Thursday, August 08, 2013

Nothing left to say


I feel like I’ve been gone a long time. The reunion was great fun– our family gets along really well. After the reunion the visit to the lake was just magical. It’s a beautiful place, so soothing and relaxing. Nick didn’t get to go this time. If we do it next year I hope he’ll be able to go to.

Some of you have asked how ‘first weekend’ is going. First weekend was a rule Nick put in place where he expects me to plan an intimate event for us sometime during the first weekend of each month. He said it could be elaborate or simple, but it was my job to get things rolling. I’m doing well, we couldn’t do much this weekend (although we did find a little time for ourselves). But so far I’ve planned something every month since he mentioned it.

I even got spanked Sunday after everyone left. I know I haven’t said much about TTWD lately, or should I say TTW(don’t)D very often. I have so many things I want to say about it swirling in my head, but I feel I’ve said it all. Nick doesn’t read here any more so it wouldn’t do any good anyway. And although the thoughts swirl I honestly don’t know what I really want any more. You can’t keep wishing and hoping for something that won’t happen – eventually you have to start convincing yourself you don’t really want it or that you can live without it. I think I’ve reached that point.

Written by PK at 6:30 PM

17 comments

17 Comments:

At 10:33 AM, Blogger Angel Blue said...

I know how you feel. Hugs

 
At 10:36 AM, Blogger sunnygirl said...

It is what it is. We take what we can get and if it doesn't fit our expectations, I guess we have to lower those. Isn't it funny that everybody seems to want what they can't have. Such is life I guess.

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger Daisy Christian said...

I like what Sunny said. "We want what we cant have"

I have a friend who her hubs is very consistent and I get jealous and she is jealous of me because mines not lol however we both laugh and say "If mine was consistent and hers wasn't we would still want what the other had"

I think sometimes in Ttwd we take breaks and sometimes grow stronger when we come back. We nurse it so to speak when its sick we heal it to get better and stronger and when its not sick we just kind of let it go and it goes until its sick again lol..

I don't know if that makes any sense at all but anyway glad you had a great time and big hugs!!

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Minelle Labraun said...

Oh I definitely agree that we want what we cannot have. I remember when I met my Scotsman...I pretty much wasn't looking for anyone- anymore. I was just working on things that I wanted to improve...then lo and behold I was knocked over. Maybe it is like that for TTWD...

Hugs...cause I know what you mean!

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger Ami Starsong said...

You know, if you read that last sentence of yours over a few times, it turns into a very positive sentence. I think what you have with Nick is pretty damned good!

I love Daisy's comments - I think we are all like this to a certain extent. When its sick we nurse it, and it comes back better each time.

Many hugs

Ami

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger ronnie said...

PK,

Welcome home. You seem to have been gone for ages and I did miss you.

I think SG is right - we take what we can get but not always enough I know.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

 
At 7:14 PM, Blogger Florida Dom said...

Sorry you don't get all that you want but it's good you've come to terms with it. And things are so much better than they were you let him know you were into spankings.

FD

 
At 10:16 PM, Blogger PK said...

AB,
It's good to know I'm not alone.

 
At 10:17 PM, Blogger PK said...

Sunny,
I think my biggest fear is going backwards.

 
At 10:22 PM, Blogger PK said...

Daisy,
I do understand what you're saying. But back when our marriage wasn't great, I had the hope of 'If we ever tried...' now I don't have that hope. I feel that we are standing still and I have no idea how to move forward.

 
At 10:25 PM, Blogger PK said...

Minelle,
Let me be a baby about this - why can't I have it!? I swear it would take so very little from him, both time and energy. I don't need 24/7, but I do need more. I need... something.

 
At 10:26 PM, Blogger PK said...

Ami,
What Nick and I have is wonderful, he is a jewel and I know it. It's just that I wanted this so very bad. I'm just not sure whether I want to nurse it or just let it die.

 
At 10:31 PM, Blogger PK said...

Ronnie,
I've missed you. It's a little like an addiction, is it better to feed the addiction a tiny bit to keep you craving it or just quit cold turkey?

 
At 10:32 PM, Blogger PK said...

FD,
But if it goes away will we go backwards? That's what I fear.

 
At 4:28 AM, Blogger Mona Lisa said...


Pk, you are two to get this to work. You know what you like and do not like and you know what it has given you.
I know you want more, but sometimes we have to be satisfied with what we have and do not understand the desire for something we can not get. It's life. I also want to be young beautiful and slim .. lol ..

You will not fall back. You have tasted this fruit and you will want to have the taste again.
You may need to adjust your expectations to Nick and then maybe he can surprise you and adapt his to yours.
PK, frankly, you have much to be thankful for .. enjoy it ... be happy. Maybe life is all about the yellow road, not the actual city of OZ.

 
At 4:46 AM, Blogger Roz said...

Hi PK,

I like Sunny's comment. You and Nick have an amazing relationship and it seems that since you let Nick know about your desires things have stepped up and improved a bit for you. Even though it isn't enough for you.

Hugs,
Roz

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

Oh Pk, you know I understand and empathize. I wish for more too and yet I am grateful for the positive changes in our life and I have a better understanding of him, and me, and us since we began. While I sometimes believe it is easier to have "all or nothing" and that the little tastes of what I want simply make me crave it more and feel a loss when I am without...at the same time those little tastes make me feel loved and complete in those moments and I don't want to live without those moments even though they may be far and few between and even though it may actually be harder emotionally than not having it at all. If that makes any sense. Just know I get it. I send you lots of hugs. Love, terps

 

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