I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

You must be 18 to view this site.

Monday, July 03, 2017

Still thinking about the spanking lifestyle

I’m still in the mood to talk to myself, so I’m continuing along the thoughts of what I posted Saturday...

I sometimes wonder why Nick never really stepped up to the idea of dd. Some reasons are obvious. You don’t hit girls. He finally understood the concept of spanking. When he saw it was truly something I liked, when it turned me on sexually, then it was okay. But to ‘hit’, or even spank me to change my attitude, to enforce a rule, to ‘make’ me do something. He never really grasped that concept. Being the ‘boss’ never seemed right to him since he always has and always will see us as equals. It’s hard to argue with his logic.

So I keep asking myself – what is it I really want from him? If I don’t really want him to boss me around (and I don’t), then if he pretends like he’s doing it and it’s not real, then isn’t it just a game and I know that’s not what I want.

I’m beginning to understand his overall confusion.

I do know I’d like us to be closer. When we first started this, we were really close for the first time in our marriage. As I do more thinking, maybe it wasn’t the spanking, maybe it was the closeness and communication that we had at the time. I had to explain all about TTWD, explain why I liked it, what I wanted and why I wanted it.

He did want to know what it was all about at first and we talked a lot. Sometimes face to face, but often by email. He didn’t mind reading what I was thinking, he was excited too. The change in me was amazing. It wasn’t something he could have missed. I went
from a frigid, don’t touch me, let’s just be friends type of wife to someone who obviously adored him and who had wild crazy sexual ideas I wanted to try. I wanted to touch him all the time and have him touch me. We smiled more, we took the time to look into one another eyes – especially when we were with others. It’s like we had a delicious secret that made me so happy I felt like I’d swallowed sunshine.

I guess you’ve realized, if you’ve gotten this far, that I’m rambling. But these thought, wished, desires are always running through my head and where better to siphon them off than my blog.

Questions for you. Will your man talk about TTWD with you? Are you so established in what you do that you don’t need to discuss it any longer? Would you like to talk about it with him? Do you talk face to face or email? If you don’t really talk about it is there anything you would like to tell your guy about TTWD that you think he should understand better.

I really would love some answers here – leave a comment or if you have a blog, you could answer in a post.

I prefer to talk through emails. I think so much better when it comes out of my fingers rather than my mouth. I’m just as bad as Nick in that regard. I think Nick is embarrassed to talk to me about TTWD, even after all these years. Even when he talks about things I need to do for my health it comes out as teasing or a joke and not serious. But it may just be that it embarrasses him to tell me what to do, so he says it in a teasing way rather than like he’s serious, so I end up talking it as a joke. What a silly cycle we’re in.
  
Nick’s a busy man – working, taking care of two parents in two different directions, taking care of our yard and his dad’s. I feel asking him to ‘talk about TTWD or feelings’ is just one more job for him.

We don’t talk anymore, well that's not true, we talk all the time. We just don’t talk about us, or our feelings, or what we could do to get closer. He doesn't want to talk about such things. So I’ve learned to shut up and not bother him. But I think spending more time talking might help.


19 comments:

  1. Hey PK,
    I answered your Blog at Eric51Amy49.
    I hope you find it helpful.
    XOXO
    Amy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. https://eric51amy49.blogspot.com/

      Delete
    2. Amy wrote a great post - I hope you'll go by there and read it. Here was my comment at her site -

      Amy I appreciate you taking the time to write this. It seems you two are doing a great job incorporating DD into your relationship. Spanking does bring that closeness and talking really brings it home.

      I do fantasize ALL the time I guess it all goes into my books. I know I should talk to him more, but after 11 years I just don't know what else to say.

      One other thing - I know Eric has to be very busy and my husband is too, but I still think they should read our blogs. Can you imagine your guy taking the time to write what is in his heart and mind and you just saying, "I don't have five minutes today to read it." If they blogged - we would read it.

      Delete
    3. Thanks PK - My reply to you!

      Hi PK! I told Eric about your post yesterday and then I read my response to him. LOL That guy isn't going to escape my writing. Hee hee. I think time is one reason he doesn't read it much anymore but I also think it's that he won't go on his work computer to look at it and he's working way too much now.

