well! As usual, I over did it well. Keeping my weight in check is the only thing Nick is somewhat serious about – not for looks, but for less stress on my joints, and keeping my diabetes and blood pressure in check.
Nick has helped me lose in the past and has set a certain weigh as a point of no return – as in I’m never to return there again. I kinds did and he drew a red line in the sand. Okay, actually it wasn’t in the sand, it was on my butt. The man used a switch that he cut and brought in for that purpose. Wow! He knows how I feel about anything whippy like that. I hate canes and switches. Some of you may be saying – umm… yeah, that kinda the point. Oh, shut up!
Now let me analyze this a bit. I want Nick to use TTWD for things that matter to him – actually real things. This is the only ‘real thing’ he ever spanks for. He didn’t use a fun implement that I can sink into and enjoy. He used one I hate. Although he didn’t use it long or vigorously, it was plenty enough and it even left marks (of which I was quite proud). I do appreciate his efforts and it gave me much to think about.
Sadly, I didn’t lose weight this week. But the conversation in my head was interesting. It’s just that I’ve reached the age where my extra pounds and I have been together a long time and they seem very reluctant to leave me. I feel this is the main problem, not the fact that I over eat the wrong things and live the life of a sedentary writer. Kidding aside, it is much harder to lose than when I was forty. But in all seriousness, I know – I’m not really trying.
Nick, love of my life, evidently has not completely given up on TTWD. Have I? Consistency is not Nick’s strong suit. He could come at me with the hated cane later today or TTWD may not come up again for months. When I first came out it sure worked, I lost forty pounds. But I truly believe that came from the overall excitement of what I believed ‘could be’. Things like finding my submissive self and encouraging its growth. Living a true dd lifestyle – one that could have fit us, a mild one that kept us both strong and independent while truly focusing on us as a couple.
If Nick were to read here, and he rarely does, what would I want him to get from all this? I don’t know. There are many days I want to say – let’s just forget the hint of dd, if you want to spank for fun or sexy reasons, feel free. But not hard, that only works for real stuff. Yeah, sometime I want to say, 'forget it'. But the thing is my desire for it will always be there. It can no more be removed from me than my brain or my heart. If I’m alive, it’s there. It lived in meas smoldering embers for nearly fifty years before I began to tend it. I gave it oxygen and fuel and it burst into a passionate, all consuming, raging fire as I found blogs and came out – man, that was some of the best times in my life.
It’s back to embers now. Those red-hot coals live under a protective blanket of gray charcoal. Occasionally Nick fans the flames, but only for the briefest flare up. I guess it’s a safe way to live.
I have more thoughts along these lines. Come back Monday.