I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, August 11, 2013

One more thing for Bas


I have one more request to fulfill for Bas and I don’t want to do it, but I’m going to. He wanted me to take down his blog one month after he passed. I’m all ready late, but it’s time. I’ve emailed Lisa about this and asked her about leaving it up longer, but she said Bas knew what he wanted and we should stick to his wished. She’s right.
Even at this I can’t bring myself to erase all he has written. So Wednesday evening, I’m going to take the blog private and the only one invited will be Lisa. That way she will have access to what's there. I’m not comfortable taking the blog down, I’m not comfortable taking it private and I’m not comfortable leaving it up. Can you tell I’m not comfortable? Eventually, with Lisa’s permission, I guess I’ll have to do exactly as he said and it will be gone. I just want to make sure Lisa will have access as long as she wants it.
I also extended an invitation to Lisa to come visit our blogs, and I told her that we would love it if she left a comment from time to time. I don’t want to push her, but Bas had such good, caring friends here and I know we all feel that that friendship certain included Lisa. Blogland can be very warm and supportive and I want her to know she would be as welcomed as the flowers in spring.
Bas has been on my mind a lot lately. As I find myself not completely happy with TTWD at the moment, I can almost hear Bas telling me off in his kind, but firm way. Bas seemed to understand Nick and his position completely and he was very good at helping me see Nick’s side of things. I really do miss my friend.

69 comments:

  1. Hate to see him leave. I miss him, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rogue,
      It all just sad.

      Delete
  2. I miss him too. Been thinking about him a lot lately.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sunny,
      I think of him a lot too. He was such a good man.

      Delete
  3. I will re-read all his blogs before Wednesday. Thanks for the warning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Patty,
      That's what I wanted to do, give everyone some time to go back.

      Delete
  4. Why would he want his blog taken down?. He was amazing and so many people not only enjoyed reading his words, but learned from them. (Rhetorical question, btw)

    Of course we welcome Lisa!

    My heart aches for you. I can see how conflicted you feel. I can also see how much you miss your friend. Hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah,
      I think he worried that in the future the blog could be taken over by trawlers and become something it was never meant to be. It has happened.

      I just have to go by his wishes.

      Delete
  5. Hi PK, Oh this must be so difficult for you. I think I understand his feelings really, Poor Lisa, I hope she is okay, maybe speaking to us would be hard for her, this was such a big part of Bas, his friendship with all of us. You must be so confused.
    I am sorry that ttwd is not so bril for you at the minute, anything we can do? You can vent to us if it helps. The one thing we all can do is understand, no one's journey is without bumps, you have my sympathy. I am sure that whatever you do with Bas' blog will be the right thing, just remember he is on his cloud watching and probably laughing at us all worrying about it
    love Jan.xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jan,
      I do believe he would gently find our worries amusing. I do come back here to vent about TTWD and I really appreciate everyone being here for me.

      Delete
  6. Oh NO, PK!!
    Nasty Bas! Why??

    It's all I have after him , his blog is the closest to what I have and want. Where can I find love slaps and we get called them for what we want, and it does not hurt?Lisa has never heard the word punishment. Where is the blog with such beningn TTWD? And now it disappear?
    Then it gets really lonely here för me.
    Where should I go and read if I need advice?
    WHERE??

    I do not think Lisa ever comes here. She would find really wonderful people here, but the things that these people do would scare her off. This is not the Bass `s wonderful gentle, loving TTWD.
    DD is really not for everyone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mona Lisa,
      I know how hard this is for you. I hope you have time to go back and get or read what you need. I think Lisa could find friends here. Knowing that some people like one thing and some another won't surprise her at all.

      Delete
  7. Awe PK, this must be so difficult for you and I feel for you. I miss him too and have also been thinking about him lately.

    I think I understand his wishes in this too and think making it private in the meantime so that Lisa has access for as long as she needs is a good idea.

    (((Hugs)))
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Roz,
      I don't know if Lisa have read it all or not, but I feel strongly that it should be there for her to read as long as she would want to.

      Delete
  8. PK,
    if you need someone to talk to, you have my address.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paul,
      And I love you for that!

      Delete
  9. Bas was such a wise a caring man. I think it is good to respect his wishes and also a good idea to make his blog private for Lisa. Thanks for letting us know before you take it down. Amyee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amyee,
      He was wise and knew what he wanted. I feel I have to respect his wishes.

