I have not done well on my diet since Christmas; check it out at Todd and Suzy’s. Actually Christmas was alright. I think I kept the excessive eating to a minimum. But this last week was not good and I have been wondering why. As usual Eva and I were talking back and forth this evening and I was talking about this – why I couldn’t stop eating junk this week. I sent the following:
I don't even know any more (why I am overeating) and thinking about it confuses me so I stopped. Two people told me this morning how good I look. Why does that scare me to death? I need a shrink, wish you lived next door.
Her response was good but didn’t dig far enough. You know how sometimes you are upset or sad or but you can’t put your finger on the exact reason? I usually know when I hit the real reason because I get teary. That was what happened during my next email.
You were very close on that part but you didn't hit the reason I got fat in the first place – I think I was trying to avoid intimacy. That is not the case now at least not in the same way. We (you and I) don't discuss it as much as we used to but TTWD (this thing we do) is still very important to me and not just for play. The only time he takes it seriously is about the weight. If I lose all the weight will I lose that? I really think I just now realized this fear as I was writing...
My twin came back with the following.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh…. So now it makes perfect sense…..
Listen… if it wasn’t the weight then you would have had to find something else for him to focus on to keep TTWD going…. Like oh, I dunno… house keeping… there will always be something to improve on so when you meet your weight goal, just find another area that you want to improve on. No biggie… he’ll shift his focus easily and so will you. Do NOT sabotage yourself like this. There will be other areas to improve when you’ve finished this one.
I don’t know. But I’m pretty sure I know some of what Nick would say. He would say “How about losing that last 20 pounds before you worry about what may or may not happen then.” Do you SEE why I hate fighting with him in my mind?? He is so logical! He ALWAYS wins!!!