Sunday, January 05, 2014

Nick amazes me

When I wrote this post a few days ago, I was not complaining or agonizing – I was simple wondering, maybe wishing a little. I’m pretty sure Nick read it. I got a long email from him. It was a good email. He was very kind, beginning with:

2013 was I feel a pretty good year.  I know of no reason 2014 can’t be even better.   I know you have found a lot of satisfaction in taking the characters that you have known so long and getting them out in the world.  I am proud of your persistence and success.

But then he pointed out some of my largest faults -  some things I need to think about and some changes I should be making. And he was right on the money with 99% percent of his accusations. He said:

There have been times when it seemed that your focus was almost totally on blogging, writing, blogging about writing, with a few computer games thrown in when you needed a break.   When you spend so much time in the fiction/fantasy world it may be difficult to have enough physical and emotional energy to devote to real world tasks and relationships such as husband, home and work.

Ouch! Guilty.

He went on to say:

I appreciate and have loved our FAW experiences. (That First Available Weekend, when he has instructed me to plan a sexual ‘date’ for us.)  As you have asked me to try new things, I hoped we could both benefit from your efforts to take the initiative (per your instructions if not your natural inclinations).  I do look forward to see what new spin you can come with.  You have talents in this area when you put your imagination to work.  Of course there were some months where I felt like your efforts were somewhat last minute and you chose to go with something safe as you did have a lot of things going on (more important?)

Oh crap, guilty again, but still he went on:

I know you have spent a bit of time thinking and writing about how great things would be if I could be the answer to all your fantasies, always in tune with what you wanted, thought you wanted, maybe wanted, or needed.  How much time do you spend thinking about what you could do to make our real world relationship hotter or better versus the time you spend documenting the great life Cassie enjoys. How comfortable would you be if I spent that much time thinking about my dream woman and her husband?  I am not trying to suppress your creativity or your enthusiasm, but have you be aware of balance in all things.

Finally, finally, something he got wrong! Okay, sadly not all of it, but the part about Tom being my dream man. NO! He’s not and I the minute I finished reading the email I wrote Nick and did all I could to make that point clear. Tom is not my dream man; he is Cassie’s dream man. I do ‘love’ Tom, but never, never would I want to be with someone like him over Nick. Never!  But I do love him in Cassie’s stories as her man, not mine. Unfortunately, the rest of what he had said here was correct.

The last of his observation was:

You have written a lot about the desire for some disciplinary aspects to TTWD.  I would ask you to look at what I feel is important in that regard.  To complete a disciplinary cycle I see several steps:

1. A rule (or request)

2. A violation

3. A consequence

4. A concerted effort to change

He continued. and I add my thought in red.

You may feel that I haven’t been very effective in 1 and 3, and you may be right.  I am concerned about making rules that aren’t realistic or fair.  I am also concerned about going overboard on a punishment type spanking.  First, I love you and don’t want to harm you. *You won’t, if it’s too much at any one time or over all, I’ll tell you. Second, I don’t want to risk going to the point where you will be inclined to say “enough, we are not doing this anymore” * I can’t see this happening – by letting it die out (something I feel I’ve done) I have felt like I should say, ‘It’s okay honey, don’t worry about it any more.’ But deep down I can’t ever see not wanting it on my part.  I think that would be a real step back for both of us.

As for #4, I feel that we have gone through 1-3 several times without seeing the level of change that was being promised near the end of a spanking.  Without the noticeable change whether doing laundry or doing a better job on health/weight it seems to make a joke of everything, undermining the supposed exchange of power/responsibility that presumably exists in a disciplinary situation.

I answered these charges by saying:

1. A rule (or request)
You’ve done fairly poorly.

2. A violation
I’ve done fantastic at this.

3. A consequence
You’ve done very poorly.

4. A concerted effort to change
I’ve been so crappy and lacking on this one it’s not even funny. I’m a slug, I don’t want to change, I want to sit. If I were a self-motivator I’d weigh 130 and the house would be spotless. I see no danger of either of these things happening. On this one I am completely guilty, I haven’t tried.