      Delete
  10. PK You have made the right decision of talking to Lisa, making it private and only she can access it.

    Bob

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Bob,
      Other wise I wouldn't know where to start and stop with the invitations.

      Delete
  11. I'm sorry to read this, PK. I still frequently visit Bas' blog, both to remember him and to honor him. He was a good friend. I can't go visit his grave and leave flowers. Perhaps it sounds morbid, but this was my way of keeping his memory and presence "alive," by going to the place he spent so much time and left such large parts of himself. I think perhaps you understand what I am explaining so poorly.

    Of course we must respect his wishes in this. You have my sympathy for being called upon to perform this last request of his. I know he never really believed he had such an effect on people, and didn't think his "little blog" or sometimes uncertain words were important, but it did/does strongly resonate with so many of us, and his words are very important.

    Still, I'm sure his reasons are for Lisa and his family, and probably for blogland, too. He wouldn't want anyone to misunderstand or have questions about something he wrote, and not be able to address and answer.

    It will be alright, PK. He trusted you to honor his request, and we fully support you in doing this difficult thing for our Bas. You have my appreciation and gratitude for letting us know in advance, so we can say our final goodbyes to the blog of our dear friend.

    Big hugs,

    Irishey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Irishey,
      I do understand what you're saying, it makes sense. We can't visit his grave so I know people are attached to the blog. But no matter what, he will always be remembered.

      Delete
  12. I felt sad when I read this, but it is his wish and should be honoured. Bas's comments are all about blogland, they are scattered amongst many other blogs,and I stumble upon them in older posts from time to time. They are his legacy too and I hope they remain out there for as long as possible.
    Hugs DF

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DF,
      That's true, many of us have a little part of him within our own blogs.

      Delete
  13. I feel sad when I read this as well. I know it was his wish, but maybe he didn't realize how much everyone would miss him. Of course it could also be because he wanted to protect his family in some way.
    I continue to have thoughts of Bas all the time. He was such an open minded man. He knew that TTWD/DD was something that each of us needed to make our own. He never judged. His advice was always geared toward helping friends find what was right for each couple's dynamic, including fun and punishment.
    I am sorry PK, I know that this is difficult.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Minelle,
      He did seem to find a way to reach each individual and you could tell he felt close to each of us. And you are so right, he never judged.

      Delete
  14. I'm really really sad that you're needing to do this. I wish Bas could've let us continue hearing his words. But I think he wanted to make sure we moved on. And that Lisa could continue to heal as well. You're a strong person and a true friend to honor these wishes. I appreciate so very much the heads-up and the gift of a few more days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chickadee,
      I think you're right that he did want us to move on, but I know we are all better for having been able to read his words.

      Delete
  15. I know this is really difficult and when I first read the words I became sad to think his words of wisdom would no longer be there in his blog for all to read...but I realize it is a request meant to be honored and that the words will remain in our hearts along with the memory of the kind man who brought so many of us joy, understanding, and acceptance. Thinking of you and sending hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Terps,
      It's really harder than I thought it would be, I'm glad everyone has been so understanding.

      Delete
  16. i do not envy you this task.

    but yes, i'm sure he knew what he was doing when he asked for this to be done.

    Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fondles,
      All I can do it follow his requests, it's what he wanted.

      Delete
  17. When I first read this, it sort of made me sad, but then the more I thought about it, the more it seemed appropriate. One of the things that gives something value is rarity. It is special because not everyone can possess it. Bas was special and because he is gone, we are left with a handful of posts and a handful of memories and his presence in blogland takes on that special meaning because there will be no more posts and no more comments.

    I am probably not expressing this very well...sigh...but, it seems to me that we who knew him while he was alive have something precious and valuable that anyone who might find his blog now just won't and can't have. Perhaps Bas wanted his blog to be for those who knew him and interacted with him. That is why he left that final message: so that those who cared about him would know what happened and he would have a chance to say good-bye.

    By taking down his blog, you are guaranteeing that it has a specialness and rarity because there is now a small group of people who have those memories of him alive and who will think of him fondly and because he is gone, that group will never get any bigger, which is a sad thing...but somehow I also feel a bit honored to be part of that group that will remember him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was beautifully put Cygnet.

