I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, May 07, 2007

My Son

No spanking or sex today folks. But if you have been around long and consider yourself a friend, please stick around I want to share some things that are very important to me.

Have I mentioned that I have two children? Oh, I have? These two children are my heart and soul. For me parenthood was the only dream I ever had that exceeded my expectations. For any gripes and complains I will ever have about them they are truly prefect in my eyes.

I want to talk about LJ today. I wish I could tell you his name because I really love it. When this child was born, before even while I was pregnant, he captured my heart in such a way that I knew I would never have full ownership of it again. His first smile, his first step, his first words turned me in to putty and I am afraid I’ll never get over it. I thank God that he is truly a good person that he simple always chose to do the right thing because he could have probably gotten away with anything!

He has been gone this year – his freshman year at college has passed and I survived. Until the changes in me this year my surviving his first year away was truly in doubt in my mind. We went to move most of his things back last Friday. I hadn’t seen him since Easter and it is really only when I get back with him that I realize how very much I have missed him. Let me tell you this boy is well on his way to his degree in BS. Now I don’t mean Bachelors of Science I mean true BS!! He is so funny, he is so interesting to talk to, and he is just so much fun to be around!!

Why am I writing today? I want to tell you that my son is in love. What mother really wants to hear that? That some other person, some stranger has your son’s heart. Someone else is as important, more important, than you in his life. Well yes, eventually that is what you want to hear. That is what is supposed to happen. I am grateful that he has chosen a person with integrity, maturity, honesty, talent and a sense of humor – all of the traits one should look for in a person to love.

But there is one other thing I want all my friends to know. LJ is not in love with a lovely young girl. He is in love with a fine young man. LJ shared the fact that he was gay with me a few days after his 14th birthday. I have had a lot of time to become used to the idea. Actually it took very little time. I have always been one to accept what is, is. We talked enough for me to believe that he knew what he was talking about. I was sad at first. There was a bit of mourning for what I had lost, a future daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law for Mollie, and probably grandchildren from my son. But my sadness did not last long.

It didn’t take long to realize that nothing had changed. My son was who he was and always had been. All that had changed was that he trusted me with an important aspect of his life that many parents are not trusted with. He shared with me that he had know he was ‘different’ since he was four that at nine he knew what it was called and that he had spent most of his time between nine and fourteen praying that it wasn’t true. Shortly before coming out to me he had been in church praying ‘to change’ when he felt he received a message, a peace in which he felt totally accepted by God as the person God had created. He has been comfortable with himself ever since.

How does Nick feel about all this? He and I never talked about it until this past fall. As you might imagine this is not the path he would have chosen for his son. But he also accepts the fact that we do not chose our children’s paths. Nick and LJ are comfortable with each other and Collin, LJ partner is welcomed in our home any time. LJ is living in the open all of his friends know from high school, Governs School and college know and totally accept him. He is well like and very popular with men and women alike. He is also out to my family but not Nick’s completely. For one thing he has no desire to burden his grandparents with the news. They would not understand and there is no reason to upset them. Do the other on that side of the family know? Probably, but it is not acknowledged and that’s okay too.

My son is happy. He is healthy. He is pursuing the career of his dreams. And he is in a relationship that has lasted three years. LJ and Collin have hopes and dreams for the future; they may come true they may not. I guess that’s true for any of us. I wanted to share all of this because my son is so important to me. Maybe other parents are struggling with this issue. I would talk with them if they wanted to. I love my son, he is perfect just the way he is. I would not change one thing about him.


  1. PK, you have every reason to be proud of your son.
    He is what he is.
    How can your son not be terrific he takes after his mom
    Remember this about love, the more you give, the more you have to give, he will love you all the days of his life.
    Love you PK.
    Warm hugs,

  2. Of course he is perfect. He is your's!


  3. Great post indeed! You should be proud of your son and his candidness. He is very brave and I'm sure he will never let you down. Wishing him a very Happy Birthday!

  4. What a tribute to life, love, family and motherhood this post is! You have raised a son who understands and accepts love for what it is, a gift.

    ciao bella~

  5. It sounds like you have a wonderful son, and he has a wonderful mom!

  6. If only everyone in the world could have a mother like you!

    You may feel your son was a gift to you, but I feel like you were a gift to your son!

    What a lucky boy! (and girl)


  7. Anonymous2:09 PM

    PK, thank you for sharing that with us. You are a wonderful mom if he could come out to you at that tender young age. He sounds like a fine individual. You've done something very right. I envy the wonderful relationship you have with him.

    Lucky, lucky PK. Lucky, lucky LJ. Lucky Mollie and Nick. Lucky us, too.

    Debbie :)

  8. Anonymous4:43 PM

    Twin~ And life goes on. See? It's as we thought... these awesome people have responded just as I knew they would!

