I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, August 19, 2013

I knew it would happen


I don’t want to say it, but I have to – my summer is over. I go back to work tomorrow. I’m going to miss being home, miss sleeping until I want to get up, miss have lunch with friends, taking short trips with Nick and I’ll miss the time I’ve had to write.

I still have my wonderful partner, Megan. Mr. K is still around and I’m sure his personality hasn’t improved. But Miss T moved on to greener pastures and our new partner seems pleasant enough. Time will tell. Strangely I’m much more trusting out here than I am in my real life. I have teaching friends I would trust with my life, while there are others who would stab you in the back and stand on your body to appear higher in the eyes of the administration. I hope my new partner is not one of the latter. I have learned not to open myself up too quickly. She has been describes as a ‘go getter’.  That’s fine as long as she realizes I’m a ‘leave me aloner’. I will love and teach the children they give me, as for what goes on outside my class within the school system, I don’t give a rat fart. The politics, the drama… I’m over it, completely.

Nick spanked me the other day and it was a definite ‘going back to school’ spanking. He’s fully aware that I’m not thrilled. I think the spanking was a warning not to let it get to me. I need to stay calm and peaceful and let the turmoil of school flow over me, not catch me up in the maelstrom. I have the ability to remain calm, but I have to work at it. He told me I was more than welcomed to come home and complain to him and he would be happy to listen. I know I can use him for a release valve – there is so much that no amount of fussing or ranting and raving is ever going to change so all I can really do it vent here at home.

I also have to remember I’m an anger eater – not stress, anger. I can have a million things to do, all with a deadline and if they make sense, I’m fine and calm. But when we’re forced to do stupid, useless, time consuming things that actually hurts my kids chance of learning important things, then I get angry and head straight to the candy machine (cussing under my breath along the way). I know it’s a stupid way to handle anger, but a hard habit to break. All I can do is to try to not become angry in the first place.

I’ll breath in, breath out and maybe recite my favorite Bible verse, John 14:27.

28 comments:

  1. You can do it girl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sunny,
      Thanks, I guess I'm going to have to.

      Delete
  2. Sending lots of positive energy your way PK!

    Blessings,
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cat,
      Thanks, I'm going to need as much as I can get.

      Delete
  3. I'm sending calming energy and good partner vibes, PK. Take crunchy veggies to help you chomp down on the anger - put those extra vitamins, minerals and satisfying crunchy noise to work for you. Save that delectable dark chocolate and other sugary sweets for putting the smooth on your mood. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Irishey,
      I'm not much on crunchy veggies, but I'll do my best.

      Delete
  4. Just take a deep breath and smile. You'll be fine.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ronnie,
      Is smiling the same as barring my teeth?

      Delete
  5. Oh Bless PK . It is so hard to be where you don't want to be. Good luck with the new year
    love Jan.xx

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    Replies
    1. Jan,
      I do just want to be home, but I guess that will happen soon enough.

      Delete
  6. Wishing you all the best for the new school year PK. I hope the return to work after summer is smooth for you. Deep breaths.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Roz,
      Smooth is what I'm wishing for. Of course if it's not, you'll all hear about it here.

      Delete
  7. PK,
    I hope that the new school year goes well for you.
    Remember, you are only vulnerable if you allow yourself to be so.
    Peace is hard to find in this noisy world, if you find it, wrap it round yourself securely.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paul,
      I'm going to try to wrap peace around me, breath deep and keep low!

      Delete
  8. Just remember only four months til Christmas break. Hang in there; retirement is around the corner.

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    Replies
    1. Kaki,
      All that's true, I'm going to try to keep it in mind.

      Delete
  9. Oh I know how you feel.... It's horrible.
    We didn't break up until the very end of July so we still have two weeks to go yet but I can feel it looming already. In my case I just get so angry at the decisions about education made by non experts in government that we are expected to implement.
    It is often better once you get back into the swing of things, thinking about having to do it is much worse!
    Good luck x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Janey,
      We should probably email one another and truly vent about the system. Although I'll be out soon, Mollie is still studying to teach.

      Delete
  10. I know exactly how you feel! Those idiots who try to make teaching so difficult. They tie our hands and then tell us we need to use a fork and knife to eat...
    Course I still would LOVE to be with the kids. I adore them. They make my day.
    Doesn't look like that is happening.
    Ask for all the stress help you need.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Minelle,
      The best line from the movie 'Mr. Holland's Opus' after they cut all the art programs. Mr. Holland said something like, "You cut the arts in favor of reading and writing and soon they'll have nothing to read and write about."

      Delete
  11. it's terrible how fast the summer goes, pk. my hubby is a teacher too and went back to school last week. ugh. i miss him terribly but well... we're doing ok. i hope for the same for you!

    hugs,
    m.

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    Replies
    1. Maryanne,
      Summer sure seems to go faster than the school year. I'm okay, I'm sure the year will go fine.

      Delete
  12. My vacation ended yesterday. ::))) School has started today for the kids.
    So I know exactly how you feel ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mona,
      I think I'm hearing one big collective sigh...

      Delete
  13. Remember that your students are lucky to have you,practice deep breathing and as soon as you get home,have a glass of wine.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Patty. Usually I come home and write my troubles away.

      Delete
  14. I feel your pain. All the crap I have to do as a parent (for the district) is ridiculous !!! My child didn't wake up one morning and magically not be allergic to peanuts. Why do I have to have his doctor sign another form stating he really allergic to peanuts???
    Anyway.....
    Good luck. Don't hyperventilate from breathing deeply. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah,
      Everything seem so ridiculous. Jump through their hoops (but be sure you just tell his teacher, the district needs it's pound of paper - but just send the teacher a note) You'd be surprised how long it take for formal information to get to us.

      Delete