      I am sad all over again. I am like Irishey. I was taking comfort in the fact that I could go and visit Bas whenever I wanted to. I feel like we are loosing him all over again.

      I'm sorry that you have to go through this PK. Thank you for letting us know in advance. I suppose this will also mean we will all loose Unique off of our followers. Such a shame. Her little face makes me smile and warms my heart.

      Delete
    2. Cygnet,
      I think you're right about how special his writing is and we who had the privilege of knowing him are much richer for it.

      Wilma,
      I'm glad he made his wished know even if it's not exactly what we all wanted to hear. I think mostly we all just want him to still be here.

      Delete
  18. i think having the blog there is like having Bas still among us, a silent partner, back to his lurking ways. if the blog is taken down, and i totally understand why, it will seem as if he's truly gone. that's tough. i am glad i'm not in your shoes, PK, but you know what? i think whatever you decide, and despite the arrangements Bas had for his blog, i think he'd be understanding of your final decision and be okay with it. i haven't gone back to his blog to re-read posts, but i have to tell you, whenever i see his name in my blogroll, i am comforted.

    hugs,
    m.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maryanne,
      He did lurk for a long, long time. I only wish he had jumped in earlier. I love seeing his name too.

      Delete
  19. hugs to you. It's all just hard. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Renee, it is.

      Delete
  20. Hugs to you and I'm so sad that I didn't know him before hugs to u and his family

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Daisy,
      You missed a truly wonderful man.

      Delete
  21. thank you PK,
    for being his friend and carrying out his wishes, the reasons behind this decision are his and his alone to make yet, my heart breaks to think i can no longer read his words and know his thoughts on Dd and life. in blogland all we have is the written word and Bas's blog was our touchstone to him and his memory. i don't envy you this task and what it symbolizes to all of us, that Bas is truly gone.

    best.
    lexi



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lexi,
      I have to remember that - it was his decision, I don't have to understand it and I don't even have to agree. I just need to do as he asked. But he's being gone still really hurts.

      Delete
  22. Oh no, thank you for the warning. God how I miss him. I hate growing up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pooky,
      I tell my daughter the same thing - don't grow up, it's a trap.

      Delete
  23. Oh PK...I do understand honoring Bas' wishes but dang...! My heart goes out to you...what a hard task.

    I like your idea of taking it private for Lisa only...really think she needs to read through all his posts.

    May I suggest that before you totally delete it, you export his blog...it will keep his wisdom from being totally lost.

    I also go back and read his posts every few days...makes the hurt a bit less. :(

    Sending lots of positive thoughts and healing energy your way.

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cat,
      I really don't want his words lost. Being private we'll all still know that they're there.

      Delete
  24. I hate this. I argued with Bas, as I'm sure you also did, and asked him not to. Or at least not after only a month. It is hard for you to carry out his wishes (and have to be the messenger), but you are still doing as he asked. I'm glad for that.

    I knew we were coming up on the month very soon, and I was in denial. Didn't want to know or think about it happening. I think what we have to do, and what Bas would have wanted, is to remember Bas in each other. By talking about him, we can keep his memories fresh.

    Especially the ones where he took you to task. :)

    Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ana,
      He really did know what he wanted, but I don't think he ever really understood how special he and his words were to all of us. But we do have our memories and each other.

      Delete
  25. I miss him terribly too :( I find myself reading a lot of his old comments to me. He was so kind, sweet, supportive, and yet still FUNNY.

    I can see why this would be hard for you. I don't want his blog to go away! I wish it could stay up. Yes, please tell Lisa to visit us. I hope she knows she would be warmly welcomed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stormy,
      Wouldn't it have been wonderful to have just been able to sit down and have a long conversation with him. And I really hope Lisa comes too.

      Delete
  26. I think you are doing the right thing.

    appy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Appy, I sure home I am.

      Delete
  27. PK,

    We all miss him. Difficult for you but you have to do as she wished.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ronnie,
      We've all know bloggers that just disappeared, but Bas cared enough about us to give us closer. I guess I owe that back to him.