    Love you....

  9. PK,
    You and Nick have done with a natural grace what many parent are unable to do, give unconditional to your children. As other have said LJ was lucky to be born into a family with true values. With you and Nick behind him your son will go far.


  10. It is because of love that you raised such a fine young man. And he has that love to pass on to everyone around him!


  11. PK What a wonderful caring post! You are so lucky to have such a wonderful loving son and he the two of you. You are truely an inspiration of unconditional love. You define it where many parents would fail here especially with this issue. He is so lucky to have you. I hope should this come up in our lives we will handle it as gracefully and as wonderfully and as openly as you have been able to! You are truely a wonderful person and Mom!


  12. Pk, I wish you could be my mom. You have so much love inside of you and it has spilled over to your son.

    Big hugs

  13. David and i have discussed this on occasion and decided if that was our children's choice we would support them.
    After all, parenting is forever.It sounds like you have a great son..one that you and Nick are truly proud of and i think that's what matters most!

  14. My friends I felt sure you would come through for me and you really have. Of course this was very personal for me. I did worry that there would be negative comments but I knew it would not be from any of you wonderful people.

    You cannot imagine how much this love and support means to me!

    I love you guys!


  15. Anonymous5:53 PM

    Thank you for sharing in such and open and honest way. It must have been very hard to hear your son was gay. Our first thought upon hearing that news would be... our son is going to be completely miserable! Society will punch him in the face at every turn. It would be very scary.

    Your son though... is clearly a well adjusted and happy young man. He's surely had challenges, but he's navigated them just fine. It really is wonderful... and stories like this surely make it easier for others to be more open about who they are.

    ~Todd & Suzy

  16. Hey, PK, I think he's been blessed, not only with his wonderful personality, but with a mom like you. So many young people are rejected by their own families, and for no reason other than prejudice and the inability to understand. D and I also talked about this years ago, and we knew we'd accept it if it happened. It hasn't yet, but you never know! LOL


  17. Wow, thank you for sharing this with us Elis. You truly are an inspirational parent, I have known a lot of parents who don't just 'accept' their children for who and what they are...

    I hope to one day become just as an understanding parent as you are, and feel as much love for my children as you seem to for yours.

    Your son sounds like a lovely young man, and I wish him all the happiness in life. He was very lucky to find a partner so soon, I thought it took gay men quite a long time to get 'hooked' up. I could be wrong, after all I don't have much experience when it comes to being gay.
    But I am very happy for him, and for you.

    Thank you for speaking from your heart...

    Big hugs
    Em x

  18. Scout1:44 PM

    Hi, PK -

    Thanks for greeting me on MBS. I am gladdened to my core to have found your site and your lovely, loving words about your son. I wish you both all the best and hope I have such insight into my own children.


  19. Todd and Suzy,
    I would worry more if he was going into the military or professional sports. In the theater he is less likely to run into extreme prejudice in his career.

    I have know people like that too but I could no more reject him for this than I could reject Mollie for being left handed.

    When your children start coming you will love them as much as I do LJ that's all it takes.

    I am so happy you stopped by and I hope you will come by often. I think we are on very similar journeys with our husbands. All I know is that both my son and my daughter were gifts from God.

  20. Wow ... what Grace said ... if only everyone could have a mother like you. Your post brought me to tears ... you are an incredible woman. And I've no doubt your son is just as incredible. I have a very dear friend who is gay ... who has always known ... spent much of his life running and hiding, and when he finally accepted and told his family, they disowned him. I used to watch his grief everyday, because as much as he tried not to let it 'get to him' ... how could it not. I wish with all my heart he could have had a mother like you. And think in a part of my heart as well, that she has NO idea what she is missing.
    Just ... wow. Big hugs, and great post.

  21. PK, so many others have said it better than I.

    So just lots of hugs!!!!!!!


  22. You and Nick and LJ (and Molly, too) are so very, very blessed... and the very best part is that you each realize it and appreciate it now, when it matters most. That enables you to open up and go so far beyond mere acceptance but reach out to expand each of your own selves... you are an inspirational woman who means more to me than I can ever put into words. This post touched me to the core, as I'm sure you knew it would... there's so much more I can say but at the moment, well, I'm just not up to it and it's pretty personal anyway, but you know how much I love you, right? And LJ is one very lucky man!

    Hugs and love,

  23. Cindy,
    How very sad for your friend and his family. I will never ever understand reactions like that! I pray he will continue to find acceptance and support through friends like you!

  24. Dave,
    Thanks for stopping by. I have missed you and Cindy both!

    Thanks for your kind words! I am only fulling understand what really great folks I have found in blogland. I wonder what the world would be like if we showed the folks we deal with in real life the same love and support we show each other here!