      It sounds to my like you are really hurt that your husband isn't taking an interest in what you are writing anymore. What if you wrote him a love letter? What if you wrote him personal, sexy, upbeat and playful notes/cards and tucked them in places he would find throughout the week? Nothing negative - all loving and fun. Try that but don't say a word. Let him come to you. Blogs are great but maybe your fella needs a little personal attention.

      Sending you a HUG. Happy Fourth.

      Amy

      Delete
  2. Hi PK, I agree, it's the greater communication and intimacy rather than spanking itself. Although we haven't practiced ttwd for some time now the benefit of greater communication has remained. We have been fortunate to have always been able to communicate about ttwd.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are much closer than before I came out. Maybe not as much as we were in that 'honeymoon' period, but still the improvement is noticeable and I'm grateful.

      Delete
  3. I love to read your ramblings.

    Communication is so important for me. Even after all these years with TTWD in our lives we still talk about it We are getting older and not the spring chickens we once were so you have to adjust with one another and spanking is no different. We talk face to face (sometimes through emails) when we are out, more relaxed and have time to listen to each other. We are lucky that we can talk talk openly about TTWD.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are lucky and I had a feeling that talking about TTWD was part of your life. I know I'm often jealous of you.

      Delete
  4. Oh boy you are always good at making me think! However whereas you write and communicate your thoughts I need to verbalize mine. Sometimes when I talk to my guy I understand more of my needs. Often I read..... and read, and read---then I speak. For me it can be a free flowing process!
    I even have my guy read.... then I ask what he thinks. He may just say it was good or I liked that! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I sure do wish I could verbalize more - I've never been able to, with bosses or even friends when we'd have a disagreement. I've s-l-o-w-l-y gotten better. I could tell my bosses my feelings before I left but I'm still not so good with Nick.

      Delete
  5. Deena6:26 PM

    So on the nose with how my husband feels - the "don't hit woman" and not really wanting to necessarily take the lead. I explain that "hit" and "spank" are completely different. But still. As for leading - well - I just can't stand when a decision isn't made so I always just took that role. But I HATED it. One thing TTWD has done for us is that we make decisions together and sometimes he will take the lead. Spanking though? It's not completely his "fault" that we haven't quite figured that out yet. I don't think I've explained it right but mostly because it's not logical to me. Even sort of freaks me out. But there is something about being submissive that makes me feel secure and cared for and I don't know why but I don't care. I just know it makes me feel better. Yah. This sure is confusing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have a lot in common. It's hard to 'explain' an illogical NEED, but it's there. What to do? We're lucky our guys are willing to listen if we can ever figure out what were trying to say.

      Delete
    2. Deena8:24 PM

      Very true. They are incredibly wonderful guys.

      Delete
  6. I ramble a lot. Ttwd was the thing that got us started but we're now dd/lg. The communication has remained. Just in another way. And i think THAT is the crux of the whole thing, whatever label you use. Correction isnt something we do. Spankings are fun or for reconnecting. Or just a reminder of our roles. But he always listens when i have something to say or write. And like you, sometimes i feel writing is easier when it comes to expressing my deepest feelings. Be well n ramble on!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy to hear from another rambler. I'm one of those who thinks of the perfect thing to say after the conversation is over. Writing helps me so much.

      Delete
  7. Love your ramblings PK and going to attempt a post to answer your questions. Very interesting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll be by to check it out.

      Delete
  8. This is a very heart felt post PK. Have you considered printing it up and handing it to your guy at a time when both of you could sit down together. It just might open that conversation one more time. Maybe this will be the time to clearly explain what you not only want but need. He loves you, that is so easy to see in your writings, maybe he'd give it another shot. Remember silence is consent and he might just think you are fine and dandy with the way things are. Ask him if there are any small changes he would like to see that might start helping you with your submissive side. One thing my guy loves is my greeting him at the door when he comes in, always ready with a kiss and a hug. Maybe putting Nick on a pedestal may help him see that there are many, many benefits to be reaped by Ttwd. Maybe its a place to start??

    ReplyDelete
  9. I agree that talking about our feelings and desires opened us up and made us closer as much as the actual exploring did. We have not talked in that way in a long time and I do miss it, all of it, but we are where we are. Keep on rambling and know you have a friend happy to ramble with you any time! :-) Hugs

    ReplyDelete