Do you want to be punished?

I spend a lot of time thinking about TTWD, obviously, I’ve been writing about it for seven years. I know I often spend more time writing that I do participating. I read out here a lot too, and sometime I do more lurking than commenting. But I use all this information to try to better understand myself and what it is I want in a spanking relationship.

I read with interest what Bobbie, Bob’s better half, wrote about how a discipline spanking does not work for her and in fact makes her feel worse, although other forms of punishment don’t have that effect. I know Mona Lisa is most definitely against punishment. I find reading what they have to say to be extremely interesting. Heaven knows they make perfect sense, I would imagine most of the world agrees with them and I could easily write a post against physical punishment.

But if I did I wouldn’t be true to myself. I had the overwhelming blessing to grow up in a home full of love. I always felt it from both my parents. I was occasionally spanked – I hated it. More often I lost my TV privileges, I really hated that. As a child I behave pretty well and certainly never wanted or liked my parents disciplining me.

I also remember making up spanking stories as early as age five and by the time I hit puberty, all my fantasies involved spanking, and not just spanking – punishment. There, I said it. I fantasies about being punished. If others don’t understand that, it’s okay, it’s still my fantasy, my desire. And I don’t ever see it going away. It’s who I am and I have no desire to change.

In my head the idea of punishment, of someone taking the time to watch over you and discipline you if you aren’t taking care of yourself, is not only hot, it’s loving. Of course one reason I can easily say this is because I fear no punishment in my life. It’s not something Nick is comfortable with and it won’t ever happen except on the mildest of scales. It’s not that he doesn’t love and care for me, he’s just not comfortable in spanking seriously or doing any true discipline. And I no longer try to push him in that direction.

But I still envy those of you out here that have it in your lives for real. Cassie and Tom are a fantasy couple – I use them to satisfy my longings, although in real life I couldn’t take someone as controlling as Tom. But I do find myself jealous of Ronnie sometimes. She and P seem to have a wonderfully fun relationship which includes many wonderful erotic spankings – but there is that rare incidents when P is upset with Ronnie and a real spanking takes place to address his feelings. I find this very satisfying. Evidently she does too or she wouldn’t still be there.

We have all types of relationships here, they go from the mildest of fun spankings to collared slave. I kept my desire for spanking a secret for forty-nine years, then I found blogs and all of you out here and I felt so accepted. I was totally amazed. I don’t have any need or desire to hide my feelings out here, or to be ashamed of them in anyway.  In my thinking of TTWD, I am intrigued and drawn to the dynamics of discipline, including punishment.  If this isn’t something you desire, you have every right to put your foot down and say a loud and clear NO! But if you share this desire with me, don’t be ashamed and feel free to explore it. I know that for me, this desire isn’t going anywhere.