Strangely for all the shortcoming he was pointing out I didn’t feel attacked in the least. It made me realize that he was paying much more attention than I ever realized and that he cared enough to address these things. I was especially interested in his conclusion.

In summation, if you examine the facts, I suggest that you have been a naughty girl.  And we know what naughty girls should get.

I ask that you ponder on the above and give me your thoughts on these charges.  I also ask that you give me some thoughts on what you can do, what I can do, what we can do to make 2014 an even better year.  You can talk or email directly, or have Liz or Badass to drop me some timely hints/reminders.

Love you.

I wasn’t expecting any of this. I emailed him back, letting him know I plead guilty to all charges (except about Tom) and I’m still doing a lot of thinking. I want us closer, I want TTWD in our lives, I want to be a better wife to him, both sexually and in all other ways. You see what kind of man I have, he deserves better than I’ve been giving.

Mollie was gone last night and I got spanked soon after she left. Nick gave me some long-term goals that are doable. The spanking didn't last very long, but it  hurt. (not complaining, just saying) I’m going to have to build up some tolerance, I hope I’ll have to build up a lot of tolerance.  Here we go again, I hope you don’t mind coming along for the ride.

Written by PK at 6:00 PM



At 12:55 AM, Blogger Cygnet said...

You are married to a good man. Thanks for sharing the e-mail. Funny how some things are just easier to say in print...I hope you both have a very happy 2014.

At 12:55 AM, Blogger Cat said...

Dang PK...sitting here with tears in my eyes and a huge smile on my face!

That man knows you pretty darn well doesn't he. :D Kudos to him for taking the initiative and kudos to you for not taking offense to his email!

Sending lots of positive energy that 2014 is the best year ever for you two!

Hugs and Blessings...

At 2:56 AM, Blogger kiwigirliegirl said...

what a wonderful husnand you have pk, sounds like 2014 is goimg to be a very strict year for you :-)

At 3:17 AM, Blogger an English Rose said...

Wow PK, I think that is great. I think Nick is planning to be a bit stricter with you, lets hope 2014 sees you achieve your ttwd goals as well as your writing goals. It is great to see how much thought Nick has been giving to your desires.
Good luck
love Jan,.xx

At 4:03 AM, Blogger Roz said...

Oh PK, this is fantastic! and a huge step in your ttwd relationship! You have such a great guy there in Nick :) It's wonderful that he has been giving this so much thought, and boy does he know you! :)

It looks as though 2014 is going to be a promising year for you two :)


At 6:20 AM, Blogger Paul said...

you are such a lucky girl, looks like 2014 is going to be a great year.
Love and warm hugs,

At 7:26 AM, Blogger abby said...

Oh, i am so happy to have a ticket for this ride. This year holds a lot of promise for you. Good for Nick for taking the time and thought to send that email...good for you for recognizing that it was not an attack or an was love and wanting the two of you to grow and be happier.
hugs abby

At 9:34 AM, Blogger Florida Dom said...

Congrats to Nick so stepping up to the plate and articulating his thoughts very well. I hope this leads to a better relationship for both of you. Let's hope 2014 will be a groundbreaking year for your relationship.


At 10:39 AM, Blogger Faerie Wings said...

Just when we think they aren't paying attention, they step up and surprise us. Well done Nick.

At 11:13 AM, Blogger Ami Starsong said...

This is just great PK! It seems to me that Nick notices much more than you assumed. At least he reads you blog from time to time! Unless I read things out to Dan, he is just as stubborn as a mule in that respect! However, I do think Nick and Dan are awfully similar in outlook - except Nick has had several years' practice. Poor Dan feels as if he has been caught up in a whirlwind at times!

I am going to copy you and ask about weight loss! We have a big wedding coming up in the summer and I just cannot shift my weight and I just have to lose 14 pounds or it will be hopeless shopping for a new outfit! You'll have to email me with some ideas for "incentives" Nick could pass along to Dan!

