I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Saturday, September 23, 2006

What I ask for...

By the time we finished at the social, cleaning, sweeping and mopping, I was exhausted! Just before we left one of my friends commented that her husband better not even think of touching her when she got home. I didn’t say a word but a little grin crept onto my face. The teacher who accused me of having an affair and watches me like a hawk saw it and started “Look at you! After all this you are planning on going home and jump your husband, right? What is with you this year?” I just laughed, stuck the broom in the closet and got the heck outa Dodge!

First thing I wanted at home was a shower. When I got out Nick told me I needed to nap for a while and I didn’t argue. I crawled on the bed with a comfortable throw and was out like a light. I’m not sure how long I slept but Nick hadn’t come back to the bedroom so I got up and started to get dresses. He came back then and asked me if I was rested. He also asked me if I had spent any time thinking of a question he had brought up several weeks ago – Why I had waited so long to come clean to him about my wants, desires, and needs? I wasn’t like he hadn’t asks me enough time over the years what I wanted. He would have been willing to have tried anything I even thought I wanted at any time in our marriage. What had kept me silent for so long?

*Note to lurkers here. Tell your partner what you want! Do it today, you won’t be able to capture lost time, but please don’t lose any more!!

Nick told me to stay in the bedroom and think about it. When he came back in a bit he made me stand up with my hand on the bed. Not one of my favorite positions but sometimes not doing things the exact way I prefer is good. It was a warm up and pretty short. Usually my secret complaint is that the warm up is all I get. Not my complaint last night! He told me to rest again and he would be back. When he came back he put a blind fold and had me stand again. I know he used the flogger that time – hard! I don’t know how many ‘sessions’ we had I lost track. I know he uses most of our toys. The mean heavy paddle he made for me, the leather paddle and his belt. He went all out, the whole time making me stand by the bed for my spank and only allowing me to crawl on the bed between sessions.

He seemed to want me to tell him what I thought about holding out on him for so many years. He wasn’t mad, more curious. When he asks me question in the middle of things I can’t answer. I cannot make words come out of my mouth and I just can’t think. That’s always been true. He used to ask me want I wanted when we were in bed (seems like a logical time to ask) but it didn’t work for me. I was too embarrassed to speak. Still today emailing and blogging are so much better!! What I think I was supposed to take away from last night was – don’t let it happen again! If I want or need something, tell him. If I am mad about something, tell him. Stop hiding what I am feeling and stop shutting him out!! My silence did cost us greatly- the whole first half of our marriage, carrying us firmly into middle age. I am determined not to waste anymore time and I hope he will not let me get away with it if I try. If he feels me pulling back into myself and shutting him out he need to take care of things. If last night was a sampling of what I’m going to get, I am going to turn into a damn open book!!

When he was finished he made wonderful love to me from behind which I really love but the feeling against my sore bottom was intense! I haven’t been able to sleep on my stomach in years but I tried some last night. It still felt best spooning. I thought of you girls as I was going to sleep. I have complained here that he never spanked long enough or hard enough. Tiggr and Sky just kept saying “just wait”. I thought of Grace’s news flash and of Bonnie repeating “spankings are supposed to hurt”. All in all a very interesting and memorable evening.

This morning Nick was up puttering in the bedroom while I was just coming awake. He mentioned that he had a small sore place on his tongue. I said “That’s not where I’m sore!” He said in all seriousness, “Are you sore?” I just looked at him. The man beat my ass hard with damn near everything in the toy box and he is surprised that I’m sore! He asked “Are you too sore?” I told him, “No just about the right amount sore”. He told me he still thought I was weird. But he pulled the covers back to look and agreed that I did indeed look like I would be sore. He said he could kiss it but he didn’t think it would take the soreness out. I told him to kiss it anyway and I would see. It didn’t take the soreness out but it was worth the try!

One more note to lurkers. If you haven’t made you plans to tell your significant other by bedtime tonight then you do indeed deserve a spanking – a hard one! Start talking!!


  1. Elis,

    That was a great story and even better advice. I hope the lurkers pay heed.

    Thanks for sharing that gem.


  2. Very good story! And, again... you should do PSA's for spankos too shy to speak up! Maybe they could run them after 10pm.

    -Todd & Suzy

  3. Elis - you rock! I loved reading that - well done! Looks like Nick's getting the hang of things, doesn't it!

    Sorry you can hear me all the wy from across the pond - I'll adjust the volume, hun!


