TBT - Ode to a Repair Man

Throw back Thursday again today. I first wrote this in 2006, but it's certainly still true. I wonder if anyone else can relate. The question is, have you ever helped your HOH try to install an appliance or repair pipes or such? I have to do this occasionally and it is not one of my favorite activities. 

‘Ode to a Repair Man’


or

How to help your HOH replace a dishwasher
while the pipes under the sink fall apart as he touches them.

Have you ever tried to help install or replace a dishwasher, or some other appliance? I have some tips:

Rule one – Shut up. He does not want your help verbally; he does not want your opinion, your suggestions or anything else from you that requires speech.

Stay close. This is not the time to sit at the computer and laugh your ass off at someone’s post, relax in front of the tube or chat on the phone to a friend. This is especially true if the phone conversation includes how long it is taking to get the appliance installed. (see rule one)

Other helpful hints would include learning the names of basic tools. If he asks for a wrench, he does not want the needle nose pliers. Do not ask “Well, can’t you just use that?” (see rule one)

Realize that 99% of his questions are rhetorical and do not require an answer. Questions like, “Where did I put the damn screw?” “Why is this piece of shit falling apart?” and “Who needs a fucking dishwasher in the first place?” should not be answered. (see rule one)

Try to keep the flash light shinning in the direction he is looking. If you stare longing back toward the computer the light will veer away from the correct spot. If he grabs it out of you hand, don’t say “Your head got in the way.”(see rule one)

Lastly but not least - all finger gestures must be done out of sight of the HOH and comments like ‘Bite me’ and ‘Kiss my ass’, while perfectly acceptable, must be said in you head, not muttered aloud. (see rule one)