I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

To continue my ‘think fest’…

There are so many different lifestyles associated with TTWD. When I began blogging I found a group of women who were in the same place I was. We were lifelong spanko who had hidden this part of ourselves for many years. When we came out and told our men what we wanted – they were surprised. Shocked actually, but they seem more than willing on the spanking part. Nick knew it made me feel sexier than I ever had and that really was a bonus in our marriage. But most of the guys in that group I first fell in with never really understood our need or desire for discipline. That was okay. We girls complained good naturedly to each other and our fellows tried to do a little discipline but for me it was never real. Nick and I never had a real dd relationship. There have been times that it has really bothered me but as time has gone on I’m okay with it.

But this isn’t what I’m seeing out here now. There are so many good blogs and these couples are really trying for a real dd relationship. There are guys who seem to be taking the initiative in the ‘spanko’ relationship. They are holding their significant other accountable for their actions and I love reading their blogs. But as much as I enjoy reading them I can’t find ‘me’ anymore. It was like we were all struggling to figure this out together and suddenly everyone got it ‘right’. I felt left behind. I just don’t find as many people who are going through the same things I am. On the blogs that talk about true dd I don’t know what to comment sometimes other than ‘well done’.

Now I know I’m giving a very simplistic view of very complicated relationships. No relationship is perfect. Every single relationship has it good and bad points as well as their ups and downs, but I miss the conversations with those who are in situations more like mine. I like where Nick and I are now but I don’t like feeling a little alone in the spanko world. I know lots of you come by and read every day. Surely I’m not the only one that’s trying to reconcile the fantasies I used to have and the type of things I thought I wanted to a more realistic view of what is really best for my real life marriage.

Gee that all sounded way heavier than I meant it to. I’m just mulling over the changes in the blog world. There are some blogs and people I really miss and some newer blogs and people I am really enjoying getting to know. And I’m not even through thinking yet. The next topic rolling around in my head is what I can do to get those super sexy feelings back like they were when I first came out. It may take a little work, but I bet Nick will help me with the research if I ask him nicely.

11 comments:

  1. Anonymous2:35 AM

    We tried DD but over time it's become clear that my husband doesn't really want to be in charge, and prefers spanking just for fun. So that is what we do. Perhaps it's better this way.

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  2. PK, was very busy yesterday.
    We are all different, this can make us think we are out of place.
    We all fall in this hole most of climb out, you will too.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

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  3. PK: I often say there are no standards in TTWD. It is just what works for each couple.

    But surfacing the blog world, it does seem there are more couples who are more into dd and more husbands eager to embrace it. But is also could be that some women in your situation aren't as eager to blog.

    Anyway, good luck in your search to find what can make it better for you two.

    FD

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  4. PK...i sometimes hesistate to post, because i am not in a DD realtionship. We are all different, and at different places, and every realtionship that lasts, will grow and change. I like to read your thoughts, they help me with some of mine. Thanks.
    abby

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  5. I'm not a blogger, my boyfriend spanks for erotic reasons, no discipline element, maybe someday? But I think maybe that will not change, and I am happy for the part I do get... never thought I'd actually be able to ask for it!

    And asking for it I owe to all you wonderful bloggers who made it seem possible.

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  6. It's heavy (heavier than you expected) and that's okay. That's what your blog is for. And if you feel good about where you and Nick are, that's good and much more important than feeling good about where you are in the "spanko world". Yet, hoping it all improves for you in accordance to your desires.

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  7. Anon,
    You sound just like Nick and me. I think we should be happy for what we've got.

    Paul,
    I did miss you yesterday! I really don't feel so bad but it's interesting just exploring how I feel.

    FD,
    I think you might be right about some in my situation just don't do much blogging. So girls if you're out there - how about starting one!

    Abby,
    I think of you as being in a dd relationship. You do have someone holding you accountable after all!

    Jane,
    That's one of the best comments I've ever had. Other gave me the courage and I feel great knowing I might have had a part in helping you come out too!

    B'Man,
    My desire, hmmmm... read my blog on Thursday. I don't even know what my desire is anymore. But I have a feeling we'll be back in the thick of things soon.

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  8. Certainly there is more information around now than there was we started our journey and maybe that makes it easier for newbies to identify which bits of tttwd that work for them and define their DD relationship......hurrumph....if only it was that easy for us.....But keep thinking, ...it helps!

    R

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  9. R,
    So glad to see you still around. I know it's good to know that different people do TTWD in different ways. I always thought you two had it working pretty well.

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  10. you are not alone...and often when I read your thoughts and feelings it as though I have written it myself...I miss those conversations and I am sorry for my absence here- I have not been reading or commenting much for my own reasons but I miss that connection of having a friend who knows all my secrets and who I can share anything with and understands...you will find what is best for you in your relationship and if you are happy then that is all that matters Hugs :-)

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  11. Terps,
    When you can't share your secret with those around you it tends to make those friendships less close. You have to hold back so much. I hope you'll be here whenever you need us.

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