps telling me she isn't.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Pk, If any person should be mad it should be me I trusted Cassie and let her become my mom. She was real to me. I watched my real mom taken from me when she died.She did not know me and was scared of me. The last time I visited her I rubbed her head and just smiled at her.

    Cassie will always be in my heart and I think about her often. She came into my heart at a time I needed her.

    As for you dear lady you created her and I am so thankful for that. I can not tell you what you did for me when Cassie was created. If any one should be mad I think it should be me.

    I could never be mad at you over this. You are special out here to alot of people. You are part of my life now as my sister.

    I am tired of seeing all the things written that are hurtful to you. If all these people would just take a minute and think of what you have really done for blog land they would change there tune.

    Today is another day and maybe this will be the end of all this. Just know Pk I have forgiven you and you are in my heart each minute of every day.

    The story was really good thank you for letting us read it.

    Big hugs for you this day.
    David

    ReplyDelete
  4. M:e,
    Thanks for coming by. I hope we well are moving on. That will be the best for everyone. I'll give CeeCi that hug.

    Tony,
    Thank you for taking the time to comment. I agree with your wife that this often seems like a soap opera. I'm glad you liked the story.

    David,
    You are such a good man and I am honored to be your sister. Your support during all this has been amazing. You and Mthc are the best.

    ReplyDelete
  5. PK,

    I admire your courage to speak the truth. It is not an easy thing to do. Good for you.

    I'm glad you are going to continue your blog here and as for Cassies Space, I too have always thought it was the most beautiful template I've ever seen. Truly, Ceeci really could have a career doing what she does. Lots of people sell templates to create income.

    I think you'll know just what to do with your Cassies blog and it will feel the peaceful decision.

    Very nice story KayLynn!!

    I have long wanted to offer a story here for this series. Its a lovely way to share with the community. I'm having trouble coming up with more than an erotic paragraph or two most of the time, so I haven't felt able to share a story. Perhaps sensuality and the erotic will come into my life in a more tangible way in future and I'll be able to add to your series. In the mean time, I'll enjoy reading.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank-you for the wonderful fantasy Friday story! And PK, sending hugs my dear friend...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Story was great KayLynn thanks, look forward to more.

    Sending hugs to you PK.
    Ronnie.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi PK:
    I have been saying on a few blogs, that I "echo" M:e's comments, and I guess that is also true for today too! She must be reading my mind.
    First I want to thank Kaylynn for her lovely writing, and sharing it with us. I hope that some day she might start her own blog and share more of her stories. (fiction or daily life).
    PK hang in there, I think about you every day. It will take some time for people to forgive. And you have handled this so well. That was a very sweet comment by David.
    Take care
    Andrades

    ReplyDelete
  9. KayLynn, what a wonderful read. Wow, if you're not currently posting, you should consider it. Your writing is great! I really enjoyed the tension that grew as Julie realized exactly what she'd done and that there was no way she could bully or brat her way out of the inevitable. You developed her nicely in the two parts here. I hope we get to see more of her and Dave. Since there is a wedding in their future a bride-zilla story might be just the thing.

    I hope we get another installment soon!

    *hugs*
    CeeCi

    -----oOo-----

    PK:: Thank you for clearing up the confusion about the template. 'Cassie' and I worked really hard on the look and feel of her page. That fade background is one of the most beautiful I've created. The avatar Tiggr found for you helped make a theme for the site, but the rest of it was all you and me.

    I just got to thinking about that avatar... a magnolia. Hmmm, now I'm thinking 'Steel Magnolias'... rather appropriate lately.

    And if I may *Hello Tony and Mrs. Tony* you've no idea what a delight it was to read your thoughts. I agree, our friend PK may be a liar, but she's got more guts than any of us will ever know. I was thrilled by your support and your compassion. And yeah, it is a soap opera, isn't it?

    *Hey M:e, the hug felt fantastic. I've missed you too!

    CeeCi

    ReplyDelete
  10. First of all... this has been a lovely FF story. It's very well written. As for the other stuff... you've done all you can do. You're not pulling any punches about what you did and you've apologized completely. Either people accept it or they don't, but short of inventing a time machine... you can't do anymore.

    Personally don't think the Cassie blog should continue though. Know that's not the popular opinion here. But, it seems like your time would be better spent at New Begginings... and not continuing something you regret having started in the first place. That's truly your decision though, and it doesn't change the fact that you've fully accept responsibly for your mistake and apologized for it.

    :)
    Todd & Suzy

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous4:04 PM

    I guess if I had to choose between only 2 movies, "Invasion Of The Trailer Ttrash" is a lot better than the fire & brimstone of "Dante's Inferno."

    In defense of Tiggs and her loudmouth spouse this one time, I don't think anyone believes that her post was trying to take credit for the current design of Cassie's site. I believe the point was that she had spent a lot of time designing a site for Cassie under false pretenses and gave PK the Fantasy Friday Tiggs had invented and made into a very popular thing that has surely increased your readership by a lot, and so her and PK have done tremendous favors for each other.

