I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, January 18, 2009

No warning needed


I need no warning about anyone on the internet. I didn’t come here looking for absolute truth. If I were looking for the absolute truth I couldn’t be on the internet dealing with fake names and people who I know are intentionally hiding there identity. I came here to write and to read the words of others.

The people I ‘know’ here did not come to fulfill my needs – they came here to fulfill their own. That is why we are all here. To fulfill our own needs. I wasn’t looking for a guide, a dom, a priest, or perfect person. I was looking for people who would discuss spanking and spanking relationships with me. I found that. And whether people told me the absolute truth or only what they wanted to be the truth doesn’t bother me one bit. I have been helped by every comment I have received or read anywhere else. No lie detector was needed to test the love and caring behind the words.

I am so very sorry that someone was hurt by a friend. But that should be one hundred percent between the person that was hurt and their friend to work out. By it being discussed other places has only brought hurt on those who truly only meant to help. Maybe they went about it wrong. Maybe they made serious mistake. Perhaps things got out of hand but I will never believe that there was any malice behind any of this.

Before we say how awful it is that some one was less that truthful on the internet – wow, what a concept – maybe should take the time to make a list of the times we have hurt a friend or a loved one, the times we screwed up big time, the times a small untruth that we thought would hurt no one backfired and ended up hurting us and others. Those of you out there that are perfect and have never hurt any one won’t have to make a list. But many of us are going to have to go get a second sheet of paper.

Look for the good in people, there is plenty. And when you see their bad try to forgive them for it and hope and pray that they won’t see our short coming and point them out to everyone else.


23 comments:

  1. Twin~ Well said! I doubt there's one of us who has been able to be completely truthful about his/her identity. There's usually too much at stake which is sad because truthfully for me, there's nothing illegal about a spanking/sex life with my spouse. Some folks however, just don't get that. A person's level of honesty is their own business. I'll take them at the level they are wiling to give. Like you if I wanted absolute truth, I wouldn't have turned to the internet to begin with. I hope those involved can see past their hurt and realize that like you said we each came her for selfish reasons... to fill our own needs, not to meet the needs of others. For the most part, I can forgive others for omissions of honesty when I realize that it's not about me to begin with. Basically - in my opinion - those who are hurt are the ones who selfishly think it's about me me me. It's not. Get over it. Forgive and move on.

    Just my 2 cents.

    Hugs~
    Twin

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  2. PK
    INCREDIBLY well said. I have been thinking all day many of the same thoughts that you have.
    I often wonder at how deeply honest any of us can be about ourselves. It's not easy to be 100% truthful. I certainly do not like to see anybody hurting. And I hope that with time they can see beyond the hurtfulness and find people that truly comfort them. And as Eva says a persons level of honesty is their own business. Amen to that.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts PK I hope they bring the healing that is needed. And thank you to Eva for her wonderful input as well
    Take care
    AG

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  3. amen honey..the drama on these blogs is totally undesirable..that's why i only stick to a chosen few..and you know I WAS BURNED BY A CERTAIN BLOGGER ONCE TOO...i didn't post it for the world to see..i moved on..!! I see no need to out someone or talk about them. Settle it quietly amomg the involved parties! Great post . I'm sorry someone got hurt because i know how it feels..But friendships can be real..you and Eva have shown David and i that. Can't wait to meet you guys in a few months..take care..

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  4. Pk, A great post. What was done today on that blog was truely hateful. I am so glad to have you as a friend and I call you my sister. I talk to you more than my real sister. You are part of our family and there is nothing you could ever do to change that. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

    Big hugs Sis,
    David

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  5. I feel like I have missed something here...but the words you spoke are so nicely written that I wanted to comment anyway...thank-you for being so thoughtful to share of yourself...and know you have a true friend in me

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  6. I'm confused too. But I agree with everything you've said PK.

    Take care all!
    -Jess

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  7. What do you mean you and Eva aren't twins? I saw you and you two look absolutely, positively, nothing alike, but OMG, I know you were separated at birth, because you think alike!!!

