I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, October 09, 2014

TBT - Ode to a Repair Man

Throw back Thursday again today. Have any of you ever helped your HOH try to install an appliance or repair pipes or such? I have to do this occasionally and it is not one of my favorite activities. I wrote the nearly eight years ago and its as true today as it was then. Maybe you can relate.


‘Ode to a Repair Man’


or

How to help your HOH replace a dishwasher
while the pipes under the sink fall apart as he touches them.


Have you ever tried to help install or replace a dishwasher, or some other appliance? I have some tips:

Rule one – Shut up. He does not want your help verbally; he does not want your opinion, your suggestions or anything else from you that requires speech.

Stay close. This is not the time to sit at the computer and laugh your ass off at someone’s post, relax in front of the tube or chat on the phone to a friend. This is especially true if the phone conversation includes how long it is taking to get the appliance installed. (see rule one)

Other helpful hints would include learning the names of basic tools. If he asks for a wrench, he does not want the needle nose pliers. Do not ask “Well, can’t you just use that?” (see rule one)

Realize that 99% of his questions are rhetorical and do not require an answer. Questions like, “Where did I put the damn screw?” “Why is this piece of shit falling apart?” and “Who needs a fucking dishwasher in the first place?” should not be answered. (see rule one)

Try to keep the flash light shinning in the direction he is looking. If you stare longing back toward the computer the light will veer away from the correct spot. If he grabs it out of you hand, don’t say “Your head got in the way.”(see rule one)

Lastly but not least - all finger gestures must be done out of sight of the HOH and comments like ‘Bite me’ and ‘Kiss my ass’, while perfectly acceptable, must be said in you head, not muttered aloud. (see rule one)




20 comments:

  1. ROFLMBO PK! This is so true...just helped my ex install a dishwasher in my house last year!

    Oh and I will add one more...any eye rolling, sticking tongue out and/or snarky looks should be done behind the HoH's back! [see rule one] *snicker*

    He seemed to forget we were not married and he was not my HoH when he caught me rolling my eyes! ;)

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. If we did roll our eyes or something I think we'd explode!

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  2. LoL PK, very good advice! Been there, done that.

    I remember a few years back, pre Dd, we replaced the tv as the old one died and kept losing the picture. Rick was dutifully, and patiently I might add, installing said new tv and hard drive recorder and established then lost the picture in the process. I chimed in with "oh that's good, now were no better off than we were before". I did actually intend it to be funny but still. Lucky for me that was pre Dd!

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, pre-dd was the time to say that for sure!

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  3. PK, this was hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seems funny now, not so much as I was learning all this useful information!

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  4. Sounds as if this was an hysterical visit - for you anyway. Thanks for sharing again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure you've been there a time or two also.

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  5. OMG this is so true. Yes finger gestures must be done out of sight unless you want to end up OTK. I know.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep a few well deserved gestures at the wrong time could be painful in the end!

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  6. Hi PK, omg this is such an accurate post. It's always the blooming finger gestures that get me in trouble :((
    love Jan,xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's been my problem more than once, I'm afraid.

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  7. So funny!!! But I (smirk) am very lucky as Dan knows where to draw the line, and he always gets in a "man that does".

    How I am going to survive without a dishwasher for a few months (till we reorganise) in the kitchen of the house we are moving to, I do not know. There is no space for a dryer either. I am already being spanked for being negative. Can you imagine the future of my bottom when we finally move in?

    Hugs
    Ami

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Surviving without a dishwasher - paper plates all the way! And I have a feeling that there's going to be a lot of standing in your future!

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  8. So true....when in doubt see Rule One

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    Replies
    1. As a man I have no doubt you love Rule One!

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  9. ROFL! Love this one, PK!

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    Replies
    1. And you know it's true, don't you girl?

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  10. So funny and so true. I should print this post out and put it in his tool box for me to read each time we start a task together. Rule one and rhetorical questions are my downfall.

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  11. That is what I have been doing wrong! I say those phrases out loud!
    God ---is this true!

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