    Though it pains me to say, Tiggs and mighy mouth showed a tremendous amount of class by trying to defend PK and saying they are still grateful to her. I came here hoping for a post and comments showing the same amount of class from those whose side I have been on through this, but instead of thanking them for trying to help you or thanking Tiggs for what she has done for you, I see nothing but people worried Tiggs might get credit for a blog design only a few of us can see anyway. And those of us who can see it, already know who did it.

    The loudmouth has been nastier at times than anyone here but he has also shown a ton more class on more than one occasion. I am very disappointed that their side has taken control of the higher moral ground and the main people from our side have never even tried to step foot up there. I have heard countless words from people on our side of this about wanting to heal and move on but it is obvious those words are empty. Every opportunity we’ve had to show we aren’t the self-centered cretins so many people seem to think we are has only ended up with us just making their case even more airtight.

    As much as I love PK & Paul, and as much as I wanted to wring the loudmouth’s neck for leading the attack on them, I am sorry to say that I now see that his tiresome preaching comes from deeply held convictions and not from hatred or malice. I am afraid all the hatred and malice is here on this side. I can’t call it our side any more because I do not like what this side has become.

    I still want everyone to lay off Paul & PK and wish the mouth would drop the preaching and go back to making us all laugh the way he used to, but I am ashamed to be part of what we now represent.

    I am posting as anonymous this time around for obvious reasons. Neither side will be happy with me for what i said here but I had to say it.

    Great story KayLynn. I look forward to many more.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well i've seen a funny comment..some heartfelt comments and a what the heck is that comment. All i can say is It is a great FF... M:e your always classy..Ceeci..you're awesome..tony..too funny.. i like the soap opera reference.terps is sweet..Greenwoman is smart. and of course i'm married to David!.But Pk we've been thru a rough week huh..lets hope it's over with. KayLynn hope to hear from you again..you're a great writer.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Great story KayLynn!

    PK, honey, you poor little thing. I've been lost in my own world for a few months, just found out about all this stuff today. Don't feel so badly. Let go of all this crap. Your intention was never to hurt anyone. People just love drama. It's why they read your stories!

    My only concern is for you. You're experiencing too much agony over this. So you created an Internet persona? We're all just adjusting to this new form of communication with this Internet thing. The anonymity completely lends itself to the behavior you've been displaying. You're not a bad person. At all. Isn't the point of blogging to entertain? You never said, "Hey, everything I put in here is the God's honest truth." Most people lie, anyway. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone, who cares?

    Besides, like I'm Michelle Carlyle? Hardly. I hide behind her because I don't want my readers to know who I really am. Too afraid of having my vanilla writing career hurt. Too afraid I'll be hurt for my "secret" fantasies. Spanking is too fringey, still.

    As for the people you've "hurt", it's their choice to take it as betrayal. But if your intention wasn't to hurt anyone, then hey, so what? You're obviously a good person, either as PK or Cassie. That comes through.

    I'm just sorry your childhood sounds as shitty as mine was. I, too, retreated to a world of make-believe. Have to say, it saved my ass.

    My only concern is when the lines between you and Cassie get blurred in your mind. I'm in therapy right now to heal my childhood and fix my life. If you aren't in therapy now, I highly recommend it. It can help sort out all these thoughts in your head and help you deal with your pain. But you have to find a good one. I am blessed with mine.

    Not that I think you're that screwed up, but a tune-up never hurt anyone. I just hate to see you in such pain. You don't deserve it.

    My advice is let go of it and move on. Put Cassie's page back up and allow yourself to write her stories.

    And if people are mean to you, it reflects only on them, not you.

    I wish you the best and I'm here for you if you need me.

    Big hugs,
    Michelle

    ReplyDelete
  14. I wrote you a person email with my thoughts on the Cassieblog.

    ReplyDelete
  15. KayLynn that was a great story. Please write more, please.
    Jay

    ReplyDelete
  16. Greenwoman,
    Thank you for coming by. CeeCi is a wonder. I just hope everyone can find peace now. When you get the time I would be honored to have a story from you.

    Treps,
    You have done a lot to help me through this time and I will never forget it.

    Ronnnie,
    Didn’t Kaylyn do a fantastic job??
    Thanks for the hugs.

    Thank you for your support AG. The story was great and the comments of David and others have really helped me.
    CeeCi,
    Kaylyn is a true talent. She knows her character well and I love the way she develops them. I bet she will write more for us.
    Tiggr did a great job on the original site that is why I thanked her in my post. But as always you work is truly unique. Steel magnolias is appropriate right now.

    Todd and Suzy,
    Yep that was a great story!
    I do thank you for what you have said here and I will give it all some thought.

    Anon,
    I don’t know exactly how to respond. If we have been friends I hope you will email me so we can talk privately.

