I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, September 18, 2014

Talk, don't talk, spank, don't spank - I'm so confused!

I guess I’m going crazy. The Dr. Phil show I posted about said it was coming on on our station Wednesday. When I set up the DVR the title of the show was “I spanked my wife and she need to repent.” But that’s not what came on. I’m still seeing the commercials for it, but it no longer gives a specific day. Well, I’m going to keep looking for it.

As I wait for that I’m going to talk about Nick and me. But I don’t know what I’m going to say. I’ve had no written response to my email. I need us to talk, I need him to give me the opportunity to talk (and by talk I mean write). I believe he thinks he just needs to spank me and all will be well. That’s not what I want. Not by itself. Not without some understand behind it. My weight still sucks and I’m still not doing anything about it. I feel like I’m in limbo. Waiting to see if ‘we’re’ going to do anything about it or waiting to tell him to just step back from the problem completely and I’ll see what I can do. I know – I’m using this as another excuse to do nothing for the moment.

This would be so much easier if I could just blame Nick for not reading my mind and giving me what I want. Sadly if he could read my mind I’m afraid it would look something like this,

“Fk fjijk ldjf reuuci jdljrrkelhta; c iso hie hcoojte iveoh d vdiso;hc hu dic ncxnci dohfjhenvd v fj fjjc j f fCNo dc ljflu v jidjv cjS jcldsu souwsje fen dn d ccdnfedj s’ cis ‘seeje oscdo mksxksn jidhi jxucm ksfnek; hviovjs issaj sijid sjei jsh dhd.”

I don’t have a clue either. One part of me really, really want’s to try some discipline to help me be accountable for doing something about my health. It’s the only thing that has ever worked. But doing it half-heartedly or sporadically does me more harm than good. It’s my version of the worst yo-yo diet.

I get sad and depressed because there is no spanking in my life and I don’t give a shit about doing anything, including anything for my health – I become a ‘leave-me-alone blob’.  I whine to you all and eventually Nick, and he steps up. I come here all excited that we’re ‘going to try again’ only to have Nick interested for a week or two - then nothing. I get more depressed; withdraw into my head more and I even feel embarrassed to come talk here. Hell, I’ve written the same damn post about every six months or so for eight frickin’ years now.

Yesterday he spanked in the kitchen, about lack of weight loss, but it seemed like a random act of spanking. It just hurt, that’s all. No emotion, no connection, no feeling behind it – for either of us, it seemed to me. Bless his heart, I know he wants to help me with all of this. He knows I like spanking and I know this was an attempt to give me what I need. But getting hit on the butt isn’t what I need.

What do I do? Beg him to help? Tell him to back off? And most importantly, how do I get myself off my ass and just do it on my own? That would be so much easier than trying to explain what I need to Nick, or myself.

37 comments:

  1. Would love to spank you? :)
    From what I read I feel the need for guidelines, boundaries and consequences. All with lashings of love.

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    1. Thanks for the offer, LOL. But Nick's the only one I want to spank me, and lately I'm not even sure about him. If he would offers those things I would like it.

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  2. Hey PK...I'm right there with you and the weight issue. Just had my yearly physical and yelled at my doctor...I quit smoking (again) almost 2 years ago, cut down on caffeine and now I keep gaining weight! Told him I was going back to smoking and caffeine! Then my company requires a 'wellness assessment' and I got the report today...basically they tell me I'm overweight plus some other negative stuff and give me a calorie chart and tell me to lose weight...fat shaming is not gonna work! *sigh*

    Maybe you could work a reward system with Nick...so many spanks for each pound lost? If you find an answer to how to lose weight, please share! Sending lots of positive energy.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. This weight thing drives me nuts! I feel it's my only major problem. You're idea is great, but honestly it just isn't for me. I've never really responded to rewards - strange I know.

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  3. Anonymous4:28 AM

    It is suppose run on 9/22 and 9/23. He want to jail for a few months for paddling her. I googled it.

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    1. Anon, Thanks. I do want to see it even if I do think I'll be annoyed.

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  4. PK, weight is such a DIFFICULT issue. My weight has remained the same now for three months, give or take the odd pound or two, whilst Dan has decided to stop having his scotch in the evenings, and the blessed man has lost 7lbs so far! Spit!

