Sunday, October 05, 2014

A hard spanking and how I feel about it

Where to begin? I told you I’d emailed Nick my desires and I’d ask for him to commit to spanking me once a week until at least Halloween. I just wanted to see if it would help as much as I thought it would. One of his intriguing comments was, “Lets commit until Spanksgiving. LOL, suits me!

This was the email I got from him last Thursday:

I think you have done a great job of simplifying things so that even I can grasp the basics, even if I don't understand everything.

You want, or at least think you want, me to spank hard at least sometimes.  And you want to be able to let go, to yell to plead or whatever.

I think I can make efforts on the first, and I think it might be hot to see some animated reaction, like the errant young ladies on the spanking videos.  I do wonder if you will be able to drop your reserves enough to get to that point.  Or will you find that this doesn't feel nearly as good on the backside as it did in your head and have to bail with a safe word? I guess we will be getting some answers as we go.

Shall we all say it together – ‘Be careful what you ask for.’

So Friday, after Mollie had been by to say hello and headed back to school, after we’d gone out to eat, Nick told me to pick out a couple of implements and meet him in the guest room (I wanted to use a different room from our bedroom). He said since I’d had a good week working on healthy objectives was the reason I got to pick.

I picked the dogging bat and Blondie’s paddle. Blondie’s paddle was a dangerous choice, but I love it.
He asked me if I needed any restraints on my hands so I wouldn’t reach back and my only thought was ‘gulp’. I told him no, hoping it was going to be true. I’d explained to him in my email that I wanted to start off with my clothes on, because I did want a hard spanking and I was afraid I couldn’t take it directly on the bare. So I was a little surprised and disappointed when his first statement was, ‘Pull down your pants.’

But I did as he asked and after I did he told me I could pull them back up. Bewildered I looked at him. “I just wanted to see if you’d added any extra padding.” I had to laugh because I’d thought of doing that exact thing! I had wondered if five or six pair of panties would help. I didn’t try it, but it could have come in handy.

With me dressed again he started spanking. He began firm and it did get harder – and harder. Again, I’m usually quiet when I’m being spanked. I think Nick and I both realize that the ability to ‘let go’ – yell, cuss, plead – under his hand would be a really good thing for both of us. Ultimately crying would be my goal, but I can’t see it happening.

I did manage to be a bit more vocal. A few ‘shit’, ‘damn it’ and ‘that hurts’ not exactly letting go, but an improvement for me. Then he did something else I’d asked of him. He had me take my pants down then and he left me alone for a little while. I sometimes want to give my head a few minutes to catch up an appreciate/accept what’s happening. While corner time is fine in my head, I don’t think I’d like in much in real life. But lying there across the bed, knowing he was soon coming back for the second half of the spanking was doing amazing things in my brain.

When he came back in with a touch of hot cream and a plug everything jumped up a notch. I was again spanked thoroughly and I found myself hugging the pillow for dear life. It was quite an afternoon, and he did it for me – just for me. I mean ultimately having a happier, healthier wife benefits him too - but not at that moment and I felt very loved and cherished. When he was done he gave me a wonderful hug and told me to leave the plug where it was for thirty minutes.  Delicious submissive feelings were snapping through my brain and I loved it.

I want to say two things that I know for sure –

First, I hated that/those spankings. They hurt and I didn’t like it one bit. It does feel much better in my head than on my behind and I wanted him to stop. The pain was serious and I didn’t want any more.

And second, when he was done, I felt the best I have in months. I felt relaxed, happy, loved and cared for. Sitting afterwards – plug still in – on my sore bottom was an experience. I’m not used to being sore after a spanking, but I was after this one. I even have a few small bruises, enough to make me happy without scaring Nick off. My mind continued to zoom happily around for the rest of the evening.

I'm curious to see what will happen when I come home one Friday in foul mood. One of my leave me alone and don't come near me moods. One of my 'Fine - whatever' moods with the attitude of 'I don't care if you spank or not, you're not getting a reaction from me' mood.  I hope Nick will be willing to see that for what it is - a way of distancing myself from him rather than leaning on him. I could see on those day needing more time in my head - time before any spanking and well as time during the spanking - to think and acknowledge what I'm doing and hopefully correct it. I hope we'll both be able to break through those moods - him with a firm hand and me will a willingness to be brought back from wherever I'm trying to escape to.

After the spanking Friday we talk a little. He say I still need to work on letting go, but that I will have plenty of opportunity to practice. As he put it, “You let the genie out of the bottle.”

Written by PK at 6:00 PM

43 comments

43 Comments:

At 12:12 AM, Blogger grace said...

Oh wow! That's all I got right now...oh wow!

 
At 12:45 AM, Blogger River Wild said...

Wow, this has been a long time coming! I'm so glad for you PK. I agree that actual spankings are not enjoyable, but the results are amazing, huh? Congratulations, I hope things continue to go well for you.

 
At 1:04 AM, Blogger Cat said...

LOL PK...the song verse "be careful what you ask for cause ya just might get it, ya just might get it, ya just might get it..." keeps running through my head. Happy to hear that you felt happy, relaxed and cared for...will be interested how you feel if Nick decides to spank when you really don't want one. ;)

Hugs and Blessings...
Cat

 
At 1:31 AM, Blogger Emerging Lurker said...

That sounds fantastic. I'm glad the communication brought good results.

 
At 4:27 AM, Blogger Roz said...

Oh wow PK, I'm sitting here smiling. This sounds wonderful, I'm so happy for you! Funny how we hate it at the time ... but afterwards? Different story. I'm so glad you felt so relaxed, happy and cared for. Good on Nick!:)

Hugs
Roz

 
At 4:39 AM, Blogger DelFonte said...