Being on the computer a lot? Yes I can understand that and Dan has now started to not only "raise an eyebrow" but to moan and to make me feel guilty, so unless I am writing, I am having to cut down my computer time. But I love your "dirty weekends"! I would so love to just get our one day a week on our own. We started off doing it after I retired, and now it seems to have stopped, and we were only discussing having more time for ourselves the other day - just to get out and enjoy each other's company.

I am pleased and delighted with your sudden progress and leap forwards. The excitement of seeing that "bend in the road" approaching, and not knowing what is around that corner is one of the most exhilarating feelings in life.

Many hugs to both of you!


At 11:23 AM, Blogger Leigh Smith aka Sunny Girl said...

What a nice way to begin a new year with a new chapter in the life of Nick and PK instead of Tom and Cassie. Wishing you both the best of everything (and I do mean everything) on your journey through 2014.

At 11:47 AM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

Oh PK, it sounds like 2014 promises to be a good year for the both of you. You do have a good man who loves you and I know that you know that. And it seems he is quite observant and aware of your feelings and needs and great that you are both communicating about them as you start a new year with great hopes and dreams. I am happy for you both and look forward to going along with you for the ride... :-) Hugs, Terps

At 3:23 PM, Blogger ronnie said...

Nick is one of the best but you don't need me to tell you that I think 2014 is going to be a great year for you both.

Love and hugs,

At 8:55 PM, Blogger Minelle Labraun said...

He is a smart man and loves you so much. We all get caught up in blogland from time to time. There are good reasons for this. However real life relationships are what we desire.
I am happy, happy, happy for you!

At 4:37 PM, Blogger PK said...

He is a good man for sure. I've always found emailing way easier that talking face to face - when I first came out to him about spanking it was in an email.

At 4:40 PM, Blogger PK said...

So much of the time I really don't give him the credit he's due. His family weren't talkers and not very demonstrative, yet I know they care for one another deeply. And I know Nick feel that for me. Showing it to one another is coming easier.

At 4:41 PM, Blogger PK said...

Hey Kiwi,
I sure would like to think so. We are doing a lot of emailing these days. That's a good thing for us.

At 4:42 PM, Blogger PK said...

That's what really surprised me. I've never doubted his love for a minute, but that he realized how important this is to me is so very special.

At 4:43 PM, Blogger PK said...

He came right out and pointed out several things I knew, but always avoided mentioning or even thinking about to myself. The year is looking good.

At 4:44 PM, Blogger PK said...

I don't think I knew just how lucky was. But I'm seeing it.

At 4:44 PM, Blogger PK said...

That really was what he was saying and I'm so happy that for once I was smart enough to realize that right away.

At 4:45 PM, Blogger PK said...

I really, really hope it is. We're better than so many our age, but that doesn't mean we can't improve.

At 4:46 PM, Blogger PK said...

That's exactly what happened. He's a prince.

At 5:02 PM, Blogger PK said...

I have often felt Nick and Dan were very much alike. Men will be terrified if you ask them to help with 'weigh loss'. Picture the average man disciplining his wife for gaining or not losing. We're talking about an explosion no man wishes to contemplate. Now we're asking, of course, but it still scares them. Approach it as 'will he help you get healthier', cutting out junk, exercising more - those things are easier for them to hear.

You do need to work on those days alone. You could each take turns begin responsible for planning one. We'll be talking.

At 5:02 PM, Blogger PK said...

Cassie and Tom are a hot couple, but I think we may just give them a run for their money.

At 5:05 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Terps,
He made a great first move - ball's in my court and I'm not going to ignore it.

At 5:06 PM, Blogger PK said...

I'm hoping for great things, but gee, I hope the canes don't accidentally get lost in the process.

At 5:07 PM, Blogger PK said...

It's almost easy to forget. It's easy when so many out here already know exactly what I mean and what I want. Living here and in my head is easier. But real life rewards are the best.


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