    I am not convince spanking for weight loss is the answer as we tried it once and failed abysmally. But what I have discovered is that when I feel good about things in general, I don't eat so much. Now Dan has begun to 'take more control' I feel better in myself. All I need to do now is to cut down on portions, leave off the glasses of wine (which these days aren't many) and get my butt out there and do some exercise.

    Sitting at the computer a lot is the killer. It forces all my fat around my middle! I spoke to Dan about going for a regular walk across the fields just to wake up my metabolism. I can't go on my own, as sadly these days you don't know who may be lurking out there, but I did think it might be nice to share the activity. I also need to get back to Pilates now my shoulder is fully recovered, as that pulls in the abdominal muscles, and if you can do that, at least you don't look quite so fat! LOL!

    Talking about the need to be spanked has helped us a great deal, although I do find that I am not always in agreement as to the type of spankings I seem to be getting, or shall I say, the force behind the splats. Before it was a 'yearning' and now it is 'reality' which takes a bit of getting my head around. My advice - just keep talking to Nick. Either it will finally click, or he will get so darned fed up with you nagging him, that he will respond in the way you want. LOL!

    I also spoke to a quilting friend last weekend who has started replacing breakfast and lunch with 'healthy juices' she makes herself. She looked wonderful. Her skin was glowing and she said she was full of energy, as well as the fact that she is losing approx 2lbs a week, which is the right way to lose weight. She is a year or two older than me. She said 'not smoothies' ; you need a 'juicer'. Put in apples, oranges minus peel but with the pith, root ginger, cucumbers, spinach, pears, carrots, strawberries - in fact any combination you think you might like. Apparently all the fibre that gets through the juicer, plus the vitamins and minerals, keep you going with feeling hungry. Then you eat a normal meal with your family in the evenings. (But definitely no cookies or cake during the day - which is one of my downfalls!)

    Keep in touch, PK, we'll help each other, and Cat too if she wants.

    Many hugs
    Ami

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    1. Anonymous11:01 AM

      Dear Ami,

      I'm married to a physician who specializes in this. The micronutrients from the juicing is causing the skin glow, and the restriction of calories from not eating other things is causing the weight loss.

      But she would lose the weight even faster if she made the same food into a smoothie. Why? Because juicing removes all the fiber. Smoothie chops it up but keeps it. That fiber helps slow the absorption of the juice into the body. Without it, the juice just becomes natural sugar (though chock full of vitamins) immediately absorbable by your body. This spikes your blood sugar, causing insulin rise. When you have more calories than you need at the moment in your system, your body tends to store it as fat. So, most people juicing are putting fat on part of the day and taking it off part of the day. The net loss is great, but it could be even faster.

      Far better than even a smoothie is to take the exact same food and eat it slowly throughout the day, whole. Spinach, berries, etc. Why? Because chopping it up as a smoothie breaks down the fiber somewhat and again releases the sugar to be available faster than just eating the food.

      If you eat the food whole, your body acts as the smoothie maker and breaks down the fiber itself, slowing the availability of the sugars greatly. If you eat that food in small amounts throughout the day, there will be no time that you are putting on fat. Your overall fat loss will be faster.

      Why don't we just measure the food we would put in the juiced or smoothie and eat it slowly throughout the day? Convenience. It's less convenient to be chewing real food all day long. And some of the elements alone we don't enjoy much, but we can chug down in a smoothie.

      So, the absolute best is eating the exactsame ingredients as whole food, followed by smoothie as second best, with juicing being last.

      We each should just pick the one that works for us from a lifestyle standpoint, even if the result is slower, because the food plan that works the best for weight loss is thIs -- the one you will stick to. If you won't eat whole food because you are too busy, ten smoothie is better. If you don't like the "chunks" in a smoothie or something and won't stick to it, then juicing is better. Physiologically juicing acts like sugar water and can make you feel hungry if it spikes your insulin. But it can also make you feel quite satisfied because your body is being truly nourished wig all those micronutrients, so you aren't as hungry. Adding a fat, like melted coconut oil, can also really help juicing keep you feeling hungry after it is absorbed quickly -- and it is awesome for the brain. (MCT oil is the best form, but can cost a dollar a serving.)

      I hope this helps!

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    2. Anonymous11:04 AM

      Coconut oils can help juicing keep you FROM feeling hungry....

