Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Confusion

I have not done well on my diet since Christmas; check it out at Todd and Suzy’s. Actually Christmas was alright. I think I kept the excessive eating to a minimum. But this last week was not good and I have been wondering why. As usual Eva and I were talking back and forth this evening and I was talking about this – why I couldn’t stop eating junk this week. I sent the following:

I don't even know any more (why I am overeating) and thinking about it confuses me so I stopped. Two people told me this morning how good I look. Why does that scare me to death? I need a shrink, wish you lived next door.

Her response was good but didn’t dig far enough. You know how sometimes you are upset or sad or but you can’t put your finger on the exact reason? I usually know when I hit the real reason because I get teary. That was what happened during my next email.

You were very close on that part but you didn't hit the reason I got fat in the first place – I think I was trying to avoid intimacy. That is not the case now at least not in the same way. We (you and I) don't discuss it as much as we used to but TTWD (this thing we do) is still very important to me and not just for play. The only time he takes it seriously is about the weight. If I lose all the weight will I lose that? I really think I just now realized this fear as I was writing...

My twin came back with the following.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh…. So now it makes perfect sense…..

Listen… if it wasn’t the weight then you would have had to find something else for him to focus on to keep TTWD going…. Like oh, I dunno… house keeping… there will always be something to improve on so when you meet your weight goal, just find another area that you want to improve on. No biggie… he’ll shift his focus easily and so will you. Do NOT sabotage yourself like this. There will be other areas to improve when you’ve finished this one.

I don’t know. But I’m pretty sure I know some of what Nick would say. He would say “How about losing that last 20 pounds before you worry about what may or may not happen then.” Do you SEE why I hate fighting with him in my mind?? He is so logical! He ALWAYS wins!!!

Written by PK at 11:41 PM

10 comments

10 Comments:

At 5:15 AM, Blogger Paul said...

PK, Nick may always win, in your mind. It's important to remember that he loves you. If you need spanking, tell him, there are many ways you can do that without coming straight out with it.
This bug of insecurity hits us all at times. There were times I thought that Mel was falling out of love with me, it wasn't true, but if I let it get to me, it knocked me for six.
You'll be OK, I'm rarely wrong, ask Theresa. *SMILES*
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.

 
At 7:08 AM, Anonymous Sara said...

AWW PK, I am sorry you are worried. I do understand (I think). I hate it when they get all logical...what does THAT have to do with anything? Can you talk to Nick about your worry? Maybe the reassurance you will get will help. Hugs, Sara

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

I am sorry that you are worried. However, it is truly good that you understand where those feelings are coming from. Being an extremely sensitive person by nature I often will cry or be concerned about one thing or another and often I don't know why and even when I do I have a hard time expressing them. It usually helps me to share my feelings with my husband because while he also is logical and may not always understand he is usually very reassuring to me that everything will be ok...a warm hug goes a long way sometimes. :-) Please take care, Terpsichore

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger Kallisto said...

Understanding why is the big thing, then you can move on. You and Nick will work things out, I am sure! You really don't need to hang on to that extra weight....you have done such a great job, don't blow it now!
Hugs,
Kallisto

 
At 3:03 PM, Blogger A.S.S. said...

It is scary getting closer and closer to goal weight. Any change is scary, even if it is for the better. And this is a big change.

Once you reach your goal, and we know you will... we do hope you use on some sort of maintenance plan. Not sure exactly how you two will work it, but we're betting spanking will be part of it.


;)
Todd & Suzy

 
At 4:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

PK, I hear where you are coming from. Reaching a goal you've been working has some scary elements to it. Its like making a quilt. I hate to finish because then it will be finished. Then what?

Well.....I think Todd and Suzy have it right on the weight issue: Maintenance. Once the weight comes off, you have to keep it off! Seems like you might be able to keep TTWD going with a maintenance plan.

Anyway - you are doing fabulous, you look fabulous (with your new cute boots) and you are FABULOUS!

I think I'm in a time warp. I forgot that you have mind arguments with Nick and he always wins. I also forgot about Grace's MIL joining the "charity giver religion" (hehehe). Did I forget anything else?

Love and warm hugs,

Debbie :)

 
At 5:40 PM, Blogger Lori said...

PK, I can so relate to your worry. Weight loss is the primary focus of discipline spanking around here right now. I have also thought about what happens when I lose my weight. Even though I get attitude adjustments, my attitude doesn't go haywire all that often, so what is there to spank me for? I don't really go out and get into trouble anymore. Well, I agree with some of the previous comments, once we lose our weight, we have to maintain. Then again, just like another comment suggested, you can give him a new suggestion of something you want to work on and ask him to help you with that. Don't screw up your dieting thinking about something that may not even be a problem. I'll tell you the same thing Paul said to me recently: Don't worry about the past or the future, just right NOW. He was right!

 
At 6:13 PM, Blogger Theresa said...

Yeah Will always wins all our arguments even the ones he doesn't know about.

Like Eva said, don't worry lose the weight then come up with a new goal. By the time you are 70 you will be a perfect person and wife and still happily enjoying TTWD!

Huggs
Theresa

 
At 9:39 PM, Blogger Caryagal said...

Hi PK!
I knew I was right to worry about you! you got too quiet on me! :-) I think you should write some of this in your thursday letter to him. It is important he understands too. I think Eva is right you'll find other things. Heck he's already working on you with laundry! You also could use a signal if you got great at keeping up with that.. like leaving some socks on the floor when you need a spanking!

Carye

 
At 11:37 PM, Blogger New Beginnings said...

Paul,
I trust you and I know you are right. Insecurity has plagued me for a long time.

Sara,
We have done some emailing today. I just go through these feelings every now and then.

Terpsichore,
I rarely cry and it always catches me off guard. But we will be fine.

Kallisto,
I know the weight has got to go! I can't stop now.

Todd and Suzy,
I know I am jumping the gun. I probably have another year of losing left.

Debbie,
Did you remember that Eva has lost a pound or two herself! LOL!

Lori,
Thanks for your thoughts. And you are write to remind me what Paul said. He is the smartest man out here!

Theresa,
70!? Don't you think I can make it by 55? BTW I am so happy for you!!

Carye,
I did put it into my assignment and we are still talking.

 

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