I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, April 27, 2017

Am I enough?

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Great trip!

We made it home from NYC safe and sound. I love seeing my boy, who isn’t a boy any longer. Let me get my complaints out of the way first. I feel like someone took a baseball bat to my legs, knees and feet. I better hurry back to NY because I feel when I’m a little older I won’t be able to make it. The subways are a great feature of NY and if you are with someone who knows them, very efficient. But the steps getting to and from them are daunting. A few have elevators and there are some escalators, but mostly there are steps. My knees aren't crazy about steps. Starting on our third set down in one location I told LJ I thought I saw a sign reading, “Bowels of Hell.” He just laughed and said it seemed accurate.

Except for a few aches and pains the trip was great. With all NYC has to offer, I was only going to see people, LJ and Collin top the list, of course. This time there was a bonus. My niece lives there too and we managed to connect for a quick lunch, we got in at noon and she was flying out at six. She’s moving to Texas and she and her boyfriend were heading there to find an apartment. This younger generation does move around.

We did see Beautiful and I loved every minute of it. It just made my heart happy to hear the music I grew up with. LJ knew one of the cast and we got to talk with him afterwards. I definitely recommend the play to anyone heading that way.

We got to eat with three of LJ childhood friends who also live in the city and I loved seeing them all grown up and with some impressive jobs. One friend had her son with her – a delightful child! He’s four and played quietly with his toys as we ate and visited. His mother never offered him her cell phone and he never asked for it – he entertained himself with toys! I was impressed.

On the last night there we had dinner with LJ and Collin and their dear friend, the girl who officiated at their wedding. We had a wonderful time but I was truly dreading getting back to the hotel. The walk from the subway to the restaurant was just under a mile and I wasn’t sure which train we should take when we got there, though I have no doubt Nick knew, then a half mile trek back to the hotel from that subway stop and I was tired!

We had talked about how much walking we’d done – I average 3,000 steps a day at home and on our second day there it was just under 20,000 steps. We saw LJ’s friend texting as we all came out of the restaurant to say good-by. I was trying to get my bearing for heading to the subway when she told us, “Don’t worry I just ordered you a car. It’ll be here in four minutes.” I was so thankful. As we thanked her I asked if it was better to pay with cash or a credit card. She answered, “It’s already paid for, including tip. All you have to do is thank the driver and get out at your hotel.” We may hear people gripe and make fun of millennials, but the ones I know are fantastic!

I learned, or at least remembered, some things on this trip. I don’t like NYC. I don’t like the traffic, the confusion, the noise and mostly the crowds! But I was also struck by LJ’s complete joy in his adopted city. He loves every bit of it, he thrives there and I’m so grateful he had the desire and the courage to make his dreams come true. I love seeing my children happy.

Just thought I’d add one shot of my two favorite men in the world, Nick and LJ.

Monday, April 17, 2017


I hope everyone who celebrates Easter had a wonderful holiday weekend. Ours was on the quiet side and for the first time in thirty years, the Easter Bunny didn’t stop by. I suppose because there were no children here. Mollie is on spring break and she took off with her teaching partner, her partners two daughters and their grandmother for a girl’s trip to New York. They will meet up with LJ and Collin at some point for a good visit and Mollie has a cousin there also so they are planning to go out one night. They saw Wicked Saturday night and that seems to have been a hit with all ages.

Nick has this week off too so we planned to follow in Mollie’s footsteps and head to the Big Apple ourselves. Mollie flies home Tuesday and we fly up on Wednesday, causing Collin to ask, “Has there been a falling out that we don’t know about?” We’re honestly not trying to avoid Mollie, it just worked out this way.

At the moment, it seems that Mollie has taken all the warm sunny weather for her trip and is leaving us with rain in the sixties – grrrrr… but we’ll survive. LJ asked if there was a play we’d like to see and there was! We now have tickets for ‘Beautiful’. I can’t wait, I grew up on Carole King’s music and all who have seen this say it’s incredible.