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    3. Ami - not fair that men lose faster. Equally unfair is that Nick doesn't have an ounce of fat on him. What I think I want from the spanking side of things is that the spanking lifestyle excites me - wakes me up and just excites me about life. I'm happier over all and feel more alive.

      Anon- thanks for this information. I really would like to talk with a nutritionist sometime. I really know nothing except that I have terrible eating habits.

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  5. I meant "without" feeling hungry!!

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  6. PK, never feel embarrassed to 'whine' here ... you are not whining btw in my book. We are here for you and want to offer our support in any way we can. I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom for you, other than keep talking to Nick.

    ((Hugs))
    Roz

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    1. I wish you did too Roz, I wish I had some for myself.

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  7. No answers or suggestions from me as I'm stuck in a similar place, just an encouraging ((hug.))
    Take care,
    Meg

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    1. I appreciate you commenting Meg, I know many of us struggle with both these things, weight loss and the TTWD side too.

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  8. Oh PK, I'm sorry your feeling so down. I am too and have heard a lot of others say the same thing... maybe it is the season :)- I totally understand not just getting smacked repeatedly on the butt!!! I have tried many times to Jordan and he just doesn't get it. When he just smacks or paddles like that it has no effect. I need to hear him tell me why the spanking. I need to know that he has really identified and understands the problem. Then I need him to tell me what he demands to see instead and what he will do if he doesn't see his commanded change. After that I need him to back up his threat if I don't obey. I totally get it! (Hugs) ♥ Lilly

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    1. Lilly - I wonder why it's so clear to us, we feel we explain it fully (heck I've been blogging about it FOREVER!) Yet they don't understand what it is we want. Sadly now I've begun second guessing myself.

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  9. PK,

    We are all friends and we are all here for you. I wish I had some answers for you but I don't other than keep talking to Nick.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Ronnie, I love you and I love that you're still here and I haven't driven you away with my constant complaining!

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  10. I never look at what you say as whining, PK! Not at all. We are all here for you and care very much. I wish I could wave a magic wand so things could be how you would like them to with Nick! You have it right- keep talking an talking. Keep hoping. And tell us about it any time. That is what friends are for!

    The weight thing... I have gained some weight over the summer. I lost a lot a couple of years ago, after some surgery gone bad, and was way too thin, but I have gone over now where I want to be. I have to get to some abs work and get back to a running schedule and stop with the treats that I enjoyed way too frequently this summer. We have to try to find something that we enjoy, both exercise and diet and go from there.

    Ami mentioned the juicing and anon told us about the benefits, and dispelled some interesting myths above. I do juicing. I find sometimes that if I drink a whole 32 ounces, I feel a bit "fluidy". But I do love it. I throw in Kale, spinach, cukes, apples, ginger root, lemon, lime- whatever I feel like. It is really tasty and I feel full as well as satisfied. It can get expensive. That drives Rob a little nuts sometimes. Lately though I saw a recipe in runners magazine for some nourishing smoothies. ONe of them had apple cider, vanilla 2% yoghurt, oats, pecan halves, cinnamon and nutmeg and some ice. I modified and used apples that I juiced, nonfat plain yogurt and it is really good. That also keeps me full. It is a production and the cleanup is kind of annoying. But it is worth it. Anyway, reach out if you want the exact recipes. But they are on the web too. Thanks anon for the food for thought there.

    We are with you here, PK! And rooting for you. And we all have to remember that you want to be healthy for ourselves and for those who love us. BIG HUGS sent your way,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Kate,
      I would love to be your size - I do know that. I'm like a kid about my vegetables, I hate them! As well as other healthy things. How do you change your taste buds in your 50's?

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  11. PK,
    What to do.............. the weight comes and we fret! I walk........... a lot! However I watch what I put in my mouth. It is a fine balance and there is no one thing that works.. Darn! Plus I get bored eating the smae things day after day. Walking keeps me healthy and I listen to audio books on my phone.
    AS for spankings, talk to Nick. Ttwd/dd is all about talking, communication and more talking. He is not a mind reader. No guy is. Talking gets your feelings out but you know this already.
    I am writing a review of your newest book. I loved it.
    Meredith

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    1. You're right about the moving and watching what I eat - but the talking? What if he genuinely doesn't want to hear it?

