Yesterday was a real strange day for me. After school Mollie and I both went to the doctor. Mollie needed to have a vaccination and I needed to have some blood drawn. They want to see if my vitamin D level is coming back to normal.
After than Mollie and I went to the mall. I said in a comment to Florida Dom that clothes shopping can bring on mixed feelings in me. And yesterday those feelings were not good. I want to find something nice to wear to LJ’s graduation and to a graduation dinner we have been invited to (two separate events). But as I looked one thing became apparent – I’m fat. No doubt about it. The shopping was a very depressing experience. I’m afraid I’m not one of those who feels fat and it fires me up to go to the gym, I’m more the kind to just get depressed and crawl into a bag of chips.
I hate fat clothes. I suppose clothing manufactures must think fat women have heads the size of prize winning pumpkins – all the neck lines are huge scoop necks. I hate them. And they put on ruffles (like I don’t feel big enough already) and sometimes beads or rhinestones. I can’t find anything that I feel is classy that I can fit into. I was getting to the point of getting teary. When I get into that frame of mind it seems to open a flood gate for every negative though I can have. I think some of the feelings about LJ actually graduating were creeping in. Mollie was beginning to sense that I was getting down and she was trying to make me feel better but the fact that she could tell I was upset was only making me feel worse. I’m also in need of a new bathing suit but I sure wasn’t in the mood to go there yesterday.
I finally just stopped looking for anything and started shopping for Mollie. I think I’ll do my shopping alone in the future – not with a perfectly built size 5, but it was fun finding her some nice things including a dress to wear to graduation. I pulled myself out of my funk as well as I could. Mollie went into Victoria Secret to the lotions and fragrances department. I don’t like perfumes too much. There is one vanilla scent I really like and that’s about it. I did get a snicker when Mollie said “Oh Mom, you are just so vanilla!!”
I wanted to say “No, I am NOT vanilla! Your Dad was - but he’s really worked on it!!” But I decided to let it pass with just a grin.
Yesterday I also figured out two things that have been keeping me from writing lately. One is that I am listening to a book on CD in the car. It’s a great book – Mary Higgins Clark, Just Take my Heart. I’m loving it but I just realized that I did so much of my mind blogging in the car. When I don’t have time to get my posts together in my head they don’t get written.
The other reason is ‘Bouncing Balls’I am still wasting countless hours playing it. I could be writing but mindlessly playing has a certain appeal. I was delighted to find out today that some of my favorite people out there have been captured by games just as mindless. It made me feel much better to know that people as wise and talented as Paul and CeeCi and Connie and Grace can be captured and waste time just like me!! I feel like I am in good company. But my book will eventually end and I’ll get tired of playing someday so I know I’ll be back to writing again too.