Nick said something the other day that left me unsettled but I couldn’t put my finger on why. I still can’t but I have learned to go with my feeling on some things so with out understanding why here goes.
The weigh loss has been slow and steady, nothing flashy, but usually in the right direction. I got a wonderful reward a week or so ago for my overall loss and it was wonderful! I loved every minute of it. So you would think that when he mentions that when I reach another milestone I could expect another such reward I would be thrilled. It actually caused a tightening in my chest that was not a good feeling at all. And a warning voice in my head said “No, no, don’t, this won’t work, stop!”
When it comes to the carrot and the stick, I am definitely a stick girl! The goal seems too far away. I have a voice in my head that tells me my version of what I think Nick is thinking. In case you didn’t follow you might want to read that last sentence again. What it said was “I have offered a reward, but you don’t seem to be reaching it so you must not really care if you are not willing to work for it.” You do understand that Nick has never said anything like this, he only mentioned the possibility of a reward in the future a day or so ago. Yet this voice is loud and persistent in my head.
I will love receiving a reward any time that he feels I deserved one. But I need him to decide and spring it on me when he makes that decision. I don’t work well toward a reward. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know. What I need are consequences. I used to dream of that angry husband grabbing me and giving me what for. But really that is not what I want. I just want some definite, certain guidelines. I want us or actually him to decide a reasonable goal for weight loss in a week or two weeks time. I just want him to say “You need to lose ______ amount of weight in _____ amount of time. If you don’t I am going to _______________.” He could do the same thing with household tasks. Not just “Clean the house.” But pick one or two thing that need to be done and what will happen if I don’t get them done. He doesn’t need to be mad. It is not his responsibility to tell me to go to the gym or how much to eat. It’s just like in basketball when a player travels or steps out or bounds, there is a penalty. No one is mad or shocked at what happens next. Everyone in the game knows what to expect. The player either avoids breaking these rules or tries to do so in a way that won’t be detected.
I know this is what lot and lots of you do. And I know Nick might be unsure that this would work better that a reward. But I know it will. I’m not topping its just that he was also unsure when I very first mentioned spanking - would really like it. He worried that day dreaming and fantasying about it for years was still vastly different from the real thing. He was right! It has been so much better than I thought it would be!!! So without trying to explain myself I just have to go with the same gut feeling - this will work best for me.
For play or for consequences I would love to see spankings snuck in whenever possible, early morning, any time Mollie may be out of the house for a bit. If we have the time for a quickie or better yet a leisurely – wonderful!! But if time only allows for a quick spanking I want to grab the opportunity. I know what the spanking does for my thought process. I know it keeps the silly grin on my face and keeps me focused on who I am. It keeps my thoughts focused on Nick and how much we love each other and what we are discovering together.
There is one more thing I would love to have him try. We can’t always be spontaneous at our house. But a good threat from my loving husband is always thrilling! That whispered word in my ear in the kitchen of what he is going to do later when the opportunity arises or a promise of future event mentioned at bedtime or as we are getting up keeps a girl tingling in anticipation all day, or for several days if necessary. I think a good threat is the spanko version of talk dirty to me, so it will always have my attention!