      Thank you so much for reading the latest! I'm so happy that you've enjoyed it. I'm working hard on another.

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  12. Gosh I hear you on every level.
    I say keep talking and don't give up.
    I have been doing a Ketogenic diet... That works for me. I've lost about 8 pounds the last few weeks. It's a commitment but for me I love it. If you are interested email me.
    I agree with anon regarding the coconut oil too. It's a brilliant good fat!

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    1. I've done my best losing on Weight Watchers - but the TTWD was what kept me interested and motivated.

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  13. Hi PK,

    Oh my... I do hope you find something active to do that you enjoy and find a way to eat more healthy that becomes the norm rather than diet. Keep talking to Nick.. Communication is super important....Even if it takes TONS to get our men to "get it". :0) You like my blanket statement there? Hehehehehe We women just grasp things quicker so not as much fuss right.... :0)

    Hugs,
    Irish Lucky

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    1. Do I really want him to get it? Is it time to give up on TTWD or rather TTWdon'tD. I don't mind riding the stationary bike so I can read while I ride. Walking too much can cause me problems.

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  14. I think you need to take spanking out of it. I think you need Nicks support but not spanking support. You need him to be in this with you even if he doesn't need to lose weight. He could exercise with you, help you cook healthy meals. Compliment you. I know these are the things that have helped me to lose some weight.

    Maybe we should start an online weight loss club so we can support each other.

    All I really know is I love you!

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    1. Grace everything you're saying makes sense - but exercise and eating right sucks and is boring to me. TTWD is what peaks my interest and keeps me going. Not necessarily the spanking, but the overall atmosphere when we're connecting in this way.

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  15. HI PK, Oh dear I don't know how to help. We are all in the same boat and I suppose different things help each of us. I don't think men really understand our weight issues. I am only losing tiny amounts now and we are on holiday at the moment and having no access to scales is not helping. When I went to slimming world they are not so keen on juicing and smoothies as you tend to consume vast quantities of whatever without having to work to digest it and use the calories yourself!. You might drink three oranges if juiced but you are unlikely to simply eat three are you? My main thing is just to eat smaller portions and a bit less. I still eat what I want to a certain extent but honestly everyone knows what we should avoid and no one has to starve. I think NIck needs to realize how serious this is health wise and step up to the plate for you if he will. I am worrying about you, whine away we don't mind, lots of love Jan,xx

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    1. Thanks Jan, you have really shown you care and I appreciate it more than you know. You're right I know what to do, I'm just still working on how to make myself do it. Too bad we don't all live close. It's us girls who understand needing to lose and we understand the spanking needs too. Maybe we could all be switches and help each other out.

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    2. I wish we lived close too, we could employ Rogue and her switching talents to sort us all out. I think we all have a trigger that gives us the mindset to do something about it. The hardest bit is finding it! I am grateful that hubby is helping me but I know he doesn't really mind what I weigh, he is just "playing" , still I am taking it seriously
      Good luck PK, I hope you get some help from somewhere
      love Jan,xx

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  16. PK, tough love here, you're the one who has to step up to the plate and do what you have to do for your health. Be like Nike, find what works and do it.

    Nick can support you in ways other than spanking. Go for a walk together, or get up early with him and do a together workout.
    I bought a FitBit and try to get in at least 10,000 steps a day, if I don't do another exercise, at least I've done that. Once you get into the swing it doesn't seem so hard.

    You know I wish you the best and we've tried that contest crap before and it didn't work. You've tried WW and it worked, so why not do it again.

    Enough for me.


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    1. I know you're right about WW, but I'm not sure about the other ways he can support me. Honestly I'd if he can't help me the way I need then I'd just as soon he ignore the whole thing.

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    2. He can't ignore your health, he loves you and wants you around for a while

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  17. I wish I had the perfect words...but I don't. All I can say is I am listening, I hear you, and I support you, and I offer friendship and hugs. And as for your writing here, please continue to share with us - we are your friends and that is what friends are for...share with us, share with him, keep sharing... Hugs

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  18. PK wish I had a good answer for you. I understand what you say about trying to explain but it just doesn't ever get through. I will send you lots of good wishes and pray that the heavens open and behold the answers will appear! (it could happen)

    Hugs and Blessings,
    George

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