I don’t want to say it, but I have to – my summer is over. I go back to work tomorrow. I’m going to miss being home, miss sleeping until I want to get up, miss have lunch with friends, taking short trips with Nick and I’ll miss the time I’ve had to write.
I still have my wonderful partner, Megan. Mr. K is still around and I’m sure his personality hasn’t improved. But Miss T moved on to greener pastures and our new partner seems pleasant enough. Time will tell. Strangely I’m much more trusting out here than I am in my real life. I have teaching friends I would trust with my life, while there are others who would stab you in the back and stand on your body to appear higher in the eyes of the administration. I hope my new partner is not one of the latter. I have learned not to open myself up too quickly. She has been describes as a ‘go getter’. That’s fine as long as she realizes I’m a ‘leave me aloner’. I will love and teach the children they give me, as for what goes on outside my class within the school system, I don’t give a rat fart. The politics, the drama… I’m over it, completely.
Nick spanked me the other day and it was a definite ‘going back to school’ spanking. He’s fully aware that I’m not thrilled. I think the spanking was a warning not to let it get to me. I need to stay calm and peaceful and let the turmoil of school flow over me, not catch me up in the maelstrom. I have the ability to remain calm, but I have to work at it. He told me I was more than welcomed to come home and complain to him and he would be happy to listen. I know I can use him for a release valve – there is so much that no amount of fussing or ranting and raving is ever going to change so all I can really do it vent here at home.
I also have to remember I’m an anger eater – not stress, anger. I can have a million things to do, all with a deadline and if they make sense, I’m fine and calm. But when we’re forced to do stupid, useless, time consuming things that actually hurts my kids chance of learning important things, then I get angry and head straight to the candy machine (cussing under my breath along the way). I know it’s a stupid way to handle anger, but a hard habit to break. All I can do is to try to not become angry in the first place.
I’ll breath in, breath out and maybe recite my favorite Bible verse, John 14:27.