What I ask for...

By the time we finished at the social, cleaning, sweeping and mopping, I was exhausted! Just before we left one of my friends commented that her husband better not even think of touching her when she got home. I didn’t say a word but a little grin crept onto my face. The teacher who accused me of having an affair and watches me like a hawk saw it and started “Look at you! After all this you are planning on going home and jump your husband, right? What is with you this year?” I just laughed, stuck the broom in the closet and got the heck outa Dodge!

First thing I wanted at home was a shower. When I got out Nick told me I needed to nap for a while and I didn’t argue. I crawled on the bed with a comfortable throw and was out like a light. I’m not sure how long I slept but Nick hadn’t come back to the bedroom so I got up and started to get dresses. He came back then and asked me if I was rested. He also asked me if I had spent any time thinking of a question he had brought up several weeks ago – Why I had waited so long to come clean to him about my wants, desires, and needs? I wasn’t like he hadn’t asks me enough time over the years what I wanted. He would have been willing to have tried anything I even thought I wanted at any time in our marriage. What had kept me silent for so long?

*Note to lurkers here. Tell your partner what you want! Do it today, you won’t be able to capture lost time, but please don’t lose any more!!

Nick told me to stay in the bedroom and think about it. When he came back in a bit he made me stand up with my hand on the bed. Not one of my favorite positions but sometimes not doing things the exact way I prefer is good. It was a warm up and pretty short. Usually my secret complaint is that the warm up is all I get. Not my complaint last night! He told me to rest again and he would be back. When he came back he put a blind fold and had me stand again. I know he used the flogger that time – hard! I don’t know how many ‘sessions’ we had I lost track. I know he uses most of our toys. The mean heavy paddle he made for me, the leather paddle and his belt. He went all out, the whole time making me stand by the bed for my spank and only allowing me to crawl on the bed between sessions.

He seemed to want me to tell him what I thought about holding out on him for so many years. He wasn’t mad, more curious. When he asks me question in the middle of things I can’t answer. I cannot make words come out of my mouth and I just can’t think. That’s always been true. He used to ask me want I wanted when we were in bed (seems like a logical time to ask) but it didn’t work for me. I was too embarrassed to speak. Still today emailing and blogging are so much better!! What I think I was supposed to take away from last night was – don’t let it happen again! If I want or need something, tell him. If I am mad about something, tell him. Stop hiding what I am feeling and stop shutting him out!! My silence did cost us greatly- the whole first half of our marriage, carrying us firmly into middle age. I am determined not to waste anymore time and I hope he will not let me get away with it if I try. If he feels me pulling back into myself and shutting him out he need to take care of things. If last night was a sampling of what I’m going to get, I am going to turn into a damn open book!!

When he was finished he made wonderful love to me from behind which I really love but the feeling against my sore bottom was intense! I haven’t been able to sleep on my stomach in years but I tried some last night. It still felt best spooning. I thought of you girls as I was going to sleep. I have complained here that he never spanked long enough or hard enough. Tiggr and Sky just kept saying “just wait”. I thought of Grace’s news flash and of Bonnie repeating “spankings are supposed to hurt”. All in all a very interesting and memorable evening.

This morning Nick was up puttering in the bedroom while I was just coming awake. He mentioned that he had a small sore place on his tongue. I said “That’s not where I’m sore!” He said in all seriousness, “Are you sore?” I just looked at him. The man beat my ass hard with damn near everything in the toy box and he is surprised that I’m sore! He asked “Are you too sore?” I told him, “No just about the right amount sore”. He told me he still thought I was weird. But he pulled the covers back to look and agreed that I did indeed look like I would be sore. He said he could kiss it but he didn’t think it would take the soreness out. I told him to kiss it anyway and I would see. It didn’t take the soreness out but it was worth the try!

One more note to lurkers. If you haven’t made you plans to tell your significant other by bedtime tonight then you do indeed deserve a spanking – a hard one! Start talking!!