I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, September 08, 2014

I sorta, kinda talked to him

You’re going to have to go way back in my post to find one about spanking. It stinks, but I made an effort about a year ago to stop pestering Nick about TTWD.  There were a few stray swats and Nick’s always been willing to spank a little when he wanted sex, but other wise he seemed content that I wasn’t on his back about it.

I’ve been okay, I when back to ‘what I know’ that is living in my head. We get alone well, no fussing or fighting or hard feelings. Sometimes I get down – but not too much. But for whatever reason I sent him an email this weekend pointing out one inconsistency that had been bothering me.  Nearly a year ago we talked about things we needed from one another. He wanted me to initiate sex more and I wanted him to spank more. He made a ‘rule’ that on the first weekend of each month I was in charge of planning a sex-capade, wild or simple – it didn’t matter as long as I planned it. Baring the time we were injured I’ve done it. Not always elaborate, but always fun. He, on the other hand didn’t do any more spanking.

I pointed this out to him in the email and a few other things and asked him to give it all some thought. He emailed back saying we might talk about it sometime. That was okay, there were other things in the email that needed immediate attention so his answer was appropriate, but now I’m wondering – do I bring it up again or wait on him? I could use his help, but I won’t beg. We often talk about building walls, personally I seen the necessity of walls. You can’t just leave yourself completely vulnerable if the person you want to help you just can’t do it. You need protection. I’m not sure exactly what I want to happen, but I’m keeping an open mind and I have my fingers crossed.




I'm invited to talk to Patty Devlin today, it should be up about 4 AM, EST.

28 comments:

  1. Good on you for sending the email and giving Nick an insight into your feelings. I really hope he does initiate a conversation, but if not, I think you should definitely bring it up.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Roz,
      I'd be glad to continue the conversation, I know what I want to say, but I need to know he wants to hear it.

      Delete
  2. You asked for advice and mine would be 'just wait a little while to see if the seeds (reminders) you have sown, germinate'. If they don't, then there is no harm in 'prodding' again, and keeping on prodding until you get a knee-jerk reaction. Just be aware that sometimes (see my new post) things do not go strictly according to plan, and Nick could be planning his own little scenario!

    I understand exactly how you are feeling. Sometimes I think that husbands like ours are quite happy tramping along in their little wagon ruts. They don't realise we have scrambled out and are skipping alongside wondering why they don't want to join us.

    Hugs
    Ami

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You've described it perfectly. I'll give him time. I don't see it happening the way yours did. My worse 'behavior' is pulling away. I don't act mad or unreasonable or ill tempered at all - I just feel hurt and pull away.

      Delete
  3. Bring it up again but not in a nagging way. Frame it in the sense that you still love him regardless but this is something you need and crave from him and that you hope he will give it to you. And then see what he says. But communicate. Holding things in never solves anything. Good luck.

    And Ami did a good job of summing up the situation. You are skipping alongside him and trying to figure out how to get him to join you.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right. And it's really okay if he doesn't want to join me in my skipping. But if he doesn't want this at all I need to know it because I have to get my mind in the right place.

      Delete
  4. I've been living in my head and vicariously through my stories for quite a while myself. But then, I did that for years so WTF.
    Good luck girl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know our situations are very much alike Sunny. We love them and they love us, but they just don't understand what we need or how much we want it sometimes.

      Delete
  5. I'm glad that you sent that email as well, PK! :) I hope that Nick does stop and talk with you about it. Even more, I hope that he takes the action that you want him to take.

    I like what Ami said about waiting to see if the seeds germinate. I hope that they do, and I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!! :) Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Katie,
      The only action I really want him to take it to give me an opportunity to talk/write him and have him ask questions and listen.

      Delete
  6. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks DF, I appreciate it.

      Delete
  7. PK,
    Ami expressed my thoughts exactly.
    Wait a little while. I am always amazed that Jack has indeed listened to me and acts on what I have said, but on his timeline not mine. Keep us posted.
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Meredith,
      I'm giving him plenty of time. Mostly because I honestly don't know what I want him to do. I really don't.

      Delete
  8. PK,

    I agree with Ami - don't say anything just yet, wait a little while.

    Keeping fingers crossed.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I won't push it now Ronnie. We have a busy hectic weekend coming up anyway.

      Delete
  9. Give him my phone number and I will straighten him out and explain in no uncertain terms what he needs to be doing. He loves you very much, obviously.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Blondie - tell me first! Does there come a time when I need to give up and leave the poor man alone. If it's just not right for him I can't push him any more. But if I give up completely that would kill a little part of me.

      Delete
  10. Hey PK...since you just sent him the email over the weekend, I would give him a few days to see if he steps up...if he doesn't, then initiating a conversation with what his position is wouldn't be a bad idea. If that doesn't work, give him Blondie's number...I am sure she can give him some excellent advice. You can always tell him to come read your blog and see what your friends have to say. ;) Good luck!

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cat I think the fact that he doesn't read the blog always hurts my feelings a little. I can promise you if HE wrote a blog discussing his feeling about our relationship and ways to bring us closer - I'd read it every day. Why doesn't he take 5 minutes every few day to know what I'm feeling and thinking?

      Delete
  11. I know how you feel. Whenever I get frustrated with my guy sometimes I read him bits and pieces....then I let it go...sometimes I get frustrated and don't let it go...Who knows? However I think I would let what you said ferment a bit. You made some great points about your follow through.
    I think that reading the blog may be too hard for him. Maybe he feels like he is failing you. Sometimes guys stop doing when they feel they are wrong somehow. We feel like its right there in black and white....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish he would read. He doesn't have to comment, but he's welcomed to. I don't bash him on the blog or anywhere else. Thats one thing I really like out here. No one is husband bashing - we may be a bit frustrated at times - but over all the blogs are positive.

      Delete
  12. I have my fingers crossed for you! Feeling like a nag really sucks, and I think many of us have felt similarly to you. Keep gently bringing it up, never accuse, and I reeeally hope you get what you want soon! My husband also likes me to initiate sex.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Autumn, I really wish I were more of a sex kitten, but the truth is when there is little to no spanking I lose my sex drive. It's a vicious cycle.

      Delete
  13. Hi PK, oh I hope that the email does the trick, fingers crossed for you
    love Jan,xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope it does - I just don't know.

      Delete