Thursday, February 02, 2017

The joy of coming out

If you didn’t read yesterday’s post you might want to go back here and read that first.

I'm comfortable with the way I turned out. I’m happy with myself as an adult. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about what people think of me. I’m basically a nice person, I treat people well and I live my life as I want.

However, doubts crept in when I started thinking about going to Josie’s funeral. All the high school ‘group’ would be there. Of course they weren’t coming to see me, we were all coming to celebrate the life of our friend. Then why in the heck did I suddenly wonder what I was going to wear? Why did I question my decision to stop coloring my hair and let it go gray? Why did I suddenly realized I had no shoes to go with what I’d decided to wear? And why did I care? I mean I cared so much I stopped and bought new shoes on the way to the funeral! BTW, those shoes hurt like hell.

Several of us had planned to meet and ride to the service together – as they pulled up one in her new Lexus, one in her new BMW I crawled out of Nick’s thirteen-year-old work car (Mollie was driving mine while hers was being worked on).  I got in the car with the other ladies, two of them dripping diamonds, hair obviously just done – because every damn one of us is really gray now. And I sat, wearing the jewelry I always wear –  my wedding band and feeling like the hanger on I was back in high school and on top of that, my feet hurt.

But wait, it gets better – I mean actually better. We were early and we sat in the chapel together talking of Josie. We discussed how much fun she had been, how she always talked non-stop, even in class – yet all the teachers loved her anyway. We then had a little while to talk about ourselves.  I stayed quiet other than mentioning that I was retired when one of the ladies asked me about my writing. I’d recently put a link to my books on my real Facebook page.  I told them yes I did write and I enjoyed it very much.  Several asked politely where they could find my books and I said I had a card if they were interested. Several did ask for one and I let the topic drop.

Last week I got a text from one of these girls saying we all needed to get together for dinner. I was willing to go once, but I didn’t expect much. To be honest I expected to be put to the side and ignored but I wasn’t going to let it bother me. It didn’t happen that way.

Two of the girls were already seated and I met the other two in the parking lot and as we sat, the friend to my right began immediately. “I have been dying to talk to you! I’ve finished the first two Cassie books and I’m starting the third one tonight.” To say I was stunned is an understatement.

The other were very curious and began asking questions. Many of which I let my friend answer. She told them, “I thought she was talking about writing children’s books at first. Then I thought it was going to be a sweet simple love story – it’s not just that, you girls have to read Cassie!”

It was a new experience being in a crowd of (probable) vanillas discussing my books. The evening was both enjoyable and eye opening for me. I learned we didn’t have the biggest house or the newest car – but I was the only one there who’s house, car’s, and kid’s college were all paid off. One is divorced, one’s husband has been in and out of rehab so often she doesn’t care if he comes back or not. The other two are at a typical point for many my age, ‘Yeah, he’s around an I like him fine, but who cares.’

I told them Nick and I had come out of the marriage doldrums about ten years ago and started dating again like when we met. That we’d formed a closeness that we hadn’t had early in our marriage and that we loved each other more than ever. I stopped short of bragging, but I sure as hell could have.

One of the final question they had was about my hair. They all said that they were sick and tired of having to touch up their roots so often, but they didn’t have the courage to let it go natural. I told them that part of it had to do with the writing, that although I wrote fiction, writing gave me the courage to be myself. Running my fingers through my hair I told them, “This is the real me and I like who I am.”

“Well damn,” one of them muttered, “I wonder if I could write?”

It was a good evening. It was good for my self-esteem. We may get together again, we may not but if we do, I don’t think I’ll feel like a hanger on anymore.

Footnote –

Two other things that have happened since I told my real FB about my writing. A former school receptionist put on FB that she had down loaded all my books to take on a two-week cruise! That tickled me.

