I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, February 21, 2013

For my friend, Bas

I’m blessed to get to meet many great people out here – fellow bloggers, writers of Fantasy Friday, and the occasionally lurkers, or as I call then my silent readers, last June I heard from one of the most special silent readers ever.  I’ve always enjoyed blogging, but our friend Bas made me think of blogging in a way I never had before.

I don’t think Bas realizes the impression he has had on all of us.  He has wisdom – he’d laugh and tell me I’m crazy if I told him that directly, but today I’m reposting a little of the wisdom he’s shared with me.  His blog is full of his wisdom but, today I’m sharing parts of comments he’s left me.  I want you to read them, but most important I want to let Bas know that I do pay attention to what he says and I listen.  Because of Bas I understand Nick a little better.

I hope you’ll read all these ‘Words of Basdom.’ But the last one – that's special to me.


You don't need anyone to tell you what to do, just need someone to TELL you what to. "Even great gets ordinary", does not mean that it is not great anymore, just that you are not surprised by "great" anymore.

Depending on each other / submitting to each other. What's the difference? You fulfill each other’s wishes whether the other tells you about it or not. That's because you put the other's happiness before your own happiness. When he gives you a spanking, because you like him to do that, who is submissive? Does it matter? Maybe during all those years your secret submission wish was just a secret wish to be nice to Nick. Does it matter?

A word of advice for Nick: don't try to understand, just spank, it seems to be the right way.

"I really don't care what you blog about, please blog about whatever comes into your mind". So please, please keep blogging. But having said that, I must also say that, having read your blog, I do think that cooking and cleaning tips from PK are somewhat doubtful. Maybe you can involve Nick about those subjects. (Hey, now wait just a minute!)

PK, you are not suggesting that any man could ever understand a woman, I hope. What is this world coming to? Next thing, you are going to suggest that women should try to understand men.

Testing, testing, always testing. PK, you should be spanked for testing! But don’t we all do it? I cannot act dominant on my own. Just Like Nick I am an equalitarian at heart. I cannot act dominant, because she does not act submissive. She cannot act submissive, because I don’t act dominant. We are both testing how important TTWD is to the other. There should be a rule against testing, for both partners.

In a comment to my post Faerie wrote: “Maybe Lisa finds the fact that she can no longer refuse freeing?” And I answered: “Yes, you've hit the nail right on its head. Not being free to refuse is the most freeing feeling that Lisa has ever had. It is not her decision to do that thing that is so evil that it might kill her own mother.” We are all the sum of not only our own experiences, but also of those who were before us. It is not easy to become free of ideas that accumulated over centuries. But with the help of our Special Other we can break out of our thorny inner shell and do as we intellectually always wanted to do. It’s not easy to always keep going on but If we allow this thorny shell to close again, we are sure to damage the one standing next to it.

Faerie, I’m glad I’m not the only victim of PK's badgering and pushy ways. (Me? Pushy and badgering?  How can you say that?)

Nick essentially just asks himself if he can live with your choice. The “shrug of acquiesce” is exactly what to expect from a Dom, he does not engage in a discussion or tries to change your opinion, he decides to let you decide and in that way maximizes the level of happiness in the marriage.

This was the first comment Bas ever left me - 

This whole community is more important than we will ever know. It is much bigger than the active group of talented bloggers. Almost every new blogger told us about the joys of finding this community. I don’t doubt that the majority of lurkers feel this same joy. Why is that? Well, I think it is because people here are happy with what they are and what they do. Nobody here is judged and sentenced just because they like something that is a little bit different from the accepted standards. Here we learn that our thoughts and fantasies are not something to be ashamed of but instead, when freed, they can contribute to our happiness. And happy people are healthy people, healthy in mind and body. I could go on for hours about ttwd and happiness but I’m afraid it turns into blogging for myself. OMG, should have known its contagious talking to PK. 

Bas, thank you for coming and sharing yourself with us.  I love hearing about you and Lisa and the closeness that you share. We all did this to let you know how we feel, not for you to spend all your energy answering - we know how you feel and we all love you for it.


  1. PK,
    'Me? Pushy and badgering? How can you say that?'
    Well you can be, a little.
    Come to think of it, this whole post is a little pushy.
    Don't you know that us tops are rather shy and retiring. LOL
    Love and warm hugs,

    1. Paul,
      I can't be very pushy - I've worked for years to get you to blog. I know you don't have time now, but...

  2. Most of my favorite words of Basdom are what he left for you here on your blog. The friendship that you have and the love that you share is truly amazing.

    Thank you for introducing Bas to us, and thank you for bullying him into blogging. And thank you for introducing the wonderful "Blame Bas" idea.

    Love and hugs.

    1. Ana,
      Bas changed my whole view of blogging. He showed me it was more that an fun little past time. It's important.

  3. I love that he tells you like he sees it!
    I agree with Ana! Thanks for bringing us Bas!

    1. Minelle,
      He came to me, but boy and I happy he did!

  4. A wonderful and special man you have introduced to us PK. Thank you.


    1. Ronnie,
      He has really done a lot to help me understand Nick and how he must see some things.

  5. Hi PK, I agree with Ana, Bas has left so many wonderful words of wisdom here. Thank you for sharing them.

    Happy Spankful for Bas Day!


    1. Anonymous7:03 PM

      Loved this PK - thanks for bringing Bas into all our lives!

    2. Cat,
      I wish he realized how smart he seems to us. I hope we made him smile.

      I thought your poem was wonderful!

  6. PK, I've never said this to anyone before....Thank you for being a Bully.

    My life has been enriched greatly for knowing you...then you introduce us to someone as wonderful as Bas. You rock, lady!


    1. Rogue,
      LOL! Nothing like being a bully for a good cause. As much as blogland has given to me I'm always happy I could give some back.

  7. PK,
    Thanks for sharing Bas' words. They can easily resonate with all of us.

    1. Catrinka,
      That man drops pearl of wisdom everywhere he goes.

  8. Anonymous9:56 PM

    PK, You,the other bloggers on your site and Bas, have opened my mind to a whole new world. At my age that's pretty hard to do. Thank you.

    1. Patty,
      We have all been opened up to new ideas and 'normals'. I'm glad you are out here with us!

  9. Lovely post PK. I remember a number of these comments. Very wise words indeed!