Thursday, November 04, 2010
Please tell me this ain't just old age.
When I was trying to decide how I have been feeling lately the word doldrums came to mind. I looked it us to be sure and one of the definitions seemed to fit perfectly – state of inactivity or stagnation. Yep, I say that covers it pretty well. The dictionary didn’t list a cure. So I’m still on the looking.
Another definition mentioned the word depressed. I didn’t pick that one because at the moment it doesn’t fit. I don’t feel sad just extremely unmotivated to do anything! I don’t comment like I used to our here and I miss that, I don’t write as many posts as I used to and I miss that too, I don’t write any fiction for this site, I don’t write Nick emails much anymore and that’s usually fun. And if I’m not doing these things you can be sure I don’t want to eat healthy, or go to the gym, or walk at the nice walking park I pass on my way home, or play the wii – zip, nada, nothing.
So do I want/need a spanking to get me back on track?
That’s hard to admit. It scares me that I’m not interested in having Nick spank me. I mean it really scares me. He has spanked just a little lately. I appreciate the attention. I’m happy that it isn’t gone from our lives completely. But right now, I just don’t have the craving. He’ll hug me in the kitchen and give me several good, friendly swats and that’s fine. I don’t want any more.
Nick has been working longer hours. Today Mollie was working and Nick kinda apologized for just sitting around napping a little rather than use our privacy for some play time. I had been feeling bad that I wasn’t initiating but the old – state of inactivity or stagnation – was upon me again. I really feel better knowing he’s feeling a little listless too. Were happy and comfortable with each other, we enjoy cuddling each night as I crawl into bed. We’re not mad or distant or anything like that and that’s good! So hopefully this is normal in a marriage. I just don't don't want to think this is old age.