My husband loves me. I know he does. We enjoy one another. To slip in bed at night and have him wrap his warm arms around me and pull me to him is pure bliss. He doesn’t understand TTWD or why I need it so, but as soon as I asked him to try he jumped right in, and though it’s not a spankfest around here every day, he has kept it up for nearly seven years. In fact I walked in from work Friday to see that damn cane hanging on the basement door – some greeting! LOL!
We don’t do discipline. But over the years I have asked his help with my weight issues, eating healthier, exercising, etc. This has only been at my request. For the first 23 years of marriage, as I gradually gained nearly a hundred pounds, he never said one word. He just continued to love and accept me exactly as I was. I was the one who ask him to use TTWD to help me do the things I need to do to get healthier. And he does his best to do just that.
There are some problems –I confuse Nick a lot. I’m realizing that now. I want Nick to spank me when I gain or don’t make some progress in losing, when he sees that I’m not doing anything to exercise or become more active. Traditionally spankings are for punishment. I don’t do what I’m supposed to and I get spanked. But… I love to be spanked, so is spanking a reward for me? I know Nick has puzzled over this at times.
In our relationship, however, it’s not really discipline, we don’t do discipline. Our marriage is not one of dominance and submission (although I really don’t mind a little of this thrown in for fun and excitement). We don’t have any issues with power exchange or control, but I still struggled trying to explain my needs to Nicks. Maybe my problem is trying to explain why I need it. I think Nick may really needs a reason to spank unless it’s foreplay. But the reasons, even if we really understood them, still don’t matter.
Bas has been very helpful in helping me understand some things. He’s pointed out some of the many ways that I may be confusing Nick. Bas has pointed out that because of Nick’s love for me he does not want to hurt me – mentally, emotionally or physically. All this is true. Even when we ‘have a talk’ about these issues, he seems hesitant to spank very much. Although I know that what I really need a hard spanking – one that last a while, one that hurts, one that I’m going to feel the next day – Nick just spanks a little, because he doesn’t want to hurt me. It’s a quandary, I want, and need, the pain and he doesn’t want to hurt me. What’s a loving TTWD couple supposed to do?
I can tell you when he spanks, I feel more like exercising, I feel like watching what I eat and making a true effort to do better. When my bottom is sore and tender and hot – even if I’m sporting stripes from that stupid cane, I feel happy and loved. It’s that simple for me – I am not speaking for all spanko or spank-nos, I’m just speaking for me. And the bottom line is - I need Nick to spank me harder, longer and more often. When he does I am happy, when he doesn’t I fall into a funk. It’s that simple.