I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

You must be 18 to view this site.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Don't call me vanilla!!

Yesterday was a real strange day for me. After school Mollie and I both went to the doctor. Mollie needed to have a vaccination and I needed to have some blood drawn. They want to see if my vitamin D level is coming back to normal.

After than Mollie and I went to the mall. I said in a comment to Florida Dom that clothes shopping can bring on mixed feelings in me. And yesterday those feelings were not good. I want to find something nice to wear to LJ’s graduation and to a graduation dinner we have been invited to (two separate events). But as I looked one thing became apparent – I’m fat. No doubt about it. The shopping was a very depressing experience. I’m afraid I’m not one of those who feels fat and it fires me up to go to the gym, I’m more the kind to just get depressed and crawl into a bag of chips.

I hate fat clothes. I suppose clothing manufactures must think fat women have heads the size of prize winning pumpkins – all the neck lines are huge scoop necks. I hate them. And they put on ruffles (like I don’t feel big enough already) and sometimes beads or rhinestones. I can’t find anything that I feel is classy that I can fit into. I was getting to the point of getting teary. When I get into that frame of mind it seems to open a flood gate for every negative though I can have. I think some of the feelings about LJ actually graduating were creeping in. Mollie was beginning to sense that I was getting down and she was trying to make me feel better but the fact that she could tell I was upset was only making me feel worse. I’m also in need of a new bathing suit but I sure wasn’t in the mood to go there yesterday.

I finally just stopped looking for anything and started shopping for Mollie. I think I’ll do my shopping alone in the future – not with a perfectly built size 5, but it was fun finding her some nice things including a dress to wear to graduation. I pulled myself out of my funk as well as I could. Mollie went into Victoria Secret to the lotions and fragrances department. I don’t like perfumes too much. There is one vanilla scent I really like and that’s about it. I did get a snicker when Mollie said “Oh Mom, you are just so vanilla!!”

I wanted to say “No, I am NOT vanilla! Your Dad was - but he’s really worked on it!!” But I decided to let it pass with just a grin.

Yesterday I also figured out two things that have been keeping me from writing lately. One is that I am listening to a book on CD in the car. It’s a great book – Mary Higgins Clark, Just Take my Heart. I’m loving it but I just realized that I did so much of my mind blogging in the car. When I don’t have time to get my posts together in my head they don’t get written.

The other reason is ‘Bouncing Balls’I am still wasting countless hours playing it. I could be writing but mindlessly playing has a certain appeal. I was delighted to find out today that some of my favorite people out there have been captured by games just as mindless. It made me feel much better to know that people as wise and talented as Paul and CeeCi and Connie and Grace can be captured and waste time just like me!! I feel like I am in good company. But my book will eventually end and I’ll get tired of playing someday so I know I’ll be back to writing again too.


  1. PK, you are not a fat cat, you are just nicely curved.
    Mind you, bouncing balls on a tennis court or squash court would help you get into a nice graduation outfit.
    CeeCi is wise, I'm just old.
    Love and warm hugs,

  2. The game which keeps me from blogging is farmville on face book...Luckily I can leave my lill me farmer ploughing & seeding whilst I go on another tab...Not easy to do that when playing bouncing balls though lol...

    Karen x

  3. PK: Don't blame yourself. Blame the fashion designers who make their best clothes for skinny models who look like they haven't had a meal lately instead of for women in the real world.

    I can see why you don't like to shop but hope you find something you like for the graduation. Good luck.


  4. PK, stop being so hard on yourself. Your not fat all, you were not in the right mood to shop anyway and not finding anything was making you feel worse. Leave it a few weeks, go back, you will find something that'll fit you perfectly and you will look stunning at Logan's Graduation.
    Well now you know what's been keeping you from writing, stop it, we need to read some more stories from the lovely Cassie please :0)


  5. ohhhhhhhhh PK... a big big hug... I know how that feels... my stepson is getting married later this year and already I'm having nightmares about finding a nice outfit so Guitarman can be proud of me... drives me nuts... so I am on a diet... lost 4 pounds, but now it seems on hold... and I can't eat anything nice cause then I go up again... I hate it!!!!!!!

    now the bouncing balls don;t have me addicted... my rock you pet is a whole different story...

    love and hugs, Lessa

  6. ps: I'd never call you vanilla... grinnnnnnnnn

  7. Paul,
    I would do better if I bounced off my butt and did something active.

    And I think you are very wise!

    Lady Karen,
    I never got caught up in farmville - thank goodness! This is bad enough and you're right - I can't break away in the middle of the game.

    I could blame them but that still won't find me an outfit.

    I guess I wasn't in the mood to shop. I'll try again sometime. And thanks for the kind words about Cassie. She has got a story or two that needs typing.

    Isn't it amazing what grabs us? LOL but as long as we're having fun. Good luck on the outfit. I'm glad I don't have to be that dressy.

    And thanks for realizing that regardless of what Mollie might say I'm not vanilla!!