    You said,

    “I am afraid all the hatred and malice is here on this side. I can’t call it our side any more because I do not like what this side has become.”

    I guess this is what I don’t understand. What in this post got you to ‘hatred and malice’? I am just a little confused.

    Hey Mthc,
    Yes this week is over and I am relieved too. I have gotten through it because of friend/family like you and David.

    Michelle,
    Bless your heart for your support! I sometime am really confused about why I need my alter ego so much. I had the fantasy family – but my childhood was idyllic. Love my parents and my sister. Was extremely close to them until they died and had lunch with my sister today. The person I was in the fantasy was in much worse conditions than I was. Maybe I really am warped! I am talking to someone now. Thanks again.

    John, thank you for your email. I have answered.

    Jay,
    I think she did a great job too.

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  17. PK life is going to go on with or without you, forgive yourself. Clean up Cassie's blog list. Heck I cleaned up mine a bit after all this, why shouldn't you?

    I mean all of this was a huge shock to me. But I don't really understand the "big, evil, mean" factor. I was just shocked! You wrote a hell of a story!

    The only thing I heard that sounded malignant was you giving advice as a DD lifestyler.

    I think that most of us with a few years of living under our belt can relate to a DD lifestyle.

    I mean did you give major advice on how to tie down a sub with a variety of knots? Did you give any advice on how to suspend a wild sub from the ceiling? Did you even give advice on safe spanking?

    I would be willing to bet you gave advice like " talk to your partner, tell him how you feel."

    Anyway, you have apologized enough. The people who matter have heard and get your message. As for the others, forget about 'em.

    I'm OK, you're OK, most of us are OK. But a few folks ate not OK. Don't worry about them! We have to learn to live around them!

    I love you. I think you are more incredible than I originally imagined!

    Huggs!
    Theresa

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  18. Fantastic Story!!! What a great writer!!! I really enjoyed that! Even the waiting for the end! I enjoyed imagining what was going to happen last night! And I loved the conculsion today! HORRAY! Thanks!

    And PK, What Theresa said! I've heard ya.

    Me

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  19. Theresa,
    I love you and what you said. Yep life will go on and everything will be alright.

    Carye,
    I love the anticipation too. Glad to see you here.

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  20. goodmorning PK... I think you've showed character and decency in the whole ordeal of last week. And it was an ordeal to all of us. I hope we can leave it all behind us now. I must say I haven't felt any anger or other negative emotions... I am very happy Tom can never mail my Love to tell him he should give me a good spanking.. *grin*...

    you've had some tough times behind you and I sure hope all will be much better from now on...

    I'd sure like to be invited and visit Cassie again... so please yes please ;-)

    and KayLynn... wowwwwwwwwwww to you.. love the story.. encore encore...

    love, lessa

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  21. Great FF story! I keep meaning to write one for Fantasy Friday but I havn't had the chance yet. I should put that on my bucket list. :)

    I agree with M:e that this will pass. I enjoyed reading Cassie's space. I was more of a lurker there but I did enjoy the blog a lot. I'd like to continue to read it if you continue to write there. I admit I lurk a lot but I'll try to get better with commenting.

    Hang in there PK!
    Hugs!
    padme

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  22. Great story!!

    PK - I'm glad you decided to continue Cassie's blog. I wasn't a reader of that blog, but I'm glad that you choose to make that decision. It was yours to make no one else's to decide, to pressure either way. People will have to chose for themselves whether or not to read it.

    I couldn't agree more about wasting time. We are all given the same 24 hours in day, how we spend those hours is our own doing. Being with our family, cleaning house, being productive, playing games, working, reading on the Internet, it a choice we each make.

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  23. Kari,
    Well put. Thanks for being here.

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  24. Anonymous9:58 AM

    Enjoyed Fantasy Friday - kudos to the author!

    For Cassie's Space, it is your property and therefore your decision, but if it you feel it is okay to reopen it, I hope you will reconsider your decision to take it private. I'm sure that you can understand that that move excludes anyone who feels nervous about sending their email address to anyone over the internet. The events that have unfolded recently including this one would have left many feeling that way. If they are willing to give Cassie's Space another try out of understanding for you, are you unwilling to understand their feelings right now as well?

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  25. Anon - why not create a new email address to share to receive an invite to the blog? there are plenty of free email services out there to create a new address at, if you don't have one you wish to share.

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  26. Anon,
    You have put your finger on the thing that is bothering me the most. Shutting people out. I know you and others can be very hesitant to send off you email addresses to strangers. Kari's advice is the best. Most people get a fake email address just to communicate with folks on the blogs. I think I will be posting about this soon. Don't give up on reading at Cassie's space yet. Let me think a bit longer.

    Kari,
    Good idea. I hope some folks will do that.

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  27. Anonymous12:17 PM

    Thanks for thinking about it. Those emails are still linked to you plus, for many of us, our computers are shared with very curious and far more savy kids that leave us nervous about using our computers for more than visiting.

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