I know this trip will be good for us, we haven’t been to see the boys since their wedding in 2013, we’ve seen them, but they’ve come to us. I’m not a traveler. I know that’s what retirement is supposed to be all about, but I’m a home body. Should I ever be put on house arrest my first thought would be ‘Thank God!’. That doesn’t mean I haven’t loved every trip I’ve ever been on, I have. But I’m a hermit at heart and I love my cave.

Don’t know if I’ll have my computer or not, but I’ll be around here one way or another.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Cassie’s gone to meddling

Cassie’s been with me for fifty years. Just as a companion. She’s always eager to share her stories with me and I’m always eager to listen. But lately, as we’ve gotten closer and closer to the same age, she is definitely starting to meddle.

We’re going to a big family wedding the end of April. As it happened it’s another gay wedding. My cousin’s son and his boyfriend are ready to tie the knot. But unlike LJ and Collin’s wedding which was basically a wonderful party in a bar, this wedding is going to be the wedding of the season with a large rehearsal dinner, late afternoon wedding, dinner, dancing and an open bar.

If you’ve read here long you should know – I don’t do fancy. I’ve worn one dress since August of 2003. I didn’t like it. Dresses also require shoes – other than flip flops or tennis shoes. I don't like shoes. They hurt my feet and if they have any heel I'd probably kill myself. So I’ve been worrying about what to wear to this upcoming wedding. Monday I headed out in search of a wedding outfit – pants with a pretty blouse.

Then Cassie decided to stick her nose into my business. As I was looking for some nice pants, she basically told me that ‘women of our age’ needed a dress or two. But I don’t like dresses I explained in my head. She gave me a look and said no more.

I ended up with two dresses and two pair of shoes.

Cassie has gotten me half way through her tenth book, but she is going to have to stick to telling me stories and stay out of my wardrobe.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Ronnie is crazy

* I didn't know what Ronnie was posting today, but I find the timing amusing! Go by and see what she has to say about canes!

Please know, I just love Ronnie. We’ve been friends for years. I love reading about the way she and P live their lives.  Their relationship has just about the perfect balance of fun and discipline spankings. Why would I say my dear friend is crazy?

It’s her professed love of the f*ing cane!

I never even liked canes when I fantasied about this life style. Once I experienced one in real life – thanks to my dear friend Ronnie sending me one, (thanks Ronnie) I knew I’d been right in my disregard.

This comes up today because Nick used our damn cane (again Ronnie, thanks) this Saturday and my feelings for the cane are the same or possible more negatively. Really, Ronnie, WTF?

All right griping and complaining aside, used sparingly the cane might actually be a deterrent for me if Nick would just be consistent. He wants me to eat healthier, exercise more and in general be healthier. He’ll make vague suggestion, “You ought to…”, “You should try…” and in a normal world in a vanilla relationship that would be fine. I just wish that for once, about one or two things in particular, he would be a bad ass and really lay down the law and be consistent about  enforcement. I have no idea if it would work, but nothing else has and I would so like to give it a try.

Ronnie, I do love you dearly – despite your weird attraction to this implicating of torture. But should ours ever break – by getting caught in a door or some pruning shears or something, please don’t feel you have to replace it.

Wednesday, April 05, 2017

Cat and Lindy's questions

From Cat – asking everyone the same question that was asked of me several years ago...What four people (and their spouse/partner), living or dead, would you invite for an evening of drinks and dinner?

Hands down I’d want my parents back for a dinner, and I’d want LJ and Mollie there so I could show my folks how wonderfully they turned out. I think I’d also invite two of my aunts who were very important to me growing up. They’ve both been gone around thirty years. That’s one dinner.

My last two I’d like to meet and talk with would be Laura and Almanzo Wilder. There are thousands of people I’d like to meet from the millions that have been here, but with most I’d be too nervous and in awe of them to enjoy myself. But with Laura, I’ve read so much about her life, both her books and those writing about her. I’d love to tell her of life now and how things are done. I’d love for her to know her books are still being read. I’d love to take her to a grocery store, and for a plane ride and to schools and libraries. I guess this would be a little ambitious for a dinner, but it would be so much fun.

Lindy asked -
PK if your Cassie books were made into a movie who would you cast as the characters? Especially Cassie and Tom.