The contrary emotions of a spanking, yep, can relate.

 
At 7:02 AM, Blogger abby said...

I join in with the chorus of 'Be careful.....', but i also know that wonderful feeling of afterwards. If i may add....be careful of planning in your head how things 'should' happen...Nick seems to have taken control of that!
Happy for you
hugs abby

 
At 7:11 AM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

So happy for you... :-)

 
At 8:18 AM, Blogger an English Rose said...

Hi PK, about time if I may say. I hope you are doing okay with the whole get healthy thing too.
love Jan,xx

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger Meredith Malloy said...

So happy for you!
Mredith

 
At 9:04 AM, Blogger Leigh Smith said...

Happy you received what you wanted, hope it continues.

 
At 9:42 AM, Blogger Ami Starsong said...

I was grinning from ear to ear every word you wrote! I am so happy for you - you have waited such a long time for this! But you must be one tough lady if you didn't cry. And a whole half hour with a butt plug - good grief woman, you are tough - they make me look like I'm sitting on a nest of termites!!!

Just wonderful news, PK and I hope you will continue to "enjoy" it!!! LOL!

Hugs
Ami

 
At 10:29 AM, Blogger Faerie Wings said...

Yay, so glad it worked like you wanted it to. I feel like I'm still working on letting the genie out of the bottle, but this definitely gives me hope :)

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger ronnie said...

PK,

You know how happy this makes me. Wonderful news (except for the butt plug:))

Love,
Ronnie
xx

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger George K said...

PK, congratulations you are on a roll! I think we all relate to the "it's better in you head" thing, but the feelings afterward are so worth it!

Hugs,
George

 
At 12:26 PM, Blogger Minelle Labraun said...

Zing! Gosh I am excited for you!
I totally agree about.... what was I thinking....spankings HURT! Afterwards your stress is gone....Funny how that works.
The butt plug?
Yay for Nick.

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger poured out said...

Such wonderful news!

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger appy said...

So you were able to explain it to Nick too. :)
I am happy for you.
appy

 
At 6:32 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Grace. I thought you'd be pleased.

 
At 6:37 PM, Blogger PK said...

River, it's a shame it has to hurt to get where we want to be, but I can live with it. Thanks, my fingers are crossed too.

 
At 6:40 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Cat, I'm interested in that too. Keeping Nick interested in continuing has always been a bit of a problem.

 
At 6:41 PM, Blogger PK said...

EL, communication is hard for me. But it really helped this time.

 
At 6:44 PM, Blogger PK said...

Boy it is a different story afterwards, an amazing contrast. It's so worth it.

 
At 6:46 PM, Blogger PK said...

I bet many of us understand this.

 
At 6:49 PM, Blogger PK said...

Abby, you're right - but not completely, Nick isn't a spanko. He doesn't mind my suggestions or hearing how it seem in my head. After he gets the idea of what I really like he can take off on his own tangent.

 
At 6:49 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Terps!

 
At 6:51 PM, Blogger PK said...

Jan, I'll soon be talking about the whole healthy thing too - I know that's the important thing.

 
At 6:52 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Meredith!

 
At 6:53 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks, me too - continuing, that's always the question.

 
At 6:57 PM, Blogger PK said...

Ami,
I only cry if I'm extremely mad or if I see am emotional commercial on TV. I've always tried not to cry or show much emotion in front of Nick. He wasn't raised with showing emotions and I know it can make him uncomfortable. I'm working on it.

As for the BP I just love the interesting emotions it invokes. I rarely 'feel' submissive and that will really do it for me.

 
At 6:59 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Faerie, I'd love to think the genie is out forever, but sometimes he seems to sneak back into his bottle.

 
At 7:01 PM, Blogger PK said...

Ronnie - you can take the cane, but don't like the butt plug? Strange.

 
At 7:03 PM, Blogger PK said...

George,
Yeah it really feels GREAT in my head! Not in real life, but, yes the rewards are totally worth it.

 
At 7:05 PM, Blogger PK said...

Minelle - have you experienced a plug. Wonderful for submissive feeling and to quiet the chaos in your mind. If fact you can't really focus on anything else! LOL!

 
At 7:05 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thank you! So nice to see you here.

 
At 7:06 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Appy, I'm very happy right now.

 
At 7:17 PM, Blogger oatmeal girl said...

Happened to wander by... Most of the time I can't say I like the pain of BEING spanked. But I very much like HAVING BEEN spanked.

o.g.

 
At 8:19 PM, Blogger PK said...

Glad you dropped by - and yes, I feel the same way.

 
At 11:43 PM, Blogger Rogue said...

PK!!!! When you're going through the "first", you need to remember the "second". And get rid of that safe word.... you don't need it.
I'm SO happy for you!

 
At 6:07 AM, Blogger PK said...

That's a good way to think of it. And you're right about the safe word. I think we have it more for Nick's peace of mind than mine.

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger Blondie said...

Ditto what Rogue says. It took me a long time to let go and I still am not great at doing it. I have only cried a couple of times but I have been spanked to exhaustion where my emotions are all over the place. I am sooooooo happy for you. Way to go Nick, I like how he changed things up a little and kept you on your toes.
And thanks for using our paddle. I hope that it helps do the trick.

 
At 8:33 PM, Blogger PK said...

I've never let go - with Nick or anything else in life. I do need to work on it for sure. The paddle was really wonderful - well not wonderful, I mean it was, but… well you know.

 
At 12:21 AM, Blogger Belle L said...

I'm happy 4 u. I never have been able to cry, but I do "oh oh ouch that hurts" in a panicy voice sometimes. I have a hard time crying anyway in front of people. Then it's hard to cry, when I feel it is something a large part of me desires.

 

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