I’m still in the mood to talk to myself, so I’m continuing along the thoughts of what I posted Saturday...
I sometimes wonder why Nick never really stepped up to the idea of dd. Some reasons are obvious. You don’t hit girls. He finally understood the concept of spanking. When he saw it was truly something I liked, when it turned me on sexually, then it was okay. But to ‘hit’, or even spank me to change my attitude, to enforce a rule, to ‘make’ me do something. He never really grasped that concept. Being the ‘boss’ never seemed right to him since he always has and always will see us as equals. It’s hard to argue with his logic.
So I keep asking myself – what is it I really want from him? If I don’t really want him to boss me around (and I don’t), then if he pretends like he’s doing it and it’s not real, then isn’t it just a game and I know that’s not what I want.
I’m beginning to understand his overall confusion.
I do know I’d like us to be closer. When we first started this, we were really close for the first time in our marriage. As I do more thinking, maybe it wasn’t the spanking, maybe it was the closeness and communication that we had at the time. I had to explain all about TTWD, explain why I liked it, what I wanted and why I wanted it.
He did want to know what it was all about at first and we talked a lot. Sometimes face to face, but often by email. He didn’t mind reading what I was thinking, he was excited too. The change in me was amazing. It wasn’t something he could have missed. I wentfrom a frigid, don’t touch me, let’s just be friends type of wife to someone who obviously adored him and who had wild crazy sexual ideas I wanted to try. I wanted to touch him all the time and have him touch me. We smiled more, we took the time to look into one another eyes – especially when we were with others. It’s like we had a delicious secret that made me so happy I felt like I’d swallowed sunshine.
I guess you’ve realized, if you’ve gotten this far, that I’m rambling. But these thought, wished, desires are always running through my head and where better to siphon them off than my blog.
Questions for you. Will your man talk about TTWD with you? Are you so established in what you do that you don’t need to discuss it any longer? Would you like to talk about it with him? Do you talk face to face or email? If you don’t really talk about it is there anything you would like to tell your guy about TTWD that you think he should understand better.
I really would love some answers here – leave a comment or if you have a blog, you could answer in a post.
I prefer to talk through emails. I think so much better when it comes out of my fingers rather than my mouth. I’m just as bad as Nick in that regard. I think Nick is embarrassed to talk to me about TTWD, even after all these years. Even when he talks about things I need to do for my health it comes out as teasing or a joke and not serious. But it may just be that it embarrasses him to tell me what to do, so he says it in a teasing way rather than like he’s serious, so I end up talking it as a joke. What a silly cycle we’re in.
Nick’s a busy man – working, taking care of two parents in two different directions, taking care of our yard and his dad’s. I feel asking him to ‘talk about TTWD or feelings’ is just one more job for him.
We don’t talk anymore, well that's not true, we talk all the time. We just don’t talk about us, or our feelings, or what we could do to get closer. He doesn't want to talk about such things. So I’ve learned to shut up and not bother him. But I think spending more time talking might help.