I have a slight dilemma and I’m hoping you all, with your incredible wisdom, can help me solve it. I wrote this post and this post a while back talking about getting together with some friends/acquaintances from high school. While I’d had some true insecurities about meeting with them everything went well.
Months later we got together for lunch and it was less enjoyable.
They’re talking about getting together again at the home of one of these ladies later this month. Besides not wanting to sit through boring conversations of the stupid things they did in high school, I
My question how do I politely refuse an invitation to this definitely boring and possibly explosive gathering? They are asking in advance for dates we’ll be out of town so they can plan around people’s vacations. I don’t want to alienate these women, but I don’t want to visit with them either.
Suggestions?
I know this is a bad way to do it but when i have friends who try to work around my dates no matter how i keep changing them, my usual go-to is a last minute “someone is ill” (either me or a family member) or else its a work emergency or parental emergency.
ReplyDeleteThat may be what I'm going to have end up doing.
DeleteA medical operation of unspoken characteristics is a good way out. You can get the call at any time if you are on a waiting list.
ReplyDeleteThat could work if we didn't live in such a very small town.
DeleteHi PK, be ill on the day, or better still have Nick taking you out for a surprise trip. They will be envious of that!I think I would just say I couldn't make it, and not give a reason.
ReplyDeletelove Jan, xx
I surprise outing could be good. I think I have the best marriage, I wouldn't mine pointing that out.
DeleteHi PK, I'm afraid I'm not much help. I think as Jan said, best to just say you can't make it and not give a reason.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
Not giving a reason might be best.
DeleteH PK,
ReplyDeleteI hear you! The last lunch I had with a good friend and some former workmates, one of her close friends came along. the whole 1 1/2 hours was centered around that friend. Even when we changed the subject, she changed it back to her. Boring.
I would simply say I couldn't make it, and hope th have fun. Best to avoid those political conversations at this time!
Hugs,
Hermione
These women and I seem to have nothing in common.
DeleteI do try to keep my mouth shut unless I know I'm talking to a like minded person.
I've always found it is just better to tell the truth, otherwise I get involved in a tale and then can't remember.
ReplyDeletePerhaps a 'maybe next time' could work.
Yeah these days it's hard enough keeping the truth straight.
DeleteI feel for you. This is a real dilemma for honest people. I'm not comfortable with lying but I have found that for something like this where my absence won't ruin anyone's plans, at the last minute (day before or so) either I'm not feeling too well (which is true because my stomach is in knots at this point) or I actually ask my husband to make a surprise date so I can truthfully say something special came up. Or maybe you could ask Mollie to call and ask you for help with something.
ReplyDeleteAnd then be sure to do that whatever it is so you make it true. I know it's not 100 per cent but you don't want to hurt them either. It's too bad you can't just say you don't want to. Unfortunately, next year it will probably come up again. Although, if you go and end up speaking your mind, maybe they won't ask you again!
Rosie Dee
I know it won't ruin any of their day if I don't make it. I guess I'll just keep avoiding making a commitment.
DeleteHello there, PK,
ReplyDeleteIf they were friends you enjoyed, I would advise just saying you are not comfortable talking about politics. I don't have much good to say about either side these days, so I keep my mouth shut.
However, if they are truly a bore, just say you haven't been feeling yourself lately and not to count on you coming this time. You are such a sweet person and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but you simply do not have to go.
Love you!
Ella
Actually I'm dying to talk politics with them. But I won't.
DeleteMaybe it will all blow over.
I would go with "I'm just too stressed to make plans within the next several months." And if they press you, just simply say, "It is a private matter and I am just too stressed. Maybe next time."
ReplyDeleteThat a good idea Wendy, but I live is a very small town and everyone knows everyone. I'm know for never being stressed and being the most chill person they know. I think everyone who heard that would know it was a lie.
DeleteI do suffer from social anxiety and it can flair up at any moment. Use that as your excuse. Tell them you are fighting social anxiety and even thinking of having to come makes you anxious
ReplyDeleteSee my answer to Wendy above. I have different problems in my life, but I've been blessed to not have this particular problem. No one would believe it.
DeleteI'd just say you have a busy summer ahead of you. Tell them to go ahead and make plans without you and if you can make it, you'll go and then don't go. It is difficult to say no to people but after enough times of not showing up, I bet they'll stop asking you. ... hugs ... nj
ReplyDeleteI think you and Abby have it. I don't have to give a reason, I'm just busy. I really am ready for them to stop asking.
DeleteI agree with all of the above...there is no need for you to attend...just say it is a really busy time for you, so you cannot plan on being there....hugs abby
ReplyDeleteThanks Abby, you're right. I don't have to go. Maybe I'll get on a writing kick and really be too busy.
DeleteElla, NoraJean and Abby had wonderful, honest answers. So easy. I'm going to keep them in mind myself.
ReplyDeleteRosie Dee again
no reason is necessary...just simple and honest that you are unable to attend. It is hard to be polite and honest and kind all at the same time sometimes but it usually is still the best policy in my opinion. Maybe that is because I suck at lying. :-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteIf you're going to suck at something this is the thing it's okay to be pore at. And I think you're right.
Delete