    A few weeks ago Mr. Smith and I came up with a new term... The Intenternet. We laughed like a couple of loons when the word came out, but in light of what I've read today, I think it speaks volumes. We approach the Internet (and yes that includes me) with a lot of expectations. Sometimes, those expectations are far beyond what the Internet can bring. I know that in this community if I tried to live by all the rules, roles and labels I have encountered over the years, I'd be one messed up, confused, unhappy person. I've learned to take the good with the bad and view 90% of what I encounter as entertainment. To do anything else blurs my boundaries and sets me up failure.

    In my own writing I have endeavored to present the best parts of my life. After all who wants to hear about the dishes, the bills and the aches of aging? Does this make me a liar or someone not to be trusted? I don't think so. I think it makes me extremely human. It is me wanting to fit in, it is me wanting to be a part of something I enjoy.

    As I write this comment I keep seeing Eva's words... "if I wanted the absolute truth, I wouldn't have turned to the internet to begin with." To that I would add:: I wouldn't read the paper, or watch TV, or listen to the radio. I'd live my life in a vacuum, because to do otherwise just might open me up to disappointment.

    I think I'll risk being disappointed.

    *hugs*
    CeeCi

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  8. I must have missed something. usually that drives me crazy but I think I'll let is pass. :)

    Debbie :)

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  9. I've already left a comment on Eva's site but just wanted to say thank (to you both) for voicing what so many of us are thinking....and what I'd said to two friends in phone conversations tonight.

    This is definitely a glass houses and stones situation and one that deserves compassion and understanding rather than condemntation and blame.

    love and hugs xxx

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  10. I only read a few blogs and consider you all family...sometimes I am unaware of things that happen on other sites I have not explored so now that I know what this is all about I wished to comment again. When I first explored the internet last year I wanted to search myself to find out about my own desires and maybe not feel alone. I never expected to meet friends...but am so glad I did. We are all sharing bits and pieces of our lives and fantasies. And we all decide what to tell and what not to tell for our own personal reasons. And I am sorry anyone felt hurt in that process and hope they can heal and forgive. None of us are perfect...we all have stories to tell. I have a deep respect for Paul and I have gained alot from his comments and I respect him still. If you are reading this Paul, I hope you are well and hope you know you are loved by many.

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  11. well I for one have lied to... my name is not lessa, I do not live in Rotterdam (but it is pretty close, grinnnnn) and I do know that in the past I did not blog about the things that were not so fluffy pink.. and we all have those days...

    my ex Master is not a God and he will never be one... and I do believe I sometimes pictured him as such...

    M:e and I had a long phonetalk last night and she already wrote what we both felt...

    when I started blogging almost everything in my profile was not fully true (thus a lie) my age was a few years off... were I lived, family situation... I wanted to make sure I could not be recognized...

    and nowadays I only blog about what I want to share... all the personal stuff to do with 2 divorces going on (my ex and me and my Love and his soon to be ex) does not make it to the blog...

    I do have 2 doggies... and I am so fortunate as to know a few people real life and to have talked to some others on the phone *smiles*

    forgive and forget indeed...

    lessa

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  12. Twin,
    We have discussed this a lot and we have always agreed. I am happy to see that most are being understanding. The people out here are proving to be as wonderful as I always thought they were.

    AG,
    Thank you for understanding. You haven't been here as long as some but you see what is going on and that everyone is just trying to fit in and find friends.

    Mthc,
    I was shocked to find friends out here. I never even thought that was possible it has been a stunning surprise and I am very protective of those of you who have become family and that I love.

    David - brother,
    You have always had my back and the support you have shown me has meant the world to me. Thank you so much.

    Terps,
    It's one thing to support someone when you understand but I am thank you even more for your support when you were in the dark.

    Thank you Jess!!

    CeeCi,
    I will gladly risk disappointment too for all I have gained out here. Since we are here of our own free will we are under no obligation to tell anyone anything. We say what we want about our own lives and write fiction and it up to others if they want to read or not. I love you!!

    Debbie,
    Sometimes that's for the best. But glad you stopped by.

