I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, September 23, 2014

What I asked Nick

I thought you might be interested in some of what I wrote Nick.  First, I want to explain that regardless of what Nick does or doesn’t do regarding TTWD the necessity of me getting control of my life style and make changes to reduce my weight for my over all health is something I have to do. I have to do it.

What I’m asking of Nick has nothing to do with spanking me for gaining or even for not losing. What I’ve asked of him is to help me with my motivation – when he is not doing any spanking I get down. I hate to call it depression, because I know people who are truly plagued by depression and I’m blessed not to have that problem. I just get down, feel frumpy, don’t care… blah.

When he is spanking regularly I feel happier about life in general, I feel loved and watched over and cared for – all that makes me want to step up and do better for myself. It’s all a mental thing that I don’t understand and no long even care to – it’s true for me, and that all I need to know.

It ended up being a long email (of course) and mostly just for him. But basically I asked if he would comment to spanking me once a week until at least Halloween. I gave him some details of how I pictured all this taking place – he can’t read my mind, or so I’ve been told. He’s free to make the changes he wants to, but I told him in detail what I was hoping for.

I’m craving hard spanking. I’ve told him I’d love to be able to really let go. I’ve never been able to let go and accuse him of being mean, unfair, I’ve never been able to yell and cuss and tell him to stop. I was always worried he would. I do have a safe word and I’d use it if I needed to – but the idea of letting go, it’s so appealing. I know it would take practice. I went through natural childbirth, twice, no pain meds at all, no epidural no nothing, without making a sound other than to ask for ice and a cold cloth – it was when mothers were encouraged to do this so the baby would come into the world drug free – screw that by the way, get the epidural!

I guess to help Nick avoid confusion as to – do I spank, is she in the mood for it or should I wait for some other time… I ask for every Friday afternoon (he has Fridays off) Here’s what I told him to think about those spankings -

1) ‘She had a lousy week, she didn’t seem to try to lose any weight, I didn’t see her riding her bike or walking any and she’s withdrawing and I’m going to make sure she knows that continuing all this will be a painful prospect’

or

 2) ‘She had a great week, lost a pound, I saw her exercising several times this week, she’s been in a great mood – a good hard spanking every Friday afternoon does her a world of good for some reason and I’m going to keep it up.’

This whole thing isn’t for punishment, or discipline, it’s closer to maintenance, encouragement to keep trying, reconnecting, and simply the fact I need it. If I had to have an injection once a week to keep me healthy, you’d do that for me. I know you would – even if I told you it hurt and I didn’t want it. If you knew I needed it for my health you’d do it, I think this would help my mental/emotional health.

I believe in the letter I sent, my heart, my mind and my emotions all agree that this is what we truly need and we were all together when we wrote it, yet somewhere in the background I could hear my butt yelling, “What the fuck?” Sorry butt, sometimes you just have to take one for the team.


38 comments:

  1. Very well thought out logic PK...hope Nick gives your butt the weekly injection you need. ;)

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat, it felt good just to get it out, regardless of what Nick actually does.

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  2. Good on you PK! I'm with Cat, I love how you suggested Nick could view it. Hopefully this will help him to understand a little better. I so hope you get the weekly dose of medicine you need :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz,
      I know it really has to be hard to understand - heck, I don't understand. I just know it's true.

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  3. I love when you say your butt has to take one for the team! LOL!

    You are right in everything you say and I am so proud of you for at last asking Nick for it. Hard one though, isn't it?

    Yet once they get it, it seems to me that they REALLY get it. But believe me when I say that a reminder/maintenance/stress relief is the best type - don't even THINK you want punishment. You can let yourself go and cry just as well with maintenance! My butt is ALWAYS glad and relieved once it's over! And very red and hot and sore!

    You are going to do great! I know it!

    Many hugs
    Ami

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    1. Anonymous8:43 AM

      I agree with you. Stress relief does me a world of good and we usually end up following it with some good sex. Sometimes I think I want a harder spanking, but then I can't stay still and squirm and end up begging for it to stop. If I get bruised, my husband backs off for a long time, so be careful. You don't want to scare him off entirely if he really just prefers erotic spankings as mine did when we started.

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    2. Ami,
      I guess my butts the loser in all this - I just hope I'm a winner. You're darn right it's hard, it's hard to keep asking. I still don't know what's going to happen, the ball is in his court now and I'll be gone next weekend so I may have a while to wonder. Just keep your fingers crossed.

      Anon,
      In the future sex might follow all this, but not at first. We have our time for some hot sex and there is always spanking involved - but I need this for me and sometimes when it ends in sex it seem that sex is the only reason he's spanking and it changes the dynamics for me.

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  4. Great letter,,,,,i hope it woks....i am pretty sure your butt does not!
    hugs abby

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    1. I hope so too - and I know you're right about my butt.