Cassie is easy as can be. In my mind she looks like Ellen Burstyn. Here are a couple of picture that make me think of her.

Now Tom, that’s much harder. There is definitely some Tom Selleck in there maybe a little Sam Elliott too – although Tom is clean shaven.

But this is the picture I’ve found that looks the most like Tom. I don’t know who it is. If you do, please tell me. But this is Cassie’s man.

If you'd like to see the whole cast - go here, and tell me what you think.

Lindy's last questions was: What's the best part of TTWD you enjoy?

That one's easy too. When we actually doing it, I most like the closeness it brings us. We actually look at one another more, we talk more, we smile across a crowd and know what the other is thinking. We make little jokes that no one else would get. We could be out and he brushed his hand lightly across my butt and I feel like I'm his. It's just that we don't really do TTWD very much and I wish we did.

Tuesday, April 04, 2017

Baker's intriguing question


         If you could pick, which of your fictional husbands to have for a day--Tom, Steve, Andy or Cal, which would you choose and why?

Baker questions was definitely one of my favorites. Of course for real life I’m keeping Nick. Whether I’m complaining a little about him or singing his praised, he’s the only man for me.

But for a day or two in a fantasy world which of these fictional husbands would I choose. Hmm… very different men. There are thing that attract me to each. They are all good men, but who would I choose? No question about it.


I suppose because I know, I know how much he loves his wife. He adores her, he wants to be with her. He wants to know what she’s doing, what she’s thinking, he wants to talk with her. When they go out he watches over her, they hold hands and he’s always aware of her.

If he tells her to do or not do something, it’s because he honestly feels that best for her and he’s going to back up what he’s said. She never has to wonder if she’s in trouble – if she goes against Tom, she is.

I know I could not be married to a man like Tom in real life. I'd probably feel smothered. And probably several of my friends would disagree with my choice completely. But for a fantasy for a day or so, he’s my choice.

For those of you who have read about all these men, which would be your choice? I know we’d each choose our own husband, but if you had to pick one for just a few fantasy days…

Monday, April 03, 2017

Lovely question from Abby

I really like Abby’s question, it’s day dream time!

If you were told you could make one purchase.....cost is not a consideration ...what would you buy?

Nick and I talk of this often, our ‘lottery’ dream. We live near, but not right in the mountains. I want a beautiful cabin in the mountains, no more than an hour from where we live now. It can be large or small.  Must have items would be a lovely deck looking to the west so that we can see way down into the valley, a nice hot tub on the deck and inside a warm cozy fireplace, as well as the usual beds, baths and kitchen.

I want it close to a town, but I want it to feel private – not really that hard in our mountains. I think of this place as a wonderful retreat, a place to unwind and be together. A place to replace the summer heat with cool mountain breezes. A place to be snow bound for a few days in the winter. A place to read and write on the deck or by the fire, just a little piece of heaven.

This is what we’ll get once we win the lottery and once we're settled there you'll all be invited. 

Friday, March 31, 2017

On a lighter note, Questions from Ronnie

I got the following questions from Ronnie.

As an author, do you prefer to read actual books or use an E reader?

The choice between an actual book and my Kindle – this can turn into a serious battle between true lovers of reading. I love books, I love the weight, the smell, the solidness. I love seeing the cover every time I pick it up and knowing by both feel and sight know whether I’m near the end. But despite this love, I must admit, I prefer to read on my Kindle.

If, heaven forbid, I find myself somewhere without a book or my Kindle – I have the Kindle app on my phone. I can buy as many books as I want without thinking of my overstuffed bookshelves, I can take dozens of books with me on a plane or any vacation, I can make the font as large as I want and I can read in the dark without bothering anyone. I fear the loss of books and book stores, but I love my Kindle.

What book are you reading at the moment?

In spanking fiction I just finished Leigh Smith’s, Finding Home and Taylor Evans, Ami’s Courage – and loved them both. Right now, I’m reading Love Letters from Lady Bug Farm, the second in that series. This is a fantastic series by Donna Ball. The first in the series is ‘A year on Lady Bug Farm’. I just love the ladies in this book.  No spanking, but definitely worth your time!