    M:e,
    I am really happy to see you here. And to know that we agree on this situation. Compassion and understanding is exactly what is needed and I am so happy to see so much out here. Come back anytime.

    Terps,
    I think you understand what blogland is all about. I want ALL my friends back and I believe it will happen.

    Lessa,
    Thanks for coming by. You have blogged exactly as one should. Tell what you want and keep private what you want to keep private. Forgive is exactly what we need to do.

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  13. umm If you read my post correctly you would see that we wrote it together. Thanks alot!

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  14. PK and friends, thank you for your support, so many friends have written, it is really moving..
    My only regret is that I have hurt two people close to me that I love, one has forgiven me I hope the other will too.
    It has been suggested that I wished to con unstable women in to my evil clutches, nothing could be further from the truth.
    Thank you dear friend I am on my way back.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

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  15. A young woman who has been going through some terrible emotional torment was devastated by the lies you so callously laugh off. Her pain has been so deep and intense that she did herself harm. It could have been much worse, and had the woman involved been unstable, the harm could also have been done to the man whose lies put her in this state, or even to his wife. The lessons of Columbine and Virginia Tech obviously have not been learned by several people here.

    It must be wonderful living in a world where you can be judge and jury regarding what is or isn't okay. I guess what determines whether that is so, is whether or not you are the one who is harmed.

    This is far from over. A young woman is hurting deeply and so is the man she cares for. His wife has been seriously hurt by this as well. It is fortunate that, so far at least, the pain hasn't spread farther.

    For you to blow off deceit and manipulation of this type as being somehow the equivalent of using an alias or leaving out details that could identify you is disgusting. It is callous, heartless and ignorant. You should be ashamed to use a young woman's heartbreak as an excuse to portray yourself as a superior human being to those who ache for her and who feel the pain of her betrayal.

    Empathy is in short supply these days, I know, but it is sad to see there are people who not only have none, but who use the pain of others to stroke their own egos.

    Yes, sometimes it really isn't about YOU. I am damn sure this is one of those times.

    Dante

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  16. Jay I am so sorry that you were hurt. I know you and Paul put your post together. I feel that you had every right in the world to post since you were the one that was hurt. I am happy you have friends to support you. I just don't feel that others had to air everything out here. I feel that should have been left strictly to you and Paul.

    Paul my dear friend,
    Love seeing you here. Trust me no one with one ounce of sense believe you are a trying to "to con unstable women in to my evil clutches". You were trying to help some one and it seems you were doing just that. Anything you did wrong you will do your best to make up for. I wish everything had been true - you deserve that.

    Hey Tig,
    Thanks for your thoughts.

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  17. I'll simply say that I have not and do not use Dante to express my thoughts... and I certainly did not write under someone else's name or identity, his included.

    As for your comments here PK (or whoever you are here in cyberspace), I will agree wholeheartedly about something you said to Paul, but I would change it to direct it toward everyone out here:

    "I wish everything had been true - you (we all) deserve that."

    And thanks in advance for your comment to my comment that had not been posted until now!

    Tiggs

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  18. Its hard to comment since I am not sure exactly what happened. But I do know people often misrepresent themselves for reasons that are not mean or wicked. As far as I am concerned, the day I wake up and find myself perfect is the day I will start really criticizing others. Since I use a false name on my blog, I have no room to talk about anything.
    Thank you for your gentle caring.
    Hugs,
    Purple Angel

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  19. Purple,
    You are a nice person. I thank you for coming by and commenting.

    PK

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  20. Hi PK, I don't really know what went on here as I can't find the originating posts but I certainly send my best wishes and prayers for healing to those involved and hurt.

    Hugs
    Mina

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  21. Mina,
    Thank you. Kind word are what is getting me through all this.

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  22. Holy dramalama batman! I'm staying out of this mess but just wanted to delurk in order to say I hope this all blows over soon and I'm sending good wishes to everybody involved, real people and alter-egos alike.

    xxx

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  23. Kali,
    Thanks. That means a lot to me.

    PK

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