      Delete
  28. I didn't know Bas like most of you did but whenever I saw his emoticon I always read the comment he left. He seemed like a very nice man. I had wondered why I didn't see his little Corgi on the blogs anymore; I wasn't aware he was ill. I can't believe its been a month already. Thanks for letting us know in advance about taking down his blog. I've been reading it and wish I would have gotten to know him while he was alive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kaki,
      I loved seeing that little Corgi too. She is doing fine according to Lisa.

      Delete
  29. This was a hard struggle for you PK and I think you did the right thing. Making it private and for Lisa is a wonderful idea. While I do not know if she will take it down after that point, I can still imagine it's all there. Every word and just in private.
    Respecting Bas wishes was what he wanted and you've followed through. I hope Lisa does visit and finds the wonderful friendship that Bas did here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Emi,
      Wouldn't that be wonderful. I really feel so close to my friends here, it really doesn't matter that I've never met most in person.

      Delete
  30. It almost feels like we'll be losing him all over again. I found a lot of comfort in knowing I could go *visit* him anytime at his blog. I thank you for giving us some advance notice so we can visit a last time and even save some of our favorite posts. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you Pk. I'm sorry for that and I'm glad you have so much support here. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Queenie,
    I know it does feel like another loss. But hopefully some will save their favorite post. I have. I really have appreciated the support.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Hi PK, :)

    I'm so sorry that you are having to do this. I'm sure that Bas felt that he had a reason. It must be hard. I'm thinking of you!

    It has been a comfort to be able to return to Bas' blog and feel his presence. I think that we can still find Bas' love in the posts and comments of our own blogs, the interactions that we have had, and in his wisdom about what is important in our relationships. This makes me sad. But I think he'd want us to continue on as he did- helping a friend or sharing some kindness, or welcoming someone new. Many hugs PK!!

    Take care,

    <3 Katie

    ReplyDelete
  33. That had to be a difficult decision, PK. But good idea to leave it up for Lisa.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
  34. PK -- Thank you for the warning, I've spent this evening enjoying reading his blog, catching up on posts I missed before it is too late. Wishing you strength and comfort in performing this request for Bas even though you disagree.
    Take care,
    Meg

    ReplyDelete
  35. PK i love that idea of leaving it private just for Lisa....thats awesome. I know its hard to do but just remember it is what he wanted. and by doing it, its the ultiamte respect to him. Be brave, be strong. We all miss him but he is still here with us and with his Lisa.
    Praying for you when you do this PK.
    HUge hugs
    Kiwi xxx

    ReplyDelete
  36. Thank you for letting us know. I copied all his posts, didn't have time to do the comments, just so that I could have them to look over again. I also started reading his blog at the end of last year, so you giving us warning it would go down gave me a chance to copy them down from before I read so that I can read them all too. I know this is not easy for you, but thank you for everything. {{{HUGS}}}

    ReplyDelete
  37. PK, you are a good friend to Bas and Lisa. Taking it private, albeit hard, is a wonderful compromise for now. I'm sure he would have loved the idea.

    You know, loosing the blog is another loss. It requires it's own grieving. Not the same as loosing a person, but when our connections are so tied to a blog, it is bigger than JUST loosing a random blog, it's loosing that relationship.

    ((((((((((Hugs))))))))),
    Fiona

    ReplyDelete
  38. I've just posted to the Mona Lisa blog that I'm one of the people who wasn't aware of Bas's blog at all until I read all the different goodbyes that were posted in various places. Even then, because most of these posts didn't name the blog or give its location, it took me quite a while to find it, which I wanted to do because I was intrigued by what I read.

    Long story short, when I did find it, I started to read, but didn't have time to get through the whole thing in that sitting and decided that, because it was something very different and unique, I didn't want to rush it and would come back when I had time to do it justice.

    This didn't happen for nine days, which I would say is a relatively normal time period for most people with 'real life' commitments to be unable to give much attention to the internet. Unfortunately though, in those few days your warning (which I didn't see until ten minutes ago) had been posted and the blog had been removed.

    I'm sure I can't be the only person who missed their last chance to read something special and different because they couldn't be here for the 'right' few days. I completely understand that Bas's wishes have to be respected and honoured, but at the same time, I can't help feeling a bit sad that the time scale in which this was done meant that some of us never had the chance to read what seems to have been something extra special.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Discipline and Love,
      If you will email me elisspeaks@yahoo.com I'll see what I can do.

      Delete