 If cost was not a factor, where in the world would you most like to visit?

With everywhere in the world to consider, this is nearly an impossible question. I’m sure my answer will seem uninspired to some, but I would go to Colonial Williamsburg in Virginia. It’s my favorite place! I find it tranquil and lovely. Perhaps I lived there in another life. I love hearing the colonists as they explain how things were done then and I love watching their reenactments. Nick and I might go this fall when the weather is just beginning to turn cool. I can’t wait.

PK, Loved reading your answers to Jan's questions. You really do describe your characters very well. That's another question, how do you choose your characters?

I thank you for your kind words, Ronnie, but I laughed when I read this question. Choose my characters? I’ve never chosen a character in my life! They march in and say, “Write this.” And all I do is say, ‘yes ma’am’ or ‘yes sir’! The truth be known, I’m a typist, not a writer.

Nothing is more fun that writing away, believing you basically know where the story is going and suddenly have your characters take off in another direction. I think that’s why I love Lily so. She was not in my head, I’d never thought of her so, of course, had no intentions of writing her. And when I got to a point in the story, she walked into the room and took over. I’ve never been so surprised in my life.

All my characters speak for themselves – but no voices are more clear to me than Cassie, Sue and Lily.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Roz's other questing

I'm happy to have these questions to answer. If someone asks something I don't want to answer, I won't. But if I choose to answer I'm going to be honest and here goes.  Roz's last question was:

Is Nick helping you with your health goals?

Hmmm… no. Well sorta, maybe. He means to I think, and there have been a few spankings. But, being honest, I have to say, no. I missed my first goal. Close, but didn’t get there. We had an afternoon date for some fun time already planned and when he mentioned a spanking for not making my goal I told him, I understood, but that I hoped it wouldn’t have to get mingled with our fun time already scheduled.

I was expecting that spanking to come later in the day, after our ‘date’ or perhaps he next day. But nothing, I guess he decided to let it go – which is about the worst thing that can happen in TTWD. We talk about communication here on the blogs and over the past ten years one thing I think I’ve communicated thoroughly by email, in multiple posts and by looking him right in the eye and saying it – I do not like to mix fun, sexy spankings and discipline spankings. I know this will never be real for Nick, I get that. To him TTWD is, and will always be, a game leading to sex. For me that’s a lovely twenty-five percent of it.

However, for me to feel completely safe, secure, protected, understood – I need that other seventy-five percent. He has spanked me to help me ‘remember’ and I appreciate it. But I’m afraid it was the equivalent of a ‘bam, slam, thank-you ma’am’ spanking. It was out of the blue, I was in the middle of writing – my head quite far away. I was surprised but willing. It’s just that I had no time to get my mind involved and for me, a spanking where my mind is not involved is much like sex with no touching. Spanking over, he was gone with the briefest of hugs and little to no conversation.

I don’t mind the impromptu spankings – seriously, the man needs to walk around with a paddle in his pocket for the millions of little things I seem to do, or not do, daily. The quick impromptu spankings can be so useful for the little things. Unfortunately, Nick doesn't embrace the lifestyle. He doesn’t think like a spanker. He doesn’t look for or see obvious reasons to spank. Last year, we agreed I should have a minimum of 3000 steps by four o’clock daily – good general rule. Has he check or asked me about it in the last six month? No. The other night I left my keys in the door, I used to do this a lot, but rarely anymore. Did he spank? Hell, no. Just said “Be careful, you left your keys in the door again.” What kind of spanker doesn’t find that as an excuse for a quick spanking? (No I wasn’t testing him, I think I came in with my hands full and really forgot.) That’s when you use the ‘blam, slam, thank-you ma’am’ spanking – for things I just choose not to do or carelessly forget.

But for the things he thinks are really important, things like missing my goal, those spankings need to be different. How much more effective it would have been if he’d taken a moment earlier in the day to email or text something like, “You’re not doing what we talked about. Be in the bedroom waiting for me at four o'clock and we’ll discuss it further.” I would have had time to think, to look inward and see what had kept me from getting there, time to contemplate what was coming, time for TTWD to be real for me for just a little while.