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  5. Dear PK, you are a wonderful writer. You can put your thoughts so well into words. I hope Nick will react in a positive way.

    I am enjoying the book you sent me. I'll write to you when I've finished it.

    appy

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    1. Thanks Appy, I think he will - I have my fingers crossed. I'm so glad you are enjoying the book, I'll look forward to hearing from you.

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  6. Hi PK, about blinking time my friend. Now we are on the same page, that is pretty much what is happening here. I really really hope this works for you. Keep a food diary like me , that will give him something to work with as well. For me the comments are what keep me going. Good luck
    love Jan,xx

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    1. LOL Jan, no one has ever called me fast - took me 23 years of marriage before I came out to him! Does he comment in your food diary or just tell you?

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  7. Keeping my fingers crossed for both of you.

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    1. I'll let you know.

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  8. PK,

    Good logic. Good luck but I feel Nick will step up for you.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. I have confidence he'll began, but… he often seem to lose interest. We'll see.

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  9. I laughed, too, at butt's comments and taking one for the team. Wishing you success! We all have to find what motivates us ... whatever works.

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    1. Thank you Meg - we all have an idea of what could work for us. I think this could.

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  10. For me a weekly spanking of this sort would motivate for the simple reason that it would signify his investment and interest in helping me to reach a positive and beneficial goal. It would mean that I didn't feel alone with this, but knew that he was 100% with me.

    As for the rest, I have never really seen the point of insisting on a regular minimum weight loss and punishing when this did not occur. Many things can cause a small, but often temporary, fluctuation in weight that doesn't signify a lack of exercise or mean that you have eaten 'forbidden' foods. For myself, I feel sufficiently demoralised by the fact that I've put in all that effort to no effect, that I don't need to be punished for what I cannot help.

    Instead it makes more sense to me to work out a food and exercise plan, pass it my husband, and ask him to help me stick to it. If he punishes, it is because I haven't stuck to the plan and not because I haven't lost weight.

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    1. "For me a weekly spanking of this sort would motivate for the simple reason that it would signify his investment and interest in helping me to reach a positive and beneficial goal. It would mean that I didn't feel alone with this, but knew that he was 100% with me."

      That's it exactly DL! I want him involved. He would never spank me for gaining, he told me that long ago. He sometimes spanks me for not taking care of my health, but that's it.

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  11. Great Job!!!!! Sometimes spelling it out makes it so much easier for them to follow through (even if they don't always understand it). I know how you feel about not feeling right if you don't get a spanking. I think that that is why we do maintenance. Hope this all works out. I really, really do.

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    1. Blondie,
      It's true, isn't it? I can follow instruction on how to drive a car, I will never understand the working of a combustion engine.

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  12. I like the injection example PK :) I am 100% with you about starting to feel down when it has been awhile since a spanking. I'm also craving Jordan to spank a little harder than we are accustomed too. Like anon said though we have an issue with brusing too so Jordan holds back a bit. I hope all goes well:)

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    1. I hope you get what you want too. I haven't bruised in years - funny sometime we crave the bruises that bother them so much.

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  13. I love the analogy between giving a shot for health vs a spanking. Good luck with everything :-)

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    1. I have everything crossed, but I won't rush him. I just ask him to read and think for a while. We'll see.

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  14. Way to go PK! Like I told my daughters, men don't take hints. If you want them to know something, be direct and say it straight out. You are a gem of a girl!

    Blessings and Hugs,
    George

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    1. George,
      You got that right! LOL, men do not take hints and woman don't want to ask, they just want men to know. I'm learning slowly, but I'm learning.

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  15. It is as clear as can be isn't it? I agree that you ask for it and spell it out perfectly!

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    1. I hope it's true, I hope he's willing.

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  16. Sounds like a wonderful email, PK!! My fingers and toes are crossed for you. You put it all out on the table, in a thoughtful, clear and loving way. Good for you! :) many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. I'm hoping all will be well. He hasn't replied directly but I've learned not to bug him after an email. I'm glad he takes the time to think about his reply.

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  17. OMG, I laughed outloud at the very end!! How did I not know that my beloved creator of Cassie was also a blogger?? SWEET!! :D

    Love - Didi, Polly, Sarah Young ;-)

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    1. Gracious I've been around forever - been blogging for eight years now. I seem to alway have something to say. So glad you popped over and found me. Email me some time and I'll tell you how Cassie came within a hair's breath of vanishing completely. elisspeaks@yahoo.com

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  18. Proud of you my friend!!! You give me hope for my vanilla hubby!

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    1. We'll see how things go.

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  19. well thought out and expressed
    hope that it is long-lasting and helps you find the balance you crave...
    hugs

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