The second is that my former boss, the principal that hired me twenty-eight years ago, sent me a FB message saying he’d read the first book and was starting the second. Then he asked (and he’s the first vanilla to ask this to me directly) did Nick do all this spanking stuff to me. My answer:

“Of course, doesn’t everyone? Seriously, do you think all the writers of murder mysteries go out and kill someone? You never really know do you?”

I will say coming out of the closet has been a blast!

Written by PK at 7:00 PM



At 3:11 AM, Blogger an English Rose said...

Hi PK, Oh my gosh I am so pleased for you. It is great that you are "out" about it all. Way to rock retirement!
love Jan, xx

At 4:44 AM, Blogger lindy thomas said...

Oh PK I'm so happy for you. coming out has obviously opened up a whole new chapter for you with your friends. Enjoy! Wonder if you'll turn any vanilla friends into spankos.
Hugs Lindy xx

At 6:56 AM, Blogger Minelle Labraun said...

I remember going to my 10 year reunion. I thought I'd find myself in that connection place between the smart kids and the jocks. What I found when I listened was no one thought or acted the same was as in HS. They had the same joys and insecurities as I did. I continue to be surprised and try and have the courage to be me regardless!
I'm so happy that your writing is being enjoyed and embraced as it should!!
You are showing me how much I have to look forward to!

At 6:57 AM, Blogger abby said...

Oh, I am so happy for you, Cassie is a good read because she is an intersting, fun woman...and for some of us because she also get spanked.
hugs abby

At 8:33 AM, Blogger Ella said...

This is just the most wonderful turn for you. I am sorry for the loss of your friend, but it has taken you down a road you never could have imagined a few years ago. You are not only smart and beautiful, you are brave and admired. Proud to call you a friend.

Lots of Love,

At 8:46 AM, Blogger DelFonte said...

I came out to a friend earlier in the week and she was lovely about it - although I don't give out my pen name. The 'I'm not a serial killer' is my pet response too my research technique too and it's what I told my mother.

At 9:12 AM, Blogger Leigh Smith said...

You received more response than I, although several of my club ladies have asked but that's as far as its gone.

At 9:55 AM, Blogger Meredith Malloy said...

This post has me smiling thorough its reading. So very sweet to be recognized for what you do so well. Loved your answer to the question regarding murder mystery writers.

At 10:17 AM, Blogger Rosie Jones said...

So happy at this turn of events, PK. Retirement is bringing unexpected rewards already!
Rosie xx

At 10:25 AM, Blogger ronnie said...

Oh PK, I smiled reading this post. Happy for you. Same as Meredith, loved your answer to the question regarding murder mystery writers.


At 12:47 PM, Blogger Laurel said...

WOW! Not that it matters but I am very impressed. Good for you!

At 3:02 PM, Blogger Downunder Don said...

Hi PK, as I read this post I could not help thinking how incredibly brave you are to have taken that first step into the unknown. I know that I just don't have the same level of confidence in the outcome. WOW!

At 5:45 PM, Blogger Eva said...

Wow!!! This is so awesome!!! So. Freaking. Awesome.

At 6:37 PM, Blogger Florida Dom said...

Congrats that you came out of the closet and got such positive feedback. Maybe you and hubby should celebrate with a good spanking.


At 7:19 PM, Blogger PK said...

Jan it really feels so freeing, because I really am proud of my books.

At 7:20 PM, Blogger PK said...

That would be a great thought. Maybe they will try it.

At 7:22 PM, Blogger PK said...

Lots of people seem to try to avoid reunions. I enjoyed mine even though I didn't seem to know many of them. And trust me you have plenty to look forward to.

At 7:23 PM, Blogger PK said...

Cassie has been a dear friend of mine for a long time. I'm so happy others enjoy her.

At 7:24 PM, Blogger PK said...

Ella you are the best! No I could never have imagined this a few years ago and it's really great.

At 7:26 PM, Blogger PK said...

I told one friend and my sister many years and they were both great. I mostly waited until my kids were grown and I was retired.

At 7:27 PM, Blogger PK said...