  4. Talking about your needs is always a good thing. The "Fun" will only start however when you are both ready.
    Nowadays it's much easier than 20 years before with all the information on the internet available. Don't look back how life could have been. That's only wishful thinking. You live now and that counts.

  5. Very happy for you. :) Don't either of you look back it's not worth it. Just live each day and spanking at a time. Find out what works for you.

    And KEEP talking!!! If you can't talk without a spanking, then do that. Do what ever it takes to keep this going.

  6. Elis~ I second what all these other wise people have said... especially Brian saying "do what ever it takes." No towel throwing, friend!!


  7. nice..honest..sexy and true

  8. That was great. Maybe Nick is getting the hang of it....or just maybe Nick is reading some blogs where you are telling us your desires! Either way, sounds like it is all coming together!


  9. Elis - Sounds like a hard lesson learned. One that was needed. I also have this trouble. Not only deciding what I want, but being open enough to tell Brian. It works better for me if we talk while I am over his lap. Go figure. Do what works and makes you happy. That's the - bottom line - ugh! Bad joke! D :}

  10. Elis lovely post. My Mel was a Psychologist, one of her most frequent cries was, "communicate, communicate, communicate, most of the problems in this world could be solved if only people would talk to each other". We had a damn good marriage, it was a D D and D/s marriage, we talked to each other a lot. I'm glad that you are learning that lesson Elis, better late than never.
    Warm hugs,

  11. Sounds like you had a fantastic time.



  12. Hey Elis,

    I'm just getting by here for the first time in a few days. I missed a lot, I can see. But it looks like Nick's figured it all out, as have you! You'll always have questions... that's what keeps it interesting. That and the changing moods and wants and urges of the two involved. As to discipline, I'm learning not to expect otehrs to discipline me when I can't first discipline myself. I have to take the ultimate responsibility and act as an adult. Then, if after doing that, my adult bottom needs a warming to remind me or just for fun or whatever, that's all the better.

    But I've learned that spanking as punsihment, at least for me, doesn't work... I want it too much even when it hurts. And what I want and need about it are all the wrong reasons for Dante to do it. I need to first take more control over my own actions rather than spending so much time controlling him (or trying to)... then he, too, is free to control his own behavior (and/or my bottom)!

    Big hugs and love,

  13. WHAT? Communication is the key? Who'd a thunk it?

    Seriously, great story! Don't you feel so lucky that you didn't waste any more time.

    I just love the "nex-day" soreness. Bossman loves when I'm sore the next day also! He feels like he accomplished something if I'm sore the next day!


  14. Bonnie,
    I hope they listen too. I remember lurking!

    Todd & Suzy,
    Tell me where I sign up and I'll climb on my soapbox!

    Tom, Brian,
    I promise- no looking back, expect in the mirror for the next few days!

    My solemn promise - I may throw a fit in necessary, but no towels!

    Stroker, Thanks!

    I think he does more reading than I know!

    It was a good overall experience.

    I never doubted for a minute the you and Mel knew the secret!

    It was just right!

    Always love it when you come by. And I see that you have hit on a major truth! You are responsible for your own actions! I believe you'll have your hands full just trying to control you! You won't have time to control anyone else! I love you!!

    I rarely feel anything even an hour later so this has been a real treat!


  15. Elis,
    Glad you talked to him ! Communication can be and often is a wonderful thing when the person hears what you really meant !
    Anne Elizabeth

  16. Elis,
    Glad you are communicating on this. I know it was hard. My husband and I started out with him doing some spanking with me. quite a bit actually and he learned I loved it. Then I went through a time when I was pregnant and having children when I wasn't as interested. We kind of got away from it. It was really hard this last 6 months to bring up that I was back interested. I'm not ready to bring up DD/DS relationship yet, but I'm kind of wrking my way up to it..... I think.... :-0

    Great post! Communication is so wonderful.. I love the reaction of all the people at school! I can just see them and you! It makes me laugh every time! You are so wonderful!


  17. Anne Elizabeth,
    The talking is getting better, but the emailing is getting fantasitc!

    I know that pregnancy and little kids don't always go well with this lifestyle but it is wonderful that you are talking about it again. It's tough with kids around, but for me the wanting it is a great turn on for when we are actually alone.

    I love it when you stop by!


  18. Geez Elis, put the pressure on with your notes to lurkers, why don't ya? LOL Thanks for stopping by my place.