I was surprised. I imagine that most that read our type of book enjoy them, but they never come back and say anything.

At 7:28 PM, Blogger PK said...

I find the question amusing - and personal so I take it like a joke when it comes up.

At 7:29 PM, Blogger PK said...

I LOVE retirement!!!

At 7:32 PM, Blogger PK said...

If I told these people Nick did spank me I doubt they would believe it.

At 7:33 PM, Blogger PK said...

It matters to me that you're impressed and I thank you Laurel.

At 7:36 PM, Blogger Roz said...

Hi PK, wow, this is so awesome, I'm so happy for you! It's amazing the perception we have of others and the pressure we put on ourselves. It's wonderful how you reconnected with old friends and I hope you do continue to see each other from time to time. Sounds like it was eye opening for them too, in more ways than one lol.


At 7:36 PM, Blogger PK said...

My confidence comes from not having anyone I need to hide this from. That hasn't always been true. It's fun now, but I couldn't have done this five years ago.

At 7:36 PM, Blogger PK said...

Felt fantastic!

At 7:38 PM, Blogger PK said...

That is the best way to celebrate.

At 7:40 PM, Blogger PK said...

It wasn't really a dinner I was looking forward to - but it did turn out well.

At 8:40 PM, Blogger Katie said...

Oh PK!!!! :) Gosh I think that you are an incredible woman! You have courage, strength, and an amazing sense of self. Add to that your sense of humour, your kindness, writing talent and all that other stuff. You know, you should be very proud of yourself! I am darn proud of you, my friend!!!

I loved reading about your meet up for dinner with these ladies. I think that it is so neat that one of the ladies read some of your books, and that things unfolded as they did. You are someone to admire, and so it is no surprise that these women showed you that, that day.

I'm happy for you- that you have been able to share about your writing, feel good about it, and are having fun in the process! Cassie is a great read, and I bet that those women pass the word along.

I too got a kick out of your response to your old boss. Good for you! I also think that it is so fun that the school receptionist bought the whole series! Please keep us posted about reactions to it all!

All for now, though there is one thing that inquiring minds want to know... Were you able to return those painful shoes??? Lol! You go girl! Many hugs and love,

<3 Katie

At 9:38 PM, Blogger Cat said...

Way to go, PK! So very happy for you. Even though it wasn't required or even sought, I'll bet that validation felt great. :)

Hugs and blessings...Cat

At 10:12 PM, Blogger PK said...

Katie, you are really good at making me feel good! It's an amazing feeling to have vanilla talk about my books. Who would have ever thought!

I kept the stupid shoes - I don't like them, but I kept them.

At 10:16 PM, Blogger PK said...

It really did feel great. I was surprised they liked them and I was surprised that I wasn't the least bit embarrassed talking about them. That was the best.

At 11:20 PM, Blogger grace said...

I met up with a couple of gals from school a couple of years ago. One wasn't really a friend, more of someone I just knew and the other was a bit more of a friend, but again, we didn't hang out that much at school. So I met them and I really felt like I was heading to the popular girls table. I even said as much as I walked up. We all laughed about it but after we started talking it was easy to see that we were not the same people we were in high school.

I'm sorry about your friend. I've had far too much of that happening lately and it's just so depressing. Time is a very fickle thing. You never know how much you are going to be given.

I'm so proud of you. You've come a long way, baby!
Love you!

At 11:41 PM, Blogger PK said...

High school and the memories there can be deceiving. I think it's usually better than we think it's going to be when we look back. I think I'm getting too old to worry about such things. Maybe I'm getting too old to worry at all.

At 12:49 AM, Blogger grace said...

So I have to be 60 before I will be too old to worry? I can't wait for that day!

At 8:27 AM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

I am so incredibly happy for you. You are so confident and accepting of who you truly are...and well you should be - I know from experience what a wonderful caring talented person you are. Thank-you for being an inspiration, friend. :-) Hugs


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